Swimming in Sparkles

by Debra Anastasia

  He tossed up his hands. “Good, I guess. I tried to do what Pixie said and make my responses as uniform and sort of boring as possible.”

  I laughed. “Pixie gives good advice.”

  There was a rap on the passenger side window. I was startled, but Ruffian was not. He’d started the truck while I was reading my email and was able to roll down my window. Taylor stuck her head and shoulders all the way in.

  “My bitches. How’s it dangling?” She put me in a light headlock.

  “Your breath smells like Fritos.” I struggled to get my face farther away from hers.

  “That’s because I just inhaled a bag that Brutus had in his car.” She held out her hand for Ruffian and he gave her a high-five. “I’m always starving after school. You guys doing something today?”

  Ruffian cleared his throat. “Actually, I have an... appointment in a little bit.”

  I looked at him. I had no idea what his appointment was. “Do you need me to get a different ride?”

  He focused on the windshield. “No. I can get you home first.”

  He wasn’t elaborating. And that was fine. Everyone had their own things to attend to and I didn’t have to feel jealous or out of the loop. Even if I sorta did.

  “Hey, Taylor sucks at driving, but she’ll take me.” As I offered her up, Taylor opened the door for me.

  He snapped his gaze to my face. “No. You don’t have to do that. I have time.” A little bit of panic, maybe a hint of disappointment was on his face.

  “No, it’s cool. I’ll catch you at home. Glad your test is over.” I snagged my backpack and Taylor hooked her arm through mine as I closed the car door.

  I watched him sigh and put his head against the headrest. I wanted to open the door and ask “what?” but I didn’t.

  I couldn’t frigging figure this boy out. I turned my back on him and allowed Taylor to yank me to the group of my friends hanging out by their pack of cars. I’d lose myself in the people I was used to and could predict.

  Stupid Tasker was drinking in the passenger seat of Brutus’ SUV. Once Taylor and I figured that out, we made our way to her car.

  “I’m not getting expelled because Tasker was dropped on his damn head. It’s a freaking Tuesday. He’s got problems.” She popped her trunk and we tossed our bags into it.

  Peaches was already in the backseat making both of us shout.

  She gave us both the middle finger and then grabbed her boobs. When we opened the doors, she tore into us with love.

  “Seriously? You all are going to act like my face is going to make you crap yourselves?” She pretended to be super offended.

  We got in and settled into our seats. “You’re not going home with Hottie McBigfeet Brother Man?”

  Peaches was going to get on my nerves today. “He’s got something to do.”

  I fought with myself to not look around for Ruffian and see where he was in the inching along traffic of the parking lot.

  “Yeah. Meg.” Peaches snorted.

  “Oh my hell, you need to not bring her up for no reason. Her existence pisses me off.” Taylor shook her head and started to move forward into the stream of cars.

  Peaches held up her phone. “Sorry. I was just watching her stories and she’s all Ruffian this and Ruffian that.”

  I turned to look at her screen. Meg had lighting set up like a pro. She had clearly processed the hell out of the video. And just when I was getting ready to turn away, RUFFIAN popped up in a sparkling font.

  I rolled my eyes. “Man, she goes all in when she wants something.”

  “Yeah. Reminds me of someone,” Peaches observed. Both Taylor and Peaches stared at me until I realized they meant me.

  I felt my jaw drop. “Now I’m like Meg? Oh my God. Shoot. Me.” I slid down as far as I could in my seat before the belt choked me.

  “No.” Taylor put on her blinker. “Meg goes hard when she wants something for herself. You go hard when you want something for someone else.”

  I took a deep breath. At least I had that.

  Taylor turned up the music and I stayed quiet until she passed the turn for my house.

  “Why are you kidnapping me?” I rolled my head toward her.

  Peaches’ head popped between the seats. “We broke your happy. We have to smear some ice cream in our faces to fix it.”

  We were headed to Scoops. It went without saying. It was a routine and a tradition wrapped in one place. We pulled up and found three other cars from school, so the interior of the store became loud and jokey along with the treats. I got vanilla and chocolate sprinkles and thought of my Fudgsicle at night while I licked the sprinkles clean off in one swipe. We hung out long after we had finished.

  I heard Taylor gasp and then she grabbed my hand hard enough to squeeze my fingers together. It wasn’t really our planned sign for impending drama, but it had evolved into it.

  Peaches’ voice was just behind my ear. “Ah, crap. Don’t look. It’s Meg and your new brother.”

  He wasn’t my brother, of course, but that wasn’t a fight I wanted to get into here and now. I could feel my ears and my cheeks filling with the blush of my embarrassment.

  I heard Meg laughing and greeting people. I wanted to not look. I needed to not look.

  I looked.

  She had her arm wrapped around Ruffian’s waist, and he had his arm thrown over her shoulder. I should play it cool, but I was reacting before I could let my rational head make a plan. I stood and walked straight for them.

  When he saw me, his face fell. He didn’t want to run into me here, I could tell that from how his shoulders deflated a little bit. He straightened his spine by the time I reached them both. Meg was reveling in me being there. Probably expected to see me, because she wasn’t shocked.

  I stood in front of him for a few beats. I had no claim on him. We weren’t dating. We weren’t kissing. What I had going on for him was all inside me.

  He waited for a second before asking, “What do you need?”

  Like I was asking for something from him. Like he was a server in a restaurant or something. I looked at him from his feet to his head and back. His appointment was her.

  “Not you.” I bit out.

  I walked around him, running my shoulder into him slightly.

  Meg made an offended sound. But she could suck on a dick and choke on it. And Ruffian was clearly all about the money. Meg wasn’t any kind of deep thinker, but guys always liked her. Yachts and beaches and mansions made guys woozy around her. And Ruffian wasn’t the exception I thought he was.

  I hit the door to Scoops and moved quickly to Taylor’s car. I didn’t see Ruffian’s truck, so Meg must have driven. Of course. There was her Land Rover.

  Taylor and Peaches were at the car the same time I was, clearly watching me for cues.

  “That fucking girl.” I felt like crying and fighting.

  Peaches hugged me from behind as Taylor got the car moving. In the second it took her to switch gears from reverse to drive, my passenger side window had a tap. I looked over to see Ruffian motioning for me to roll down the window.

  “Please, Teddi. Don’t go.” His voice was muffled by the glass between us.

  I shook my head once and Taylor started rolling away. Ruffian hopped out of the way so his feet wouldn’t get rolled over.

  My girls were quiet with me until we were about halfway to my house.

  “Why would I get so twisted up over him? Why?”

  Peaches still had a hand on my shoulder. “Because he’s screamingly hot, mysterious, and dangerous seeming. You two practically glow when you’re in the same room. It’s obvious to everyone that you should be together. He’s fighting the obvious, and Meg is just a sore loser and has wanted to be you since middle school.”

  I forced a laugh. “You should be a therapist. That was a little too on the nose.”

  “She is 4000 percent right, though. Like, for sure.” Taylor put on her blinker when we got to my development. “You want to pack a bag and
sleep at my house tonight?”

  I weighed the idea. And as mad as I was at Ruffian, I didn’t want to abandon him. It would just be my parents and him. And part of me wanted to have it out with him. And another part of me just wanted to be near him again.

  I was getting hopeless.

  “I’ve got to do a few things for the Me Parties that require my desktop. And I want to shoot him dirty looks when he gets home. I love you guys, though. Thank you.” I hugged Taylor, and Peaches added her arms from the back. I patted them both.

  “We love you.” Taylor spoke for them both, “And if you want us to come over and, like, give him a stern talking to, let us know.”

  Peaches stage-whispered in my ear, “We can replace all his shampoo and soap with Nair. And then after his shower he will become a totally hairless naked mole rat.”

  I left the car laughing, and I was grateful for them both.

  When I walked in, the house was empty. I headed to my room and saw a yellow Post-it note on the center of my door.

  We went to get dinner. Be home by 7.

  That was fine. It was all fine. I closed my door behind me. Part of me wanted to stalk Meg’s social media, but I also wanted to save myself the sight of her filter perfect cutsie pics with Ruffian.

  I mean, I guess they were dating. And that was fine. He could date whomever he wanted. I started the shower. I did my best thinking in the shower.

  As the hot water warmed my head, I tried to reason with myself. He was just a guy in a situation. We were a foster home for him. His mom died and now he wanted a safe place to graduate.

  Ruffian was not Gaze, and I was not Pixie. I wished my heart didn’t feel like it had been kicked in the crotch.

  I let the conditioner sit on my head and worked on shaving my legs. It was fine. I had a business to run. I had a social life that required me to enjoy my friends. I had a great family. Ruffian would do what he wanted to do. I needed to just stop feeling the way I was feeling about him.

  His stupid dimple. The floppy hair. The zap when he touched me. It was all in my head. Picturing him putting his lips on mine was stupid. I rinsed the conditioner and finally cranked off the shower. In the foggy mirror, I could see that my chest was bright red. I got my moisturizer out and rubbed down my legs and arms. I brushed out my wet hair and squeezed out the excess water over the sink.

  This was fine. He and Meg would date and it’d be just fine. I put on my pink fluffy robe and wrapped my hair in a towel. When I came out of my room, I checked my phone for the time. It was six forty-five and that meant my parents would be home soon. I had to stop moping around. They would clue into my mood in no time. I didn’t want to get into it. Maybe I could tell Mom, but I didn’t want Dad worrying about me and this situation.

  I cracked the door and listened, but the house was silent. I nipped downstairs to get a glass of water, and as I was filling it at the fridge, Ruffian’s deep voice scared me.

  “Hey.”

  “Shit!” I was stunned and flung my cup of water. The quick movement loosened my robe and I clamped my arms around my middle to keep it closed.

  The plastic glass rolled toward him and bounced off his foot.

  He bent and picked it up. On his way to the sink, he tossed a dish towel onto the floor where the water was. “Are you okay?”

  He was standing there like he hadn’t showed up at Scoops with Meg at all.

  “Don’t worry about me.” I inched forward on the tile.

  “I do.” He tilted his head and pierced me with his stupid beautiful eyes. “Worry about you.”

  “Well, save that for Meg. Your girlfriend.” I flipped my hair except it was wrapped in a towel, so the towel fell off of my head. I tried to snatch it, but missed, the quick motion causing my heel to slip. And then I was flailing, falling in a fairly unsecure robe. Why the hell would I come down here without my clothes on?

  And then he was there. All around me, wrapping his arms tightly. My robe was open, but being pressed against him was keeping me from being naked. My heart was beating hard. This was the last place my hopeful heart needed to be.

  “I’m sorry,” he offered and I felt him starting to pull away. I gripped him hard.

  “Don’t move. Don’t you dare move.” I gripped his shirt hard. “I’m not wearing anything under this. And if you move, well,” I kept the pressure between us, “I’ll be naked.”

  I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down while he swallowed. Where my hands were, I could feel his pulse in his neck. Pounding just like mine.

  He slowly moved his eyes until he was staring into mine. “Teddi.”

  I wasn’t sure if he was warning me or promising me. I heard a car door slam. “That’s my parents.”

  His eyes went wide.

  “If you can stand, I’ll let go and close my eyes.”

  “Yes, do that but in the opposite order.”

  The second he let go I clenched my robe to me and he tried to make sure I didn’t fall any more on the tile, all while keeping his eyes closed. I slipped a little, but righted myself as he poked me in the boob.

  I didn’t have time to complain. I took off for my room at top speed, which was probably a weird reaction now that I was thinking about it. With my back against the door, me being in the kitchen with my robe on was not the craziest thing. But being pressed against Ruffian with my robe open definitely made me feel like I needed to run.

  I heard my mom and dad talking to Ruffian. Murmuring. The boys with a deep voice, Mom with a higher one. I locked my door and tossed on some clothes. I wore leggings and an old gamer tee from Milt and looped my hair into a giant clip.

  When I got back downstairs, the food Mom and Dad had picked up was getting spread out on the kitchen table.

  “Hey, princess!” My dad came over to give me a hug. I hugged him back. “You in the mood for Pick-a-Pita?”

  Mom had finished setting the table like a little buffet offering complete with paper plates.

  “We fancy tonight, huh?” I teased her. She loved to set a pretty table, and she had to be busted or busy to break out the paper, even for takeout.

  I caught Ruffian’s stare as he laid out the napkins. Why did it have to be like this? When I knew he was looking at me and he knew I was looking back, I felt it all over my body. I put my eyes on the floor, letting the feeling pass.

  My father started in on his day, telling us stories about co-workers that made us laugh. All the while, I felt like I was play-acting and the deeper feelings were there, right between Ruffian and me. How was he breaking my heart so easily? I hadn’t known how thoroughly he had taken it until it cracked when I saw him and Meg on a date.

  I nibbled around my pita, feeling awkward about eating. I felt pinned by his attention. Like he was going back and forth with my parents and participating, but this livewire between us kept crackling.

  Cleanup was a breeze when we were finished, and I claimed I had more homework than I did just to put some space between Ruffian and me.

  I called Taylor and Peaches on FaceTime and we just let the video stay open. I needed to focus on something and Peaches claimed she was investigating balls on the internet. It’d pass the time.

  RUFFIAN

  MR. AND MRS. BURATHON asked me to hang back when Teddi padded up the stairs like she couldn’t stand to be around me.

  I wasn’t sure what was up. Did Teddi tell her parents something about the whole kitchen debacle? I didn’t see anything, and I didn’t let her hit her head on the tile, but walking in on the new guy holding your naked daughter might be cause for concern. Ronna sat down and patted the chair next to her. I slid into it.

  Mike cleared his throat and started the conversation, “So we heard from Mrs. Fartuna today. She’s reviewed your test.”

  He clasped his hands and threaded his fingers together. Ronna seemed excited and bubbled over in the conversation. “You’re incredibly smart! Your scores were amazing.”

  “Ronna, the boy knows he’s smart.” He was smilin
g at her excitement.

  “I know. We know. But Mrs. Fartuna was speechless. You did amazing.” She clapped her hands together.

  I felt a spike through my heart with the motion. Mom would get crazy excited if I understood a tough concept. Just like that. With all the love and stuff. And I could just hear her in my head, “Of course you scored well. Of course. I told you that the buildings limit you. You are limitless, Ruff.”

  “Everything okay?” Ronna put her hand on my elbow, snapping me out of it. Swallow the missing. I smiled as widely as I could.

  “It’s great. I’m thrilled that it went well. I wasn’t too sure after I kind of panicked on that first day.” I looked each of them in the eyes so they could feel I was genuine. Like I hadn’t spent time learning the layout of Meg’s house. Like I wouldn’t go downstairs after we were done and look for people who would buy stolen goods after figuring out how much the things were worth.

  Mike clapped me on the back between my shoulder blades. “Good show, Ruffian. You remind me of your brother.”

  When they stood up and headed to the living room to watch TV, I left to go to my room. I was to meet Mrs. Fartuna in the conference room again tomorrow to set my schedule. Then she would get me books and show me to my classes. Real life. Real school.

  It was killing me, but I was good at this game, for now. I tried not to picture pretty Teddi angry at me in the ice cream parlor.

  I ran her quick retort through my head a million times.

  What do you want?

  Not you.

  That couldn’t be true, not today. I felt her. I could feel her when she thought about me and our eyes would meet. Every part of my body wanted to know where she was. Kissing her might actually kill me. Like a heart attack or something. God, I wanted to kiss her.

  I forced myself to sit down and draw out blueprints of Meg’s house. The codes I had learned. Marked where I had found cameras. Noted the expensive paintings and the jewelry.

  It would be the toughest job I’d ever done. I wondered if Mrs. Fartuna thought I was smart enough to commit this particular crime.

  Chapter 28