First Chances

by Kant, Komal

  “You know, Hadie,” she said, her tone low and dangerous. “Eddie never gave up on you, because you meant everything to him. Even Lincoln didn’t want him to give up on you.”

  With that, Ashton was done. She flipped her glorious, blonde hair over her shoulder and marched into the crowd, the students parting to let her through.

  But the damage had been done. Hadie stared at me, eyes large, as though she’d been kicked in the stomach. Suddenly, she didn’t look so exhausted anymore. Lincoln’s name had woken her up.

  “W-what did she mean? What about Lincoln?”

  Trapped. That’s how I felt right now. My mouth opened and shut a few times as I tried to gather my thoughts.

  “Move along, everyone,” Estella said, trying to make the students resume their mundane morning activities. Clearly, she could sense that something big was coming.

  “Yes, nothing to see here, people,” Mariah jumped, waving people away with her hands. “Find something better to do.”

  Hadie was still staring at me, waiting for an explanation. Telling her about Lincoln’s note had always been my intention, but I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do it right now.

  “I have no idea,” I lied through my teeth, absolutely hating myself.

  There I was, being dishonest again when I’d told myself I would always be truthful. Maybe I was more like my father than I thought I was.

  I shook my head at myself, trying to snap myself out of my thoughts.

  No. I wasn’t like him. I would never desert my family; never desert my children. My hypothetical children, whenever I had them.

  “Please, Eddie.” Hadie’s eyes were desperate as she stepped closer to me. “If there’s something you know, then please tell me. I need to hear it now more than ever.”

  Releasing a groan, I realized it was against my nature to lie. I couldn’t do it. Motioning towards a more secluded corner, Hadie and I walked over to it as I tried to figure out how to break this to her gently.

  “Before Lincoln died, he wrote me a note.” I glanced off at a spot just past Hadie’s head so that I wouldn’t have to look directly into her eyes as I spoke. “Don’t give up on her—that’s what the note said.”

  Hadie stumbled backwards, clutching her heart. “W-what?”

  “Yes.” I nodded, trying to keep my heartbeat steady as I pulled the note out of my pocket and handed it to her. “He didn’t want me to give up on you.”

  Hadie’s expression was dumbfounded as she stared down at the note. Her fingers started shaking, and her I noticed her eyes were becoming moist. “This is his handwriting.” She glanced up at me, stunned. “It’s really from him.”

  “Yes,” I nodded again, holding my hand out for it.

  It was strange, but I had a weird attachment to it. The note hadn’t been an order; it had been a reminder that you should never give up on the one you loved.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice rose as she handed it back to me. “Why did you wait until now?”

  “It didn’t seem necessary.” I shrugged, not really wanting to explain myself. It had seemed too personal to show her. The note had been intended for me, not for Hadie. I held it close to my heart. “I was going to show you the other night at the dead garden, but obviously that didn’t work out.”

  The bitter taste of rejection hit me again as I recalled Mr. Swinton’s words to me that night at the hospital. Hadie had chosen Three. It was over. I had to give up on her. Sorry, Lincoln.

  Hadie’s face turned pale, as though she was remembering that night too. She sucked in a deep breath and I could tell she was trying hard not to cry. “So, you’ve only been pursuing me because of Lincoln’s note? Because that’s what he wanted you to do?”

  I laughed in disbelief as anger churned through me. “Are you fucking kidding me? You think I’ve been pursuing you because of a note Lincoln wrote? Are you delusional? Don’t you see by now that I’ve been there for you because I’m in love with you!”

  You could cut the tension between us with a knife. We were back to square one—back to the way we’d been before I’d broken through her barrier. We were fighting because Hadie was pushing me away again. Pushing me away so she could go back to Three.

  “Don’t call me delusional!” she snapped, her eyes blazing. “You failed to tell me about this note! You were keeping this from me for a reason!”

  “Because it was for my eyes only!” My mind was on fire. My body was exuding white hot rage. “Because I didn’t want you to think that I felt obligated to be there for you! Because I didn’t want you to think I was only there because of a note!”

  “That’s no excuse to keep it from me, you stupid, secretive prick!” she cried, breathing heavily.

  My heart kicked against my chest, like a drum beating out of time. Hadie’s tiny frame was shaking as she seethed with rage. For a second, I forgot where I was. I forgot there were students milling around us. All I saw was Hadie.

  The anger in my body intensified. Hadie took a step closer. I grabbed her by the elbow, pulling her towards me. Her lips parted as she raised her head. My other hand grabbed the back of her head, fingers entangling in her purple-brown hair.

  And then our lips crushed together in an earth splitting kiss. All the anger, all the frustration, all the tension left my body and burned though my lips as I kissed Hadie Swinton. Her small hands press into my back. She gasped into my mouth. I hardened, kissing her feverishly.

  Then we broke apart, my body becoming limp as I backed away from her. Holy shit. I had not expected that to happen. Not in a million years.

  “Oh, my,” Hadie said, putting a hand to her mouth, appearing dazed. “I-I have to go.”

  “Me too.” I glanced beyond her to see Mariah and Estella staring at us with wide eyes as Hadie stumbled back to them.

  My own friends were standing a few feet away, looking at us as though we had both lost our minds. And maybe that was exactly what had happened.

  There was no explanation for what we’d just done. It shouldn’t have happened. Hadie had chosen Three. She shouldn’t have kissed me like that. I shouldn’t have kissed her like that. But it had felt right. That’s why it had happened.

  As hard as we both tried, we couldn’t fight a feeling. But it was too late. She had made her choice—and that choice wasn’t me.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Hadie

  Don’t give up on her.

  Eddie’s mouth crushing mine as I lost myself in the kiss.

  The events of the day played in my mind on an endless loop as my feet pounded against the pavement.

  Sweat was dripping down my face, my heart was racing, and my legs were starting to ache, but I didn’t stop running. Halo and Chance were keeping pace with me, but I knew their energy wouldn’t last long, especially Chance’s. A marathon runner was something he would never be.

  Once again, my mind went back to Lincoln’s note, and then to Eddie. All I could think about was the way he made me feel, the way his lips had sought mine today.

  Finally coming to a stop, I doubled over as I tried to catch my breath. I had never run this fast before, and my lungs were screaming for air. Even though I’d started running with no clear route in mind, I’d ended up a block away from Lincoln’s house.

  Placing a hand on my belly, I contemplated what my next move should be. I knew what the right thing to do was; it was just convincing myself to do it.

  My parents and I had spoken a lot about telling the Brackses that I was pregnant. It was Lincoln’s baby, after all. Of course they’d want to be a part of their grandchild’s life. My mom felt like they should know, whereas my dad wasn’t so sure if he wanted people like them being involved in the baby’s life.

  Ultimately, they had let me decide and I still had no idea what I wanted to do. I guess it came down to what was best for the baby, and I wasn’t too sure if having Mrs. Bracks and Becky in my baby’s life was the best thing for it.

  Mr. Bracks on the other hand, well, he’d n
ever treated me horribly the way his wife and daughter had. There was no reason to exclude him simply because his wife had been an evil witch. Besides, if Eddie’s mom was dating him, he couldn’t be too bad.

  Coming to a decision, I quickly crossed the road, with Halo and Chance following after me, and made my way down the block towards Lincoln’s house. As I reached it, I tried to figure out what I was going to say, how exactly I was going to say it, what his reaction was going to be.

  I didn’t know him well enough, but maybe now was the time to start. If this man was going to be a part of my life—my baby’s life—I had to get to know him as a person.

  Taking a deep, I made my way onto the front porch and rang the doorbell. I waited a few seconds, wondering if Mr. Bracks was even home. Maybe he was at work. I actually had no idea what Mr. Bracks did for a living or if he even had a job in town.

  I leaned down to pet Chance and Halo who were both panting heavily. We had run pretty hard and I had completely forgotten to bring a bottle of water with me. Typical Hadie move.

  Just as I was thinking about leaving, the front door opened and Mr. Bracks peered out at me with his sky blue eyes that were identical to Lincoln’s. I had to take a deep breath as nostalgia washed over me—would the baby have eyes like Lincoln, too?

  “Hadie?” Mr. Bracks said, blinking at me in surprise as though I was an apparition. “I didn’t expect to see you here. Is everything okay?”

  “Uh, yeah,” I said, feeling awkward. This was the right thing to do, but I wasn’t sure how he would take the news. “I was taking the dogs for a run and I thought I would come by. I wanted to talk to you.”

  “Of course,” Mr. Bracks said with a smile, moving aside to let us in. “Please come in. Bring the dogs, too. They look thirsty.”

  “Oh, they probably are,” I said as I entered the house, surprised that he was okay with the dogs coming inside. Lincoln’s mom would have lost her shit over the same thing. She wasn’t exactly an easy going woman.

  By this point, Chance was out of his mind with excitement. This had been his home. This was where his Lincoln had lived. When I unhooked their leashes, Halo stayed by my side, but Chance tore through the house and immediately headed to Lincoln’s room as though he expected him to be here.

  “Chance!” I cried out after him.

  “It’s fine,” Mr. Bracks said with a chuckle, shutting the door behind us. “There’s not a lot of stuff in here for him to knock over.”

  As I walked further into the house, I realized he was right. I hadn’t been inside the house since Lincoln had died, and while it was pretty much the same, the big difference was the lack of furniture and possessions.

  The L-shaped couch was gone, replaced by a smaller one. The TV was smaller. The coffee table was gone. There was no more dining table. It appeared as though Mrs. Bracks had taken most of their possessions and hadn’t left her husband with much of anything.

  “Why don’t we head into the kitchen?” Mr. Bracks suggested from behind me. “I can get the dogs some water, and we can sit and talk there.”

  “Okay,” I responded, just as Chance rejoined us.

  His ears were pulled back as though he was disappointed that he hadn’t found his previous owner. To be honest, I was disappointed too. It wasn’t the same being in Lincoln’s house without him here.

  We headed into the kitchen and I took a seat at the table, watching as Mr. Bracks opened up a cupboard and pulled out a large plastic bowl. He filled it up with water and placed it down on the floor for Chance and Halo. They both walked over and started slurping water out of it at the same time, knocking their heads together.

  They were such goofballs.

  “How has Chance been?” Mr. Bracks asked, taking a seat across from me. “I meant to come and visit, but I didn’t want to overstep my boundary.”

  Little did he know that there were no boundaries left now. We were about to become family.

  “He’s great,” I said, watching as Chance and Halo both came over and laid down by my feet. “He and Halo are best friends.”

  “That’s good,” he said, folding his hands together on top of the table. “So what can I do for you Hadie? You said you wanted to talk about something.”

  Oh, boy. This was the hard part.

  “Um, uh,” I stuttered, trying to figure out how to articulate the situation. Maybe I should’ve brought my parents with me. “Well, back when Lincoln was still alive, he and I we, um, did, uh, and then it kind of turned into something more, so, uh, now-”

  Mr. Bracks brows shot up, and I was immediately reminded of Lincoln. He would look at me the same way when I began rambling about something. “Hadie, what are you trying to say?”

  “I’m pregnant!” I blurted out, not meaning to say it quite so loud.

  My hands were clenched under the table as Mr. Bracks’ face registered shock. Then he broke into a smile. He was smiling. Oh, thank God.

  “You’re pregnant?” he exclaimed, standing up so fast that his chair fell back. “With Lincoln’s baby?”

  “Yes.” I nodded, slowly standing up too. “I found out when I was admitted to the hospital after my accident. I’m thirteen weeks along.”

  “Hadie, that’s wonderful,” he said, walking around the table to give me a hug. “Thank you so much for telling me.”

  Relief flooded me as I relaxed into the hug. I was glad Mr. Bracks had reacted positively to the news. All I wanted to do was surround this baby with positivity and love.

  “Well, I want you to be a part of the baby’s life. You are the grandfather, after all.”

  “That really means a lot to me, Hadie. Thank you.” He pulled away from me, his eyes glistening with tears.

  We resumed our seats, and I fidgeted around in chair. There was something I wanted to ask Mr. Bracks, but I didn’t want to come across as a total biznatch.

  “I’m not sure if I want Mrs. Bracks and Becky to know just yet.” I hesitated, trying to be cautious with how I proceeded with the topic, not wanting to upset Mr. Bracks. “I’m not sure if I want them to play a role in the baby’s life. They weren’t very nice to me in the short time that I knew them.”

  On one hand, I understood it could mean a lot to them, especially Mrs. Bracks. This would be her dead son’s child. But on the other hand, she had been pretty nasty to me in the past, going as far as forbidding me from seeing Lincoln on his death bed.

  “I understand.” Mr. Bracks’ face turned solemn. “My ex-wife sees the world in a different way to me. She can be insensitive to other people’s struggles. Unfortunately, Becky has taken after her.”

  That some something I was well acquainted with. Aside from Kance Logan, and my ex-boyfriend Bennet, Becky was one of my least favorite people in the entire world.

  “I wish I was surer about it,” I admitted. “But right now, I’m conflicted.”

  “Hadie, that decision is entirely up to you. I won’t communicate any of this to her unless you want me to.”

  As Mr. Bracks watched me with his calming, blue eyes, I was reminded of Lincoln and the way he would look at me. I was reminded of the boy I had loved, and the truth of what was happening. I was having Lincoln’s baby, and he wasn’t here.

  Tears sprung to my eyes as this thought dawned on me. I was glad I had told Mr. Bracks, but it wasn’t the same as having Lincoln by my side. It would never be the same.

  “Hadie, what’s wrong?” Mr. Bracks asked, his voice filled with concern. “You can confide in me. I know we don’t know each other, but I am inclined to believe that death brings people together.”

  Except for him and his wife. Death had torn them apart. But maybe he was alluding to Eddie’s mom.

  Taking a shuddering breath, I wiped away my tears. “I just wish that Lincoln could’ve had a happy ending.”

  Mr. Bracks’ eyes widened in surprise, as though he had been expecting me to say something entirely different. “Hadie, Lincoln did get a happy ending. His happy ending was you.”

  “Me?”
It was hard to grasp what he’d said. I had never even thought of myself as anyone’s happy ending.

  “Yes, Hadie. You.” There was a loneliness in his eyes that I often saw in mine. “My son loved you more than any of us understood. He had wanted to leave New York to get away from the people he loved, to get away from their sympathy. He had given up. Until he met you.”

  My heart froze.

  “He was happiest when he was with you,” Mr. Bracks continued, a smile spreading across his face. “Just because he’s gone, doesn’t mean we wallow in our misery. He wouldn’t have wanted that, so don’t ever feel like you don’t deserve to be happy and move on.”

  “I should move on,” I said almost to myself.

  Of course I had heard these words before, but they were more real coming from Lincoln’s father—someone who had known Lincoln since the day he was born. My grief was only a portion of what Mr. Bracks probably felt.

  “Of course.” He nodded encouragingly. “That is the truly inconceivable thing about death. Even after experiencing it, life still goes on.”

  With his words, realization dawned on me. I deserved to be happy. I deserved to move on. Yet, I could never be happy. Never. Not without Eddie in my life.

  Eddie. I had to see Eddie.

  With a jolt, I jumped out of my chair and rushed out of the kitchen. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Bracks! I’ve just realized something. I have to go!”

  Halo and Chance scrambled to their feet, nails scratching against the wooden floor, as they bounded after me.

  “Hadie, is everything okay?” Mr. Bracks hurried after me, sounding concerned. He probably thought I was a complete nut job.

  “Yes, I just have to find someone,” I explained, rushing down the hallway towards the front door. “I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

  The dogs sat down in front of me and I quickly clipped both their leashes on, wrapping each end around my hand.

  “Eddie?” he asked in a knowing tone as he came to a stop in front of me. “That’s why you had your father tell him that you had chosen to be with someone else.”