Incineration (Heart of Stone)

by Sidebottom, D H

  Courtney had insisted she came round to cook lunch for me “Ava, you look like shit. You need to pick yourself up babe” she scolded as she placed a mushroom omelette in front of me and my stomach rolled “It’s just something light. You should be able to manage it” she frowned and then cocked her head at me “What? I’m eating” I mollified, picking up my fork and breaking off a small amount.

  Her eyes widened suddenly and she dropped her fork “Ava” she whispered and I frowned “Courtney, what’s wrong?” her wide eyes and open mouth frightened me “Babe, when did you last have your period?” she asked quietly and I shrugged “Erm…” I gasped and widened my own eyes in reflection to Courtney’s “Oh my god” I wheezed “I can’t be” I breathed but knew I could be.

  Courtney jumped up and grabbed her bag “I’ll be ten minutes” she said as she raced from the house.

  Thirty minutes later we were sat on the edge of the bath staring at the little word on the test ‘pregnant’

  “Oh my God” I whispered “Oh my God!” I repeated and then repeated again with a grin “Oh my god Courtney, I’m having a baby” I cried and her answering joyous grin and tear streaked face brought my own tears of joy.

  We hugged and danced around the room and hugged again. She bent down and put her mouth to my stomach “Hey peanut, Aunty Courtney here. I want to you to snuggle in tight and keep safe for your mummy because we both love you so much” she said seriously and I broke out in a sob and we hugged, laughed and danced some more.

  “Are you going to tell him?” she asked a while later as we were sat at the kitchen table. I lowered my eyes “I can’t Courtney. He hates me and I know he’ll think it’s Kades baby, even though Kade didn’t...you know…finish” I said sadly and she nodded “I don’t think he hates you Ava” she appeased but I looked at her “Courtney, I broke his heart. I betrayed him in the worst way possible and because of those damn photos, he will always have the whole Technicolor image of me and Kade tattooed in his mind”

  She nodded sorrowfully and squeezed my hand “What are you doing about Brian and Brenda’s anniversary tomorrow night?”

  I had received the invitation for their thirtieth wedding anniversary party a week ago and Brenda had rung me and insisted that I go, being as though I was now ‘unofficially’ her daughter. I was pleased that they had insisted I kept in touch with them and over the last few weeks they had been supportive and also quite angry at how I was mistreating myself

  “I’ve got to go, you’re invited too and I need you there. I’ll just try to keep out of his way and hide my feelings behind a smile” I told her “I don’t think he will go anyway. He’ll know that I’m invited so…” I didn’t finish and we both sat quiet in our own thoughts.

  Eventually Courtney stood up and held out her hand “Come on mama; let’s go get some food in you. My treat” she grinned and I grinned back, knowing I now had to pick myself up and feed my little ‘peanut’ as Courtney had called him/her.

  Placing a hand over my belly I smiled and closed my eyes in a silent prayer for ‘Little Mason’ to look over his brother or sister.

  The next night Courtney and I strolled into the already heaving party. I was grateful for the dimmed lights as I was amazed I hadn’t noticed my little belly bump already until I donned the tight cream lace dress I had bought especially for tonight. I had fallen in love with it immediately. It was thigh length and the top part was pure intricate lace that had an invisible bra fitted into it but the outline of my breasts were discreetly visible and the effect was ultra-sexy but chic and sophisticated. The lace blended diagonally into cream silk that hugged my curves and now I had an extra curve. I had been appalled and told Courtney I couldn’t wear it but she said I looked amazing and it was only because I knew I was pregnant that I noticed my little round tummy.

  We found Brian and Brenda already and I had already given them their gift of a weekend in Saint Tropez to which Brenda cried and couldn’t thank me enough.

  “You look amazing Ava, still a little pale and skinny but stunning. You always know what to wear to enhance your beauty” Brian praised and I blushed at his comment. Brenda smiled widely and hugged me and then they left me and Courtney to attempt to squeeze between the hoard of people at the bar

  “Rum and coke and a vodka and cranbe…ooh no cancel that last one, I’ll have a cranberry and soda” I grumbled and the barman gave me a quizzical look and then laughed “You sure Darlin’?” I smiled back and nodded.

  He stood and blatantly perused me over the bar, his eyes lingering a little too long on my mouth and then shook his head slightly as if to clear a thought and went to fetch our drinks.

  When he returned and I paid he grasped my hand as he passed me my change and pulled me a little further towards him and he leant right over the bar. I was surprised by how far he could reach until I realised he was practically laid on the bar “Will you dance with me in my break?” he asked loudly in my ear. I smiled shyly, blushed but nodded my head producing a huge grin from him.

  “I’ll find you soon then” he winked and then turned back to another customer.

  Courtney giggled in my ear “Ooh, pulled already” I rolled my eyes and we went in search of friends.

  “Ava” I heard a shout from the other side of the room and I turned to see Marcy waving frantically at me. I grinned and pulled Courtney over to the table

  “Ava, where the hell have you been hiding?” she smiled and gestured for us to sit “Oh you know” I smiled timidly and she grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight “We’re still friends though, right?” she asked cautiously and I grinned and squeezed her hand back “Of course”

  I scanned the table and greeted everyone “How you doing?” Sam asked as he looked me over with a scowl “Ava, you’ve lost weight” he scolded and I shrugged “I’m good. How are you Sam?” he smiled and nodded but his eyes were still narrowed on me. I reached over and grasped his hand as I leaned in to his ear “I never got to thank you Sam for…for what you did for me with Lee” I whispered and he shook his head “I just wished everything had turned out better Ava” he whispered back as he smiled sadly at me. I bit my lip and nodded “Me too”.

  “Oh God!” Greg groaned and we all looked to him. He noticed us waiting for an explanation and he seemed to kick himself “Nothing” he grimaced but I could see his eyes flicking behind me nervously and I turned to look at what had grabbed his attention. Mason had walked in and was already surrounded by people, talking and wanting his attention.

  My mouth dried instantly at the sight of him, my heart rammed against my breast bone and the damn lump was back in my throat. My blood froze as the crowd parted for him and I saw Rebecca hung on his arm, her small round belly protruding in front of her. The lump seemed to grow too big for my windpipe and I made a strange gurgling noise as my hands started to sweat. I bit my bottom lip savagely and turned back to the table

  “Ava…” Sam said sadly and I faked a smile and shook my head “Hey, I deserve it. I’m good” I swallowed a large mouthful of my drink as Courtney’s hand rested on mine “You wanna take off?” she asked and I could see her hurt, anger and love pleading with me.

  I was just about to nod to her when a breath whispered across my cheek “You ready for that dance Darlin’?” I turned to see the barman leant into me. Our eyes caught as I looked at him and his eyes dropped to my mouth. He sucked a small breath in through his teeth and his eyes burnt with desire “I was just leaving” I told him quietly and he cocked his head in question “You promised” he smiled slyly “And you must always keep promises” he winked, grabbed my hand and pulled me up.

  His eyes skimmed over me and his smile grew wicked “Nice” he breathed under his breath and his eyes settled on mine. He tugged me harder so I was pulled up against him “This doesn’t look like a dance floor” I smirked “No” he pursed his lips and turned round, pulling me behind him.

  We reached the floor and he spun back round to me and grinned wickedly as he turned to the DJ and n
odded. The track that was playing suddenly stopped and Kings of Leon’s ‘closer’ started playing. I shook my head in laughter as he skimmed his bottom lip with his tongue and his eyes lit up.

  He took hold of my hand as he pulled me into his strong frame and then he started moving…Jesus this man could dance.

  His hips rocked against mine as his other hand settled at the base of my back and the beat of the track took over our bodies. As we progressed through the dance he slowly pulled me further into him as both hands circled round my body. His eyes bore into mine, the desire evident in the intensity as he slipped a hand over my ass and I heard a small groan leave his lips.

  Closing my eyes I tried to relax but he wasn’t doing it for me; there was no spark, no desire and no heat and I was angry with myself; I needed to get past Mason so I ordered myself to try and slid my hands around him, placing them on his ass as our bodies ground into each other.

  He gazed at me, his dark pupils boring into me and his lips parted as his other hand slipped to my bottom and he clasped gently “God, you’re so hot” he breathed in my ear as his lips tugged on my earlobe. I closed my eyes “I’m not looking for a relationship” I said quietly in his ear.

  He pulled back and looked at me, the desire still hot in his eyes “Neither am I” he told me with a twinkle in his eye. I took a deep breath. Did I want this? A one night stand, could I do the whole wham bam, thank you ma’am?

  I bit my bottom lip and shook my head regretfully “I can’t, I’m sorry” I whispered and he smiled sadly “No, I didn’t think so” he said softly and placed a gentle kiss on my lips then winked and walked away.

  I chuckled softly and turned back to the table and froze as I saw Mason stood leaning against the bar watching me. His expression was hard and tight but his eyes were sad and empty and as he scanned my body they darkened angrily before he raised them to my face again and held mine for a few moments before I looked away and walked back to the table

  “Wow, hot stuff” Marcy giggled and I laughed.

  “Yeah, just not for you though Ava?” Sam said softly.

  “You ready Ava?” Courtney asked and I nodded “I just need to have a quick word with Brian and Brenda” I told her and she nodded as I made my way over to them.

  “I’m Erm…gonna get off” I said to Brian and his eyes flicked over to Mason as he took an angry breath “Ava, I didn’t know he’d come with her” he spat out the last word but I shook my head “Brian, I told you. Don’t blame Mason, I did this to myself” he cocked his head sadly and then pulled me into a hug “Take care Sweetheart. We’ll see you soon” I smiled and kissed his cheek and hugged Brenda and as I turned I slammed straight into Mason. I jolted and he grabbed my arm to steady me and Brenda and Brian scurried off.

  “Ava” he said sternly “Are you ill?” the rumble of his voice caused my breath to leave my lungs sharply. I didn’t answer him and his eyes narrowed as he perused me “I asked if you are ill, you look like shit” he snarled and I widened my eyes at his anger “Don’t Mason” I warned but he held me tight “You’ve lost too much weight, although…” his eyes softened as they skimmed over me and he placed his hand over my small tummy “This is new” he breathed and I stilled.

  His eyes shot to mine and then widened as he took in my expression. He puffed out loudly and I whimpered and nibbled at the skin around my fingernail “Ava…” he breathed but I shook my head angrily “No Mason. I can’t do this now” I pleaded and the pain in his eyes matched my own. I pulled away but he grabbed me again “Ava...is it mine?” he asked quietly but hesitantly “Of course it’s yours” I snapped and he closed his eyes, in relief or pain I wasn’t sure “Isn’t Rebecca waiting somewhere for you?” I hissed and pulled out of his grasp.

  Courtney was stood waiting patiently for me by the bar and I could see the barman watching what was occurring between me and Mason. He tipped his head and widened his eyes in query but I smiled and nodded to him “I’m okay” I mouthed and he nodded and continued to pour drinks. “Ready Babe?” Courtney asked and passed me my bag as she slipped her arm through mine “He’s still watching you” she said quietly in my ear and I nodded but didn’t turn around.

  CHAPTER 51

  “I’m pregnant” I said happily “Oh my god princess” George cried and I could see his huge toothy grin in my mind “Oh Sweetheart, I’m so happy for you” I hugged myself at the happiness in him “You’re gonna be a granddad” I whispered through the phone and he inhaled sharply “Oh Ava. I so wish I was with you right now”

  We were both silent for a few moments and I sensed the question before he asked it “Does he know?” I sighed heavily “Yes” I breathed and he didn’t push it any further.

  We chatted for a while and I was still beaming an hour later. The previous few days since the party I had been smiling to myself constantly and I’m sure I looked like a nutter, grinning happily to myself.

  My only sadness had been the fact that Mason hadn’t been in touch since the party and it broke my heart that he obviously either didn’t believe it was his baby or he didn’t want anything to do with it.

  I silently wondered what Kade was doing right now. I hoped he had settled in and was living life and finding someone who deserved his love. Kerrie had rang me a couple of weeks ago after he left to tell me that he had gone and I knew by her soft tone that she grasped what had occurred but she didn’t speak of it so neither did I.

  She had convinced me to go to the spa with her and we were due to leave Saturday morning. The chemotherapy had ripped her of her beautiful hair but she refused a wig, saying she preferred the breeze on her scalp. I had grown to love and admire her, her tenacious spirit was making her fight and she was slowly but surely dragging herself through the torturous treatment.

  “Well Miss Stone” the doctor beamed at me “I’m pleased to confirm that you are in fact pregnant and you seem to be at about 10 weeks gestation” I grinned back happily “so that should make it around…12th June. I’m going to book you in for an urgent scan to check your dates as you seem to have a little swell already and that’s unusual so early on but I want to keep a close eye on you because of your previous loss”

  She leaned forward and took my hand when she saw the anxiousness on my face “Ava, I don’t want you to worry about things. Last time was…well was not a great time but this time I know you are gonna be just fine” she told me and I swallowed the lump in my throat “Thank you” I whispered and she nodded “I would still like you to take things steady though, just to make sure. How’s the sickness?” she asked and I grimaced “Awful. I can’t seem to keep anything down and I’m so damn tired” she frowned “Is the father helping out?” she asked and I looked away “We’re not…together” I told her and she pursed her lips “Make sure you eat little and often, take plenty of fluids and rest Ava, you need your sleep now. I’ll write you a prescription for some anti-nausea drugs and some folic acid but well, congratulations” she smiled softly again “Thank you”.

  She rang the hospital and booked me in for an ultrasound on Friday and I left laden down with leaflets, booklets and prescriptions.

  I was slightly worried about her concern over my baby bump and by Friday I was near a dithering wreck. I had brought Courtney with me and the sonographer smiled at us “You ready to meet your baby mum” he smiled politely and I grinned.

  I lay back on the bed “Slightly cold I’m afraid” he said as he squirted some gel on to my belly. Courtney held my hand as a grainy black picture appeared on the little monitor. He swivelled the instrument over my lower stomach and after hitting some keys on his keyboard he smiled “There we are” he said and my breath hitched as my peanut appeared on the screen.

  I fell in love instantly and Courtney squeezed my hand and let out a sob.

  My heart ached for Mason, I so wanted to share this moment with him.

  The technician frowned and moved the wand around my stomach some more and pursed his lips “Oh” he breathed and I froze and looked at him, my
heart stuttering as he turned to look at me “and there’s baby number two” he grinned with his eyebrows high “W..w.what?” I stuttered and snapped my eyes to the monitor. Sure enough, side by side were my babies.

  A sob of amazement left my throat and Courtney puffed out and sat in the chair beside the bed. “I can confirm the gestation at 10 weeks but this is why your doctor was concerned about your swell. It’s because there’s two in there” he chuckled “would you like a picture?” he asked and I nodded “Can I have two?” I asked and he smiled and nodded “Of course”.

  “Wow” Courtney said for the twelfth time as we sat in a pub, a soda and sandwich in front of me, well a near finished sandwich. I was famished and now eyeing up Courtney’s sandwich. She caught me looking and laughed and slid her plate over to me “Go for it”.

  She looked at me with wide eyes “Wow Ava. You gonna be able to manage two?” she asked slightly scared for me and I laughed “I’m sure I will. They have a wonderful Aunty who is gonna help out” I winked and she beamed “Oh hell yes. You now have a packet of peanuts” she squealed and I chuckled and slid my fingers over the scan picture again.

  My beautiful babies.

  The image of them side by side captured my heart, it was as though they were already protecting each other, happy together side by side and I ached for their Daddy.

  Courtney caught my sad look “Is the other picture for Mason?” she asked softly and I nodded “He is their father. Whether he wants to be is up to him but I won’t stop his involvement even if he doesn’t want me” I sighed “We can do this together Babe” she smiled happily and I loved her even more.

  I picked Kerrie up Saturday morning and she was really giddy “I’m so looking forward to this Ava” she grinned “This week has been hell and I’m ready for the pampering” she smiled. I noticed how pasty and tired she looked and I was angry at myself for my own self-pity, I had nothing over what Kerrie was going through. “I hope the masseurs are hot” she giggled and I chuckled with her as we sped towards the health club.