Captain Caveman

by Jerry Boyd

  “I need a ship outfitted by the end of the day. All the goodies the Ronald Evans has, complete with an extra-large autodoc.”

  “We can do it all but the autodoc, Sir. We could put in the one from the Evans, and build another one to go in it. That’s the only way we can have you a ship in the black that fast.”

  “Just be sure and put in a standard autodoc until you have another big one.”

  “Of course, Sir. May I ask, why did you call me, and not Scotti?”

  “Isn’t she busy with the drop?”

  “She’s already run a full diagnostic on the catapult, twice, and had us run self-checks on all the guidance modules, first Nunya, and then me. From here on, it’s all automatic.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to violate chain of command. I just assumed she would be busy.”

  Scotti said, “Not a problem, Sir. Zoom put me on the circuit as soon as you called.”

  “I hope to get better at being Captain real soon now.”

  Scotti replied, “You’re doing fine, Sir. You acted on the facts as you thought them to be.”

  “Thank you, Scotti, for your understanding.”

  “You’re welcome, Sir. I do need to go monitor the drop.”

  “Later, you two.”

  Nikki came onto the bridge, and brought me a sandwich and a glass of tea. She said, “Here you go, Captain Caveman. What did I miss?”

  “A call from your Dad. Do you suppose Bucky would agree to leave us on our own for a bit, and fly a mission?”

  “She and Steve haven’t had a lot of time since we’ve been here. I don’t know if she would go for that.”

  “Most of what Steve needs to do on the planet is done. I was going to send him along, and a bot pilot if we can hunt one up.” Topper, overhearing, said, “Hunting, Sir.”

  “She’ll jump at that, Caveman. What’s the mission?”

  “Your Dad has a couple of folks wanting passage to Charlie’s Planet, and he can’t shake anyone loose to fly them there.”

  “People wanting to go to Charlie’s Planet? Nobody knows about it.”

  “Knocks Hard and Falling Rain. Seems young Bawb is giving her trouble, and Knocks Hard would rather be closer to an autodoc, instead of sending knocks and waiting for your Dad to get the message from Farts-Like-Skunk.”

  “Wise plan, but I thought they decided to stay on Earth?”

  “My impression at the time was that Knocks Hard was dealing with a lot of new things all at once, and he was trying to hang on to something he could understand. Falling Rain was just trying to hang on to Knocks Hard.”

  “Now that Knocks Hard has had more time to get used to the idea, he sees the benefits of going to Charlie’s Planet?”

  “I think he cares deeply for Falling Rain, and young Bawb, and will do what they need, regardless of what he thinks.”

  “How do you know it’s a boy?”

  “I don’t. Could be they have to change their plans and name the child Neekee.”

  “You’re silly, Caveman.”

  Topper spoke up. “Sir, I’ve located a bot who can pilot for them.”

  “As good as Ruth?”

  “Yes, Sir. At least, she will be, after Scotti has a little talk with her.”

  “Good work, Topper.”

  “Thanks, Boss”

  “You’re welcome. You need to notify Ruth she’ll be pulling shifts on the bridge from now on.”

  “On it, Boss.”

  We kept ourselves busy for a few minutes, and then my comm rang. “Captain Wilson.”

  “Boss, it’s Scotti, we’re ready to start dropping the wall. Could you make the announcement?”

  “Why don’t you, Scotti? It’s your project.”

  “Thanks, Boss.”

  I hung up the comm, and Scotti came over the intercom, sounding very official, “All hands, all hands, prepare for cargo drop. I say again, prepare for cargo drop.”

  Topper said, “Strap in, Ensign Wilson, there may be some jerking from recoil.”

  Nikki fastened her straps. Topper switched screens so that we could watch the wall sections reenter. I commed Jane. “Yes, Bob?”

  “Incoming.”

  “Thanks.”

  Nikki said, “The DSS has control of the helm.”

  “Acknowledged.”

  It wasn’t long after that, we felt the first bucking from a wall section being ejected. The DSS actually did a pretty good job compensating with the drive emitters. It was able to get back on target quickly. It didn’t take long for a string of shiny wall sections to show up on the main screen. I asked, “Mr. Topper, how long will it take to get the entire wall unloaded?”

  “About three more minutes, Sir.”

  We watched the show, the string of shiny pieces turning into a string of fiery beads as it hit the atmosphere. Soon enough, the shaking stopped, and Scotti came over the intercom again. “Cargo away. Secure from cargo drop.”

  Nikki said, “I have helm control.”

  I asked, “Mr. Topper, could you zoom in on the landing zone, please?”

  He put up a split screen, with the descending sections on one side, and the landing zone on the other. I said, “Nicely done.”

  The emitter packages slowed up the wall sections, so that the impacts weren’t as dramatic as I was really expecting. They hit harder than they would have with parachutes, but not a lot harder. My comm rang. “Captain Wilson.”

  Scotti said, “Captain, one of the guidance packages has failed. There is no threat to the colony, but the section will land considerably long. We’ll need to send someone to retrieve it.”

  “What do you suggest, Scotti?”

  “A standard freighter could handle the load, but we have some specialized ships that are better suited for the task.”

  “Prep one, please. How many crew are needed to fly it efficiently?”

  “Two people can do the recovery, pilot and crane operator. Given conditions on the planet, you probably want a few gunners for security.”

  “Do you have a crew in mind?”

  “Ensign Wilson is the best pilot aboard, and this could require some tricky piloting. Zoom is the best bet for crane operator. If the landing site requires an innovative approach, she can figure it out quicker than the rest of us.”

  “What about gunners?”

  “There are a few more where the Micks came from. I’ll wake them up, and get them remounting the guns on the recovery ship.”

  “Will Nikki need to train on the ship, before she flies it?”

  “I’ve already sent the course to her station, and yes, Sir, we have instituted your training machine modifications throughout the ship. No need to worry about headaches.”

  “Good work. How soon will the ship be ready?”

  “By the time Ensign Wilson finishes training and makes it to the launch bay, it will be ready to fly.”

  “Excellent. Wilson out.”

  “Scotti out.”

  “Topper, page Ruth to the bridge. She’ll be taking a shift sooner than we thought.”

  “On it, Sir.”

  I noticed that all the sections had landed. My comm rang. “Captain Wilson.”

  “Wow! Uncle Bob, that was amazing! It was so cool!”

  “I’ll tell Scotti you liked it. Did they all land where they should’ve?”

  Jane came on. “All the ones that landed here are in a neat pattern in the field. They didn’t land nearly as hard as I expected.”

  “I didn’t completely understand the tech when I was talking to you earlier. They have drives on them to steer, and they are also strong enough to slow them down before impact.”

  “Still, it was a heck of a show. We did see one that looked like it missed long, though.”

  “We’re in the process of getting a ship ready to go after it. The guidance package failed.”

  “Andre’s crew is already grabbing sections to install. The whole thing is just too wild! Zero to wall in nothing flat.”

  “We aim to please, M
a’am.”

  “I need to get back to work. Talk to you later, Sir.”

  “Bye.”

  Nikki woke up from the teaching machine. I unstrapped, saying, “Mr. Topper, you have the conn.”

  “Aye, Sir, I have the conn.”

  I caught Nikki before she left the bridge. Tongue wrestling ensued. I said, “Fly safe, Space Cadet.”

  “Always, Caveman.”

  When she was gone, I said, “Mr. Topper, I have the conn.”

  “Aye, Sir, you have the conn.”

  Ruth came onto the bridge, saying, “You needed me, Captain?”

  “Take the pilot’s station, please.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Mr. Topper.”

  “Sir?”

  “We need to clarify a point of procedure. Publish this to all hands. ‘In all dealings with the Captain, Boss will be considered an acceptable form of address. Sir is also acceptable, as is Captain. Asshole is right out.’.”

  “Yes, Boss.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “The recovery ship is requesting permission to leave the Gene Cernan.”

  “Permission granted.”

  Topper hadn’t changed the screen since we watched the wall sections reentering, so we got a fine view of Nikki burning flat out to go after the missing wall section. My comm rang. “Captain Wilson.”

  “Boss, this is Scotti. I’ve lost track of Nunya.”

  “Bet you a quarter ounce she’s aboard that recovery ship.”

  “No bet, Sir, no bet. What should we do about it?”

  “Read the after action report, and see if she was an asset or a liability, before we take any action.”

  “Sounds like a reasonable course, Boss. Do you have a minute?”

  “For you, Scotti? Of course.”

  “Zoom’s method of tuning FTL transitions is something I’ve never seen before. It appears, if we combine her techniques and ours, we might be able to make the transition almost undetectable.”

  “Excellent! Of course, now you need to develop a drone that can fake our transponder output.”

  “I don’t… Oh! You mean to leave the drone on our previous course, and pop up behind whoever is after us, don’t you, Boss?”

  “Were you actually the sharpest bot in the Commonwealth Navy, or just in the top ten?”

  “Boss, you’re going to give me a swelled head, talking like that.”

  “Just giving credit where it is due, Scotti.”

  “Talk to you later, Boss.”

  “Wilson out.”

  “Mr. Topper, can you put the recovery operation on screen, please?”

  “Yes, Boss.”

  A ship obviously built to recover other ships and equipment appeared on the screen. Several gun turrets were blazing away at the wildlife. I asked, “Mr. Topper, does that ship have stealth?”

  “No, Boss, you can’t take it home with us. No stealth at all. All those corners, it would stand out like a neon sign on radar.”

  “Reading my mind again, Mr. Topper?”

  “I had the same thought, Boss.”

  Once the wildlife had been run off, a cable began lowering out of the center of the ship. There was a hook at the end, but there was also something above the hook. We didn’t quite have enough resolution to make it out, but I had my suspicions. Sure enough, when the hook got down to the section being recovered, Nunya jumped off and set a rescue eye. She hooked the cable on, and climbed back on the hook. Something jumped from the tree line, but two of the turrets turned it to a red mist before it got close. When they had the section secured, and started to fly away, I commed Nunya. “Hello?”

  “Did you remember to bring fresh undies?”

  “You saw that, Captain?”

  “I did. I’m still deciding whether you’re brave, or foolish.”

  “Me too. The lads had it handled, though.”

  “Good bunch of bots you have there. They probably need names, don’t you think?”

  “I suppose.”

  “Could you handle that for me, since you know them so much better than I do?”

  “Yes, Captain, I mean, are you sure?”

  “They just saved your behind. You’re not going to give them names they don’t like.”

  “That’s true. How much longer till I work off being called Nunya?”

  “I’d like to hear what Scotti has to say about your plan to rearrange the shop, before I give you an answer on that.”

  “I guess that’s fair. I need to help unload, Sir.”

  “Wilson out.”

  I commed Scotti. “Yes, Boss?”

  “In your copious spare time, could you work out a remote method of setting a rescue eye? You nearly came up short a shop monkey a minute ago.”

  “Nunya? Is she okay?”

  “She’s fine. The bots you woke up to work security on the mission were on the ball. I don’t even think they got any on her. We just don’t need to be putting people or bots into situations like that if we can get by without it.”

  “I agree completely, Boss. I’ll review the mission log and see if I can come up with something.”

  “Thanks. I’ll try to stay out of your business for the rest of the day.”

  “No problem, Boss. I enjoy our little chats. Talk to you later.”

  “Bye.”

  Bucky came onto the bridge. She asked, “Where’s Nikki?”

  “Retrieving a wayward wall section. Is Steve planet side today?”

  “He is. Why?”

  I commed Nikki. “Yes, Captain Caveman.”

  “Are you still on the planet?”

  “We are. Watching the bots put up the wall. They’re fascinating.”

  “Could you bring Steve up when you come?”

  “Sure thing. Does he know he’s coming?”

  “Not yet. Do you want me to call him?”

  “Nope. This will be fun.”

  “Talk to you when you get back, then.”

  “Bye.”

  Bucky asked, “What was that about?”

  “Your trip.”

  “What trip?”

  “You and Steve are going to fetch a couple of our friends and take them to Charlie’s Planet.”

  “Where from?”

  “Earth. Max can’t shake anybody loose to fly them, since he’s shorthanded.”

  “So, we’re flying watch and watch all the way there and back?”

  “Unless you want to let the bot fly. I hear she’s as good as Ruth.”

  Ruth spoke up. “Not quite, Boss. I have her beat by a tenth of a percent on a couple of tests.”

  “No offense intended, Ruth.”

  “None taken, Boss.”

  I looked back at Bucky. “Don’t you need to pack?”

  “I, I suppose I do, Boss.”

  My comm rang, “Captain Wilson.”

  “Captain, it’s Sally. I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time.”

  “Not at all. What can I do for you?”

  “I just wanted to thank you for giving the boys from Phonelia’s crew something to work on. They’re doing much better. I’m convinced they thought you would put them ashore for cowardice.”

  “They’re analysts, not combat personnel. Freaking megafauna trying to eat you, that’s gotta shake a person up.”

  “Glad you understand, Sir.”

  “Anything else I could do for you?”

  “Fly safe, Boss.”

  “Bye.”

  Topper said, “Video feed coming in from Ensign Wilson. May I put it on the screen, Boss?”

  “Go for it, COB.”

  I wondered why Nikki was sending us video, and then it was clear. Scotti’s crews were doing miracles in real time. They had both edges of the wall, where it tied into the box canyon, already up, and were installing the regular wall sections between them. There were crews on both sides, and as soon as the lower crew got a piece in place, the next crew put one on top. Nikki panned over to the old timber wall, and then back to
the amazing progress being made on the new one, in gleaming hull metal. The new wall was twice the height of the old one, and undoubtedly much stronger. Nikki said, “Can you believe how fast this is going up?”

  “Nope. It’s quite the show. Thanks for sharing it with us.”

  “I thought you needed to see what your crew could do.”

  “I did. I wouldn’t have realized just how hard they were working, otherwise. When are you heading back?”

  “As soon as they get done with my ship. They borrowed it when we got here, something about needing it to align the two edges, when they come together.” Soon enough, we saw what they were talking about. The wall was sloped, slightly, to deflect an attack upwards, rather than taking a solid hit. Even hull metal had a little sag by the time it crossed the mouth of the canyon. When they got to the gatepost, the last piece wouldn’t slip in. A bot rode up on a grav pallet, and set a rescue eye in the upper corner. The ship slid in, and lowered a hook, then moved off to pull in the required direction. The panel slipped in, and the ship eased off. The bot on the pallet took the hook loose, and removed the eye. They proceeded like that till they got above the gate. Then they hooked a pulley to the end of the cable, with another piece of cable running through it. It had a hook on either end, and the bot on the pallet set an eye in the top corner of the panel on each side of the gap. Then he hooked the ends of the ’Y’ to them. When the ship pulled on it, the center piece slid right in. I asked Nikki, “Why didn’t you fly for them?”

  “They had a bot who had thousands of hours doing this kind of work, back in the Navy days. He and his winch operator put Zoom and me to shame. Even Nunya agrees they are a better crew.”

  “That settles it, then.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “If Nunya admits they’re better than you guys, they must rock.”

  “You’ve got a point there.”

  “Yeah, but I’ve got this neat Captain’s hat to cover it up.”

  We watched as they set the last panel in place. Once it was tack welded, the ship left, and we didn’t see it for a bit. I asked, “Did they steal your ship?”

  “I don’t think so, Captain Caveman.”

  The ship reappeared, with one of the gate panels slung vertically. One of the bots on the ground was giving them tiny adjustments, until they flew it right into place and the hinge pins dropped. “WOW!!”, escaped my lips. “That was some kind of precision flying. Now I see why they bumped you.”