The Secrets We Held

by Blair, E. K.

  He laughs, takes a swig of his beer, and we start dancing. The room is elbows to elbows, but I don’t care. I turn around, lean my back against Caleb, and let loose after the stress of finals. One song fades into another as I dance the night away and party with my friends.

  When my cup runs dry, Caleb asks, “Want another?”

  Teetering on the line of drunk and sloppy, I hand over my cup and tell him, “A little more orange juice this time.”

  He leans in and gives me a kiss before he navigates through the mass of people, but I lose track of him when someone grabs my waist and spins me around. Before I know it, I’m chest to chest with Trent. His hands are on my hips as he moves in sync with the music.

  “What are you doing?”

  “What the fuck does it look like? You’ve looked bored out of your mind all night.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “With Caleb,” he says close to my ear so I can hear him. “I figured you could use some fun.”

  I shake my head as we continue to dance. “I don’t know why you do that,” I say. “You’re always riding his ass. And, by the way, I’ve been having fun all night.”

  “You’re full of shit if you expect me to believe that.” He takes my hand and turns me around so my back is against his chest. He then lowers his lips to my ear. “This is the first time tonight I’ve seen you smile like this.”

  “You’re drunk,” I tease.

  “Possibly,” he responds, and we both laugh. “Doesn’t change the fact that a kook is a kook.”

  Grabbing on to his wrists, I pull his hands off me and turn back around. “You can’t do that anymore. You can’t keep talking shit about him.”

  “Says who?”

  “Says me.” When he shoots me a snide look, I get defensive. “I’m serious, Trent. I love him.”

  I say the words, and we stop dancing as his whole expression drops. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? The guy is a shubie.”

  “So what? Why do you even care?”

  “Hey, babe,” Caleb says from behind me. “Here.”

  I take the cup from him and swallow a big gulp, praying that Caleb didn’t hear me say that because I haven’t even told him yet.

  “How’s it going, Trent?” he says, reaching his hand out, and Trent reluctantly claps it.

  “Just showing my girl a good time.”

  If looks could kill, Trent would be dead with the daggers I’m shooting his way, but he doesn’t care. Instead, the corner of his mouth lifts in a smirk before he says, “Catch you later,” and walks away.

  “What the hell is his problem?” Caleb asks in irritation.

  “Nothing. Just ignore him.”

  And with that, I let my annoyance with Trent go as I enjoy the rest of my night. Whatever Trent’s issue is, it’s on him. I’m done trying to dig through all his bullshit to get to the root of his distaste for my boyfriend. In the end, Trent’s opinion bears no weight on my feelings toward Caleb.

  Caleb doesn’t let it go though. For the rest of the night, he makes it a point to let everyone know that we’re together. Whether it’s him having his arms draped over my shoulders, holding my hand, dancing with me, or kissing me, it’s evident to everyone, especially Trent that I’m Caleb’s girlfriend. Possessive? Yes, but I don’t care.

  After a while, Caleb catches me stifling a yawn, and he takes my hand and pulls me close to him.

  “I’m getting sleepy,” I tell him.

  “You ready to go?”

  “Yeah.”

  I say a few quick goodbyes before the two of us duck out and head back to my place.

  “Did you have fun?”

  Despite what Trent said, I actually did have a lot of fun. “I did.”

  “Good,” he says, taking my hand in his.

  With my head resting back, I close my eyes as he drives to the condo. When he offers to walk me up, I take it a step further and suggest, “Why don’t you just stay the night?”

  “Are you sure?”

  I nod. We’ve been dating for a few months, but we’ve taken everything pretty slow. He isn’t a man who pushes, and I really respect that about him because I’m not a girl who likes to take things too quickly.

  As usual, Piper isn’t around when we walk into the condo, which for the first time, I’m thankful for.

  “You need anything to drink?” Caleb asks as I head straight to my room.

  “Some water. I also washed a pair of your gym shorts that you left over here the other day. I’ll set them on top of the dresser for you.”

  “Thanks.”

  Opening the drawer, I pull out his shorts and a pair of sleep shorts and an old T-shirt for myself before going to the bathroom to change. After tying up my hair, I open the door to find Caleb already in bed. I crawl in next to him, take a few sips from the glass of water sitting on the nightstand, and lie down, resting my head on his chest.

  With no more blaring music, the quiet stillness reveals the slight throbbing of a headache. “In the nightstand on your side, there’s a bottle of Tylenol. Can you grab me a couple?”

  “Sure. Are you okay?”

  “My head hurts.”

  He reaches over and opens the drawer, but instead of grabbing the bottle of pills, he grabs my pen and turns back to me, asking, “What’s this?”

  “Cannabis.”

  “What?”

  “Pot,” I clarify when I see his confusion.

  “Pot? Like, weed?”

  I laugh. “Yeah. Are the pills not in there?”

  “No, they are,” he says, but he’s too distracted with the pen. “So, wait, you smoke weed?”

  I stare at him, wondering if he’s trying to be funny or if he’s for real, so I proceed with caution. “Yeah.” I stretch out the word, and when he doesn’t say anything, I ask, “You don’t seriously have a problem with it, do you?”

  “What? That my girlfriend smokes joints?”

  I bust out laughing because he obviously has no clue what he’s talking about.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “That isn’t a joint.” I take the pen from his hand and set it on my nightstand since he clearly has an issue with it. “It isn’t a big deal.”

  The look in his eyes holds nothing but judgment, and I hate the way it’s making me feel as if there’s something wrong with me, as if I’m some junkie, shooting smack into my veins.

  “Why have you never told me?”

  “Because it isn’t a big deal. Everyone does it, but it isn’t like I sit around and talk about it just like you don’t sit around and talk about the fact that you drink alcohol.”

  “Are you really comparing the two?”

  “No,” I say, growing agitated with the way he’s speaking to me. “Just let it go.”

  Leaning across him, I reach into the drawer and take the bottle of pills out. I pop two into my mouth and swallow them with the water as he watches.

  “What?”

  “I’m just a little disappointed, that’s all,” he says.

  “Disappointed? Really? Okay, Dad.”

  He cocks his head. “You know what I mean.”

  With a slight shrug of annoyance, I’m honest when I say, “Not really. You’re making it sound like I’m taking bumps of cocaine when it’s just a little pot.”

  He sighs. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. Like I said, I’m just surprised, that’s all. I don’t hang out with people who do this stuff. And my parents would kill me if I ever did anything like that.”

  “So . . . don’t smoke. No one is holding you down or forcing you to.”

  “I don’t think we’re going to see eye to eye on this.”

  “I don’t think so either.”

  “Come here,” he says, and when he tucks me in close to him, I relax into his hold. “It isn’t a problem.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, babe. I’m sure. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  His ability to let it go so easily is impressive. H
e could’ve made a bigger issue out of it, but he chose not to, and it reassures me that he’s the type of guy I want in my life. That we can agree to disagree and it’s okay.

  When he turns the lamp off, he gathers me in his arms, and I press a kiss to his waiting lips. Tonight, I don’t want to stop. Maybe it’s the alcohol lingering in my bloodstream that has me needy for his affection, but if that’s the case, I still know that I love him and there’s no reason to continue taking this relationship at a tiptoed pace.

  My hands begin to freely wander when I slip them beneath his shirt. His muscles flex against my palm, and the heat of his body drives my desire higher. My lips travel down his neck, and he flinches when I hit a ticklish spot. He quickly flips me onto my back, and I giggle as I look up into his eyes, which are just as hungry as mine.

  He rips off his shirt, and I follow next. With passion in his veins, he moves a little faster than what I would like for our first time, but I let him lead. His lips are all over me, kissing along my breasts and down my stomach. My heart leaps when he hits my pants, but after he slides them down my legs, he stops touching me. Sitting up on his knees, he shoves his shorts down and pulls out his dick before taking my hand and wrapping it around him with a wanting fire in his eyes.

  When I take him into my mouth, he lets go of a sexy groan. Holding my head in his hands, he isn’t rough, but he moves me to his liking.

  “Damn that feels amazing.” He moans, spurring my desire for more.

  When he pulls out of my mouth, he stares down at me, and my stomach trills because I love him so much. I want to tell him, but I hesitate since he’s yet to say it to me. It feels a little weird to be doing this without expressing our I love yous, but I don’t get too caught up in that when he shifts on to his back and asks if I have any condoms.

  The mood is shot for a moment when I hop off the bed and go in search of an old box in my bathroom. Tossing it to him, I crawl back on to the bed and kiss him while he slips on the protection.

  He takes my hand and pulls me on top of him, wanting me to take the lead, and being as horny as I am, I don’t waver. When I’m straddled over him, I want the profound words he’s yet to give me, but the moment he’s inside of me, I tell myself that I don’t need them. Because I don’t—I know he cares about me. When I begin to roll my hips over him, I hang on to the thought and let it seep deeper into my heart.

  His hands grip my hips, and he begins controlling my movements over him, urging me to go at a faster pace. Pretty soon, the sensations that begin rushing through my body snuff out every thought in my head, and when he flips me onto my back, I’m a goner. Closing my eyes, I lose myself with him entirely, moaning as he thrusts deeper, driving me higher.

  I hold on to him tightly as my skin breaks out into a light sheen. Our panted breaths fill the room, and it doesn’t take long for us to reach our peaks and crumble apart in utter pleasure. When all is said and done and he’s holding me in his arms, I lay my head over his heartbeat, feeling settled and exactly where I’m supposed to be.

  I have no idea how long I’ve been asleep when a buzzing stirs me awake. It takes a moment to gain my bearings, and when I do, I notice a glow coming from my nightstand. Before I can pick up my cell phone, the vibrations stop and I see I have two missed calls from Trent.

  Caleb is sound asleep next to me, so I slip out of bed and quietly pad out of the room, closing the door softly behind me. Once I’m in the living room, I flick on a lamp, which momentarily blinds me. After I manage to blink the shadows away, I call Trent back.

  “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you,” he slurs.

  “I’m sleeping,” I whisper, trying not to wake up Caleb. “What’s going on?”

  “Why the fuck are you whispering?”

  “Because you just woke me up,” I tell him as if he doesn’t know a normal person is sleeping at three forty-five in the morning. “What do you need? It’s late.”

  “I need you to drive me home.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m fucking wasted,” he says so loudly that I have to pull the phone away from my ear.

  “Have Brody drive you.”

  “He’s blasted too. Come on.”

  “Dude, it’s almost four in the morning. Just stay the night there.”

  “There is a reason,” he mumbles drunkenly, causing me to laugh under my breath.

  “A reason for what?”

  “I’m not quite sure.”

  “You make no sense.”

  “Wait! There is a reason why I can’t stay here, I just can’t remember what it is, but trust me. There is a reason.”

  “Stop saying there is a reason.” I huff. “Just . . . stay put, and I’ll come get you.”

  “Ahhh, I knew you wouldn’t let me down,” he says with a jolt of perkiness.

  I decide not to wake Caleb since there’s no doubt he would be upset about my leaving in the middle of the night to drive Trent home. Caleb has done a good job keeping his thoughts about Trent to a minimum, but the truth is, Caleb doesn’t like Trent any more than Trent likes Caleb.

  Quickly, I slip on a pair of flip-flops, grab my keys and purse, and head out. Both Brody and Trent live nearby, so hopefully this won’t take long and I’ll be back in bed before Caleb has a chance to notice I’m gone. The streets are empty as I drive back to the party, and when I pull to a stop in front of the house, I spot Trent slumped over on the front steps.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, and when he lifts his head, I see the level he’s at. He wasn’t kidding when he said he was trashed.

  Barely able to open his bloodshot eyes, he reaches out for me to help him stand, and when I do, he hangs a heavy arm over my shoulders to keep from falling. Having to support most of his weight has me winded by the time I get him to my car, but I make it. Still, the two of us stumble as I try to open the passenger door.

  “Trent, you have to help me out,” I pant.

  “Back seat,” is all he mumbles, and I shuffle us a few steps toward the rear of the car and open the door so he can crawl in.

  “Why did you drink so much?” I ask, not expecting a response as I start the car and pull back on to the main road.

  “There is a reason.”

  “Oh god. Not again. Just close your eyes and try not to throw up in my car. We’ll be at your place in a couple of minutes.”

  He doesn’t speak for the rest of the drive, and in less than five minutes, we arrive at his building.

  I open the back door and nudge him hard enough to get him to lift his head. “You seriously have to pull your shit together because I can’t be dragging you across the lobby and up to the fourteenth floor.” He doesn’t respond, and I slap his leg a few times. “Trent, I’m serious. You have to help me.”

  I pull on his arms, and he sits up. “I got it, I got it,” he groans as he stumbles out of the car.

  Somehow, I manage to get him inside, across the lobby, and into an elevator. He holds on to me, teetering on his feet a bit as we start to ascend.

  “Damn,” he mumbles. “Your legs look fucking sexy in those shorts.”

  “I’ll let go of you,” I threaten, half kidding and half serious because it’s way too late and I’m way too tired for his antics.

  He manages to shift so that he’s standing in front of me. My breath kicks up a notch when he rests his forehead against mine to steady himself from swaying. The closeness makes me anxious. He lets go of a sigh that holds more than just exhaustion, and I force myself not to let my eyes drop to his lips.

  “Kate,” he whispers an inch away from my lips, and my neck flames.

  I shouldn’t be doing this.

  I breathe in the fumes of alcohol, and slowly shake my head against his. This isn’t supposed to happen. Not now. Not like this. The fluttering in my chest feels more like heart palpitations. His hand finds my cheek, and my eyes fall shut in anticipation and denial at the same moment we reach the fourteenth floor. The jolt of the elevator causes him to lose his balance. He is s
till drunkenly fumbling to regain it when the doors slide open, his hand reaches into open space, and he falls ass backward out into the hallway.

  My chest constricts with the breath I was holding as I was waiting, wishing, hoping.

  What the hell is wrong with me?

  I stare at him lying on the floor, passed out, and step off the elevator and over his body. I try to jostle him awake, but he doesn’t budge.

  “Trent.”

  I shake him more, but all I get is incoherent garble.

  “Unbelievable,” I say as a storm of emotions wreak havoc on my conscience.

  My perfect boyfriend is in my bed right now, and I was just about to kiss another guy—willingly. Trent, of all people. The man who fucks anything with a heartbeat. The man who doesn’t have the emotional capability to take anything seriously. The man who gives me shit on a daily basis.

  “I’m so done with this,” I mutter as I bend over, scoop my arms under his shoulders, and drag his ass to his unit, huffing with every step. His head thunks against the carpeted floor when I drop him, and it’s mildly satisfying—but only mildly.

  It takes me having to knock several times before a half-asleep Micah yanks the door open.

  “Here,” I say, pissed off at this whole situation. “I got him home. He’s your problem now.”

  “You’re fucking kidding me,” he complains as he looks down at Trent. “Thanks for getting him home.”

  “No problem.”

  Micah is still trying to drag him into their condo as I step back onto the elevator, and I make a promise to myself that I will never let Trent get that close to me again.

  KATE

  “Are you nervous?” Ady asks while she sits on my bed and watches me pack.

  “Um, yeah. I mean, who wouldn’t be? I’m meeting his parents.” I toss another pair of shoes into my suitcase. “But I’m excited to see Chicago. I’ve never been there before.”

  When Caleb brought up the idea, I was reluctant. It took a little time for me to agree, but I made it clear that I wanted to stay at a hotel.

  “What has he told you about his family?” she asks.

  I walk over to the bed as I fold one of my blouses. “His dad is some hedge fund manager.”