Find Me Series (Book 4): Where Hope is Lost

by Dawson, Trish Marie

  When he came into the room, her eyes were closed and her hair was pulled to the side in a loose braid. She had an IV in one arm, which was extended and resting at her side, and the other was propped across the top of her stomach, tucked just below her breasts. Drake’s heart did an odd skipping thing every time he walked into a room and saw Riley, ever since the night they spent stuck in the housing development. Their first time was something he thought about often, a fantasy he replayed more times during the day than was probably healthy. But as he crept into the room as quietly as possible to not disturb her, and sat down in the plastic chair beside her bed, the only thing that kept replaying through his mind was the sight of her sitting in the chair, blood pooled in her lap, her eyes distant and far away like they were seeing what waited beyond their world. There was nothing that could scrub that memory out of his mind, not even the sight of her under the covers, as naked as the day she was born, a smile on her face, her hair mussed up across the pillows. He blinked, and saw the bloody chair again.

  “I’m not asleep,” she murmured, startling him. His elbow slid off the armrest of the chair and banged noisily into the metal serving tray that had been pushed in front of the medical unit that beeped with Riley’s various vitals. She turned her head and opened her eyes, smiling when she saw him.

  “Shit,” he said in a hushed tone. “Did I wake you?”

  “By what, sneaking into the room? No,” she laughed softly, then winced and grabbed the front of her gown. He was instantly up and on his feet, ready to summon help, but she waved at him to sit back down. “I’m fine. But I shouldn’t laugh,” she said. Then her smile faded into a frown. “Or cry, or cough…or move.”

  “God, I’m so sorry,” he said, sitting down and wrapping his hands around her outstretched arm.

  “Don’t be, you didn’t stab me.” She tried to smile again, but stared off into space and quickly fell back into a somber mood. “I’m glad you came…I thought you’d left.”

  He balked at her. “Why would I leave?”

  “You were supposed to.”

  “What are you talking about?” he scoffed, surprised by her words.

  “You said, and I quote, ‘I’m just passing through…remember that.’ Or have you forgotten?”

  He blinked at her, and inhaled the subtle medicinal smell of cleaning products and disinfectant. He thought he recognized the pine-scent of a cleaner his mom used to mop the kitchen floors with. “You mean…when we first came here, to the Ark?”

  She nodded. “You said it several times, actually.”

  He shifted in the chair so that he could lean forward on his arms. “Well, I guess I changed my mind. That a problem?” Though it was ridiculous, his nerves were suddenly frayed and on edge, raw to the core, expecting her to answer with a yes.

  But she smiled instead. “No, it’s not a problem. I was just thinking today. A lot.”

  “About how fucked up things have been lately?”

  “That,” she said with a slow nod. “But, also how lucky I am.”

  She moved her arm until her hand found his, and though she was staring at the wall across the room, she entwined their fingers together and held him tightly.

  “I feel like…” Drake started, but his voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “I feel like I should cover you in one hundred layers of bubble wrap and lock you up in the bedroom, or something.”

  “The bedroom,” she smiled. “That’s convenient for you.”

  “No,” he laughed, enjoying the sound of his voice mingling with hers. “I meant, just…you know…to keep you safe. This…this happened right under my nose, Riley. I can’t forgive…” The crack came back and he swallowed hard.

  “It wasn’t your fault, you know that. Stop blaming yourself and let’s move on.”

  “Okay, to what?”

  She sighed heavily and shifted in the bed. “Or to where.”

  “Okay, where?” he repeated, playing along, and reaching forward to touch the delicate line of her jaw.

  “Not here,” she joked.

  “Of course not.”

  “Somewhere warm,” she added.

  “Agreed.”

  “Maybe the beach.”

  “I could do that.”

  She finally looked back at him, and reached out to touch his face. “You have new scars, too,” she said, running a finger over the healing split on his lip that Connor had made with his fist.

  “You should see the other guy,” he whispered, leaning forward.

  She grimaced. “I already did.”

  He kissed her cheek, sensing she wasn’t ready for anything more, then pulled the chair as close to her bed as his legs would allow. He used his arm as a pillow and rested forward on it, so his head wasn’t far from hers.

  “You know something weird?” she said with a frown. “The doctor…Steele, right? He’s seen me naked now.”

  Drake tensed, not understanding. “What?”

  “Not like that,” she said with a wave. “For surgery, I mean. They cut my clothes off. So, this morning he told me that he stopped counting my scars after the first dozen, and then said I reminded him of a post-impressionist painting. I don’t even know what that means, but he said with all the scars and funky patterns on my skin, I was a living Van Gogh painting. Can you believe that?”

  “Van Gogh…the dude that cut off his ear?” Drake asked, scratching at his beard.

  “Yes! So, was that an insult, is he calling me mad or something? Or was it a bizarre sort of compliment – your body is a twisted work of art – kind of thing?” She looked up at him with large eyes, the bluest shade he’d ever seen them, and he began to laugh. It was muffled at first, but then it came out in gasps and barks until she smacked at his arm to quiet down.

  “I’m sorry,” he choked. “But I can’t…I don’t have a comeback for that,” he said with a grin.

  “You’re no help,” she mumbled.

  She tried to hide it, but he caught her biting down on her lower lip to keep from smiling, and couldn’t wait any longer to taste her. He leaned forward and cupped her chin, kissing her softly, licking the curve of her lips before he was done. When he pulled away, her face was peaceful. It calmed the beating of his heart to see her that way, and he leaned forward a second time for another kiss, but a loud knock in the hall was quickly followed by the even louder clearing of a man’s throat.

  He wasn’t ready to give up his seat, so he didn’t bother to rise as the curtain moved and Lou’s face came into view. “Lou,” he blurted, surprised to see the man.

  “Well, hello there,” Lou said, sticking a wrinkled and tanned hand out for Drake to shake. “I hope it’s okay that I came by for a visit?”

  Riley shook her head. “Sure, come on in,” she said, patting the side of the bed. “Good to see you again,” she added.

  “I wish it was under better circumstances,” Lou said with a sigh. “Was sorry to hear about your injury, kiddo.”

  The room fell silent and the three of them listened to Riley’s monitor beep for a minute before Drake offered his seat. “Want to stay for a bit?”

  “Oh, no, kid,” he laughed, giving Drake a knowing wink. “I don’t want to take much of your time. I just wanted to see for myself that the lady was on the road to recovery.”

  “I’ll be better when I’m out of this place,” she grumbled. Then, realizing the Ark was Lou’s home, she blushed. “Sorry, just…it will be good to be on the road again. Healthy. That’s what I meant.”

  He laughed and sat on the edge of the bed and propped one of his heavy hands on her leg. “Sweets, don’t apologize. Most of us have ended up here by chance, not necessarily by choice. I take no offense.”

  “Then why stay?” Drake blurted. “Out of everyone here, don’t you have the means to go where you want…surely there’s some place better?”

  Lou’s mouth twisted into a sideways grin as he looked up at the ceiling, searching for the right words. “Well, you make it sound rather simple, but life isn
’t simple anymore.”

  “Sure, it is,” Drake stated. “Get in that plane of yours and don’t stop till you’ve reached the Bahamas.”

  “And then what? There won’t be pretty waitresses in grass skirts to bring me fruity drinks in coconut bowls.” Lou smiled at him, but then his face fell into a frown. “I’ve been all over, Drake, my boy. There’s more places like the Ark, more communities of people struggling to restart civilization. Some are better than our place, some are far worse. At least here, I have a job. I have something to do with the time I have left. I get my work done, and they leave me alone after. It’s not that bad of a deal. Though I could do with a little less snow,” he added with a smile.

  “The Bahamas sound amazing, even without the fruity drinks and a lack of cabana boys and girls,” Riley said.

  Drake watched Lou squint at her, and after a brief pause, he said, “There’s better places than the Bahamas. Closer, too.”

  “Like where?”

  Lou glanced over his shoulder to make sure the doorway was empty and then gave them a little shrug. “We barter with a handful of communities, but only one other here in Arizona. There’s a few to the west. And a special place…a place off the coast of California.”

  He had both Drake and Riley’s full attention. “California?” she pressed, wincing as she pushed herself upright, despite Drake’s objection. “Where? Is it still there, or did it burn?”

  Lou shook his head. “Oh, that wildfire was a nasty one. Came down from the Mt. Whitney area and just ate up what it touched from Los Angeles to the border. Not everything is gone, but it was vicious.”

  She sat up straighter and pushed Drake’s hand away. “From the north? The fire…the one you saved Connor from…that fire came from the north, not the west?”

  “Yep. I did regular patrols during that time, to make sure it didn’t shift our way. We’re damn lucky it didn’t change course to the east. All these trees? Poof.” He made an explosion sign with his hands and Riley’s eyes began to water.

  “You okay?” Drake asked. “Is it your stomach…lean back,” he begged.

  “It wasn’t me,” she whispered.

  “What wasn’t you?”

  “The fire that burned Connor…it wasn’t my fault, like he said.”

  He watched her face twist between pain and relief, and didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t innocent himself, helping her burn things to the ground as they drove back to the Laguna Mountains. But he never thought what they had done had to do with Connor’s injuries, and the sudden shift of animosity from the other man quickly made perfect sense. Drake wasn’t going to be the one to tell him that he was wrong, that Riley was innocent of what he accused her of.

  “So,” he said, eager to change the subject before Riley tried to clamor out of the bed and confess her undying love to another man just down the hall. “Tell us about this other place.”

  “Ah,” Lou said, slapping a hand down on his thigh. “You mean Catalina Island.”

  RILEY

  He had me at Catalina. I’d been there only twice, years before with my family. As he spoke, my mind drifted back to the days when I was Kris’ age, wandering around the touristy streets of the quaint town of Avalon. The island had a magical quality about it, as if it wasn’t part of California at all, but rather, a little floating heaven in the middle of the Pacific. It wasn’t that far off the coast though, I corrected my memory. Just far enough away to be its own entity. Self-sufficient, well-maintained. At least, it was.

  “How many people are there?” I asked, allowing Drake to force me back into the pillows, but I fidgeted with the buttons on the side of the bed until I was up as far as I could go without pulling on my stitches.

  Lou pulled on the end of his ear and pursed his lips, thinking. “I don’t quite know. Possibly there’s somewhere around one hundred souls, maybe more. More kids, than adults. But they’re rather selective about who they take in. They have a good thing going there, and they know it.”

  Spasms vibrated through my heart. It would be better living than the harsh mountains of northern Arizona, and safer than the fire-ravaged lands of San Diego. Plus, it was beautiful.

  “Selective? How?” I pressed. Drake shifted uncomfortably beside me in his chair, eager to speak but waiting. I ignored him.

  “Well, to be honest, I don’t spend much time there. I do the exchange runs between them and us, ask zero questions, and let them feed me before they send me on my way. Everyone there has a purpose, a place. Like here, everyone has a job.”

  Of course they do, I thought. It would be impossible to rebuild a society without every pawn in play. Every available pair of hands would have to pull their weight. “We can do anything,” I said, excited.

  He shook his head. “I don’t mean hard labor, sweets. There’s the Mayor, a small security force, including a rather intimidating man who walks around dressed like Rambo. They also have a small clinic, water workers, an electrician, and fishermen. There’s more kids there now, so soon, they’ll need what…teachers, historians.” He paused to laugh. “Though we could all be historians now, couldn’t we? Each of us has a unique tale about how the modern world fell.”

  “Kids…” I let the word roll around my tongue. “I was a teacher…primary school. I could do that again.”

  “Really?” Drake asked, surprised.

  “Don’t look so shocked,” I said in a rush. Then to Lou, “All of us can contribute something, I’m sure of it. Kris is amazing with gardening, and taking care of animals. Jacks works, used to work, in Sales, and Drake…” I glanced at him. “He’s tough.”

  “Gee, thanks,” he grumbled.

  “I hear you,” Lou laughed. “I tell you what, let me see what I can do. No promises, but I gather you’ll want to be on your way once the Doc gives you the green light. Is that right?”

  I nodded a little too hard. “Yes. Definitely.”

  “Well,” Drake interrupted. “Let’s stay in touch, because we’ll need some time to talk about it.”

  I glared at him, but he smiled back. It was hard to be angry with him when he smiled like that. “You know where to find me,” I said to Lou, who patted my leg and stood with a stretch, and then left me with Drake and one hundred wild thoughts racing through my mind.

  “Catalina,” I whispered.

  Drake reached out and took my hand. “Could just be another Ark, Riley. Another prison.”

  “That island is anything but a prison,” I argued.

  “There’s got to be a catch, there’s always a catch,” he said.

  “Yeah, so what? Is domestication going to kill you any more than our current nomadic lifestyle? Aren’t you ready for a break, Drake? Hang up that chip on your shoulder, maybe get some sun on your face? I know your ass needs a tan.”

  “My ass is perfect,” he balked. “You’ve said so yourself!”

  “Perfectly shaped,” I corrected with a gentle laugh, my hand loosely draped over my bandage. “Soft as a baby, and just as pale.”

  He stood up and gave me a look I knew well, like he wanted to tackle me, but I raised a hand to keep him a safe distance away. “Stay back, I’m pulling the injured card,” I said, trying not to smile at the expression on his face.

  Despite my request, with exceptional care, he slowly climbed onto the bed and straddled my legs, propping his hands against the lifted frame near my head. “You can’t escape me now,” he teased, leaving a trail of feather-light kisses along my shoulder, and up my neck to my jaw. Not until he reached my mouth, did his kiss change from gentle, to hungry.

  When my sore lungs couldn’t take the loss of air anymore, I pressed against his chest with my palm and let the oxygen back into my mouth when we parted. But as he began to pull away, my fingers dug into his shirt and I pulled his flawless lips back to mine, directing his body to my uninjured side. After a few awkward and painful scoots to the edge of the mattress, I made room for him to lie on his side next to me. He adjusted the angle of the bed, lowering it almost fl
at, so we could rest comfortably smashed into each other, and kiss freely.

  My body missed him more than I thought possible. The rough and yet somehow soft feel of his hands as they caressed my skin, careful to avoid my midsection. He traced over my chest and neck, like he had dozens of times before, but did so like he was exploring my body for the first time. It’s also how he looked at me, how he kissed me, as if he never would again.

  “Drake?” I whispered against his cheek, as his hand slid under the top of my gown. After he flattened his palm out over my heart, he mumbled something unintelligible, so I continued with my thought. “Would you go to the island? If Lou can get us in, I mean. Will you go with me?”

  With his hand still pressed into my ribcage, he shifted till his face was in view. “Riley, by now you should understand that I’m not going anywhere without you. If this place…this Catalina…turns out to be an upgrade from the Ark, from that lodge or that mountain we just spent a month trying not to freeze to death on, then we’ll go together.”

  JACKS

  He snuck down the hall toward Riley’s room, keeping his head low like he didn’t want to be bothered in case an Ark member stopped him. He only saw one nurse, a woman, coming out of a supply closest with two saline bags in her arms.