Swimming in Sparkles

by Debra Anastasia

  She started walking again and I caught up as her house came into view. She looked at her phone again.

  “Meg’s really got her sights on you.” She held out the screen.

  “What’s his socials? I want more pictures of him. Did you guys do a photoshoot?” She tapped on her screen and showed me the selfie Meg had taken of us. “She’s peeing on you.”

  “What?” I let my jaw drop.

  “Like figuratively. Peeing on her tree. Like she’s a dog in a yard. She wants people to think she knows you.” She scrolled through the comments as we walked up her driveway. “The comments are favorable.”

  I held out my hand for her phone. She placed it in mine and opened her front door.

  “Yum.”

  “Who’s the new hottie?”

  “Snack!”

  Teddi took her phone back. “And, of course, Meg is liking all the comments.” She took a deep inhale and exhaled it until she made a fart noise with her lips.

  Ronna was at the top of the stairs. “Hey, Ruffian. We’ve got a date and time for your placement test. We should be able to get you enrolled before the holidays.”

  I felt dread fill me as I forced a smile. I’d not been in school my entire life. It was a point of pride for Mom. She didn’t want anyone shaping how I would think. She said she liked it better that I decided who I was all on my own. I was pretty sure I’d do okay, but now anxiety entered the back of my mind.

  TEDDI

  MEG WAS A pain in the ass. I had four messages about her new boyfriend in my DMs. And it pissed me off. I wasn’t jealous or anything. I knew looking at Ruffian that he would be like catnip for the girls at school. But Meg with her giant house and beaches and stuff was quite a force.

  Not that I was trying to be with Ruffian. I had to focus on the Me Parties and not him. He followed my mother into the kitchen so I went to my room. I logged in Mrs. Smith’s donation and deposited it into my account. I had to bang out a few emails requesting funds and supplies. I had a template email that I worked off of. Three more messages. I ignored all of them except Taylor’s.

  Yes. Got 4k though.

  Taylor responded with a wave of happy emojis.

  Man, we got to suck her dick so hard. Just fork over the cash.

  Yeah. I guess. Meg wants Ruffian to come back as soon as possible.

  I’m not surprised. Taylor shot back.

  She took him straight to her room and told him about the island they are buying.

  Wow. No need to go so hard.

  I responded, Yeah. That’s what I thought. I love you.

  I love you, too, baby. Forget that guy if he wants some of her spoiled ass. You know Dameon would let you walk on him like a doormat.

  Lol.

  Dameon was a great guy, but I didn’t feel sparks with him. When I looked at Ruffian, the crush was almost too much. And being jealous of Meg wasn’t going to get me anywhere. But I was still glad for the release of conversation with Taylor.

  Samantha hit my messages.

  Hey, if we do a practice for the local dance school, they will pay us. And we can donate that to the pile. But you have to join us for old times’ sake. I sort of told them you still rolled with the team from time to time and this was all your baby.

  I put a heart in as a reply. I’d have to practice, and I usually did that in the family room outside of Gaze and Pixie’s rooms. Now Ruffian’s room.

  I changed into shorts and a top, with my hair in a high pony. I had to nail the routine from last week and learn my part in next week’s as well. A reference video from Samantha beeped through. I stretched while I cued up the music. I peeked around, but there was no sign of Ruffian. I started learning in chunks. I kept at it, replaying the song and working on the tricky bit. I couldn’t do any of my full cartwheels or flips, but I modified them so I could stay inside. It got warm, but it was better than the biting cold that I was betting the day had turned into judging from the wind picking up.

  A slow clap snapped me out of the moves and Ruffian was sitting on the stairs, watching me.

  I turned off the music and the video.

  “No, don’t stop because of me.” He quit clapping.

  “What did you get accomplished?” I tried to see if I was sweating a ton. And I was. It was a full workout.

  “Your mom and I talked about the placement test and what I wanted to do for this school year.” He entered the room and sat on the couch.

  I perched on the arm of the recliner and tried to sweat less. “What are your choices?” I wasn’t aware there were ones. Everybody went to school.

  “Well, this close to graduation, I could take the GED and just be done, if I did well. The resource teacher from your high school also suggested a placement test and maybe getting used to school for a few months before taking the GED.” He tapped his fingers on his knees.

  “So you’ve never taken a test before?” I mean, I knew he had a different upbringing.

  “Nah. Never had to. Is it hard?”

  He was smiling at me like there was a joke I wasn’t in on. “Um. Do you want me to teach you how to take a test? Before you have to do the GED?” I tried to think of how I would do that. I mean, I was pretty sure he could read.

  And then his eyes softened. “Thanks. No, I’m good. I can figure it out. I have done paperwork and stuff. As long as there are directions, I should be good.”

  “Okay. Let me know.” I stood because I was sick of not showering. I was getting a little self-conscious of my post-workout state. As I walked past him, he grabbed my hand.

  “No, really, thanks.” I looked into his sincere eyes. Zap. That feeling again. From his touch straight to my spine.

  “Yeah. Anytime.” I waited, holding my breath until he let go. The reaction to him was already embedded into my skin. It was insane.

  I almost tripped up the stairs. Soon after, in the shower, I touched my lips, wondering what that zap would feel like there.

  Chapter 20

  RUFFIAN

  GAZE AND PIXIE drove me to the mall the following day. Teddi had a few more meetings for the giant parties she held that required millionaires to pass her checks. It was hard to get a sense of who she was. What I saw in her eyes and what I knew about her were really two very different things.

  Gaze had me jammed in the back of the truck. I only had a few bucks on me, so I wasn’t really sure how this was going to go down. I knew foster kids normally had some payments, but I was also aware all those things took time. And we hadn’t had much of that.

  Pixie seemed happy she was almost bouncing. She turned in her seat. “You’re pretty tall, but we have a few stores that Gaze really likes, so we can go there first. What’s your style?”

  “I usually like what I have.” I wasn’t sure what was expected of me on this trip. I figured maybe a new coat and a notebook or two.

  Pixie tilted her head. “What you’ve got is awesome. So we can stay in that sort of style.”

  Gaze pulled the truck into a parking spot. “Hey, when you have this truck, remember that the left signal sticks.”

  I nodded. Gaze and Pixie seemed to have their own little world, but they included me, too. It wasn’t too bad.

  I was able to get out before Pixie and held her door open. Gaze gave me a chin lift. Treating his girl right got me points from him. Whatever it was worth.

  She grabbed my elbow and walked next to me while pulling out her phone. “Teddi sent me a list of stuff you should have for school. And Austin said he could drop by, too.”

  Gaze grabbed my shoulder. “If Austin tells you to get something—clothes wise—we just do it. You have to trust him. He’s like a genius with that stuff.”

  As if talking about him brought him about, Austin was striding toward us as we entered the mall. He had on black sunglasses, dark denim, and a sweater with a pattern I’d never seen before on it. Austin and Gaze hugged and patted each other hard on the back. I felt a spike of jealousy. They were close. Close like brothers.

 
Austin looked me up and down after kissing Pixie on the cheek. “Well, you’ll be easy to work with. Tall, swimmer’s build. Hell, I’d hire you as a damn model on my page.”

  The social media again.

  “I’ve done so much modeling, I don’t think you could afford me.” I was betting I was blushing a bit. It was weird to be the center of attention like this. I was used to blending into the background. Camouflage or hiding were my two defaut settings. Pixie grabbed my arm again and gave me a soothing pat.

  “First we get you a phone.” She pulled me in the direction of the closest electronics store. She walked with me from display to display. The price tags were confusing. Some seemed shockingly low. She watched my face before telling me in a hushed voice, “That’s per month and if you sign up for a two-year contract. That’s not what we are looking at.”

  Austin eventually pointed out one. “This model takes great pictures and you can get it wet, so you can go swimming with it and stuff.”

  He slid his sunglasses up into his hair. Well, we had gotten there. Payment time. I had to break the bad news to them.

  “Guys, this is all real nice, but kind of out of my league, if you know what I mean.” I pulled out the small wad of cash I had in my pocket.

  Pixie smiled at me and touched my hand with the money. “Hey. Can I talk to you outside?”

  I hesitated. I wasn’t sure what the etiquette was here. By leaving with Pixie, was I requiring Gaze and Austin to make the purchase? I was in a social no man’s land. With my friends growing up, money was the opening discussion and the ultimate decision maker.

  “Seriously, come with me.” Pixie yanked on me. Austin and Gaze turned their backs to me.

  Once we were back out in the main drag, I opened up. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do here.”

  “Gaze, Austin, all of the Burathons, and I are really excited you are here. In order to go to school, you’re going to need a bunch of stuff to be successful. A phone is just the start. This is what we can do, and what we want to do. Gaze and I feel like we missed out on you as a kid. I mean, we didn’t have much, but we would have shared all of it with you.” She stopped walking and made sure I was looking at her face before continuing. “I know it’s hard to accept this stuff, but you don’t owe us anything. This is left over from all the stuff we wish we could’ve done for you and your mom years ago.”

  She was direct. Correct, too. I knew it wasn’t bullshit from her. “So I just take it? You all have known me a week and have to drop money on me?”

  “Yes. It’s that simple. Have fun. What happens today is just getting you stuff you need. That’s it.” She waved to Gaze and Austin who was holding a plastic bag from the store they were just leaving.

  If Pixie hadn’t been with us, I would’ve probably walked away from it all. It was too much and I wasn’t good at buying stuff. It almost seemed gluttonous to pay for it as opposed to pinching it from the delivery truck parked outside.

  By the time we were ready for dinner, all of us had armloads of stuff. Gaze paid for all of it on a shiny credit card. He and I would have a discussion about how he was making the payments on that card later. But in the interim, Austin and Gaze kept Pixie and me laughing while we shopped.

  I dealt with the pangs of guilt. Strolling a mall with bags full of clothes, shoes, and it seemed just about every other damn thing. Just for me. It was too much. We walked out to the truck and packed the purchases in the backseat.

  “Everyone starving? Let’s go to the diner.” Austin pointed to his fancy car. “You riding with me, Pix?” I watched as Pixie waved and trotted off with Austin as he opened her car door. That left Gaze and me alone in the truck for the ride to the diner.

  I put my seatbelt on and waited to see what he would say. It was silent until we were on the main road. I had to break it.

  “Thanks for all that. Let me know the bill and I’ll get that to you. Somehow. Soon.” It was hard to swallow.

  “Yeah. We have the same dad. He should’ve been a part of this. Raising you. Well, he was shit at that, but if he’d been a man, he would’ve made sure you had what you needed. Your mom and you. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to know her so I could try to do right by you both.”

  Gaze stopped at the red light behind Austin and Pixie. I scratched my scalp, trying to decide what to say. “Hey, I’m not your responsibility. I can take care of myself. This whole thing wasn’t about me trying to get something you think I was entitled to.”

  Gaze exhaled and it moved the air freshener hanging from his radio. “Man. Pixie does a great job at putting stuff in a way that no one gets offended. I’m not trying to, like, make it up to you. I just want to be family to you because we have this blood connection. And growing up with Bruce fucking sucked, but we had a roof over our head. I just want you to have a senior year where you can relax and be a kid. Meet girls. Lock your door. I came from a place where I understand how important that can be. Being safe.”

  He adjusted his rearview mirror for the third time.

  Part of me wanted to fight back against this. Him. It wasn’t rational. It seemed like I had to defend my mom. That was my first impulse always. Tell the world that Mom was good. That I was happy with her. I had a bright way of looking at things. That part of my personality made things like freezing nights and a hungry belly parts of my childhood that I could avoid thinking about.

  The long game. I had to play it. And making Gaze think that I was grateful for all the stuff he was doing would work well for me. Even if I felt like I had to swallow acid to agree with his take on the situation. And I knew he wasn’t a bad dude. There was no real malice in what he was doing. He felt bad for me. It felt good for him to spend money on me. How he had so much, I wasn’t sure.

  Swallow it all. Swallow the questions and the attitude I wanted to have. It was time to be a new Ruffian. I was going to get the most I could out of this world before I buckled into the prison system like everyone expected me to.

  “Thanks, man. I really appreciate it. This has been a great day.” I forced a smile.

  The quick glance and then obvious delight at my acceptance made me feel like a dickbag. He seemed to be fighting a smile the rest of the drive until we parked. I watched as he lifted Pixie to his mouth and whispered to her. She returned his smile and gave him a huge hug.

  I ignored the tug on my conscience.

  Austin had a scarf on now and waved to two people in the parking lot of the diner. Teddi had said he knew everyone and she wasn’t kidding. I fell in step with him as we walked to the entrance.

  “Pixie is crazy about you,” he offered.

  “Feeling’s mutual.” I cracked my knuckles.

  “You ready to eat?” I grabbed the door from Gaze as he followed Pixie into the establishment. Austin allowed me to hold the door for him. After I followed them in, Gaze was already trailing a server to a booth. I was seated next to Austin and across from Pixie. The laminated diner menus were a little sticky, but the place smelled amazing.

  A joint like this would have been on my rounds in Midiville. I would’ve scoped out their delivery trucks and eventually spoke to one of the employees. That was a trick I had. Watch for the smokers and chat them up. Find some with kind eyes and see if I could talk them into parting with some food at the end of the night or between services.

  Didn’t always work, but sometimes, sometimes instead of pitching their leftover food, I would be able to bring boxes full to the community. Bread, and sometimes soup in to-go containers. I could feel my mouth watering at the thought. I copied Gaze’s order of a hamburger and fries. We drank water and Austin became the unofficial refiller of the water.

  “Shopping made us this water’s bitch.” He was generous with the ice cubes that splashed us all as he poured.

  As our orders were delivered on a tray, Austin waved again. “Well, we’re about to get hit with a lot of socializing.”

  I watched as Teddi threaded through a crowd of what had to be football players. At leas
t three of them couldn’t keep their eyes off of her.

  Couldn’t blame them, really. Seeing her really knocked the wind out of me. She was so freaking pretty. Her easy smile and sparkling eyes damn near begged people to talk to her. Usually girls as pretty as Teddi were a bit standoffish. Maybe it’s the attitudes they had to deal with. Society could be a real jackass to girls. But she was sunshine. Her aura was a welcome wagon.

  When she spotted Austin waving, she gave a little yip and getting to have her hop over to us made me feel special. They had to have twenty-five in their group for dinner.

  She slid into the booth, smooshing up against my side.

  “Teddi Bear. Why are you here?” Austin reached his arms around me so he could hug Teddi with me in between. She reciprocated. Soon, I was crammed between them both. I pulled my arms in to try to help them.

  The flash on Pixie’s phone went off and she looked at the picture and burst out laughing. “Oh my gosh. You guys, I just took the worst picture.” She showed it to Gaze who almost spat his water out onto the table. Teddi gripped my upper thigh as she snatched Pixie’s phone. She tapped the screen.

  “No! Oh my, hell no. Why would you have a flash on for this?” Teddi flashed the screen toward Austin and me. The flash had given the picture a hostage taking kind of flair to it. Both Austin and Teddi looked as pale as vampires.

  “I’m deleting it.” Teddi dropped the picture into the small trash bin on the bottom right of the screen.

  Gaze was wiping tears out of his eyes. “Too late. She airdropped it to me.” Gaze held up his phone and showed us the recently deleted picture. “Now I have blackmail on you all.”

  The servers delivered the food as we all moved things around to make room for the plates.

  Two of the football player-shaped guys came over to Teddi. “Come on, you coming or what?” The taller one looked like he might cry if she didn’t join them.