Find Me Series (Book 4): Where Hope is Lost

by Dawson, Trish Marie

  “Oh,” she said, startled. “Can I help you?”

  Not stopping, he ignored the whiff of cigarette that came off her clothes, and pointed down the hall to the doorway that Kris said belonged to Riley. “No thanks, just seeing a friend.”

  “Ah,” she said with a frown. “I think she has a visitor already. Only one at a time,” she said with a smile on her face, a lecture in her voice. “Doctor’s orders.”

  “Right, I’ll be quick then.” It wasn’t a real hospital, and damned if he was going to let a woman he didn’t know, who probably had very little real medical training, tell him when he could visit with his friend.

  She made a sound, but he waved her off and continued down the hall with his hands in his pockets, not bothering to look up. The floor was polished to a high shine and twice his heel dragged on the ground, sending a piercing squeak echoing down the hall. When he reached Riley’s room, and quietly pushed the door open, he stepped inside and glanced over his shoulder to make sure the nurse hadn’t followed him.

  He opened his mouth to complain about the woman, but when he turned around to look into the room, large enough for two beds, but only holding one, he was surprised to find Riley asleep, with Drake cocooned around her side, his face buried behind her shoulder.

  “Shit,” he whispered.

  It hurt to see them like that, though it made little sense. He was long past the point of seeing Riley as a lover, and he doubted the sharp twinge of jealousy he felt had anything to do with her or Drake. It had everything to do with his own broken heart, and what he couldn’t have. Unable to stand there, watching the two sleep, he turned to leave, but Riley’s voice, gravelly from sleep, beckoned him to stay.

  “Come in,” she whispered, lifting an arm out for him. “Sit.”

  “How are you?” he asked just as quietly, then took a seat in the chair by her bed. He held her hand, warm but in a comforting way, not as hot as it had been from the fever. “The antibiotics must be working,” he said.

  With a nod, she licked her lips. “Can you hand me that cup,” she asked, gesturing to the pink plastic tumbler on the metal tray behind the chair.

  He gave it to her, then put it back when she was done sipping. “I brought you something,” he said, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a folded medical sample bag. He let it unravel and Riley’s eyes watered.

  “That was in my pocket, where’d you get it?” she squeaked, reaching for the bag.

  “It was the only personal item on you before surgery. I cleaned it as best as I could, but…I haven’t checked it,” he said quietly.

  After she reached inside, her fingers closed around the flash drive, and she wiggled the bag free from her hand. It landed on the floor and Jacks kicked it under the bed, too lazy to pick it up. Once she was done inspecting the drive, she brushed the back of her hand against his face.

  “Thank you,” she whispered. “It’s important to me.”

  “I know.” She didn’t have to tell him what was on it. He had a daughter. He knew.

  “Jacks,” she said, nudging on Drake until his head popped up. “We need to talk to you.”

  “Damn,” Drake blurted, then yawned. “We fell asleep?”

  “Hey,” Jacks said.

  Drake blinked between Riley and Jacks, as if he’d lost a day’s worth of time and didn’t understand what was happening. “Hey…when did you come in,” he asked, removing his hand from under the covers.

  “Yesterday,” Jacks lied, trying to keep his face straight.

  “What the fuck?” Drake pushed upright and scanned the room. “Are you shitting me?”

  “Yes,” Jacks stated. “Yes, Drake. It’s not yesterday, it’s today. Sadly, I’m not your ghost of Christmas Past.”

  Relieved he hadn’t slept through an entire day, Drake raked his hand across his face and then flipped Jacks off. “Dick,” he said with another yawn.

  “Boys, can you focus?” Riley asked with a sigh. “We really do need to talk.”

  He tilted the chair back till only the rear legs were on the floor and balanced with his feet. “I’m all yours,” he said to her, winking at Drake. As expected, it made the other man scowl.

  “Good,” she said, straining to get comfortable. “Because I need you to talk to the others, privately.”

  The smile on his face fell. “Is everything okay?”

  “I’m not sure how to answer that,” she laughed, then winced. “Just don’t get comfortable here, we aren’t staying.”

  “Duh, that was never the point, right?”

  “You need to talk to the others. Take Drake with you, and he’ll fill you in,” she said.

  Drake, who had been fixing her pillow, frowned down at her. “I’m not leaving.”

  “But I’m tired,” Riley argued. “Tell him about Lou. About Catalina…go…” She pushed him off the bed, but he stood there with his arms at his sides, like a young penniless child, watching a taffy pull behind the candy store window. Jacks didn’t think he would leave, but then Drake bent forward, and kissed Riley on the mouth.

  “Don’t go anywhere,” he told her.

  “Come on, man,” Jacks said. “Except for Keel, I left the others in the temporary mess hall. Not the warmest building here, but it beats standing out in the rain.”

  “Keel?” Riley asked, blinking at him. “He’s here?”

  “Yeah…you don’t remember the drive much, do you?”

  Drake grunted. “She was buried under three feet of blankets, half-conscious, so probably not.” Then to Riley, he added, “He drove us here, from the lodge.”

  “I don’t remember that,” she said quietly. “Wait…at the lodge…was he with Cole, when…you know.”

  “Yes,” Drake answered, brushing his knuckles against Riley’s arm.

  “Well, he’s around somewhere,” Jacks said, shifting the topic away from Ashlyn. “Haven’t seen him since we got here, but I bet Dinnley has him running through all sorts of hoops. He’ll turn up.”

  “Okay,” she mumbled, chewing on her lip.

  “So, we’ll be back soon.”

  “Thanks,” Riley said, as Drake slowly moved with Jacks toward the door.

  “Get some rest, I’ll return him in a bit,” he answered, clapping Drake on the back.

  When they stepped into the hall, it reeked from the stale odor of old cigarettes, but the nurse he’d run into earlier was nowhere to be found. Jacks wondered if she’d been standing at the door, listening in on their conversation, but since nothing personal had been said, he didn’t think twice about it. It wasn’t until Drake gathered the rest of them together for a walk and told them about the earlier conversation they’d had with Lou that Jacks felt uneasy about the nurse, and what, if anything, she may have heard. And where in the hell was Keel?

  Jacks couldn’t get back to the main building fast enough, because he had a sickening feeling that Nurse Smoker was busy gossiping about them to Dinnley, right that minute. The man hadn’t left them alone much. He was like a fly on the wall, constantly watching them, interrupting their conversations to talk about the weather, or waking them up from their makeshift beds in the lobby, to bring them coffee and food. He wanted them there, but also didn’t want them to get comfortable, Jacks realized.

  As they were rushing back toward the main building, he glanced over his shoulder at Kris, who was carrying Lily, and he thought he knew why. Dinnley wasn’t helping Riley out of a sudden altruistic desire to do the right thing. He just wanted the girl. It had always been about the girl.

  He skidded to a stop in the mud, and clutched the closest arm to him, which happened to be Connor’s. “Oh, shit,” he said to the group, who had stopped to stare at him. “I think we’re in trouble.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  CONNOR

  The muck was more than three inches thick in some places, and with each step he took toward the main building, his boots pressed into the mud and he slipped but then righted himself as if in a cartoon. The unstable ground
threatened to pitch him forward onto his face twice. Every time he managed to lift a foot all the way free of the mud, it created a loud suction sound, like the wet earth was trying to swallow him. Still, he ran, though his legs protested and the others slid along the rain-soaked trail in the same fashion. Only Kris took it easy, being careful to hold onto Lily who was safely secured in the carrier. Cole took up the rear, fell hard on his ass once, and let everyone know about it, so it was Drake and Connor that reached the lobby doors before anyone else. Ryder sat at the counter behind a trendy pair of reading glasses with a book in his hand, and a sweater draped across his narrow shoulders.

  Once inside, Connor didn’t know what to do first, but Ryder spotted the muddy state of their shoes and clothes, and jumped out of his chair, pointing them toward the side of the lobby they had claimed as their own over the last two days.

  “Jesus,” he griped, dropping his book with a shocked look on his face. “Did the lot of you just mud-wrestle, or is the path really that bad?”

  “Uh, there was a puddle,” Connor said, partially out of breath.

  “And you decided to what, crawl through it?” Ryder joked.

  “Something like that,” Drake grumbled. He stomped his feet on the mat, which Connor had already covered in mud, and made a move for the hallway.

  “Wait, wait,” Ryder said, blocking him. “Let me grab some towels. You really shouldn’t be in the medical wing at all in this state.” As he left them, they listened to him grumble to himself all the way to the supply closet. When he was out of earshot, Connor pulled the group into a tight huddle.

  “Jin and Cole, stay with Kris and the baby. Jacks, come with me and Drake.”

  “To do what, exactly?” Jacks asked, reaching out to fix the baby’s hat.

  “It’s time we have a heart-to-heart with the boss,” Connor said, jutting a finger down the hall in the direction of the main elevator.

  “Wait,” Kris objected. “I need to tell you something…”

  Connor put his hand up and cut her off. “You don’t need to do anything right now, but keep Lily safe…and Cole…if you fuck this up, I’ll break your neck. Watch them.”

  Cole’s face paled, but he nodded and stepped closer to Kris. He pulled her aside near the Christmas tree, where they’d covered the few sitting chairs with their packs and sleeping bags. “We’ll wait here,” he said. “Do whatever you need to do, we aren’t going anywhere.”

  As Connor and Drake started down the hall, Jacks spun around and rushed over to Kris and kissed the top of Lily’s head. “Be careful,” he said to the older girl. “Run if you have to, but please, keep her safe,” he whispered.

  “I’ll protect her like she’s my own,” Kris told him. “Go.”

  Drake tugged on his arm, and Connor turned away from the others to look at him. “Where’s Keel? Would be nice to have another person on our side right now.”

  “In the brief time I’ve known that man, I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s even more unpredictable than you are,” Connor answered.

  “Really?” Drake stopped short. “Now…you’re going to push my buttons now?”

  “Shut up,” Connor barked, waiting for Jacks to join them in the hall. “I’m thinking.”

  “I wouldn’t dare interrupt your process by talking,” Drake snapped. “Or should I stop breathing, too?”

  He wanted to hit him in the mouth so bad that his fist clenched tight enough to pop the knuckles, but Jacks appeared by his side and shoved his arm, preventing it from leaving a mark on Drake’s mug. “Lead the way,” Jacks said.

  “Yeah,” Drake told him. “Lead the way.”

  Connor rolled his head from side to side and front to back, until some of the tension in his muscles ebbed away. He reminded himself why he cared, and it had nothing to do with Drake.

  “Let’s find Dinnley,” he said, relaxing his hand.

  They didn’t need to look far. He was upstairs in his private quarters, and they had to wait a handful of long minutes in a small reception area for Dinnley to answer his front door. To keep from spooking the man, they left their weapons at the lobby desk, tucked under the counter. But with each second that ticked by, Connor felt as if that had been a mistake.

  “Visitors,” Dinnley called from his doorway, a tumbler of whiskey in one hand, and a handheld radio in another. “Come in.” Connor stepped inside and moved to the right for the others, but he didn’t go as deeply into the lavish living room as Dinnley invited.

  “We need to talk,” he said, after Jacks and Drake entered the room.

  “Yes, yes. It was inevitable, but please, sit. Anywhere is fine. I don’t like the hovering.” Dinnley fell with ease into an overstuffed black-dyed leather chair that protested loudly as the man shifted to get comfortable. He balanced the tumbler on his knee and set the radio down on an end table.

  Connor glanced at Jacks, who nodded at the couch. They sat on opposite ends, and Drake took the other leather chair, lounging comfortably with his arms on the rests, like he belonged there. Damn git, Connor thought. He wanted to chuck him out of the closest window, but for the second time in less than an hour, Jacks interrupted him while he was lavishly planning Drake’s death in his mind.

  “Before this starts,” Jacks said, glaring harshly at Dinnley, “I want you to know that none of us would have come back here if not for your doctor. In fact, I’d love to finish what was started last time we were here, and burn this place down to the ground.”

  Dinnley lifted an eyebrow and sipped his drink with such slow deliberateness that Connor worried they wouldn’t make it out of the home office suite without spilling blood, but then Dinnley’s face fell and he let out a long sigh.

  “I would ask what’s stopping you, but I think I already know the answer to that,” he said. “See, this new world has brought out the worst in people, and some of us, though inherently decent human beings, have been forced to make tough decisions. Awful and impossible decisions. I know I have. I’m sure you have as well.” He paused to glance at each of them, smiling tightly when no one objected. “But, you won’t burn this place down, Jacks, I know you won’t. Because you’re a good man. You’re a father now, making decisions that don’t revolve around just you anymore. You’ll do whatever it takes to protect your own, won’t you?”

  Jacks leaned forward on the sofa and propped his arms on his knees. “Whatever it takes.”

  “Of course. I think that what Amanda and Fern initially had planned for the Ark was built upon good intentions,” Dinnley said. He took another sip, and Drake grunted. “I do, I really do think they meant well. But see, one lie turns into another, and then that pair multiplies into a dozen pairs. Before you know it, there’s no way out of the mess that one little lie created. That’s what the Ark had become, before your less than graceful exit. One big fat lie.”

  “What’s changed?” Connor asked curtly. “What’s so different now?”

  Dinnley set his glass down and crossed his legs at the ankles. “Everything has changed. To be honest, I’m not much of a politician. I’ve always been the type to work behind the scenes to keep the larger machine greased and running properly. Dispatching Amanda and Heston changed everything. In a way, I’m grateful, because their methods were less than desirable, but in another, I’m not. Your horribly executed plan of departure changed my position here to one that requires dirty hands on an almost constant basis. I don’t like to get dirty. But this place has entirely too much potential to be destroyed by one person, or one group of people. If my hands require an occasional coating of dirt and grit, even some blood, then for the sake of all of us, I’ll do what it takes. Because I’ll protect my own, too.” He glanced at Jacks toward the end of his statement, and Connor leaned deep into the sofa, watching the muscle on the side of Jacks’ jaw twitch.

  “You know,” Connor said to Jacks. “I don’t think he actually answered my question, did he?”

  “No,” Jacks snapped. “He didn’t.”

  Dinnley mumbl
ed under his breath and then stood up so quickly that both Connor and Drake jumped to their feet. “Relax,” he said, waving a hand at them. “Just have something to show you.” They watched him walk around his large glass-top desk and rifle through a stack of papers. When he found what he needed, he brought it to Connor. “Look.”

  As Connor flipped through a few of the papers, he understood that they were plans for the grounds, architect drawings of the gardens, things of that nature, but had no idea why Dinnley wanted to share them. “What are these for?”

  “Those were our plans for the second half of the year. They didn’t happen,” Dinnley answered with a grimace. “We lost half our crops due to the early snow. We lost resources from the fire, that you set, by the way, and an entire group of members took off not long after you. A week later, our security team found them off the side of the highway, frozen to death in the back of one of the Ark vans. They ran out of gas and grossly misjudged their supplies for the season. You see, we lost a lot here when you left, despite your valid reasons for being upset. I don’t want to lose more.”

  “We lost a lot, too,” Jacks grumbled.

  “One man,” Dinnley countered, pointing a finger in his direction. “You lost one man.”

  Jacks launched off the sofa and straight for Dinnley, but Connor and Drake intercepted him, pulling his swinging arms back just before they connected with Dinnley’s face.

  “Not now,” Connor hissed, forcing Jacks across the room and up against a wall. “It’s not the time,” he said in his ear. “Think of the others, think of Lily.”

  With his glare wild and his lips pulled away from his teeth, Jacks looked more like a rabid dog than a man, but Connor continued to press his body into Jacks’ taller one, keeping him pinned to the wall. Though his eyes were still full of rage, Jacks relaxed his face slightly after the mention of his daughter’s name. He pushed Connor off him and stayed where he was, heaving to regulate his breathing.

  Drake was at Dinnley’s side, his fists balled and ready to use, but Connor didn’t think it was a fight Dinnley wanted. There was something else hiding under his smooth talking and charming demeanor. The man was well put together, his face cleanly shaven, his dark hair combed back and trimmed short. But he was unraveling at the ends. Under the surface, Dinnley was a mess. Connor desperately wanted to know why.