A Love Worth Searching For

by Kathleen Ball

  “Do you want me to turn my back so you can undress?” he asked.

  “Why would I want to undress?”

  It was pitch black in the wagon but he could make out the outline of her. “To consummate the marriage of course.”

  Instead of lying down next to him, she sat and he could feel the heat of her gaze upon him. “Did I say something wrong? In order to make a marriage legal we have to, well you know.”

  “If we do or we don’t, who would even know? It’s not like they will look for blood on the sheets or anything. They think I’ve been with dozens of warriors. I’m tired, Jed.”

  “You don’t like me do you?” Jed asked.

  “Of course I do. I’m just not ready. I will be a wife to you in every way but that, for now. That’s all right isn’t it?”

  He ran his hand over his face. “People will expect us to be sweet to each other. You know like newlyweds.”

  She laughed. “We are newlyweds. I’m looking forward to spending more time with you, Jed. There is no other man I would have picked to marry. Look, why don’t we kiss each morning and then again each night. Let me get used to you.”

  It sounded reasonable enough. “Fine, my new wife. Come lay down next to me, and let me hold you. Would that be acceptable?”

  She lay next to him and readily went into his arms. “This is what kept me alive. I used to imagine that you were holding me at night, but my imagination never made me feel so good or so safe. Good night.”

  He lay there for a long time after she fell asleep thinking about his missed goodnight kiss.

  “Oh my!”

  “I told you she was a hussy!”

  “Poor Jed, she finally enticed him.”

  Jed groaned as she sat up.

  “They know,” Lily whispered.

  “That was the plan.” Jed stretched his arms above his head. “We knew it was coming.”

  Lily quickly re-braided her hair and picked up her shawl. “We might as well get this over with.” She pinched her cheeks.

  “What’d you do that for?”

  “I’m the blushing bride.” She laughed lightly as he grinned.

  He got out first, pulled his boots on and then held up his arms for Lily. She readily put her hands on his shoulders as he lifted her down. He swooped in fast and kissed her. He wasn’t going to miss another kiss.

  “What is the meaning of this?” Reverend Callan asked as he stepped in front of the crowd. He had a gleam of triumph in his eyes.

  Jed smiled at Lily and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to his side. “I’d like to introduce you to Mrs. Jed Todd.”

  He knew there wouldn’t be many to congratulate him but the angry murmurs took him by surprise.

  A vein on the reverend’s forehead seemed to enlarge, and they could see it pulse. “Bedding a woman does not make her your wife. It makes her a whore!”

  Jed stepped away from Lily and walked over to the reverend. “We went to the preacher in the wagon train behind us and got married last night. I knew you’d give us trouble about getting married, and frankly I don’t need your

  approval or your opinion.” He turned toward the gathering crowd. “That goes for all of you. I expect you to respect my wife and show her every kindness.”

  Smitty and Izzy stepped through the crowd. Izzy ran toward Lily and hugged her. “I’m so happy for you!”

  Smitty patted Jed on the back and then shook his hand. “You made a good choice, Jed. It’s a good match.” He turned and hugged Lily. “Welcome to the family.”

  Lily smiled as she hugged Smitty. “Thank you. The first thing we are doing is adopting Izzy. She’ll be traveling with us.”

  Garber pushed his way to the front. “Sorry, but Wanda and I have first claim on that girl.” His eyes flashed in anger.

  Jed shook his head. “A claim on her? That girl? Her name is Izzy and she has a right to be treated with love.”

  Wanda joined Garber. “What? She’s ours!”

  “Why?” Lily asked. “Why do you want her? I don’t recall you ever talking to her or her parents.”

  Wanda’s face turned a deep shade of red. “We have rights too, you know.”

  “Why doesn’t anyone ask me?” Izzy asked in a loud and clear voice.

  “You’re a child,” the reverend said.

  “I am old enough to know my mind. I’m small for my age, but I can make my own decisions. I am going to live with Lily and Jed. I always fancied being a cowgirl.”

  Garber laughed. “There are only cowboys. It just shows you’re a kid.”

  The look she gave him astonished Jed. It was a haughty, cutting look that brooked no challenge.

  “I said I will live with Lily and Jed. They are both admirable people. They are well skilled in the art of living outdoors, and I feel safe with them. This discussion is over.” She took Jed’s hand in one hand and Lily’s in another. “This is my family now.”

  The reverend cleared his voice. “No. Even though you married, I couldn’t in clear conscience allow you to raise Izzy. My sister and I are above reproach, and we will take Izzy into our care.” He put his hand out. “Come, Izzy.”

  Izzy tightly squeezed Jed’s hand. “You have no right.”

  Jed patted her hand before he let go. “Izzy stays with me. Anyone who doesn’t like it is free to go it alone. Getting out of this mud is going to be hard work.”

  Winston Richards shouldered his way to the front. “We stay an extra day or two until it dries. That’s the only thing that makes sense.” He shook his head at Jed. “Are you sure you’ve made this trip before?”

  As much as he wanted to haul off and punch Winston, Jed restrained himself. “It might sound like a good idea, but as the mud hardens it holds tight to the wheels and it takes forever to dig out. It’s best to get going as soon as we can. We’ll be pushing wagons that get stuck—and they will get stuck—so everyone stay alert as you drive. If your wives can drive, let them. We’ll need all the muscle we can get to push these wagons.”

  Winston puffed out his chest. “So, either way it’s a lot of work. I know if I’m walking I want dry dirt under my feet.”

  Jed took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t have time to debate with you, Winston. Either you’re coming with us or you’ll be left behind. I’m the wagon master, not a babysitter.” Jed panned the crowd. “We leave in an hour. Have enough food and drink ready, we’re not stopping for the nooning. It’ll just be a waste of time as we’ll all get stuck again. Anyone who doesn’t help, doesn’t get helped.”

  There was much grumbling, but Jed just shook it off. He wouldn’t be surprised if they all followed. No one wanted to be on the trail alone. It was a recipe for disaster. He saw the wide-eyed expressions on both Lily and Izzy’s faces and smiled. “Let’s get you two ready to go. You’ll want to shorten your skirts a bit more so you don’t get weighed down by caked mud. Now once we get you going, don’t stop. The trail up ahead is wide enough to steer around a stuck wagon, just keep going. Stopping makes for a better chance for the wheels to get bogged down.

  Lily nodded and smiled. “We’ll be fine. I know what to do.”

  Her smile was enchanting and his gaze lingered on her soft pink lips. He stepped forward, cradled her cheek in his palm, and kissed her sweet lips. Every kiss with her made his heart soar. He wanted to undo her hair and bury his hands in its silky blondness. Someday, he promised himself.

  Her face grew warm as he kissed her. It was like a homecoming each time, and she wanted to lose herself in his kisses. She couldn’t help the wide smile on her face as they drew apart.

  “Go, I got this. I’ll keep her safe.”

  “Keep both of you safe.” He walked away without looking back. He immediately had to help one of the families out.

  “He’s as handsome as a prince,” Izzy said. Then she shook her head. “I take that back, I’ve seen some ugly princes in my time. I’m so glad you married him. I know you did it for me, and I hope you’re not ups
et.”

  Lily put her arm around Izzy’s shoulder. “I’m not the least bit upset. Now let’s get ready. I have most things organized.”

  It was as hard as Jed predicted. Each wagon had to be pushed out of the ruts they were in and if they didn’t keep going, they just got stuck again. It was a long hard day of trying to navigate around stuck wagons, but once they got Lily started, she was successful in not getting stuck again. That was a blessing. She wasn’t sure if anyone besides Jed and his men would help.

  Izzy was a very bright girl, so much older than her years. Indian girls were that way too. Maybe it was because they both had to be smart to survive. She promised to show Izzy how to protect herself. That meant teaching her how to fight with a knife. Lily hoped that Jed approved. It was a whole different world out here.

  She remembered the hopes and dreams her parents had when they started out on the Oregon Trail. Her father had wanderlust and there was something inside him that drove him to sell the farm and load up his wife and daughter in a wagon. Unfortunately, none of them had made it to Oregon. She would though, she vowed.

  “Lily?” Izzy asked. “Do you think it cold or unnatural even that I’m not overcome with grief that the Landsters are dead? Is there something wrong with me? We’ve buried a few so far on this trek and I always see weeping and fainting.”

  “Were you close to them? Did you love them?”

  “Not really, they were just caretakers. They treated me like a noble they weren’t to touch. They were nice in their way and always very respectful towards me. They didn’t want to come to America, but they knew their duty. I always felt bad about that.”

  Lily nodded. “The only thing I know is that we are each different. No two people mourn alike or love alike. Others expect you to act a certain way throughout your life. Everyone’s life experience is vastly different. Look at you and me. I was captured by Indians and you escaped from England. We have nothing in common but I feel as though you understand me more than most. I used to be the type of girl who wept at funerals and smiled at weddings. Now I can only try to remain emotionless in front of others. I learned it from the Indians. You never want to allow your enemy to know what you’re thinking. I’m sorry, I’m rambling.”

  Izzy reached out and patted Lily’s shoulder. “I was taught that also. Smile even though you’re in pain, be friendly even though you want to slit their throats.”

  Lily laughed. “Don’t let others hear you say anything about throat slitting, they’ll think I put the idea in your head. Looks like we’re slowing down. I bet we’ll be circling the wagons soon.”

  Chapter Nine

  Three weeks later, they all stood around a tree waiting for Garber to be hanged. Jed had gone hunting, and Garber had stabbed Lily once again. The crowd was hostile, and while they wanted to kill Garber, Lily felt just as much animosity directed toward her.

  This time Garber had climbed into her wagon as she drove, snuck up on her, and stabbed her in the back.

  Lily screamed as searing agony ricocheted through her. Izzy stared, eyes wide, and then she also began shrieking. Pushing Izzy down on the floor and holding her with one hand, Lily drew her knife. Then she jumped up and lashed out at Garber. He dodged but she expected the move and was there with her knife. She cut him pretty bad, and blood spurted from a wound in his upper chest. He curled his lip back and lunged, and again she anticipated his move and met it with her knife. Then she switched hands and jammed the knife into the base of his neck. More blood flowed, but the wound wasn’t bad enough to kill him. Howling, he leaped out of the wagon and stumbled away. Lily grabbed the reins and stopped the oxen. This had gone on long enough.

  She quickly jumped down off the wagon, still holding her knife. The pain of Garber’s knife stuck in her back was excruciating. The rest of the wagon train stopped, and a crowd gathered. They glanced from her to Garber and immediately found her at fault. Her heart pounded out of her chest. They’d all been waiting for this to happen.

  “He stabbed me first. He climbed into the back of the wagon and stabbed me in the back again, like the coward he is!”

  The looks of suspicion shifted toward Garber.

  “Smitty,” called Lily.

  He made his way through the crowd. “I’m here, darlin’.”

  Fighting back tears, she presented her back to him. “Can you get this out of me?”

  A collective gasp whooshed through the crowd. Everyone knew Garber’s distinctive knife, with the carving of an elk on its handle.

  “Let’s get you sitting down,” Smitty said as he guided her back to her wagon. “Is Izzy safe?”

  “I pushed her down onto the floor when it happened.”

  Izzy popped her head out of the wagon. “I’m fine, thanks to Lily.” She jumped down. “What can I do to help?”

  “Can you start a fire?” Before she could answer, Rex was by their side.

  “I got it. Lily will need someone to hold her hand when you take out that knife.”

  Lily watched Smitty and Rex exchanged worried glances.

  Owen came running with medical supplies and a bottle. He set the bag down next to Smitty, then he opened the bottle. “Here, drink this.”

  Lily grabbed the offered bottle and smelled the contents. “Whiskey?”

  “It’s going to be painful, Lily. I’m not sure if stitching it will be enough.” She watched as Smitty put a knife blade in the fire.

  “You’re going to have to burn the wound shut aren’t you?”

  Smitty nodded. “Drink up.”

  Lily did as she was told and drank some of the fiery liquid. She coughed as it burned its way down her throat.

  “Best drink some more,” Smitty advised.

  She made a face and then took another long swig. This time her stomach wanted to rebel.

  “Rex, I’m going to need you to hold her still.”

  Smitty cut the back of her dress from the collar to the waist. She held the dress to her front to retain her modesty. There was sympathy in Izzy’s eyes. They gave Lily a stick to bite down on, and she tensed her body waiting for it.

  It hurt when Smitty touched the knife. It was going to be bad when he pulled it out. She bit down hard on the stick and tried to hold in her screams as he eased the knife from her body. Finally, it was out and she could feel the blood pouring down her back.

  “Just like I thought. I’ll have to cauterize it,” Smitty said grimly.

  She closed her eyes and bit down onto the stick until it broke as the fiery hot blade of the knife was pressed against her skin. She screamed as the awful smell of burning flesh permeated the air. She wished she could pass out as she’d seen others do. Instead, she was wide awake and filled with pain. She hoped that Garber fared worse.

  She’d waited for what seemed like hours for Jed to come back, but he hadn’t yet. Smitty said he expected to meet up with the train about five miles from where they were now. She smoothed a hand over the skirt of her yellow dress. Thankfully, she’d mended it from the last time Garber had attacked her. It was no longer the color of buttercups but a kind of dirty, faded yellow, and the back bore bloodstains she hadn’t been able to get out. The bodice on the green dress with the lavender collar that she’d been wearing earlier was likely ruined beyond repair, but she might be able to fashion a skirt out of it.

  A commotion in the clearing drew her attention, and the next thing she knew, someone had fashioned a noose out of rope and swung it over a tree branch. Garber stared at it with horror in his eyes.

  The crowd wanted blood and for once, it wasn’t hers they were after. On another day, she might have fought their decision but she didn’t have the strength. Hopefully Jed would return. They refused to listen to Smitty, Owen, or Rex. Even young Ricky Richards was holding a rifle on Garber.

  “He’s bleeding!” Wanda screamed. “He needs a doctor.”

  “He won’t need to be patched up. He’ll be dead soon enough!” A man in the crowd yelled.

  The tension was high, and Lily
feared Garber really would be hanged. Was Jed going to be too late? She listened for the reverend’s voice but she never heard him protesting. In fact, she didn’t even see him. As far as she was concerned, the reverend was good for nothing. She couldn’t do anything about the situation, so she tried to calm herself. She was in a hell of her own. She grabbed the whiskey bottle and took another swig.

  “Lily, spirits aren’t good for you. Smitty said he’d make you some special tea,” Izzy admonished.

  “He’s busy with his rifle right now. I don’t remember having so much pain before. The whiskey helps a bit.”

  “I think I should help you back into the wagon. Sitting up is probably making it hurt worse.”

  “Perhaps, but I wouldn’t miss this for the world. They all think that Indians are savages but look at their behavior. They are thirsty for Garber’s blood.”

  The noose was placed over Garber’s head, and Smitty fired his gun into the air. “That’s a warning folks.”

  Rex hurried over with his pistol drawn and took the noose off Garber’s head. He them took the rope and hogtied Garber. “He can’t cause trouble now.”

  “He’s still bleeding!” Wanda said, her voice hoarse.

  “Bring him to my wagon. I’ll get a fire started,” Smitty said with a look of annoyance on his face.

  Rex and Owen lifted Garber and dropped him on the ground near Smitty’s wagon. Garber grunted in pain.

  His pain gave Lily a bit of satisfaction. She saw dust kicking up on the horizon. It was probably Jed.

  The incredulous expression on his face when he rode up on them made her giggle. She instantly covered her mouth. Maybe she’d had too much whiskey after all.

  Jed jumped down from his horse, said something to Smitty and then he ran to her and hunched down. “How ya doin’, honey?” He took her hand and stared into her eyes.

  She smiled at him.

  His brow furrowed as he looked from her to Izzy and back to her again. “You’re soused!”

  Lily hiccupped. “Perhaps a bit.”