Off Her Rockers (Loving All Wrong #3.5)

by S. Ann Cole

  I expected his resentment. And I did want him to hate me a little. But I didn’t expect vindictiveness. The threat of fighting me in court for my baby. Probably should have, but I didn’t see it coming.

  I burst through Beach Rock’s front door and sprinted up the stairs to Xavier’s room. Not there, either. Skipping back downstairs, I found Leo, Mark and Tex in the kitchen arguing over who ate who’s overnight Kentucky French fries.

  “Where’s Xavi?” I asked over the vociferations almost out of breath.

  Tex—who was sporting the blackest of black-eyes I’ve ever seen—ignored me, as usual, while Leo offered, “He’s at the gymnasium. You okay?”

  Sans answering, I whirled and bolted out for the gymnasium. As I ran the distance, out of breath, I felt like I was chasing him. Like he was far, far away from me—although it was a three-minute walk, two-minute run—drifting, drifting, and every time I thought I was near, almost there, it’s like I had to run farther, and a little farther, just a little farther...

  I couldn’t understand why I needed him so badly at that moment, but I did. The need was urgent and inexplicable. I felt like I was dehydrated and he was the last drop of water on the earth.

  The gymnasium was massive building, so I spent a long time searching before I finally found him on the second floor in the boxing room; beating the hell out of a punching bag.

  The door made a disgruntled creak when I opened it, and Xavier turned, all sweat and height and muscles and unraveling man-bun. I saw it in his eyes when they landed on me. My other half, my heart-keeper, he knew. He knew something was wrong and that I needed him.

  Without a blink or a sigh, he tore his gloves off and met me halfway. Big sweaty arms lifted me off the ground and into his safe embrace, squeezing me so tight it was as though he were trying to wring the bad feeling right out of me. Just. What. I needed.

  I love this man so much.

  “Gonna kill him,” he growled in my hair. Then, Samson, my big, strong Samson, swung me up into a cradle and carried me over to one of the leather-wrapped benches in the room. “Told you I wanted to be there, not ‘cause I’m jealous, but ‘cause I knew he’d do this. Hurt you. He’s hurt, Chino. By you, by Jess, by me. He’s gonna want us to hurt, too. Knew he was gonna try getting back at you whatever chance he got. Know how men operate, babe. But you went behind my back…”

  Sniffling, I unplanted my face from the crook of his neck and sought his eyes. “He wants… he wants to take my son, Xavi. The things he said…he made me look like a horrible mother…and I love my son! Just because I’m here with you doesn’t mean I don’t love him. He’s my son. I carried him. I pushed him out. I raised him for two years without that bastard!”

  Xavier sighed and pressed two fingers at the space between his eyebrows, shaking his head. “’Member how I kept pushing you to bring the kid here? Yeah. Saw this coming from a mile away. Figured this would be his play once he found out. You never listen, Chino.”

  “Then I’ll fight him court.”

  “You’ll lose.”

  “Whose side are you on?!” I jerked out of his lap, aggressively wiping my tears.

  “You’ve been here for months without the kid, Chino. He can pull pictures, evidence of you clubbing and shit with rock stars and shopping with socialites while someone else cared for your kid in San Francisco. He can exaggerate shit. Make you look bad. Plus with that story Jess told on air, he can sue you for defamation of character ‘cause he didn’t know about the kid. You fight, you won’t win, babe.”

  “He’s not taking my son from me!” I screamed at him. Why was he being so negative when he should be on my side?

  Catching my wrists, Xavier yanked me back down onto his lap, arms wrapping around me and hugging me tight to him. He wouldn’t say anything else on the matter. This was how he operated; I was getting used to him. Day by day, as I spent more and more time with him, I was beginning to understand him, just as fast as he was getting to understand me and how I operated.

  He’d said as much as he would on the matter. Once he realized he wouldn’t get me to budge on an issue, he would just quit employing words and hold me instead. Allow me to make my own mistakes. When I messed up, said arms would be here, wide open, for me to run into.

  That’s exactly what I needed, a safe place to run to. A place I knew I would be comforted without judgment. It has worked well for us so far.

  Come tomorrow, he would again be against or for me doing something, and I would again to do whatever I felt like doing. But at the end of the day, we’d be holding each other. I fell hard for this man because it was effortless. Easy. Easy being with him. Easy loving him. Easy being myself and never judged. Flaws and all, he wanted me, and I loved him for being so imperfectly flawless.

  He held me for who knows how long. Until his arms weren’t comforting me anymore, but roaming, squeezing, teasing. Punctuated by pepper-hot kisses on the neck and collarbone. A little sweep of the hair to the side, a little pinching of the ass, a little licking of the clavicle, a little turning of the head to meld the lips, a little moan, a little whimper…and before we knew it, I was on my back on the bench, jeans off, panties off, a blond head buried between my legs.

  A lot of writhing, a lot of groaning, shaking, screaming, name-calling, top-of-the-lungs orgasming… And soon he was inside me, moving, pushing, rocking, slamming, peaking…stilling.

  And then, there was silence…

  There was peace.

  There was love.

  There was us.

  “What the hell am I supposed to do with this now?!”

  Xena barged into Xavier’s room. It was hours later, and we were tangled in his bed watching Impractical Jokers, our bodies wracking with fits of laughter.

  “Xena!” I shrieked, scrambling for the sheets to cover up our entwined nakedness.

  She waved me off. “Girl, please. There’s nothing you have that I haven’t seen before, and brother et moi came out of the same vajayjay.” Fixing her free hand on her hip, she held aloft her Smartphone with the other. “Why is it all over the Internet that you went house-shopping with your baby daddy today?”

  “What? How—”

  “This is L.A., sweetheart. Juice goes viral in a matter of minutes. Gossip sells more than five-dollar hookers here.” She tossed the phone on the bed and it landed near my thigh. “So? Did you go house shopping with rocker number one? Are you planning to walk out on rocker number two like the article says?”

  Xavier stiffened beside me, and I winced. I never told him about the house-shopping part. When I peeked over at him with a grimace, he arched a brow in question. Before I could attempt to explain the house-shopping-omission, his hand shot over me for Xena’s cell phone at my thigh, and his sharp eyes instantly began scanning the screen.

  “There are pics,” Xena added. “Lots of them.”

  “Yes,” I eventually admitted. “But I didn’t know that was the plan. We were supposed to meet and talk about Jacob but—”

  “He set it up,” Xavier surmised, climbing out of bed, naked, right there with his sister in the room. He picked his jeans up off the floor and tugged them on. “Probably tipped said paparazzi off on the locations you’d be to make sure they got good, clear shots of you two together.” He looked at Xena knowingly. “Jess screwed him over, he’s clearing his name. Matters in his own hands.”

  “Well,” Xena muttered through a sigh, “It’s working. Because Los Angeles is confused right now. Check out the comments. No one knows what to believe. Some're saying the drama is all a publicity stunt for Ice Steam’s upcoming album.”

  Chuckling to himself, Xavier shook his head. “Guy’s a genius.”

  “No shit,” concurred Xena. “He’s a better PR than I am.”

  “Regret not listening to me now?” Xavier asked, narrowed gaze shifting to me.

  Despite being used, I shook my head no. “At least his name is being cleared. What Jess did was horrible.”

  Xavier’s jaw popped, but befo
re he could reply, Xena chipped in, “Oh, speaking of, your southern sweetheart was here to see you just now, Xavi. She wanted to give you the ‘heads-up’ on Alina’s plan in person. I told her a heads-up wasn’t necessary, seeing as you were busy screwing said girlfriend’s brains out. That bit took her by surprise. She left. I’m guessing she was expecting Alina to still be out with Davi.”

  “Need some air,” Xavier muttered, striding from the room.

  The second he was gone, Xena scooted closer to the bed and asked in a hushed voice, “Has he said anything?”

  “Nope.”

  Our plan was to pretend not to be aware of Xavier’s knowledge about Tex and Xena. Wait for him to bring it up first. But he hadn’t said a word to me on it. And knowing Xavier, he probably never would.

  “No suspicious questions? No picking?”

  “Nope,” I repeated. “Nothing.”

  Sighing, she flopped on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. “Arrrggggh! What’s his plan, then? It’s killing me.”

  “Maybe he doesn’t have a plan. Maybe he’s just waiting on you to feel comfortable enough to come clean.”

  Xena’s head turned and she gave me a look. “It’s obvious you don’t know my brother well. I’m not even half the clever he is. See how he explained straight up what Davi did without asking a single question? He’s a retired schemer, gamer, and a mind-screwer. He can calculate and predict people’s actions in advance. And best believe they end up doing exactly what he predicted. He’s got a master brain. Don’t ever underestimate him.”

  I laughed. “Funny, that’s pretty much the same thing he said about you.”

  “Pssh. I’m not even close.” Somethings akin to commiseration flicked across her eyes and she quickly brought them back to the ceiling. “But I am good enough to tell exactly what he’s doing right now.”

  Curiosity bit a huge chunk out of my thoughts, and I sat up, holding the sheets around me. “What’s he doing?”

  She held up a hand before her eyes, checking her nails. “Calling Jess.”

  “Say again?”

  “See, the second he saw that article and those pics, the first thing he thought about was Jess. ‘Did she see it? How’s she taking it?’ Just like she saw it, thought of him, and came to give him a heads-up. Those two, they have a connection that goes beyond the physical. They care about each—”

  “Xena,” I bit out, my blood thinning, “why are you telling me this?”

  At that, she turned her head to me again, sincere concern plain in her stunning face. “Because after everything, you’ve learned nothing. You’re still the same selfish girl who thinks everything is about her. Everything around you is falling apart and you’re sitting in the middle of it with earphones in, painting your toenails and singing to the music. How much more bad shit has to happen, hearts have to be broken, lies have to be unearthed before you wake up and realize the world does not revolve around you?

  “Xavi’s a pretty cool and understanding guy. Not much ruffles him. But if you don’t start loving him like a real woman would love and appreciate a prize like him, well…” Her shoulders rose in a shrug. “Jess is single now. And no woman knows how to appreciate a man like Jess does.”

  “Screw you.” I scooted off the bed and began getting dressed.

  As if I didn’t just hiss at her, she continued, “Do an introspection, locate what’s broken inside you and fix it, before it’s too late. Or you’ll lose everyone who loves and cares for you because you don’t love and care for them back…or least show that you do.”

  Fully dressed, I walked out of the room without acknowledging her “advice”, more focused on finding Xavier. I couldn’t fathom him leaving me in bed to go call his ex... Couldn’t he have at least waited until I was gone? The first person he thought about after reading the article was Jessica? Really? Davian used me to clear his name and he was more concerned on how Jessica felt than how I felt?

  No. Just no.

  Dusk had dimmed the earth, and the house was a little quieter than usual. Either the boys were resting up for clubbing later on or they were in the movie room watching porn with naked groupies.

  I searched a bit until I glimpsed his golden head out on the balcony off the entertainment room. In just his jeans, he was leaned over the glass railing with his phone pressed to his ear, his hand in his hair.

  Not wanting to alert him, I tiptoed to the sliding glass doors that led out to the balcony.

  “…not choosing anyone over anyone, Jess…No, of course not. But we together now and you gotta accept that like I accepted it when you were with him…Yeah, I know…Yeah, I know but….don’t care, still want her.”—chuckles—“You screwed that up bad, didn’t you?…Doubt it. He’s gone, babe. He’s still in love with her…It’s hard, she’s difficult and stubborn, but I’m hanging in there”…more chuckles…“If what doesn’t work?…Uh, guess we could. Yeah…’Kay. Promise…Giving you my word, Jess. But you can’t interfere. You can’t be the reason it doesn’t work out…Not—”

  Stepping—or more like stomping—out on the balcony, I snatched the phone from his hand.

  “What the—”

  “Congratulations, Jess,” I spat into the phone, “skip on over to Beach Rock to collect your prize. Whooptyfrickindoo! Turns out you are the reason Xavi and I won’t work out after all.”

  Without waiting for her response, I reared back and launched the phone over the railing. After hearing the satisfying smash of the device on the giant rocks below, I spun, brushed passed Xavier back into the house, and made a beeline for his bedroom to get my purse and car keys. No worries, though, as Xena was already standing in the doorway with her hands held out. My car keys in one hand, my purse in the other, along with a told-you-so arch to her eyebrows.

  Grabbing them from her, I said, “Oh! If I were you, I’d stop fretting over Xavi’s ‘plan’ and ask Tex who gave him that black-eye. See? I don’t need special skills to guess that one, friend”, before turning and running down the hall.

  Xavier was still out on the balcony, staring down at his bare feet, muscular arms across his chest. He hadn’t followed. Hadn’t said a word. He raised his head when he heard me approach, face blank.

  I pointed my car keys at him. “You told me she was in love with you. She wanted more. But clearly, the feelings are mutual.”

  “Where you going?” was his response.

  Unbelievable! That’s all he had? To everything I just said? Is he not even going to deny being in love with Jess?

  “By the way, you didn’t accept it when she was with him. You didn’t. What you did was hunt me down, played me, played her, and played Davi. We all thought the game was over, but here you are, still playing us.” I laughed, cold, acerbic, and humorless. “What was I thinking believing you were the good guy? What was I thinking choosing you?”

  I made a dash for the stairs. Halfway down, I paused and glanced over my shoulder. He’d moved into the house from the balcony and was watching me leave, hands dangling at his sides like broken tree limbs. “And oh, as for where I’m going: out of your life.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  “MEN SUCK!” I SHOUTED TO THE WIND.

  I was half-standing in the passenger seat of my convertible, arms up in the air, the wind making love to my hair as Danni sped down the highway.

  Eleven nights later.

  Eleven nights later and Xavier hadn’t called, texted, or showed up at my apartment with an apology or a boombox over his head. My child’s father and I were embroiled in a Revenge War, and my life sucked to the stinking stench of hell all because I chose wrong.

  Stupid heart.

  Everyone knows you should choose what the soul wants, not the heart. My heart loved Xavier. My soul loved Davian. But nooooo, I listened to a mad man. Mick Xander. And now I was on the wrong side of love.

  “And love sucks even more!” I screamed again to the wind.

  “Sit down, Alina!” Danni barked at me.

  Like a well-trained dog, I insta
ntly obeyed, sliding down into the car seat.

  Earlier, Danni had showed up at my apartment to tear down the disco ball of my pity party and offered to take me to a real party. Except we ended up club hopping, as I was restless no matter what club I went to. Kept hoping to see Xavier burst through the doors and haul me into his arms like the big bad Samson he was, hand me a scissors and beg me to cut his hair off and own him.

  No such luck.

  I’d been drinking, but I wasn’t drunk. Just tipsy—enough that Danni didn’t trust me getting behind the steering wheel and took over.

  “Girl, you need to get your shit together,” Danni went on, sounding somewhat annoyed. “This is not the Alina I fell in love with. Where’s my strong, cold, unhurtable biatch?”

  “Love killed her.”

  “Stop being a cry baby.” He rolled his eyes. “You know damn well that if you pick up the phone and call either of those fine ass rockers right now, they’ll come running in a heartbeat.”

  “And that’s just it, I don’t want to see or hear from either of them,” I lied, more to myself than to him. “Do yourself a favor; don’t fall in love with Leo. Rock stars are the biggest douchebags on the planet. They deserve nothing but STDs and eternal loneliness. All of them.”

  “Too late,” Danni sang. “I fell for that boy the moment he told me I was his first. I’m his first, dammit! And I intend on being his last.”

  True, Leo and Danni were happy. Sickeningly happy. Danni spoke about Leo ad nauseam. I was jealous of them, but I was also sincerely happy for Danni. Let’s hope Leo wasn’t a douche nugget like his band members.

  “Get a new rocker,” Danni went on to suggest. “I’m sure Tex would love to get all up in that.”

  Making a gagging sound, I slid him a side glance, and we both burst out laughing. Because, yeah, that was laughable. Tex would no doubt rub Scotch Bonnet pepper on his dick without me knowing and then ask me to suck it. That’s the kind or romance we’d have.