Letting Go (Dangerous Love)

by Elle Keating

  “Anna…”

  She stopped just feet from her SUV. “I hate that you fight.”

  “I don’t like fighting.”

  “But you need to… why?” She was a patient woman ninety-nine percent of the time but something inside her had snapped. Maybe it was because she had told him things, private personal things and he couldn’t do the same. After almost over a minute of silence she knew he had no plans to disclose why he needed to punch a man’s face in last night.

  He could have chosen his other vice…

  She fumbled for her keys as she envisioned him fucking some random woman, pleasuring her.

  As if reading her mind he blurted out, “I haven’t slept with anyone else… I can’t.” She squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to let the tears fall. He grabbed her arm and turned her around. “Look at me, Anna.”

  “Why are you doing this, Brennan?” He cupped her cheek and it took everything not to lean against his hand. “You tell me you don’t want a relationship but you find the need to tell me that you aren’t sleeping with anyone. What are you doing?”

  His hand fell away. “I don’t know. I don’t fucking know.” He took a step back. “Have you been with anyone?”

  “Really, Brennan? You think you have the right to ask me that?”

  “No.”

  “You know what? I haven’t been with anyone, can’t see myself with someone else. Hope you’re happy.”

  “Do I look happy? Look at me, Anna. Do I look fucking happy to you?” he asked, spreading his arms wide.

  Anna took him in but didn’t focus on his bumps and bruises this time. Her gaze settled on his bloodshot eyes and the dark circles beneath them. How his cheeks were sunken in and how his clothes seemed to hang on him. He ran a hand through his unkempt hair. “Is Pete still keeping you up at night?”

  “No, not since I moved his favorite recliner into my bedroom.”

  She fought back a smile. She couldn’t dive back into that rabbit hole again and engage in conversation, pretend that they were friends, or that her heart wasn’t on the verge of being crushed into a million pieces.

  “I miss you, Anna.”

  “Are you trying to hurt me?”

  He released a stuttered breath and shook his head. “No… that’s the last thing I want to do.”

  “We can’t go back. I know myself. I can’t be just friends with you. I would never be able to look at you again and not think about the night we spent together.”

  “So, this is goodbye?”

  “Brennan, you may be able to keep things casual with me, have sex with no strings, but I can’t. I’m just angry at myself for letting it get this far.”

  “Anna…”

  “Goodbye, Brennan.”

  Anna entered her car and slammed the door shut. She jammed her key in the ignition as she gulped back tears.

  Don’t look back.

  She didn’t listen to that pleading voice in her head and as she pulled away from the curb, she glanced over and saw Brennan standing on the sidewalk, his hands clenched at his sides, his head bowed. Anna almost stopped and put the car in reverse, but somehow she found the strength to resist temptation and pressed her foot on the gas. She never felt more alone in her life.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Brennan

  “Table eight is going to pop the question,” he heard Shannon say as she entered his kitchen.

  It wasn’t unusual for people to get engaged at his restaurant, especially around the holidays. With just a week until Christmas, it felt like it was happening every night and it was depressing.

  “When? After dinner? Dessert?” another one of his waitresses asked, all giddy.

  “Not sure, but he looks nervous as shit,” Shannon said, not mincing her words, like usual.

  Of course, he’s nervous. He’s promising this woman forever, to share his life with her, children if they both want them, but most importantly, intimacy, and not just the sexual kind. The kind of intimacy that demands both people to fully let go and let the other person see them for who they are, their thoughts, fears.

  Brennan wiped his hands on a towel and peeked out into the dining room and found table eight. Shannon was right. Even from this distance, Brennan could tell the guy was close to shitting his pants. The poor bastard’s hands shook, and he looked as white as a sheet. The woman across from him sipped on her wine. Concern painted her face and she reached over and covered his trembling hand with hers. Brennan drew closer to the table, asking diners along the way if they were enjoying themselves, if their food was okay, something he did from time to time. But his real focus was on the soon-to-be engaged couple.

  From his right he heard the woman ask him if he was feeling sick. With a shaky voice, he told her no. Brennan pretended to canvass the room, but his eyes landed back on their table, at the couple’s linked hands. The woman squeezed his fingers and the man exhaled.

  “You don’t look well. We can go home if you want. Sit in front of the fire, watch a movie, just as long as we’re together.”

  The man swallowed and Brennan swore he saw the guy tear up. “I’m fine, Kris. More than fine, actually. Not sure why I’m so nervous.” He removed a small box from his coat pocket and fell to one knee. She placed her hand over her heart as her lips formed an O. Brennan moved away from the couple, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off them. Words were exchanged and she began to cry. He had barely slipped the ring on her finger when she threw her arms around his neck. People at nearby tables began to clap, but the couple didn’t seem to notice. They didn’t seem to be aware of anything but each other. Instead of going back into the kitchen Brennan headed to his office.

  “Hey Brennan, remember me?” The woman blocking his path looked him up and down. He didn’t know her name, but he knew he had slept with her at some point. “Because I remember you and me… in your office. Me bent over your desk. I’m here with a few friends from work, but they wouldn’t mind if I sneak away for a bit.” A finger slithered from his chest to his stomach and he took a step back. She was a gorgeous woman and from the way she was eyeing him he must have left a lasting impression, but the thought of a repeat performance with her had his stomach churning. The irony of it all made him want to laugh. Anna had ruined him, dominated every thought, owned every desire. And what had he done? He had hurt her because he was too scared to be as honest with her as she was with him.

  “Sorry, but I’m with someone now, as long as she’ll have me.”

  He forced a smile before brushing past her. As he neared his office he heard her shout, “Lucky girl.”

  No, he would be the lucky one… as long as Anna didn’t shut the door in his face.

  ***

  Anna

  Anna stared at her Christmas tree and sipped her wine. It had just started to snow, but it was quickly blanketing every surface. She leaned over and grabbed another puzzle piece from the table and was attempting to connect it to what would become part of the sky when she heard a knock at the door. Mack leapt to attention, but soon a whimper escaped him and she knew what that meant. Mack had sniffed out whoever was at the door and recognized him. She opened the door and sure enough Brennan was standing there, snowflakes dusting his hair and shoulders.

  As much as she wanted to see him, she was emotionally spent. “I can’t do this again, Brennan. I…”

  “I’m in love with you, Anna. Not just a little, not in a I-think-I’m-falling-in-love-with-you kind of way. I’m there and have been for some time. I just didn’t want to admit it, not to you, and definitely not to myself.” He stepped into her home and closed the door. “Because then I would have to tell you things, talk about my past. I would have to tell you why I donate to a charity that helps children who have been sexually abused. I would have to watch for your reaction when I told you that before I was adopted at age six my brothers and I lived in a shitty-ass apartment in Atlantic City with a drug addict mother and her pimp. You would learn that Luke was sexually abused repeatedly by our mother’s pim
p while Gabe and I were forced to watch and wonder when it would be our turn. And then you would find out that the man in front of you tried to kill the pimp with his own gun but failed.”

  She wanted to vomit on the spot.

  “It didn’t matter that I was eventually adopted into a family who loves me, tried to get me and my brothers help for the trauma we experienced. Some things just stay with you, and make you believe that you shouldn’t, can’t be in a relationship, because it’s just too hard. Because I don’t want the woman I love to know the ugly things I saw, that I resorted to fighting and being with women to forget, even if just temporarily. I don’t want her to know how weak I really am, not when she is so incredibly strong.”

  She took his hand and kissed his palm. “You’re not weak. You’re human.” She placed his hands on her hips and she took his face in her hands. “And mine?” she asked.

  “Yours, Anna.” He kissed her, slow at first and then she felt his hands grip her bottom and lift her off her feet. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her into her bedroom. “Need you to stay out here for a bit, buddy,” he said to Mack before shutting the door. He placed her on the bed and she quickly got to work, needing to feel him. In her haste, one of the buttons on his shirt flew off and he chuckled. But the second her hand landed on his belt, his laughter ceased, and his eyes heated.

  She was more successful with the zipper and she released his cock. Eye level with his shaft, she took him in her hands and peered up at him. His thumb brushed her lower lip and he gathered her hair in his one hand. She licked along his shaft, paying extra attention to the sensitive underside all the while palming his balls. He hissed and gripped her hair tighter. She swirled her tongue on the tip, tasting him, the droplets that had gathered along the slit, before sucking him deep. He let go of her hair, grabbed the back of her neck and began to fuck her mouth. The sounds that were coming from him made her bob faster, take him deeper, until he pulled away, and stared at her. The love she saw in his eyes brought tears to her own.

  She removed every stitch of clothing and slowly slid up the bed. His clothes found their place next to hers on the floor and in an instant he was on top of her, his cock at her entrance. She rolled him over and stared at the man beneath her. He was so beautiful, laid bared to her, in every way possible. She went to her knees and slowly lowered herself, taking him into her wet channel one inch at a time. His hands squeezed her ass, but he allowed her to set the pace, riding him slowly. He stretched her, burrowed in deep as he thrust his hips as she rose and fell. His breathing intensified and she knew he was getting close.

  “Come here,” she said, gripping his shoulders and forcing him to a sitting position.

  She slung her legs around him and sat in his lap, her breasts pressed against his chest, her fingers laced behind his neck, his forehead leaning against hers. She lifted her pelvis and sat down on his cock and he groaned. He thrust up the same time she slammed down and their cries pierced the silence. He held her close, one hand splayed across the small of her back, the other tangled in her hair. She rocked in his embrace, allowing him to slide in and out of her, shallow, then deep. He pounded into her, ripping a scream from her throat. Their eyes locked and she clenched around him, begging him to come inside her.

  “Anna… please…”

  “I’m coming… oh god… Yes!” He drove into her and they both exploded. His cock pulsed against her walls, coating her pussy and he groaned into the crook of her neck.

  Tremors wracked her body as he held her close, as he told her how much he loved her, that he never wanted to be without her. He slipped out of her and rolled her to her back. Propped on one elbow, he trailed a finger along the curve of her hip and then met her gaze. His lips parted and then closed. She reached up and touched his face, his stubbled jaw, lips that she ached to kiss again. “I love you, Brennan.” She pulled him to her chest and he nuzzled her breasts, and that is where he stayed as they drifted off to sleep.

  Epilogue

  Lucrezia McGinnis

  Christmas Day

  “May I have this dance?”

  Lucrezia turned and faced her husband. His lopsided grin and rosy cheeks told her that he’d had a few glasses of wine and she smiled. He had much to celebrate. Just moments ago their son Gabe had announced to the entire ballroom full of people at the Lucrezia Winery that he and Devan were expecting a baby. With one arm around Devan’s boy and the other holding Devan at his side, Lucrezia had never seen him so happy and proud.

  “Of course,” she said, placing her hand in his. He gave her fingers a squeeze and led her onto the dance floor. Even after all these years, her husband still had the ability to stir up butterflies in her belly… and gaze at her like she was the most beautiful woman in the room. Like he was doing right now. He took her in his arms and they began to sway to the music.

  “Have you ever in your wildest dreams imagine that we would have all of this? That we would be so blessed?” he asked. She peered up at her husband of forty-one years. His salt and pepper hair was more salty now and the laugh lines had deepened. But his deep blue eyes, the way they softened whenever he looked at her, hadn’t changed.

  Lucrezia glanced around the large ballroom, at the generations of family that surrounded her, and she couldn’t help but well up. Her daughter and son-in-law were dancing just feet from them, gazing into each other’s eyes as if they were the only two people in the room. Lucrezia’s focus shifted past the happy couple and landed on another. Jake and Morgan were sitting at one of the many round tables and making silly faces at their three-month-old daughter. That baby girl was a miracle in so many ways. Patrick twirled her around and Lucrezia caught sight of Luke and Peyton. What they were doing wasn’t quite dancing because they were barely moving their feet. Rather, Luke held his wife close and whispered something in her ear. The smile that overtook Peyton’s face was enough to light up this already festive room.

  But someone was missing.

  Lucrezia scanned the dance floor, but Brennan and Anna were nowhere to be found. She had seen them when they first arrived and was ecstatic to have finally met the woman who had stolen her boy’s heart. Within seconds, Lucrezia knew that Anna was the one. Intelligent, witty, beautiful, and confident, she was the perfect woman for her once lost boy. He had met his match and she couldn’t be happier.

  Lucrezia suddenly saw a flash of red out of the corner of her eye and spotted Anna and Brennan slipping through the glass doors. White Christmas lights made the veranda they were now walking across hand-in-hand look like a winter wonderland. “Love, what has captured your attention?” Patrick asked. He twirled her again and planted a kiss on her forehead.

  “Something magical,” she said, looking up at her husband. “Come with me.” She took his hand and they made their way over to the wall of windows. A light snow had begun, but she could see them clearly. Brennan and Anna were standing in the gazebo about twenty yards away, Anna’s hands in his, their eyes locked as they faced each other. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, obviously, but she sensed what was coming and smiled.

  Her husband’s arms wrapped around her waist from behind and he pulled her in close. “Did you ever think a speeding ticket would lead to all of this?” she asked.

  He chuckled into her hair. “Thank God for your heavy foot.”

  She sighed as she watched what was unfolding on the other side of the glass. “For the record, Officer, I was not speeding.”

  “You were going thirty-five in a twenty-five,” he said.

  “How do you remember that?”

  “How could I ever forget the day I met the woman I would spend the rest of my life with, share children and grow old with?” It wasn’t the wine talking; she knew he meant every word and why she deeply loved the man who had made her family complete when he rescued those three little boys.

  And then one of those little boys dropped to one knee and Lucrezia covered her heart with her hand. “He will be a good husband,” Patrick said.r />
  “Of course he will be. He has you as a father.” Patrick hugged her tight and she savored his warmth and love in that embrace.

  Lucrezia watched Anna nod her head frantically and then Brennan was on his feet and lifting Anna off the ground. Anna wrapped her arms around Brennan’s neck and they just held each other.

  “I’ll go get the Champagne,” Patrick said.

  Lucrezia turned in his arms and kissed him. “We are blessed,” she said. He gave her a wink and then he was gone, making a beeline to the bar. Lucrezia whipped back around and witnessed her son taking Anna’s hand and kissing the backs of her fingers. She was just about to make herself scarce and give the newly engaged couple some alone time, when Brennan suddenly looked over and learned that his mother had been spying on him. The smile on his handsome face only grew and then he mouthed the words, “Thank you.”

  The tears that had been brewing poured over and Lucrezia didn’t bother to hide them. Brennan didn’t need to thank her for anything. Adopting him, loving him, caring for him since he was six years old had been a gift from God, one she would never take for granted. Lucrezia brought her fingers to her lips and blew them both a kiss.

  Patrick reaffirmed that his timing was impeccable when he appeared in that moment with two glasses of Champagne in hand. He handed one to her and she shifted her attention onto her husband. “To family,” he said, holding up his flute.

  Lucrezia looked around the room, at all the family who had traveled far and wide just to be together on this sacred night. Aunts, uncles, cousins… there had to be over two hundred in attendance and she wouldn’t have it any other way. “To family,” she said, clinking his glass. “And may ours continue to grow.”

  Patrick chuckled. “I have no doubt about that.”