Off Her Rockers (Loving All Wrong #3.5)

by S. Ann Cole

  “No more rockers. When I did decide to date again, the guy’s got to be a doctor or a computer geek or a store clerk or something. Someone ordinary, normal, and boring.”

  “Girllll, I’ve got the links. Say the word and I’ll start setting up the dates. Oooh, I love matchmaking!”

  “Of course you would,” I mumbled through a laugh. “But I’m not—whoa! Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!”

  Danni slammed the brakes. We lurched forward, narrowly missing the bumper of a beat-up hatchback in front of us.

  Frightened, Danni’s head jerk around on his neck. “What?! What is it?”

  I knelt up in the car seat, a hand shakily rising to point at the neon-lit building across the street.

  “A bar? The hell, Alina. We almost wrote off the car because you saw a bar?!”

  Vehicles behind us honked and blared, swears and name-calling hurled at us to quit holding up traffic, but I ignored them all.

  “The name of the bar,” I whispered.

  “I-I don’t—hang on, let me get out of traffic.” Muttering something under his breath including the words “crazy bitch” and “head examined”, he pulled over to the side of the road so the other vehicles could move around us.

  “Okay, loco brain. What are you trying to tell me? You want to party at some bar called…” He paused and narrowed his eyes at the neon sign across the street. “Chino? Why, because it’s what rocker lover number two used to call you? ”

  Yanking open the door, I clambered out of the car. “No. I’m Chino.”

  Danni laughed at me. “So what, you plan on suing them for—”

  “The bar belongs to Xavi, Danni.”

  Dazed, I ambled out into the street without looking, stare fixed on the neon sign. A car swerved around me. A driver honked and called me a “stupid whore”, but I didn’t care.

  The five letters of the sign across the street were like imaginary hands pulling the strings connected to my limbs, reeling me across the street like a hook reeling a fish of the sea.

  CHINO

  The sonuvabitch named his blues bar after me. I remembered him wanting to rename it because he thought ‘Blues Bar’ was unimaginative.

  The bar and inn had been built by his great-grandfather and had since been passed down through his ancestors to him. It had been closed down for decades, and it was only a few months ago that he decided to reopen it. He’d wanted to remodel it, and I’d managed to convince him to just restore it as homage to his forefathers.

  And here it was. With my name on it.

  As I crossed the street and stood before the building, I could hear bass music pumping through the brick walls. Wow, up and running already? I could’ve sworn he said he wanted to wait. Guess not.

  Lights were on in one of the inn rooms on the top floor, but everything was dark except for the glaring ‘Chino’. I knew the bar was on the bottom floor, but there were no windows for the bar. Just weathered brick walls and a big, rustic metal door, which was sealed shut.

  How did I get in?

  Danni came up behind me. I’d forgotten about him for a minute. “Okay, I’m lost. Are you saying this is Xavier Xander’s building?”

  “Yep.”

  “And he named it after you after you broke up with him for making back-up plans with Jessica Stucco?”

  “Yep.”

  “And so you—”

  He was disrupted by a bouncing, blaring Hummer that swung up on the sidewalk in front of the bar.

  Xavier’s Hummer.

  I stood frozen, contemplating whether I should run back across the street like a wuss, or stomp around to the driver’s side, drag my heartbeat out of the jeep and kiss his brains out.

  Doors burst open and drunken rockers and giggling girls tumbled out like empty beer bottles. Leo and Mark and Tex from Ninety Miles, along with Zach and Styro from Ice Steam.

  My eyes were drawn to Tex who’d stumbled out from the front passenger seat with a woman wrapped around him like a crippled monkey who couldn’t walk on her own. First thing I noticed, she wasn’t tall, blonde, or classy.

  She wasn’t Xena.

  No, she was another Saskia lookalike. Laughing at something the woman said, he spun with her still wrapped around him and pressed her back against the side of the jeep. Taking a long pull of the joint in his hand, he nudged her. Forming her mouth in a small O, she sucked up all the smoke Tex exhaled in a straight line to her.

  Bastard.

  Although I should be smirking right now just as Xena had smirked at me after what happened with Xavier, I couldn’t, because I’d developed a certain sisterly affection for her, and all I wanted to do right then was throttle this douchenozzle on her behalf.

  Before I could even attempt to defend Xena’s honor, I felt a tightening on my upper arm. Danni had a death grip on me.

  When I glanced up at him, I found him stiff, jaw set, eyes blazing. This took me aback because I couldn’t ever remember seeing Danni pissed before. Following his gaze, I winced when I realized what had him infuriated. Leo. Who had a woman of his own draped over him, their mouths fused together as she humped his leg.

  We weren’t noticed yet. All too shitfaced to see beyond themselves.

  “Let’s get outta here,” gritted Danni, tugging my arm.

  I didn’t budge. My gaze swung to the driver’s side, waiting on fire-hot needles to see if Xavier would emerge with a groupie of his own, too.

  “Alina,” Danni whined, desperation in his voice.

  Headlights went off. Then the music. The driver’s door opened. My heart pounded hard when the door slammed shut, and harder with each movement from the driver’s side.

  I didn’t see Xavier’s blond head or impressive height or build. Instead, I saw a little red head bobbing around the jeep. Heard the click-clacking of stilettos on asphalt. Until she came into view. Tight white shorts and an even tighter red halter-top. Beauty, curves, and female perfection.

  Jessica Stucco.

  Of. Course.

  Xavier had wasted no time at all. Already, his southern sweetheart—as Xena puts it—had the keys to his precious Hummer. Hadn’t she always had the keys to his heart also?

  I never stood a chance.

  Taking careful steps onto the banking, Jessica raised her small head and eyes widened a fraction upon seeing me. Just as soon, they went blank, a smirk dancing on her lips. I just want to put it out there that I’ve never seen Jessica smirk before. She just wasn’t the kind of girl who smirks. She was a good girl. A nice girl. A sweet southern belle.

  It was apparent, however, that just the same as I’ve turned Davian into an asshole, I’ve turned this kindhearted, kitten-saving, charity lover into a smirking, Alina-hating bitch.

  “How ironic to find you here, Alina.”

  Feet planted, I bit the insides of my cheeks and said nothing. However, her acknowledgment served to alert the rest of the rockers of our presence, because Leo instantly distanced himself from the woman who was hanging off him, at the same time Tex dropped the Saskia lookalike to her feet.

  As all eyes swung to us, Danni’s fingers sank even deeper into my flesh. While Leo and Tex stared, Zach and Styro jogged up to me with rowdy greetings. All I afforded them was a nod of the head. Until things got super awkward and they all started moving toward the big steel door.

  As Tex moved by me, I sliced him a disappointed shake of my head, and, miracle of all miracles, he didn’t glare back. The scum of the earth actually looked contrite. Was I supposed to care? Oh please.

  Leo was doing his best to give his woman a wide berth, but she wasn’t getting the hint. She clung to him as if she was in sinking sand and he was her only opportunity for solid ground. He tried to go straight ahead behind Tex, but then stopped and came in front of me, which meant the hard-to-let-loose groupie ended up in front of Danni.

  “Beautiful as always, Alina.” Leaning in, he brushed a kiss to my cheek and surreptitiously whispered, “Tell him I’m sorry. Please.” Moving on, he joined the o
thers at the steel door.

  Bzzzzzzt! Someone pressed a buzzer somewhere, and the door clanged open.

  Jessica dragged my attention back to her with, “So, are you happy, Alina dearest?”

  “Where’s Xavi?”

  A sexy smile slipped onto her red-painted lips as her gaze drifted upward, to the top floor, to the room with the lights on. “Upstairs. Waiting for me.” JingleJingleJingle went Xavier’s keys around her finger. “You took what was mine. I took what was yours. Now I’m reaping the fruits of your labor. A Xavi who wants to settle down. I never thought it was possible. Thank you, Alina. Thank you. ”

  “Choke on your gloat, Jess,” I bit. “The bar’s named after me.”

  Tossing her head back, Jessica laughed as if this was the funniest thing in the world. “Oh, silly girl. This entire place is in remembrance of the dead. It was your idea, remember? So that’s all that sign is. A headstone. Don’t flatter yourself.”

  Damn. Bitchy Jessica was, well, a bitch. To the nth degree. “You’re real cocky for someone who was a backup plan.”

  Again, she laughed in my face. “Wrong again. You were a tryout. I was the real deal. The one who wasn’t available.” Cocking her head to the side, she asked in a condescendingly quiet voice, “How many times has he told you he loves you, Alina?”

  Never. But I didn’t voice that truth out loud. Though I believe her question was rhetorical; she already knew the answer.

  Rounding us, her shoulders clipped me as she said mockingly, “That’s what I thought.”

  Bzzzzzzzzt! Click. Clank. Clang!

  “Holy shit,” whispered Danni. “What happened to L.A.’s sweetheart?”

  My response was a breath, not even close to a whisper. “I killed her.”

  “Can we get out of here now?” he urged. “I think there were a lot of deaths here tonight. And all I want to do right now is find a tomb and bury my pathetic self in it.”

  “He said to tell you he’s sorry.”

  Danni punched me hard on the arm and I yelped. “Ow! What did you do that for?!”

  “For passing on that sorry ass apology. I thought I was your friend!”

  Groaning, I rubbed the stinging spot where he’d punched me. “You’re being irrational, Danni. The guy is still in the closet. He has to keep up appearances. You’re not around to see when his band members are giving him shit. They suspect him, and they tease him. He’s under pressure.”

  “Hang on, whose side are you on here?”

  Walking over to the big steel door, I searched for the buzzer. Found it, pressed it. Bzzzzzzzzt! “I’m on Love’s side. Leo cares for you, and I’m not gonna let you ruin a good thing because you can’t get over some floozy on his arm. She’s a prop, Danni. That’s all.”

  Click. Clank. Clang! The steel door swung open and a tree-tall black man stared down at me expectantly.

  “Um, I want to—”

  “Membership card,” boomed Tree Man. “Lemme see it.”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “This is a member’s only joint. Card. Lemme see it.”

  “I don’t have one, but I know the—”

  “If you aren’t a member, don’t ring the damn buzzer.”

  Slam! Clink. Clank.

  Door to my face. Locked out of a bar named after me.

  Stunned, shocked, shamefaced, I slowly rotated from the door and stared at Danni.

  He had his arms crossed over his broad chest. “Now can we go?”

  Jabbing a thumb over my shoulder, I asked, “Did that really just happen?”

  A nod. “Yes, honey. It really happened.”

  I looked at him. He looked at me. Before we both burst out laughing.

  We laughed. For a long time. Doubled over, stomach-clutching, hiccups-inducing laughing.

  “Oh, God, I think I’ve had enough embarrassment for one night. Let’s get shitfaced so we don’t have to remember any of this tomorrow…or ever.”

  “I’ll drink to that!”

  We crashed into SiTo Night Club and set about getting shitfaced.

  I rented a VIP booth and we drank and we laughed and we danced. The night had started out with Danni attempting to get me out of my heartbroken funk, but here we were, both of us drinking to forget.

  I lost count of how many drinks I imbibed, but I knew for sure that I’d hurtled over the “responsible” limit when things began looking a little too bright and colorful, the world began to feel a little too safe, and my heart went a little too fearless.

  As Danni and I danced and jumped barefooted on the VIP banquettes, shouting at the top of our lungs to Chandelier by Sia, the noise level in the club skyrocketed and the deejay began chatting into the mike a lot more. I noticed some shuffling and commotion downstairs—usually a sign that a celebrity was in the building. Too drunk to care who it was, I kept on dancing and singing.

  Danni held up three fingers at me—at least, I thought it was three—slid down on the banquette and began texting on his Smartphone. I continued partying without him.

  Minutes later, he stood and slipped on his loafers. As I was still standing high on the banquette, he came in front of me and looked up. Over the music, he said, “Leo is on his way here to pick me up. He wants to talk. ‘Explain’. And…”—his shoulders jerked up in a shrug—“I wanna listen.”

  My grin was wide, as I looked down at him, both happy for him and jealous of him at the same.

  Xavier never asked to see me, to talk or ‘explain’. He just let me go. As though that was what he’d wanted all along but didn’t want to be the one to call it quits. Not after I chose him. Oh no, that would break Alina’s poor heart.

  Jess wasn’t engaged anymore, and she was the one he really wanted. His plan had been successful, after all. Jess and Davian were over. To hell with whatever bogus feelings he thought he had for me. The “real deal” was available for the taking, and that’s where he wanted to be. Never-mind the casualties: Davian and me.

  “Then go.”

  Eyes wide, Danni wagged his head. “I’m not leaving you to drive like this. Are you mad?! Come with me. Leo agreed to take you home.”

  My gyrating hips paused as I glared at him. At least I hoped I was glaring. In my inebriated state, I could be making cross-eyes for all I knew. “I know I’ve been labeled a shitty mother and all, but I’m not careless enough to get around a steering wheel like this. I texted Mel on our way here to let her know we’d need her to take us home. Knowing her, she’s already parked outside.”

  “But I’m the one who dragged you out tonight. I don’t want to leave you by yourself. I should at least—”

  “Just go, Danni,” I insisted through a laugh. “I’m fine. I’m a big girl.”

  He hesitated, uncertain, not at all comfortable with leaving me alone. I leaned down and turned my cheek to him. He pecked it, and then pecked the other when I offered it. “Now go! I promise I’ll still be alive tomorrow.”

  Releasing a thick, reluctant sigh, he nodded. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

  Oh, I knew exactly how it would go. Little to no talking and lots of butt poking. Danni might have been mad, but he was in love with Leo, as fast as that happened. I had no doubt the feelings were mutual on Leo’s end. Believe me, I’ve seen them together, and those two were drowning in each other.

  After Danni left, I tried to get back into the dancing groove, but it wasn’t the same without him. Plus, seeing Leo reach out to Danni in a matter of hours, kept reminding me of how much Xavier did not reach out to me. At all. The reality murdered my mood and buried me in depression.

  Calling it a night, I hopped off the banquette, signaled the hostess and passed her my AmEx to foot the bill. While I waited for her return, I strapped on my stilettos and texted Mel. As I guessed, she was already outside.

  Once the hostess returned with my card, I set about weaving through the crowd, feeling a little less drunk and a lot irritated with each bump from patrons, each “Sorry!” or “Excuse me!” or accidental splash o
f liquor.

  All I wanted was to get out of there, face-plant in a ditch and die. Frustrated and fed-up with life. Being an adult sucked. I wasn’t ready. I started much too early, and, as a result, I was incapable of making rational decisions. Every decision since I got knocked up until now had been the wrong one. In the moment of making each decision, it felt right. Always felt right. Until it blew up in my face. Monumental mistake.

  Here’s the killer question: Should time rewind back to two months ago, and I had the chance to choose again, would I choose differently? Would I choose Davian instead, knowing what the outcome to choosing Xavier would be?

  As dumb as it sounds, I would make the same decision all over again. Why? Because I was wildly, insanely, ridiculously in love with Xavier. Even if he didn’t love me back.

  What would I’ve done differently? Ignore Xena’s “advice”, stay in that goddamn bedroom, and let him “get some air” like he said he was going to do. Even if that “air” was Jessica Stucco.

  That, at least, would’ve bought me some more time with him before he eventually left me for her. Because like he told her, he was “hanging in there” with me. Not love and can’t live without. Just “hanging in there”.

  Uh-huh, even when I knew how heartbreaking the ending would be, I would make the same decision all over again.

  As I tried to scoot around a hip-shaking woman who was jellier than a jellyfish with all kinds of loose skin flapping everywhere, a strong arm snaked out of the waving throngs, hooked me around the waist, and hauled me back into a hard, warm body.

  His scent. Even if I was buried six feet under, I’d know that scent.

  “You’ve given me a lot of ammo tonight with all your club hopping,” he breathed into my ear.

  Breath pungent with whiskey, his voice carried the same effect as taking a shot of said whiskey did. Hot and smooth with a subtle burn, it raced straight to my clitoris, leaving the instant desire of having it sucked on.

  I wiggled in his hold but stood no chance against those brawns. “I don’t care how much ammo you have. You’re not getting my son.”