The Secrets We Held

by Blair, E. K.

  “You can’t shut people out without giving them a chance.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because what’s the point of having people in your life if you can’t trust them?”

  “Trusting people gives them an open invitation to fuck you over.”

  “Is that really what you think?”

  I look her straight in the eyes and reveal, “My mother has been married five times, and all of them have turned to shit because she trusted too easily.”

  There’s shock in her expression, which isn’t surprising. Her parents are still married—she’s one of the lucky ones.

  “This shit is getting too deep,” I eventually say, reaching over the counter and grabbing the bag. “Come on, let’s go.”

  She grips my forearm and stops me. “Don’t do that.”

  I could easily break her hold on me, but something tells me not to push.

  She opened up to me about her surfing accident. She took something that she could’ve easily died from and handed it over to me effortlessly. All I had to do was ask, and she didn’t even hesitate to tell me.

  This situation with my mom has been going on for months. And while I’m good at compartmentalizing, lately, it’s been consuming more and more of my energy. And now, finding out that fucker showed up at the house and scared my mother to the point she had to call the cops, I’m consumed with too many emotions to count.

  I take the seat next to her, and she drops her hand from me.

  “Who were you on the phone with?” she questions softly.

  I fight against the urge to dodge this conversation, to avoid embarrassment, but I go ahead and admit, “My mom.”

  I’m not sure how to talk about this shit, especially with Kate, and it makes it hard to look her in the eyes.

  “Is she okay?”

  Instinct tells me to say yes and to drop it, but instead, I find myself shaking my head. “Her marriage to my stepdad has gone to shit. He broke into her house today and threatened her.”

  “Oh my god.” She breathes the words. “What happened?”

  “She called the police and they got him out of there.”

  Her eyes fill with worry for my mom, a woman she doesn’t even know, and I suddenly regret mentioning it at all. “Don’t say anything to anyone, okay?”

  “Of course not,” she agrees.

  “I don’t need people knowing this shit.”

  “I won’t say anything,” she assures.

  Revealing this small piece of my life to her pushes emotions to the surface. It’s like ripping off a scab—at first, there’s nothing but a layer of flesh, but it only takes a few seconds for the blood to rise, reminding you that the wound still exists.

  “I have to take care of something,” I tell her as I stand, needing space from this conversation. I pick up the beach bag and hand it to her. “Go ahead and go. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be down in a bit.”

  She gives me a reluctant nod, and I head back to my room, closing the door behind me because I need a fucking moment to collect my thoughts. I pace over to the large window that overlooks the beach and brace my hands against the glass. Taking in a deep breath, I force myself to temper the ache in my chest because there’s no sense in getting worked up over a situation that’s out of my control.

  The pressure weighing on my shoulders hurts, and I hang my head, hoping to alleviate some of it. Then the door behind me opens, and when I turn, Kate is already walking toward me. I want to tell her to get the fuck out, but she quickly wraps her arms around me. Before I even realize that I need the comfort she’s offering, I’m hugging her back. And somehow, without a single word spoken, she’s able to soothe some of my jagged edges.

  KATE

  Rain pelts against the windows, extinguishing the silence in the room while Ady and I pack our bags.

  “I can’t believe spring break is already over. I’m not ready to leave.”

  Ady laughs. “And you didn’t even want to come.”

  “I know, but I’m so glad I did.”

  All in all, it’s been an amazing trip, but I’m also excited to get back to Miami. After my date with Caleb, I hadn’t heard from him, and Ady made me promise not to be the first one to reach out. Luckily, I didn’t have to wait too long. He finally called me two nights ago. I wound up camping out on the couch so I wouldn’t wake up Ady. We spent hours on the phone, never struggling once with conversation. We could’ve talked until the sun came up if I hadn’t fallen asleep on him.

  “You almost ready?” Micah asks when he peeks in our room.

  I watch Ady’s eyes shift when she gives him a nod, and when I look over at Micah, he seems equally as awkward.

  “What’s that all about?” I ask when he steps out of the room.

  “What do you mean?”

  I toss my bikini into my bag. “Did something happen between the two of you?”

  “No.”

  Looking suspiciously at her, I add, “The two of you have been acting weird all morning.”

  “I’m just tired. It’s been a long week.”

  I get the feeling there’s something she isn’t telling me, but I drop it and let it go—for now.

  The weather managed to hold out on us all week, but today is cloaked in dark clouds and heavy rain as we make the three-and-a-half-hour drive back to Miami.

  By the time we hit the Seven Mile Bridge, Ady is sound asleep next to me, Trent and Micah are in the front, talking about random stuff, and I sit with my head propped against the window, watching the raindrops skitter across the glass. Turning my head, I look between the three of them and feel a strong sense of gratitude that they’ve opened up their small circle to include me.

  My phone chimes and briefly catches Trent’s attention before he goes back to his conversation with Micah. I stifle a smile when I see Caleb’s name.

  Caleb: When are you heading back?

  Me: In the car now, but we are stopping in Islamorada for lunch. We should be back around four o’clock.

  Caleb: What do you have going on tomorrow?

  Me: Aside from laundry and catching up on all the trash TV I’ve missed? Nothing.

  Caleb: Will you let me sneak you away for lunch?

  His text makes my heart triple beat, and I can’t ignore how good it feels.

  Me: I’d love that.

  About an hour later, the skies clear as we hit Islamorada and stop at Mangrove Mike’s for some much-needed diner food. We get our fill of greasy burgers and tater tots, and when I can no longer go on in my gluttony, I toss my napkin onto the table and lean back in the booth with a loud groan.

  “I think my stomach might explode.”

  “Same,” Trent says. “I need to walk around.”

  Micah and Ady are still eating when Trent gets up and goes outside. Through the window, I watch as he walks over to his SUV, leans against it, and pulls out his phone.

  “I’m going to walk around too before we hit the road,” I tell the both of them, but neither pays any attention to me as I slide from the booth.

  The humidity from the earlier rain hangs thick in the air. Shoving my hands into my pockets, I slowly make my way over to Trent. When he notices me, he shoves his phone into his pocket.

  “What are you doing?” he asks.

  “Thought I would stretch my legs before getting back in the car.”

  “Are they almost done?” he asks about Ady and Micah.

  “Yeah.” Next to him, I lean against the side of his SUV.

  “So what do you have going on this weekend?”

  I peer up at him, hesitant to mention Caleb’s name, and shrug. “Not much. What about you?”

  He runs his hand through his hair, which is growing longer by the day. “I’m heading back to Tampa tomorrow.”

  “To check on your mom?”

  He gives me a nod when he glances my way, making eye contact for a brief moment before looking away. He’s a perso
n who has difficulty opening up, so I appreciate the small pieces he’s able to give. Honestly, after the short conversation we had the other day, I feel like I understand him better. Finally, I’m able to connect some of the dots as to why he is the way that he is and why he would choose to keep himself detached from people, especially relationships. His childhood must’ve felt completely unstable.

  “Let’s get out of here,” Micah announces when he and Ady walk out of the diner, and Trent says nothing more before he turns and hops into the driver’s seat.

  When we arrive at their condo in Miami, Trent helps me move my bags from his SUV into the trunk of my car before I head back to my place. As I’m struggling to lug all my bags into the lobby of my building, I see Caleb inside. He rushes over to the doors and opens them for me.

  “What are you doing here?” I practically squeal in excitement.

  “I didn’t want to wait until tomorrow to see you.”

  He pulls me into his arms, and a warmth of happiness envelops me. His presence alone ignites a feeling inside of me that I haven’t felt before, and I find myself wanting more, but I’m cautious to show him that. I don’t want to come off as too eager or desperate. He’s just so different from all the other guys I know—kind, gentle, and so sweet to surprise me here today that I can’t temper the smile on my lips.

  When he loosens his hold, he leans in and kisses me. Even though it’s soft, it sends a shiver up my spine. A small chuckle escapes him when he pulls away.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Watching you trying to drag in all these bags.”

  I laugh and jokingly slap his arm.

  “Seriously,” he says as he grabs two of my bags, “you were only gone for a week.”

  “I wanted to have options,” I defend as we make our way to the elevators and up to my floor. “I still can’t believe you’re here.”

  “Is it that surprising?”

  For a girl like me who hasn’t had much experience with dating, it is a big deal. Aside from the guy I dated in high school, there hasn’t been anyone else. It reassures me, knowing that Caleb wants to see me just as much as I want to see him.

  When we walk into the condo, I call out for Piper, but get no response.

  When I peek into her room, Caleb asks, “Is she here?”

  “No.”

  He then follows me into my room where we drop my luggage on the floor.

  “It feels so good to be home.” I practically moan as I fall back onto the mattress. “I missed being in my own bed.”

  Caleb closes the door, walks over to me, and teases, “I missed being in your bed too,” as he lies down and slips his arm around me.

  “You’ve never been in my bed,” I respond with a smile, but he quickly kisses it away.

  Relaxing into his hold, I lose myself in his touch and the taste of his lips. He causes my heart to race in ways it never has before. It’s as if his touch alone is telling me that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be, even though I’ve only known him a few short weeks.

  His fingers thread through my long hair, and when we finally drag our lips apart, he gives me a quiet, “I missed you.”

  Before I can respond, I hear the door to the condo as it shuts, and two seconds later, Piper opens the door to my room. When she sees I’m with a guy, she hesitates in surprise, stuttering, “Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t even sure you were home.”

  Caleb and I quickly sit up. “No, you’re fine,” I say. “This is Caleb.”

  “Hey, I’m Piper. I’m sorry I barged in.”

  “No worries,” he tells her.

  “Can I . . . can I talk to you for a sec?”

  “Yeah, sure.” I turn to Caleb as I get off the bed. “I’ll be right back.”

  I follow Piper into the living room, and when I notice her wringing her hands, I sense something is bothering her. “What’s going on?”

  “First off, who’s the hottie in your bed?”

  “A guy I just started seeing,” I say before asking again, “So what’s up? What do you need to talk about?”

  Her expression drops.

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t want you to be mad,” she says.

  “Why would I be mad?”

  She takes a moment before telling me, “I’m moving out.”

  “What?” I exclaim in shock. “Why?”

  “See, you’re already mad.”

  “I’m not mad; I’m just confused. Where are you going?”

  “I’m moving into the sorority house. I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure that I’d be able to get a room.”

  This news is a sucker punch, a complete derailing of the plans we made when we moved here, and I’m not sure what to say, so I say nothing as I stare at her—dumbfounded.

  “Are you mad?”

  I look out the glass door that leads to the small balcony as her words sink in.

  “You’re totally mad,” she continues.

  “I’m not mad, I just don’t get why you would want to move out.”

  “It’s just that, I’m always at the house anyway, so it just makes sense for me to move in.”

  I nod because I don’t know what else to do. “No, I get it.” And I do. I understand why she would want to make this move, but it leaves me to live by myself, which I don’t want.

  “Are you sure?”

  I fake a smile for her benefit, but nothing about this makes me happy. The fact is that I am mad. I’m also disappointed and sad. I had so many expectations when we came to Miami together, none of which have happened. I love Piper, but unfortunately, we’ve found ourselves going in opposite directions.

  “When do you move?”

  “I won’t move until our lease is up this summer,” she tells me.

  I give another nod.

  “Are you sure we’re okay?”

  When I look at her, I can see her concern, and a part of me doesn’t want to make her feel any better about moving out because, selfishly, I’d rather her change her mind. Still, I try on a smile and assure, “Yeah, we’re okay. I mean, I’m sad we won’t be living together, but I’m not mad at you.”

  She breathes a sigh of relief and gives me a hug. “Thanks for understanding.”

  There’s a weight in my stomach as I walk back into my room.

  “Is everything okay?”

  Sitting next to Caleb on the edge of the bed, I slack my shoulders and release a heavy breath.

  He scoots in closer to me. “What did she say?”

  “That she’s moving out.” I swallow hard as my emotions thicken. I wanted to come to college with my best friend and experience everything together. I don’t want to live by myself, and I know that when she does move out, we are only going to grow further apart. It feels like I’m losing a piece of my home.

  I fight against the burn behind my eyes because I don’t want Caleb to know just how upset I am. Taking a deep breath, I hold it for a second before exhaling with a somber, “This sucks.”

  KATE

  Finals just ended and there are already boxes stacked around the condo. With each one Piper adds, I grow more and more depressed about having to move myself. I can’t afford this unit on my own, and with no single bedroom vacancies left in this building, I have to start looking elsewhere for a place to live.

  I even asked Ady if she wanted to move in—more like begged—but she’s happy living with Trent and Micah. And even though Micah and Ady are officially a couple now, she still wanted to keep her room.

  With my freshman year ending, along with all the plans I had with Piper, I’ve been a little lost. There is one thing I’ve been able to count on, and that’s Caleb. We’ve been dating for a couple of months, and I couldn’t be happier. He’s the one constant that grounds me, and even though I’m sad about my whole living situation, knowing that I have his support makes everything a little easier.

  A knock on the door, pulls me out of my thoughts, reminding me that tonight is not the night to dwell on
sad things.

  “Wow,” Caleb says as he walks in. “You look amazing.”

  “Thanks.”

  With my hair styled in loose waves, I strap on a killer pair of heels to finish my outfit, and I’m ready to go and have a fun night. School is officially out for summer, and Brody is throwing a huge party at the house he rents with a few other guys. Caleb doesn’t really know the people I hang out with, but he’s becoming a special person in my life and I’m ready to start immersing him into mine even more. My main hesitation is Trent. He’s made it clear through his constant insults that he isn’t a fan of Caleb.

  “You ready?”

  “Yeah.”

  Together, we head down to Caleb’s car. He’s looking all sorts of hot tonight in his signature casual button-up and his hair gelled. He opens the door for me, and I slip into his sports car. A minute later, we are on our way.

  It’s just around ten o’clock when we show up, and the party is already in full swing with music thumping and enough alcohol to sink a ship. Hand in hand, we push our way through the crowded house and find Brody in the kitchen, pouring vodka into a plastic cup for some blonde.

  “What’s up, man,” he says to Caleb, clapping hands with him. “Help yourself.”

  While Caleb grabs us drinks, I wander into the living room where a bunch of people are dancing and run into some friends. I’m not surprised when I spot Trent. We always wind up at the same parties, and tonight, he’s in usual form—drunk and dancing with some random. He spots me and gives an acknowledging nod at the same time Caleb comes up from behind and hands me a cup.

  “What is it?” I holler over the loud music.

  “Vodka and orange juice.”

  I take a sip and the burn checks me. “Where’s the orange juice? This is straight up vodka.”