by Holt, Leah
“Just because you think you understand doesn't mean you actually do. I know you probably lost some brothers out there, Kevin had too. But that's not the same, when it's your flesh and blood it's different.”
My lip curled down at the corner of my mouth, looking at her in disbelief, I said, “Come with me.”
“What? No.” Her nostrils flared, eyes narrowing to crinkled slits.
“Just come with me, I have something to show you.” Holding my hand out, I lightly gripped her fingers. “Please, I think you'll understand me better. And maybe even yourself too.”
Tugging at her lower lip with her teeth, Avni's eyes shifted between the ground and my face. “Levi, I don't think—”
“Avni, just let me show you. Trust me this one time.”
Nodding her head with a reluctant 'yes,' her fingers twined inside mine. “Alright, alright.” Her voice was as soft as the sound of the flowers blowing around us.
I knew that if she would just let me bring her into my world, she'd be able to see I knew exactly what she was feeling. Our lives weren't that different, we just dealt with death very differently.
Avni wanted to shelter herself from it, keep the world out so that pain wouldn't be able to get in.
I embraced death, living everyday like it was going to be my last.
And I wanted to show her what she was missing, what she could have, and what she was keeping at arms length.
Being in the Army was the hardest thing I'd ever done with my life, but it also brought me the most pride. My life had meaning, I had a purpose.
And right here, right now, Avni was my purpose. We were brought together for a reason, and I believed that.
In my world, nothing happened without a reason.
Everything had a purpose.
For me to keep going, I had to believe that.
And I believed in it more than ever right then.
***
The walk to my house was quiet and solemn. She wouldn't talk, only stepping a foot in front of me to keep her distance.
Her slender fingers coiled around T's leash to pull him tight as we stepped up the stairs to my door.
Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my keys. “I think this might help you.”
“Oh yeah, you think what you have behind that door can help me?” Rolling her eyes, she let her head fall back. “We'll see about that.”
A smile cracked across my cheek, reaching to my ear. “You're going to eat those words.” Chuckling, I popped the heavy wood open. “Come on in.”
Avni stepped awkwardly into my living room. She was holding her sides, glancing around at the room. “Is T alright in here? You don't mind?” Nodding that it was fine, she walked over to the armchair, fingers gliding across the top. “Cute place,” she said, draping a single finger over the lampshade and circling the thin edge.
“Thanks, I like it.” Closing the door, I threw my keys onto the end table.
“I'm surprised it's so clean. I would've thought you'd lived like your typical bachelor.” Working her way around to a tall cabinet stuffed in the corner, she leaned in to look inside.
“Typical bachelor?” I asked, raising a thin brow.
“Yeah, you know. Dirty, beer cans littering the floor, clothes everywhere like your laundry basket threw up; bachelor pad.” Her mouth tugged up a hair, curving to meet her high cheek bones.
There's a little smile. I love seeing that smile.
“Nope, not me. I've been trained to keep a tidy home. The Army, they even get you when you're not on duty.” Laughing, I walked across the carpet towards her.
Standing behind her, Avni's face was fixed inside the old mahogany cabinet I inherited years ago from my grandfather.
There were two large glass panes with silver curved handles that met in the middle. The moldings had intricate carvings that were burned into the hard wood.
The shelves inside were filled with his old war memorabilia. The flag the Navy handed my grandmother the day he died was folded up, securely displayed on the center shelf. The bullet casings from the salute were laid out in front of the flag.
“Is this what you wanted to show me?” she asked, turning her head over her shoulder to look at me.
“It's one of the things.” Placing my hand on her shoulder, I hovered over her neck. She still smelled just as amazing, even with her mid-day sun fit at the cemetery.
The streaks from crying were still visible on her skin, and for some reason I had the urge to taste her flesh. I wanted to run my tongue over her neck, find out if she tasted as sweet as she smelled.
Inhaling a soft deep breath, I let that image linger in my mind. My tongue, her throat, the intoxicating scent wafting up into my senses; it was making me painfully hard.
“One of the things?”
“See that picture right there? The black and white one?”
Shaking her head 'yes,' she leaned in closer to the glass. “Who's that?”
“That's my grandfather, he was in the Navy. And the stories he had for me as a kid...” A light laugh hit my throat, escaping over her neck. I watched the prickles shoot up, breaking across her skin. And my body shivered with her reaction. “Well they were interesting and colorful to say the least.”
Giggling, she said, “I bet.” Moving her eyes around the many different military items, she lifted her finger to point at another photo. “Who's that?”
“That's the other thing I wanted to show you. That's my father, Nicholas Hite, First Lieutenant of the Marine Corps.”
“Wow, so you're a family of military men. That's amazing.”
“I guess it's in our blood. But my mother didn't want me to join, she begged me to stay home, because of fear.”
“Well, I don't blame her. You're her son, of course she wouldn't want you to go. But I'm also a little surprised. You have a family legacy of great men here.” Her hand came up, gently touching the glass.
“Yeah, we do. But she lost her husband, and I lost my father. He was killed in the Gulf War, taken from us just like you lost your brother. I was a just a baby then, barely one at the time.” Brushing Avni's hair behind her ear, she twisted to look up at me. “So I know exactly what you feel.”
She was hunched over, hanging in a momentary state of suspension. She looked frozen, her eyes holding firmly on mine.
I knew that in her mind she felt alone, felt a loss she didn't think anyone around her would understand.
But I did, completely and fully.
“I'm... I'm sorry you lost your dad.” Her words spilled from her mouth, lost in whatever was running through her head.
“It's alright. I just wanted to show you that you're not alone. And I want you to understand your life doesn't have to end just because your brother Kevin was taken from you. He did an honorary thing, Avni. He was out there protecting this country for you and everyone else.”
The hardness of her eyes had faded, delicate lines ran up over her forehead. “I know, but it's hard for me to accept.”
There was more I wanted to tell her, but couldn't. I wasn't sure how she'd react. What I was keeping from her, what I was holding inside was so much more than I thought she could handle at the moment.
I will tell her. When she's ready. I had a story for Avni, one she needed to hear, one that would take her from this world into the next.
But right now, she was a rolling storm. And when the time came, I would know. It just wasn't now.
“There's something else I want to show you.” Wrapping my fingers over the hem of my jeans, I popped the button free.
“Whoa! Hold on, wait a minute here.” Throwing her hands up, Avni's shoulders jerked square.
“Stop, I'm not about to rip my cock out.” Holding the cool metal button, I gripped the zipper. “Unless you want me to. I won't think any less of you if you feel the need see it. I mean it is pretty awesome—”
She couldn't hold in her laughter. The loud burst hit the back of her throat, emerging in one giant gasp. “Alright, calm down now
, Ron Jeremy.”
Rolling my pants over my thighs, I stopped at my knee. “I wanted to show you this.” Turning my leg, I rested my hand against the hardened muscle. “I got this from an IED.”
Her eyes fell to the large scar crossing my upper thigh, it zigzagged over the flesh, dipping in where the doctors had to graft skin and cover the mess.
“Levi, I... Oh my God.” Avni's hands lifted to her mouth, cupping her dampened lips. “You were wounded, and you still serve?”
“Yeah, that's my job. To protect and serve, and I'd do it all over again. I will do it all over again, my legs work just fine, all I'm doing is waiting for that call. And I wouldn't think twice about choosing to go back there.”
My second chance at life was an eye opener. It happened over a year and a half ago, and it took me months to heal. The minute I was able to pass the physical test, I offered my services.
Fuck, I demanded they use me. I knew I had to get back out there. I'd been lucky, and with so many fallen men, it didn't feel right knowing I could still be helping and not use my second chance.
I had my own savior, and now I was going to save her.
“I feel like such an asshole. How can I be so selfish?” she asked, letting her arms fall limp. “I've been so pissed about the whole thing. It hurts, Levi.”
“You're not selfish, Avni. You miss your brother, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you can't live your life cooped up in some small apartment, locked away from people around you who care. What kind of life is that? Would Kevin want that for you?”
“No, but I'm so damn afraid of going through that again. I don't think I could handle it.”
“Look, the reason I wanted to show you this shit is because you can't go through life avoiding the hurt and pain. It happens.” Stepping in closer, I curled my hands under her jaw. “But if you don't feel the pain, then you never truly experience the happiness life has to offer. A life without hurting is a life without emotion. When you let yourself feel it all, that's when you know you're alive.”
Avni's palms wrapped around my wrists, squeezing with all the emotions she had bottled up for so long.
Her eyes were floating in a sea of sadness, anger, loss; and I was going to take that all away.
If she would let me in, let me show her what life could be like when you let yourself really feel everything...
She'd wake up to a whole new world. A world of joy, smiles, love.
And if the pain tried to claw its way back into her soul, I'd make sure she knew it would pass.
It always passes. Pain doesn't last forever, but love does.
Chapter Nine
Levi
Standing in her doorway, Avni twisted her toe against the wood. Her knee was bent, leg dipping in and out.
I wanted to reach out and trace her hip, let the smooth fabric guide me into all her tender places. Leaning into the frame, I couldn't stop myself from eyeing her body.
Avni had on a soft purple tank top, her breasts were plumped up against the collar. The tight black yoga pants hugged her body to perfection, following all her curves flawlessly.
And I wanted to tear every article of clothing off her skin, toss it to the side and let her naked form fill my eyes.
Watching her chest rise and fall, small beads of sweat trickled over her tits, following the crease and disappearing inside.
My brain was in overdrive, the idea of following the droplets with my tongue crept into the images coating my mind.
God, I just want to fuck her. I'm done with this cat and mouse game.
“You want to come in?” she asked, twining her fingers together nervously against her waist.
“I was already planning on doing that.” Thumbing the loop on my jeans, I tugged them down gently.
The lower part of my abs emerged as my free hand lifted the edge of my gray shirt. Avni glanced down quickly, jerking her head up the moment she caught her reaction.
Her eyes were stuck on mine, opened wide and not blinking. I was trying to figure out what she was thinking.
She had asked me to come in, but I wasn't sure if she was running every little scenario through her head.
Is she still fearful of me? Or is it just what she's feeling?
But I wasn't about to let her indecisive nature block me, I was going to fuck her. My mind had been made up, no more of this bullshit.
She wanted me just as badly as I wanted her, and if she wasn't ready to admit it...
I was ready to show her.
Avni's lips turned up as she twisted and walked inside, leaving me standing in the open doorway. “You knew that too.” Closing the door behind me, I made my way into her living room.
I couldn't take my eyes off her, every move she made caused my cock to jolt. Leaning over, her ass pushed out as she toed her shoes off and kicked them under the coffee table.
Stepping in behind her, her small frame swiftly whipped around. Before I had time to react, her hands were gripping the roots of my hair, yanking my face into hers.
Avni pushed her mouth against mine, kissing me with so much force I almost toppled backwards. And I didn't try to stop her, this was all her.
She had moved on me, and she wasn't drunk this time. There was no way in hell I was going to let her go, let her push me away again.
The heat off her body was electric, sending shock waves into my core. I could feel the buzzing across my skin, climbing over my stomach and hitting my dick violently. I was erect before her tongue even touched the inside of my mouth.
Wrapping my fingers around her hips, I pulled her into my chest. Our lips were sealed, tongues moving wildly around each other.
Standing on her tippy toes, she held the base of my neck as she drove her mouth down harder. My mind had gone blank, pure desire had taken hold.
I was finally going to have what I've wanted, what I've yearned for since seeing her that first night. This woman had taken over my brain, making it hard for me to think at all.
And now, now she was mine.
Breathing hard, Avni unlocked her grip around my mouth, letting her head fall into my chest. Tangling my fingers into her hair, I yanked her neck back, forcing her eyes back on mine.
I wanted her to look at me, I wanted to know that she was really here with me now, and not off inside her own mind.
Her gaze told me she was. The deep brown of her stare was hard, there was no wavering in what she wanted right in that moment. I saw her, all of her.
“I need you, Levi. I need you more right now than anything else.” Her fingers walked across my neck, driving up into my hair.
The soft scrape of her nails against my scalp sent chills down my spine. I felt them sweep through the bone, hitting my nerves and turning my veins solid.
This was a new feeling for me, it was pure. My heart was racing, pounding so hard against my ribs I expected it crash through my chest.
I was so used to being made of bricks, a solid mass of pure stone; but right here... Avni had hit me with something else.
I felt alive, alive in a way I hadn't experienced. She wasn't like any of the other women I'd been with before.
This time it was more than just my cock raging with life, with Avni it was my entire body.
“Then let me have you.” I whispered softly into her ear, brushing my lips across the edge of her lobe.
Her whole body shivered as I spoke, shoulders twitching as I forced the warm air across her skin.
Braiding her fingers into mine, Avni started towards her bedroom. Each leg stretched out slow with a sultry flare. Stepping into her room, I pressed myself into her spine.
Her back arched against my chest, head falling back into my tensed muscles. Her head rolled against my collarbone, twisting up to look at me.
Cupping her throat, I dragged my fingers through the center of her chest, and over the crest of her tits. Watching her chest rise, I heard the oxygen she pulled deep inside her lungs. Her eyes had closed tight, lips parted forming a soft O.
&n
bsp; Reaching her belly, I traced around her naval, curling my fingers under the seam of her shirt. Her body emitted a heat I could feel as I peeled the cotton over her head.
Gliding my hand back over the bare skin, her flesh was on fire. The skin was tinted a raw pink as she glistened under the soft glow of sunlight peeking through the blinds.
Letting my hands slide further, I followed her hip, hitting her ass I squeezed hard. A light moan fell from Avni's lips as her head pushed against my shoulder. Bringing her arm up, she wrapped it around my neck, fingers clawing at my jaw.
“You want me to keep going, don't you?” Plucking the hem of her pants, I let the elastic snap back against her. She squeaked with surprise, digging her nails into my skin. “Yeah, I know you do.”
Tearing away the thin fabric, I slipped the pants over her legs. On my way back up, she tore at my hair as I nibbled her smooth legs.
Gliding the ridges of my teeth over her thigh, I sunk in harder leaving a light impression. “I'm making you mine, and I'm leaving my mark.”
Avni was shaking, trembling under my hands. Her thighs were crossing over each other, tightening then loosening, rolling against her molten center.
Pushing my nose into her panties, I slid the tip up between her lips. She was wet, dripping under the green silk cover. I could feel the hot liquid her pussy was seeping against my face.
And her scent, the sweet musk of her juice, it sent my cock straight into a frenzy. The thick muscle was rigid, pushing forcefully into my briefs and painfully into my zipper.
“You touch me in a way I've never been touched before.” She pushed her pussy into my face, meeting my nose. “You can feel that, huh? The way you soaked me already.”
Biting her panties, I rolled the fabric in my teeth. Letting it go, I stood, lifting her by her ass and throwing her down onto the bed. The mattress creaked, replacing any more words she was about to say.
Driving her hand into my jeans, she palmed my hard-on. A single finger ran across the shaft, curling around the tip.
Using her free hand, she pushed my button free. The soft metallic pop of the teeth emerged as she lowered the zipper.
