by K. M. Raya
His pants are the next to go, and it’s a slight struggle, but once they're gone, all bets are off. His massive form covers mine completely, golden hair falling down on either side of me, caging me so that he surrounds me fully. I feel his hardness pressing against me, and it’s a struggle to hold myself still. Holding me with one arm, his other hand smoothes down, gently spreading my thighs wider as he slides inside me. There’s no foreplay… no real build up. He needs me now and I need him even more. It’s rushed, and fast, but every time he slams into me, I cry out in real, all consuming ecstasy. It’s been too long since I’ve felt this. Too long since I’ve enjoyed a man without having to watch my back.
It was never like this with Liam, or any man before that. Sex has always been fun, and I’d even indulged with a few men from my squad a few drunken times, but never like this. This is something different entirely. The feel of him pulsing inside of me makes my legs shake and my eyes roll back in my head. I’m moaning, rolling my hips against him, grinding against his pelvic bone, trying to coax out every sliver of pleasure I can from this mountain of a man. He’s wild and desperate for me as he grunts and sweats, rivulets of it running over his tanned skin.
Wyatt takes control of me, pressing me into the bench, pulling on my hair as I rake my hands through his. I claw at his back at every thrust, loving the feel of him stretching me wide and exercising muscles I haven’t in a long time. I’m trying to be quiet, not wanting one of the others to run in here guns blazing, but it grows more difficult every second. I can tell he’s getting close. His arms are shaking, and his thrusts are growing more erratic. Wyatt presses his face to my neck, breathing heavily and peppering wet kisses over my skin. “Oh, shit,” he murmurs close to my ear. His thrusts halt suddenly and he moans into my shoulder.
“Don’t stop!” I pull him in tighter, almost there and he growls, picking up the pace once more. A few more hard, erratic thrusts and I’m there, stars practically dancing before my eyes. I feel weightless and warm as he goes completely still again. He holds me like that as I come back down to earth, his arms still slightly shaking.
It takes a few minutes of heavy breathing to get my heart rate under control, and I feel his arms give out above me. His bare chest hits mine, and his arms come around my torso, still unwilling to let me go. We lay there in silence for a while, still hoping nobody decides to come in here. I really don’t feel like explaining myself to anyone right now, I just want to rest. After all the ups and downs of the past few hours, I hardly think it’s too much to ask.
Chapter ☣ 18
Beretta
I know I’m sulking, but I can’t help it. Today was bullshit, and I’ve never been so scared in my life. Ever since Helana came barreling into my life, my head has been in a weird place, and today only solidified things.
I realize she’s in the locker room right now hooking up with Wyatt, but I still can’t help the way I feel. Besides, the guys are used to sharing, so why not me too? What confuses me the most, though, is Alex. That asshole’s been brooding since I met them back in Mexico. I never met this mysterious Jessa they all loved so much, but I swear if I ever come face to face with the witch I’m gonna deck her, just on principle.
Although, the brooding Alex may be coming to an end sometime in the foreseeable future, given the way we found them all cozied up in that broom closet. I know we’ve all ignored it for the most part, but Dante’s not one to let things slide. That, and Dante’s had a hard on for Helana since we met those girls. Seems to be a common theme here. I knew it from the second we watched her leap over the railing that first day. I knew the guys were goners. It wasn’t until my eyes connected with hers in the rearview mirror that day and saw the haunted look in hers that she rattled me.
When all this started, I was only finishing up bootcamp. We were on our way back from a training mission near the border when the bombs fell. I’d always dreamt of being in the US Army, and I finally had my chance, only to have it ripped away before it could even start. I lost everything that day, like so many others. My girlfriend turned while I was on the other end of the line. One second there, the next gone. She’d been out at a party that night, but she took the time to call given the fact that our phone privileges were not guaranteed for much longer. It was the last time I heard Kara’s voice. She was my connection to home. The only thing I had going for me back there.
When I found the guys, it was shortly after Jessa up and left them for some navy seal jackass who promised better things. Alex was left devastated and nearly crippled when Jessa turned on him before hightailing it out of the city. Wyatt and Dante weren’t as bad off as Alex. I think they all knew and understood that Alex loved her just a little more than they did. He still hasn’t let the bitch go. So, I worry for Helana and whatever she thinks she’s starting with the guys.
Still, I have this lingering hope that she might give me a chance, too. Some day, at least. I know she’s not a lesbian. That much is obvious, but there’s something between us. There’s an intimacy there, and I know she feels some sort of attraction to me, even if she doesn’t know what to do with it. I won’t push her, though. I’ll be her friend for as long as it takes, just to be close to her, but I don’t think I’ll ever give up hope that we could be more.
Chapter ☣ 19
Hell
We’ve been laying low for a week now, and Nina’s infection has cleared up. It looks like she didn’t actually break a bone like Dante thought, she only tore something that wasn’t healing well. She’s been sitting up on her own and talking with clear eyes and even a few smiles. We’ve been collectively forcing water down her throat, knowing she needs to stay hydrated, and Missy barely leaves her side.
Wyatt and I haven’t talked about what happened between us last week, but I think that’s best for now while we have a chance to digest the situation. For now there’s just sly glances and faint touches here and there. I still feel the same for him as I did that day, but I also need to keep a level head about this. I keep worrying that if I let my heart get involved again, it’ll only lead to heartbreak down the road. Every day in this world is a fight for survival, and people can be taken away from you forever in the blink of an eye. I just don’t know yet if it's worth it to try for real this time.
Over the past couple of days, I’ve been giving Dante shooting lessons, attempting to teach him how to use a bow. It’s difficult, as most of my knowledge comes from a lifetime of hunting with my father and brothers, but I can teach the basics. We’re having one of our lessons at the small shooting range in the back of the massive store. Watching Dante carefully load the bow makes me cringe when he pulls it wrong, or doesn’t grip his arrow correctly.
“The good thing about compound bows, is that it’s hard to screw it up,” I tell him as he attempts to aim at the foam target. We have six foam blocks set up at the end of the range, and they're still mostly intact, given the fact that most of his shots end up bouncing off the wall.
Dante looks back at me with narrowed eyes, but I can see a hint of a smirk tilting his lips under all that dark scruff. “Why don’t you enlighten me then, Katniss. Tell me your secret, because this is a lot harder than you made it look.” Lowering his bow, he simply glares at the contraption like it personally offended him. For such a big man with all those tattoos and muscles, he sure does look silly trying in vain to use a simple bow.
Sighing, I walk over to Dante. “Your technique is just wrong. Eventually it’ll become muscle memory. Until then you just have to repeat the loading process over and over again until you can do it with your eyes closed. Once you master that, aiming is the easy part.” I smile triumphantly, but he just stares at me dubiously. “I’m serious! Loading is the hard part, but your scope should do most of the aiming for you.” Shrugging, I back away again. “Just aim for the head and you'll be alright.”
Someone scoffs behind me, and I turn to find Alex leaning against the wall, watching the two of us with his arms crossed over his ch
est. I narrow my eyes at the broody man. “You want in on this action too?”
He smirks. “I think I’m good watching.”
Shaking my head, I walk over until I’m leaning next to him, crossing my own arms. “Suit yourself, but you should maybe rethink that.’
“And why’s that?”
“Because last time we went in guns blazing, you and I nearly got eaten alive, that’s why.”
I can feel his eye roll from here. “That was one time. I’ve been using my gun since the beginning and that was the closest call so far. A fluke.”
Whipping to the side, I glare at Alex, arms still crossed. “Yeah, well I’m not willing to get torn to pieces for another one of your inevitable flukes, Alex. There’s a reason me and the girls use knives and arrows, and it’s not because we’re big game hunters.”
Alex snorts. “Maybe you're just scared of guns.” He stares straight ahead, almost as if he’s purposely trying to avoid my gaze.
Studying him, I search his face for any hint that he knows my secret. I don’t know how much Wyatt shares with his friends, but I see nothing but brutal honesty on Alex’s face right now. “You’re gonna eat those words someday.”
“Oh yeah?” he asks. “And how’s that? I’m just telling you what I see.”
“Can you two stop bickering, you sound like an old married couple,” Dante calls over his shoulder, just before shooting an arrow that actually hits the target for once. He pumps his arm. “Fuck yeah! That’s how you do it, folks!”
“He’s more likely to get you killed in a freak archery fluke,” Alex mutters with a mean smile.
“At least he’s trying,” I grit. “Why don’t you go clean your gun or brush your hair, maybe contribute to society a little.”
“Last I remember, you seem to like my hair,” he quips.
Spinning back around, I bring myself close to his face. It lacks the luster I intended given the fact that even standing on my tiptoes, I'm a full two head shorter than he is. “Now that was a fluke. It’ll never happen again.”
Alex smiles, and there’s mischief gleaming in his cold eyes. “Oh, but princess, every time I think about it, it makes me tingle all over.” He moves in closer, making his chest flush with mine. “Tell me you didn’t like it. Tell me you don’t imagine what else could have happened in that closet before they found us…” Reaching out a hand, he runs his finger along my shoulder. His lips are so close I can feel his breath.
My eyes are glued to his lips for some reason, no matter how badly I need to turn away. The truth is… I did enjoy that kiss. I enjoyed it more than I should have. But he doesn’t have to know that. He doesn’t have to know that I lay awake at night remembering how it felt to grind myself into his lap. He doesn't have to know that I can still taste him, still smell him and hear the soft noises he made when I bit down on his skin and gripped his hair.
“How can you be so fucking cold? I thought something changed between us, Alex…”
His smile is bitter, and his eyes are dark when he leans down to whisper in my ear, “What did you expect? You think you can just open your legs for me and I’ll change my mind?” He laughs bitterly. “You’re no different than all the rest, Helana. You think you can worm your way into this group and make us care for you, but in the end you’ll just leave like everyone else. You’ll leave when it suits your own agenda, and I won’t let you hurt my friends. So, no. Nothing’s changed between us. Don’t touch me again.”
My heart clenches, and my blood runs cold. How could I have been so fucking wrong about him? I thought I’d seen a new side to this man after we were freed. I opened up and shared part of myself with him, trusting him with my truth. Bitterness rolls through me and I can no longer contain it. “How does it feel knowing the only way you can get a woman to touch you is when she thinks she’s about to die?”
He rolls his eyes, backing away slightly. “Like you were complaining...”
“Maybe I settled, Alex. Maybe you’re just a convenience until something better comes along. Had there been anyone else in there with us, how do you know I would have chosen you?”
His face turns to stone, and I notice the way his spine suddenly stiffens. I said something wrong, I just don’t know what it was. All the humor in his eyes vanishes, replaced with that eerie ice he’s so known for. Turning on his heel, Alex marches away without a single word. I watch him stalk off, feeling weirdly empty. He knows I was just trying to goad him, if he decides to take it seriously, then that’s on him, not me.
After standing here for too long, I feel a presence behind me. Turning around, Dante's standing close enough for me to feel the heat of his body. Yet again, another man that utterly towers over me. He’s holding an arrow, fiddling with it. I’ve noticed he does that alot, he always needs to be doing something with his hands. I wonder if it’s a nervous thing. His hazel eyes watch the space Alex disappeared to. He actually looks a little concerned.
“Can we talk?” he asks.
I shrug. “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”
Smiling, Dante grabs my arm, lightly dragging me over to a pair of camping chairs we set up next to the range. Dante sits and leans forward with his elbows on his knees. “There are some things about Lex that you don’t understand.”
“Oh, I understand enough,” I grit. “ I understand he’s a self important ass who loves to push my buttons.”
Dante smiles, nodding his head. “True, he is that… but I feel like you should know something about him, because trust me, he wasn’t always like this.”
“Hard to believe.”
He laughs. “Don’t worry, I know. But it’s true. Something happened this last year that sort of fucked him up a little.”
Nodding, I know exactly what he’s talking about. “Yeah, I know. Alex told me someone he was close to betrayed him.”
Dante pulls back with wide eyes. “He told you that?”
“Yeah, the day we were trapped in the hospital. He didn’t go into detail, but he told me someone he cared about betrayed him, and that it hurt him too much to let go.”
He shakes his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe he even told you that much…” Dante’s eyes get this faraway look to them as he sits back in his chair. “You can’t say anything to Alex, but it’s my story to tell too, since it happened to all of us.”
Intrigued, it’s my turn to lean forward, needing to hear the juicy gossip. I tell myself I just want to hear something mildly entertaining, and that it has nothing whatsoever to do with what happened in that closet, but I’d be lying.
Dante sighs deeply. “Before the bombs dropped…” He looks at me sharply. “And no judgement, we got enough of that back home.” I just nod and he continues. “Alex, Wyatt and I had a girlfriend. Her name was Jessa.”
“Hold up, a girlfriend? As in one girl?” I don’t know why, but my heart skips a beat. Nodding, his cheeks pink just slightly. The shade is endearing on such a formidable man, but I’m too interested in this story now to call him on it. “Sorry, go on.”
“We’d been dating her since highschool. Grew up together and all that. She was our fourth. We loved her since we were kids… but Alex, he always loved her just a little more. He met her first since they were neighbors. He’s actually the one who introduced us to the pretty girl with the long brown hair next door.”
I feel a momentary flood of jealousy, but I force the feeling down, shoving it away, hopefully never to be seen or heard from again. Dante keeps going, unaware of my stupid inner turmoil. “She begged us to go on this cruise last year. Some four day trip in Mexico that none of us wanted to go on. But Jessa always got her way, so we went. We were still out at sea when the bombs dropped, and when the ship docked, we were stranded in the middle of Mexico. We stayed together, but Jessa was never the kind of girl to rough it.”
Smiling, I kind of like where this is going. “She never liked to go camp
ing or do anything that involved getting messy, so you can probably imagine what a mess she was when we were forced to travel on foot for days when the chaos started.” He smiles wistfully, but luckily, his eyes are filled with bitter humor instead of sadness.
“Anyways, about two months in, we met this group of guys from the military, navy seal types. They were cool and shared their ammo and food with us for about a week before they told us they were taking off. Apparently they were looking for the CDC to figure out a way to put a stop to this thing. We thought they were insane, but wished them good luck.” The tone of his voice switches up, and I don’t like the somber notes there. Something bad happened. Something that changed Alex to the core.
“The morning they left, we caught Jessa sneaking away with one of their men. She had her pack on, boots on and the dude’s pistol in her hands, even though we all knew damn well she’d never shot a gun in her whole life. She was leaving with them, and she wasn’t even going to tell us.”
“Why would she do that? I don’t understand…”
“You and me both,” Dante sighs, running a hand over his short hair. “I still can’t figure out what it was, or how long it had been going on, but she was dead set on leaving with them. Alex lost his mind. He tried to grab her and talk some sense into her, but she freaked out.” His eyes take on a gleaming, haunted quality as he relives this memory. “She shot Alex in the leg with another man’s pistol before disappearing with them for good. We never saw Jessa again.”
I stare at Dante open mouthed. Never in a million years would I have guessed. Poor Alex. I can’t even imagine what he must have gone through. Yeah, I’ve been through some shit too, shit any normal person wouldn’t have made it out of, so I understand how long it can take to get over it. Trauma of the heart is almost as bad sometimes as trauma of the body. “I don’t even know what to say…” Shaking my head, I look in the direction Alex stalked off to. “God damn it, I was a fucking asshole. I never should have said those things...”
