Choices (New Beginnings #1)

by Michelle Lynn

  The music pumped through him, setting his nerves on edge as Jason walked through the crowd without seeing any of the faces. He was pulled from behind onto the dance floor and someone whispered in his ear, "Hey sexy. Wanna dance?"

  Jason spun around and found Michaela's friend, Katie, swaying in front of him. He reached out to steady her, and she took it as an invitation to move close.

  "Not tonight, Katie."

  She pouted, and he left her standing there.

  Across the room, Jason found Chris slumped at a table. He shook his head and went to the bar, returning a minute later with a bottle of water.

  "Drink," he commanded, slamming it in front of his friend and then sitting across from him.

  "What?" Chris mumbled, raising his head.

  "You need water."

  "Sleep." He put his head back down.

  "No you don't." Jason reached across the tabled and slapped Chris's head until he lifted it again.

  "That hurt, man."

  "I don't give a shit," Jason said lowly. "You think you're not hurting anyone by drinking yourself half to death every night. From here on out, my bar does not serve you."

  "There are other bars in the city," Chris growled.

  "Give it up, bro!" Jason grew angrier the more he looked at the mess that was his friend. "Don't you see what you're doing to your sister?"

  "I'm not doing anything to her."

  "She's afraid." Jason lowered his voice. "I see it in her eyes every time she looks at you. You're spiraling, and none of us know how to stop you."

  "You say you understand feeling abandoned but your parents didn't leave you or disown you. They died still loving you. How would you feel if your family stopped loving you because of who you are?" There were tears in Chris's eyes and Jason couldn't look away. He’d never seen his friend like this.

  "Your family still loves you."

  "They've made it pretty clear that isn't true," Chris said.

  "I meant Michaela." Jason didn't understand how Chris couldn't see what he had. Things would have been much different for him growing up if he had had a sister like Michaela. "She's your family, and she’d do anything for you. When your parents chose not to accept you, she lost them too, and now she feels like she's losing you."

  Understanding rose in his eyes as much as it could for someone who was sloshed.

  "She cut them off?" Chris asked.

  "You really haven't talked to her, have you?" Jason ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I'll walk you home. You need to sleep this off."

  "Fine," he sighed, fighting the urge to put his head down again. Jason helped him stand and kept hold of his arm. "Thanks, man."

  ###

  Michaela had long been asleep when Jason got Chris home. He thought she might come out when she heard Chris crashing around, but her door stayed firmly shut. He hadn't seen her all week. Frankly, he didn't know what to say when he did see her. When he kissed her at the party, he thought she wanted him as much as he wanted her. And that was before the alcohol. But sleeping with drunk chicks was not his style. If Michaela decided she wanted him, it would be so much more than that. When she offered no strings attached, that cut deep. If other guys knew what he was thinking, Jason thought they'd take away his man card. He chuckled to himself. When did I become so soft? Oh, that's right, the moment he took the crying mess of a girl into his arms. That's when he lost his shit. He knew right then that they could have something great. He was just waiting for Michaela to see that. But, he'd wait a long time for that girl.

  Things were winding down for the night at Jason's when he got back. Aaron had closing handled so Jason was ready to head up to his apartment. He stopped when he saw a girl passed out at a table.

  "Katie," Jason said, lifting her head. She opened her eyes and it took her a moment to register where she was.

  "You're still at the bar," Jason told her softly. "We need to get you home. Where do you live?" She mumbled her address and he let out a low whistle. "You won't get a cab to take you there at this time of night." He straightened up and looked down at her before sighing. "Come on. I have a couch."

  "Mmmm, okay," she slurred. Jason helped her up and lent her his strength as they walked outside and around the corner.

  "Can you walk upstairs?" he asked.

  "Mmm hmm," she answered. That wasn't entirely true. Jason had to go behind her and keep his hands on her back so she didn't fall into him.

  Once inside, he set her on the couch and went to grab her a pillow and blanket. "Here," he said. "I'll just be through that door in my room. Get some sleep." He looked at her once more and left.

  Jason threw his shirt into his pile of laundry and pulled the drawstring on the sweatpants he’d put on before climbing into bed and shutting his eyes.

  He was woken a little while later when he felt a hand on his bare chest. He sat up quickly when he realized Katie was lying next to him without a stitch of clothing anywhere on her body.

  "I wanted to thank you," she purred, trying to pull him back towards her.

  "For what?" He swallowed noisily.

  "For inviting me to stay. I know you've resisted before--"

  "You think I let you stay only for this?" he interrupted.

  "I don't object." She sat up and he felt her bare breasts on his back.

  "Well, I do!" Jason scrambled out of bed.

  "I can see you don't," she grinned.

  It was true. He was turned on. What guy wouldn't be when an incredibly gorgeous girl was naked in his bed? But he didn't want to do that, whether certain body parts knew it or not.

  "You stay here," he growled. "I'm taking the couch."

  ###

  Enough was enough. Embarrassed or not, Michaela missed Jason and was going to tell him so. She didn't know what other feelings she had for him yet but she did know that not having him around really sucked.

  She needed to kiss him. That was the only way. No alcohol. No Ethan to make jealous. Just Jason and Michaela. She needed to know what she felt for him. She had a plan. It was Saturday morning and Jason would probably still be sleeping after closing the bar the night before. She thought she’d heard him bring Chris home at one point but hadn't been ready to face him so she stayed hidden in her room.

  This time, she'd march right over there and pound on the door. He'd be sleeping so he'd be slow to answer, giving her the time to get the courage. When he answered, he'd look confused. Why was she there so early when he hadn't seen her all week? She wouldn't give him enough time to say anything. Instead, she'd grab his shirt and pull him close. Before he knew what was happening, her lips would be on his. He'd respond immediately by pulling her closer and wrapping an arm around her waist. His other hand would tangle itself in her hair while she snaked her arms around his neck.

  It would be perfect. Or it would ruin everything. Just last week, Michaela was sure she still loved Ethan. Now she couldn't get Jason out of her head. She never thought there'd be room enough in there for both of them.

  Nothing ever goes according to plan.

  There was purpose to Michaela's step as she rounded the corner of the deserted bar. She stopped when she saw Jason's door, gathering her courage. Then it opened. Michaela didn't know what made her do it, but she hid around the corner and watched.

  Jason stepped out, his bare skin shining in the morning light. He looked delicious. His sweatpants hung low off his hips and his hair was still mussed from sleep. He wore no shoes so Michaela knew he wasn't leaving. She watched as he looked back into the apartment and said something. He grinned and then Katie appeared. Michaela flattened herself against the wall. She felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on her stomach. A car horn blared on the street nearby, drowning out the sound of Michaela's pounding heart.

  I lost my chance. Michaela knew Jason wasn't hers, but she thought he wasn't the type of guy to become one of Katie's conquests. She considered confronting him. Everything he had told her about knowing a person was right for you turned out to be cra
p. Unless, he felt that way about Katie. Even if he did, Michaela was sure Katie wouldn't feel that way about him. No, she couldn't see him. She lowered her eyes to the ground, turned away from the alley that held the door to his place, and walked away.

  Nine

  Michaela's feet pounded into the pavement, sending shocks up her legs with every step. She hated running in the city. She’d only done it once since moving there. Someone stepped into her way, and she skirted around them as they gave her a dirty look for getting too close. She turned back without stopping and flipped them off. That was the kind of mood she was in.

  She reached the park and took off down the running path. There were people everywhere, and Michaela suddenly hated the city. It was crowded, and noisy, and dirty. People were rude, and the air always felt thick with the exhaust of cars and stale from being stuck between the buildings. She suddenly missed her beach so violently that she screamed. She’d kill to hear waves crashing on the rocks or for a stiff, salty breeze to come in and lift the hair from her skin. But it was the peace she missed most. Even in your own home, there was never a moment of true peace in the city.

  Michaela passed a couple who were strolling down the path, hand in hand. She sped up to put as much distance between her and them as possible.

  Running was the only time Michaela didn't have to think. She focused on the sound of her feet when they made contact with the ground, and her pulse thrumming in her ears. She spent most of her brain power keeping her breath even. In and out. It was calming.

  After a few miles her legs started to burn, but she pushed on, relishing the pain. When it came to running, Michaela was hardcore. She wouldn't stop until she absolutely had to. Her surroundings seemed to fade into the background, and she could pretend she was anywhere but there.

  Leaving the park behind after a while, Michaela ran the last short distance back to the apartment. Sticky with sweat, she felt better than she had in weeks. She took a long drink from her water bottle as she opened the door.

  "Michaela," a familiar voice said.

  Her water bottle fell to the floor with a crash and she stepped back.

  "What are you doing here?" she stammered.

  "Your parents told me to come. I needed to talk to you," Ethan answered. Michaela looked away. Her parents?

  "I think you said everything you needed to say at that party."

  "How could I with that bartender plastered to your face."

  "Bar owner," she said softly.

  "Whatever," he sighed. "I miss you, Michaela."

  "What about Meghan?"

  "I'm done with her. For good. I want you back."

  Not trusting her next words, Michaela picked up her fallen water bottle and walked to the kitchen to put it in the sink. She gripped the edges of the counter and stood with her head bowed, breathing deeply. Wasn't that what she wanted to hear? Almost every day since they broke up, Michaela had hoped he’d just call her. Now he’d actually come to the city. What did she want?

  "Michaela, say something," Ethan ordered.

  "I don't know what to say."

  "Are you in love with the bartender?" His voice grew angry.

  "What?" she stammered, not really sure of the truth in her coming answer. "No." She finally looked up at him and that was her mistake. She’d always been unable to resist those eyes. They were an emerald green and beautiful, but that wasn't what got her. Ethan's eyes were his only feature that ever softened his hard resolve. When she looked into them, she believed he actually did care, at least a little bit.

  "Good," he said. "Then will you give me, give us, another chance?"

  "I don't know," she said again.

  "What don't you know?" He threw up his arms.

  "The past few months, I’ve been living my life in a constant state of missing you, Ethan. And I'm not so sure you've done the same."

  "Dammit! I already told you I missed you!"

  "Don't yell at me. I was just telling you how I felt."

  "Michaela." Ethan got control of himself, putting his hands on her shoulders. She didn't push him away as he looked straight into her eyes. "Do you still love me?"

  Ethan's question was met by an awkward silence. He took his hands from her and stepped back, stunned. Michaela stared at him for another long moment and then realized the answer was simple. She’d loved Ethan for seven years. That doesn't disappear in a few short months. Of course she loved him. Was it enough? That she didn't know. But, she figured she owed it to both of them to find out.

  Slowly, Michaela nodded her head and Ethan grinned. He took her face in his hands and kissed her roughly. She didn't melt into him like she had with Jason. The difference was that Michaela knew exactly who Ethan was. Could she say the same about Jason?

  "Go shower," Ethan said when he broke the kiss. "I don't like it when you're sweaty. Then we'll go to lunch."

  ###

  "Sis, I need to talk to you." Chris stepped into Michaela's room and shut the door behind him.

  "Can we do this later?" she asked. "I'm going to lunch with Ethan."

  "That's why he's here?"

  "We're getting back together." She leaned closer to the mirror to finish her makeup.

  "Seriously? After everything, you're just going to forgive him?"

  "Chris, you have no room to talk about 'things people have done'. This is the first time I've seen you sober outside of work for weeks. Don't pretend you're here for me." She gave him a look she was hoping would make him leave, but he stood his ground.

  "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Jason said some things to me last night that really made me think."

  "I don't want to hear what Jason has to say. Ethan is waiting."

  "Fine, if you won't listen to me, at least let me ask you this. Are you going to tell Jason about Ethan?"

  "Of course," she answered him. "It's not like he'll care."

  "Michaela, I'm worried about you. I think Ethan's dangerous."

  "If you're implying that he'd hurt me, Chris, you're wrong. I know Ethan has a temper, but I also know he loves me. He'd never lay a hand on me."

  When he couldn't think of a response to that, Michaela pushed by him and he followed her out the door.

  "Chris," Ethan said. "Good to see you."

  "I'm off to Jason's," Chris said, barely glancing Ethan's way. "To watch the game." Oh crap, in all of the shock of Ethan being there, Michaela had completely forgotten there was a game that afternoon. The Rangers were in Columbus. and last week she’d promised to watch it with Jason and Chris. That wasn't going to happen.

  "Can we go somewhere that's playing the game?" she asked as they walked down the street.

  "What game?"

  "The hockey game."

  "No. I don't see why you're so obsessed with the sport."

  "The Rangers are playing Josh today."

  "And?" he asked.

  "Don't you want to watch him play?"

  "I've seen him play plenty of hockey. Why do I need to watch more?"

  Seeing that he was immovable, Michaela shut up. Without realizing it, she’d sunk right back in to the dynamics of their relationship. Ethan made the decisions, most of which were only about himself, and she went along with them. She could feel herself sinking back into his shadow, and had to snap out of it.

  "I want to watch the game," she said suddenly. "So we're going to."

  Ethan looked at her like she’d just sprouted a second head, and he didn't answer her for a long moment.

  "Whatever," he said finally.

  ###

  "I just want to wring Walker's neck," Chris said.

  "Walker as in the hockey player on TV right now?" Maggie asked.

  "His brother," Jason growled. "It's Michaela's ex."

  "Not ex anymore." Chris shook his head as Maggie offered him a beer and then met Jason's alarmed eyes.

  "What are you talking about?" Jason demanded.

  "They got back together this morning," Chris explained.

  Jason tried
to cover up the emotions that he was sure were evident on his face. First there was shock. Never in a million years did he see Michaela forgiving that douche bag. Then there was anger. Was she really that weak? Next he had regret. He never told Michaela how he felt. He’d waited too long. He’d rejected her and then didn't talk to her for a week. There was confusion tinged with pain. He was almost positive she felt something for him. Was he wrong? Why did she choose Ethan? Was it his money and sophistication? He was ashamed as soon as he thought that. Of course he knew Michaela wasn't like that. All of these feelings swirled in his head, suffocating him.

  "I need air," Jason said, suddenly shooting to his feet. He was out the door before anyone could stop him. What he really needed was to be alone. If he was honest with himself, what he wanted was to see Michaela. He wanted to hear it from her lips. But she was out with Ethan, and he’d lost his chance.

  He unlocked the front door to Jason's and slid into the empty bar. His steps echoed through the silence as he hurried to the bar. He pulled a bottle of Jameson off the shelf and poured himself a glass. Jason never drank in his own bar, and he never drank liquor. But, he thought, there was no one there to see him, and he needed something strong.

  Jason drained the glass and then slammed it down on the bar harder than he’d intended. It shattered, and a large shard dug into his hand.

  "Shit," he growled in pain as he groped behind the bar for a towel. He pulled the glass free in one motion and wrapped his bloody hand.

  "You know," Maggie's voice came from near the door, "you're supposed to drink the whiskey, not fight it."

  "Ha ha," he said sarcastically. Maggie hurried towards the opposite wall and disappeared into the office, returning with the first-aid kit.

  "Come here," she ordered. "I've known you your whole life, Jason. And I've never known you to be angry." He winced as she cleaned his cut in the sink.

  "Yeah, well--"

  "I know," she stopped him. "This is about Michaela." She dried his hand and put cream on the cut before wrapping a bandage around it.