Find Me Series (Book 4): Where Hope is Lost

by Dawson, Trish Marie

  It was Sam who arrested him in Dinnley’s office and escorted him back to the Tank, this time leaving him inside with little supplies, and even fewer explanations. In fact, the only thing that Sam told him before locking the top outer door was, “Get in.”

  The place hadn’t been used or restocked since Connor’s people were there. As he paced the halls, prying into each of the empty rooms on every floor out of boredom, Keel ended up at the small temporary medical room that he’d taken Riley to. Bandages still sat in dirty clumps on trays. Beds were unmade. There was a medicinal taste of antiseptic mixed with a nauseous burned-skin odor that drifted off the bedding. It all blended with the sweet smell of rot that came from the un-emptied trashcans. Probably full of bandages that had been soaked in blood, or other bodily fluids, Keel realized. He closed the door to the room and left it as was. He knew that one of the men had been too badly burned to be saved, since he’d spent more than a week in the main medical wing topside, but Keel had no idea what had happened to the rest of Connor’s party. They weren’t with him during his own recovery. The only others in his room were the girls. And after he passed the critical point, Keel had been wheeled into one of the three double occupancy rooms where he stayed the rest of his time there alone. He had no clue what happened to those girls either.

  For an entire day, every hour on the hour, according to a clock on the wall, he would hit the intercom system and demand his release, or an explanation for his captivity. But no one responded. They either turned the system off, or ignored him. He tried to break out, but the place was built like a prison. Secured to keep those on the inside from getting out. Only once had he gone into the small self-serve kitchen, because the trash shoot reeked like green meat and turned eggs. The smell was so rancid that it lingered on the back of his tongue, as if he’d eaten a dead animal. He grabbed the bottled water, a basket of canned foods and prepackaged goods like crackers and cured salami, and closed the kitchen door with no plans to return.

  The fact that he didn’t know how long they were going to keep him in the Tank is what terrified him the most. Keel didn’t like people; he hated most of them, actually. But he didn’t want to die alone, trapped in an underground tube. The more he paced, waiting to be released or for Sam to come back and tell him how long he would be forced to stay there, he grew increasingly sure that he was going to starve to death, or go crazy.

  He didn’t realize how upset he’d made Dinnley. The little man was more than displeased that he’d brought Cole and his friend onto the compound without his approval, and then taken supplies, again, without his approval. But Keel didn’t believe for one minute that’s what upset the boss. He had inadvertently returned Kris and the others to Dinnley, either for retribution, or initiation, Keel didn’t know. But he hadn’t brought them in properly. Most of the group was armed, either with guns or with blades, and one of them was sick on top of being critically injured. He’d pushed his luck, he figured. And being locked in the earth was Dinnley’s way of saying, ‘Screw you, Keel’.

  While he sat in the library watching out the window as a small patch of clouds passed through the blue sky, the lights flickered then shut off. The hum of electricity and running water in the walls he’d grown accustomed to came to a dead stop. The only sound was his sharp inhales and exhales. He stood slowly, using what was left of the light coming in from the window, and looked around, more than a little worried, and just a tad bit afraid. Keel was screwed.

  He used up every prayer he’d ever learned. Every positive thought he could put together. And somehow, he was heard. The outer hatch opened around noon of the next day.

  DRAKE

  No matter what came out of the three guards’ mouths, he laughed until he cried. He was stuck on the ground, having been completely disarmed at gunpoint, next to the other man that Riley loved, and he was most likely going to die with that asshole’s blood on his face. He wasn’t the type of man to cry in front of another, so the laughing, however touched by madness it was, kept him from passing out or doing something stupid. He knew the guards by name, because they wouldn’t stop talking to each other. Filly had the overbite and a twitch in his body that could have been drug-induced or medical. The tall one, Bryan, had the nose of a hawk, sharp and pointy, and ruffled hair like blonde feathers. Their buddy, Ervin, the quiet one, didn’t say much. He kept an eye on them with trained precision, and Drake often found himself glancing up at the dark color of his shaved dome, and its reflective surface. The fourth guard, Sam, left them as soon as Drake and the others had been disarmed. He assumed there were more of them outside, searching the grounds for Kris and the baby. They obviously didn’t fear Cole, but Drake didn’t think the guards were expecting Jin, whatever that man was.

  The moment Drake saw him in the woods, he wanted to pat the Asian man down and see if he had a hidden vest full of ninja stars under his coat. He had a look about him that was suspiciously disguised as reserved, but Drake believed it was something more, something highly intelligent and agile. The man had lightning reflexes. He leapt five feet across the lodge kitchen to catch the baby when Ashlyn dropped her, something Cole couldn’t do even though he was standing right there. Drake had full faith that in hand to hand combat with the mysterious Jin, the guards would lose. Well, Sam had a chance, but the others were toast.

  He pulled on the collar of his undershirt and glanced down the hall, his lungs and sides sore from heaving, his throat dry from laughing. At the end, and around the corner, was Riley’s room. But with her door closed, he didn’t know if she could hear anything that was happening in the lobby. He doubted it. Otherwise, she’d have crawled out by now to investigate. She was sort of like Jin in that way, tenacious and unexpectedly tough, despite her looks. That strength was incredibly sexy to Drake, but he found even Riley’s vulnerabilities just as appealing.

  After another furtive look down the hall, Ervin the Quiet kicked him. “What are you staring at?”

  “He thinks he can run,” Filly snickered. “You won’t get far, dickweed. There’s no exit back there.”

  Drake snorted. “You have a fascination with dicks, don’t you? Well, you can’t have mine. I don’t swing that way, Filly.”

  The younger man paled, even though his skin was already a clammy white to begin with. “Shut the fuck up, queer!”

  “But I just said I wasn’t…”

  Connor elbowed him sharply in the ribs. “Stop it,” he warned, taking a deep breath for the first time since his laughing fit had started. He looked down at his hands, but he might as well have looked directly at Jacks, who was staring at a fixed point on the floor near his feet.

  “Hey,” Drake said, realizing how close he had come to insulting Jacks. “I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it, but this guy won’t stop staring at me.” He dropped his voice to a loud whisper. “I think he wants me…what should I do? Should I open my fly right here in the hall? I mean, there’s no privacy,” he said over Connor’s shoulder. “That would be awkward.”

  Jacks barked out a laugh, but didn’t look up. Ervin kicked at his feet, and Jacks swung a leg out in return. Ervin made a move to step forward and lifted the rifle up, as if he was going to swing it downward into Jacks’ face, but the elevator door opened and Dinnley stepped out into the hall with Ryder in tow.

  “There’s no need for violence,” he said with a loud sigh. “At least, not yet, right boys?”

  KRIS

  After tucking Lily safely inside an old bottle crate and wrapping her thick blanket around her body, she kissed the drowsy baby on the cheek, and begged her to be good. Quietly, she snuck out the back door, and glanced up at the roof where Cole and Jin were sprawled out on their stomachs, talking in hushed voices. With a dash, she bolted into the woods until she could no longer see the cabin, and then turned sharply to her left, keeping the tree line in sight until she’d run a good five minutes. Out of breath, she carefully dodged between the trees until the cemetery and one of the Ark’s upper gardens came into view.
From behind the bushy safety of a large Douglas fir, Kris waited till her heart rate slowed enough to be tolerable, and then bolted out into the open. She couldn’t see them, though she thought she heard a shout from the direction of the cabin, but she ignored it and ran across the mud and melting snow puddles, coming to a crashing stop against the corrugated metal that lined the outside of the water tower behind the main building. She threw her hands up, and pressed them down twice, hoping that Jin or Cole would see that she wanted them to stay put. They were in charge of Lily’s safety, and if Kris’ plan failed, they were all she had left.

  After tugging on her shirt to pull it down from around her stomach, she adjusted her coat and pushed the hood off, smoothing down her hair in attempt to look presentable. Again, before she reached the last corner of the building where the guards would be able to see her, she turned around and pressed her hands down, hoping that Cole would see.

  With a giant gulp of air, she rounded the corner and walked straight into a short man with a rifle pointed at the ground. His jaw was the shape of a box, but his mouth opened slightly into a weird oval shape and went slack when he saw her, and then it snapped shut and he aimed the gun at her chest, turning his face into a square again.

  “Don’t move,” he warned.

  Acting surprised to find him there, she put her hands up in the air. “Sorry, just went out for a walk…is everything okay?”

  His face folded up into an accordion as he frowned down at her, and slowly, he lowered the gun. “You went for a walk, by yourself?”

  “Uh, yeah. The others were being annoying…you know, too much testosterone. Just wanted to clear my head,” she said with a light bounce in her step, as if she was freezing and eager to get inside.

  “Right. Well…” he paused to look out at the trees, scanning for the men, she imagined. For a second it looked like he had spotted something, but he swung the rifle around until it was on his back, and then pulled a radio out of his coat pocket. “Found the girl…bringing her in,” he reported.

  “Hey, is the doctor free?” she mumbled, as she fell into step beside the guard. “Because I’m not feeling all that well. I should probably see him as soon as possible.”

  The man tripped over his feet and then nodded at her. On his radio, he quipped, “Have Steele meet us the exam room. Tell him to hurry.”

  The first part of her plan was working, she thought. If she could have a quiet moment alone with the doctor, she was certain she could figure out a way to get them safely out of the Ark. All of them. She wasn’t their precious cargo anymore.

  It was nearly impossible to keep her composure when she walked into the lobby and saw Dinnley’s people holding Connor, Jacks, and Drake at gunpoint. Jacks went up on his knees, but was knocked down, and if the guard hadn’t grabbed her arm, she would have run to him.

  “What’s going on?” she stammered, as the man led her down the hall. “What are you doing to them?” she yelled at Dinnley, who seemed shocked to see her.

  “The others?” he asked the guard as they passed. “Did you see them?”

  “Negative,” the guard answered, nearly lifting her feet off the ground as he tugged her toward the exam room.

  “Let them go,” she snarled. “They haven’t done anything!”

  He shoved her into the room and slammed the door shut in her face. When she roughly opened it, he was blocking the doorway with his body, and didn’t move when she pushed on his back. “The Doc will be in shortly,” he said, reaching behind him for the knob and pulling the door closed a second time.

  “Shit,” she cursed, grabbing at her throat and tugging the zipper of her coat down to let out the heat that was suddenly radiating from her chest. She couldn’t breathe and ended up taking the jacket off and throwing it on the exam table. “This isn’t going to work,” she whispered to herself, pacing the small room and leaving dirty tracks all over the clean white floor. “It won’t work.”

  “What won’t work, sweetie?” Steele said from behind a crack in the door. She froze as he pushed it all the way open and gestured at his stool. “May I come in?” he asked. When she glared at him, he nodded once, and before shutting the door, waved a hand at the guard. “Find something better to do.”

  She crossed her arms and watched him enter and wash his hands in the tiny metal sink, then sit down on his stool, crossing his ankles. “Why do they have them sitting in the hall like that?” she snapped. “What are you going to do to them?”

  Steele flicked a piece of lint off the knee of his pants and cleared his throat. “Kris, I’m not going to do anything to your friends. My job has nothing to do with security, it has to do with keeping people healthy and alive. People like you.”

  “If my friends get shot, then you need a different job, because clearly you’ll have failed at keeping people healthy and safe,” she said.

  He gestured for her to sit on the exam table, but she only backed up against it. “Kris, I was told you weren’t feeling well. Can we start with that?”

  She glowered at him, aware that her plan was falling apart at the seams, and whatever she told him then, even if it was the truth, may not matter enough to save them. Reluctantly, when he gestured at the table a second time, she climbed onto it and let her legs dangle above the floor. After biting on the inside of her cheek for a full minute, she decided that playing games wasn’t going to help anyone.

  “I lost the baby,” she blurted, locking her fingers together in her lap.

  Steele’s eyebrows rose. “And why do you think that?” He stood slowly and began collecting various medical instruments, including a stethoscope, a thermometer, and a wooden tongue depressor. As he examined her, he listened quietly as she recounted the miscarriage details, her voice hitching more than once. When she had finished, he put the thermometer in her mouth and jotted down notes in a file folder that she assumed he created long before the current visit.

  “Well,” he finally said. “You appear to be relatively healthy, but you need a proper exam, Kris. A pelvic exam would be ideal, and I can get my female nurse to do that.”

  She shook her head vigorously. “Hell no.”

  “I need to verify what you’ve told me,” he pressed.

  “There’s no other way?” she almost cried.

  He rubbed at his chin and then patted her knee, and though it was meant to be reassuring, she flinched away from him. “Are you still spotting?” he asked. When she nodded, he rubbed at his chin some more. “I can use the ultrasound machine,” he said. “We’ll have to switch rooms.”

  “Will it hurt?” she whispered.

  After she stood to follow him out of the room, he smiled gently. “It won’t hurt a bit, I promise you’ll be fine.”

  Though she believed him, she considered the statement outside of what he had intended and found a massive flaw in his blanketed assurance. Only a mad man would promise such a thing now, she thought. Because the only promise Kris knew to be true since she held the clammy hand of her dying mother to her chest, was that life hurt a lot more than a little bit. It hurt a lot.

  One hour later, when Kris stood as still as a statue in the hallway as Steele repeated his findings to Dinnley, did Kris truly miss what she had lost for the first time. There was a hole inside her, a hole with no plug, with no end and no beginning. Even at seventeen, Kris knew that hole would be inside her heart forever.

  Though everyone was shocked by the news, there were only three men in the hall that Kris knew could feel the expanse of the hole in her chest like she did. And they sat in a huddle, next to each other, yet apart. Trying not to cry, she glanced at their faces. Connor’s had softened around the edges, and he looked at her with a sad kind of pity. Drake forced his face into an expressionless stare, but a kindness in his eyes betrayed the rest of his sharp and rough features. And then her gaze fell on Jacks, and his entire body trembled. Unlike the other two, he cried openly for her. Broken, like she was. He couldn’t meet her eyes.

  “This changes things,” Dinnle
y grumbled.

  “Yes, yes it does. We don’t want damaged material.” She came out of the stairwell, her lower body clad in a long skirt, layered with colorful patches of fabric, topped with a thick crocheted sweater that was unraveling around the neck. Fern stood near the bottom step of the stairs, a radio in one hand, the other gracefully pressed against the wall, staring at Kris with a melancholy that was almost real. “She’s no longer a priority,” she said, ignoring the frizzy curl in front of her eye that had escaped from her loose bun. Kris wanted to cross the hall and rip it from her scalp.

  “Fern,” Dinnley quipped, not happy to see her downstairs.

  There was no gun on the planet that would keep Connor, Drake, and Jacks on the ground. They rose in unison, and stood shoulder to shoulder, prepared to take a dozen bullets for Kris if Fern went near her.

  “Stay away from her,” Riley said, catching everyone off guard.

  Kris spun around to see Riley standing near the end of the hall, using it to help her walk. Each step looked incredibly painful, but her face was rock-hard, determined, and more than a little scary. Kris pushed by the doctor and ran to Riley, and let her surrogate mother wrap an arm around her shoulders.

  “You’ll be okay,” Riley whispered against her hair. “You will.”

  She didn’t make a promise. But it was close enough. Kris wanted to believe it with all that was left of her heart. Riley had never failed her. “Will they let us leave now?” she asked.

  Riley walked them only close enough to see into the lobby. Between them and their men, stood three armed guards, Dinnley and his assistant, Doctor Steele and Fern. Riley slowly moved Kris behind her, and she pushed off the wall with a grunt, widening her stance and dropping both hands to her sides. She was preparing to fight, Kris realized. With no weapon, just her bare hands. Kris stepped back a foot.