The color drains from my face. I feel it happening. This is bad. She either knows about Ryland or I have truly displeased her with the amount of attention I have garnered at the palace. "I apologize, my Queen. I never meant any disrespect."
She waves her bejeweled hand airily as if this is mere conversation she is making but we both know it is not. I am being warned. My knees knock together as these thoughts tumble frantically through my head. Before I understand what is happening, she crooks her elegant finger towards the blond faerie flanking her other side. Quickly he steps forward. Her cool eyes skewer me with their impenetrable intensity.
"Lilianna, I would like you to meet Kalen." She pauses for a moment before adding silkily, "Your betrothed."
Instantly he sweeps into a gallant bow but I hardly see him. I can only stare speechlessly thinking that I have somehow misheard her icily spoken words. She could not possibly have said what I think she just did. I watch her silvery lips quirk upward and I realize this betrothal is my punishment.
But... it is also a way to redeem myself.
Perhaps she does not know about Ryland but she knows something is afoot. I have displeased her and this betrothal is my penance. If I accept it, everything will once again be righted.
With my head spinning, I drop promptly into another curtsey all the while trying to pull myself together. "Thank you, my Queen. You are most generous."
Her amused chuckle touches my ears. "You may rise now. I am quite certain you would like to acquaint yourself with your intended."
I rise before hastily fleeing from her intimidating presence. As I bolt from her private chambers, he is at my side. His arm circles around me and for a moment I am thankful for the gesture because without his support I would surely stumble before falling flat on my face. I am still stunned by the sudden turn of events. The doors close resoundingly behind us shuttering away the Queen and her advisers. Only now am I able to inhale a deep breath. Even though I am on the cusp of fainting, we are still moving. I don't know where this stranger is taking me and furthermore, I do not care.
We snake our way through so many winding marble corridors that I find myself completely disorientated and hopelessly lost. I have absolutely no idea where we are before we finally burst our way into a small garden room within the palace. Well, perhaps it is not exactly small, but small when compared to the hundreds of other spacious rooms that make up the Crystal Palace.
For just one moment, my eyes ricochet around the surprisingly lovely room. Even though my mind is numb with the sudden turn of events, I cannot help but be amazed at the lush garden that thrives within the palace walls. It is amazingly beautiful and for just a heartbeat, maybe two, I take in the splendor that surrounds me for it is so much easier than turning towards the stranger now standing at my side.
This stranger who I am now expected to unite with.
I just want to dwell upon the tranquility of the space for just a bit longer, shuttering away the harsh reality of my predicament. As the fragrant flowers waft around me, my insides slowly begin to loosen. The jewels embedded in the clear crystal walls sparkle and shimmer as the brilliant sunlight outside the palace strikes them. It is truly an amazing sight to see all the brightly hued colors flow about the room like thousands of rainbows cast against the crystal walls. My breath catches at the sight. I am speechless in the presence of such magic.
For a long stretch of quiet moments, I forget that I am not alone until finally, he touches my shoulder. Startled, I jump only to find his bluer than blue eyes fastened upon me.
"I'm sorry." He smiles as if we are already fast friends. "I did not mean to scare you." He waits a beat before continuing, "Are you alright?"
My eyes rove slowly over his features before I am finally able to find my words. "Yes, thank you."
"You seem surprised by what just occurred."
Right now I feel as though I could be knocked over with the stroke of a feather. "Were you not surprised?"
One corner of his mouth quirks upward. "I knew it was only a matter of time before she removed you from the situation. You've caused something of a stir at court and the Queen does not take kindly to attention being drawn away from her." Then he adds, "No matter how innocent it may be."
Shaking my head, my mouth falls open. "I-I don't understand what you are referring to."
His smile broadens as if I have made his point perfectly. "Precisely."
I regard him a bit more carefully now. He's tall and handsome with bright blue eyes that are quick to fill with laughter. Even though I have only just met him I can already tell his manner is an easy one. Fleetingly I wonder if meeting him sooner would have changed the path I now find myself on. A pang fills my heart at the thought. Somehow Ryland has managed to burrow deeply into my heart in only a few short weeks. It is beyond explanation or comprehension. I have no justification for what is happening to me. I can only tell you that it is.
Almost desperately I want this handsome faerie to banish all thoughts of Ryland from my memory, from my heart. He belongs to another and now apparently, so do I. My heart flutters uncomfortably at such a strange notion. Up until a few weeks ago, I had not given love or romance a single thought. All my energies had been directed towards my sister and assisting her with her destiny.
My eyes hold Kalen's and I realize that I must make a decision regarding our future.
Will I allow us to have a real one together?
Or will we simply have a relationship riddled with pretense?
Holding his gaze, I realize with a bit of surprise that he is completely amenable to this betrothal. The way his eyes sweep over me, the light that fills them; he is delighted with his Queen's choice. A few short weeks ago, I would have never been able to discern the warm look filling his eyes but I have matured of late and now understand what just such a look means.
He stands before me and without thinking, because if I do, I will change my mind. I close the distance separating us before laying my palms against the solid strength of his chest. The dancing light disappears from his eyes only to be replaced by something I have only recently become attuned to.
Desire.
My heart pounds under my breast. My courage will certainly falter if I do not move quickly. This is all so new.
And complicated.
I must finish this before I lose what little nerve I possess. He searches my eyes and I return his penetrating gaze. I want nothing more than to banish Ryland from my thoughts, from my dreams, from my heart that beats solely for him. I need this boy to do that for me.
I have never wanted anything more in my life because unless I can do that, I will forever love someone who can never truly be mine. My heart plummets at the thought of a lifetime of unrequited love and desire.
I reach up until my lips are pressed firmly against his. I hear the quick intake of his breath right before his lips slide delicately over mine as if he is afraid to startle me. I admit the feel of him is pleasant enough but something indefinable is missing and so I take it deeper. I open my mouth and he does as well until there is just the merest slide of tongues.
He makes a strangled noise at the back of his throat as his tongue slides softly against mine and I know in that moment that as lovely as this is, it is nothing compared to the kisses I have shared with Ryland. Disappointment radiates throughout my entire being as I gently break away from him. Even though I am embarrassed to have thrown myself so brazenly at him, I had to know.
I needed, at the very least, to try.
Kalen wraps his arms around me until my body is pressed against his in a way that feels much too intimate before he rests his forehead against mine. We are silent for a long moment.
Honestly, I do not know what to say. I cannot think of one single thing to say to this boy who, for better or worse, is now my intended. But the fact that his kisses are pleasant and nothing more fractures my heart. I cannot forever be in love with the boy my sister will one day unite with.
There can be no fate worse t
han that.
Carefully I untangle myself from him, putting enough distance between us so that I can once again breathe and think. My eyes find his. He is clearly pleased by this new turn of events. I sigh not knowing where to go from here. Everything is such a tangle! And with every breath I take, it becomes impossibly more so.
"Would you mind escorting me back to my room?"
He seems slightly dazed by what has occurred between us but nods his head anyway.
It takes a while for us to meander our way back through the palace. We are both silent, each of us lost in our own private musings. As we reach my set of rooms, I turn ready to thank him for his kindness. Without warning, he leans down, pressing his lips against mine. His hand slides under my chin so he is able to tip my face upwards. As he does, he deepens the caress and I let him hoping against all hope that something will spark within me this time but, as I suspected, it does not. Gently I pull away, fumbling for the golden handle of the door only wanting to escape his attention.
"Thank you, Kalen."
He smiles, the dimples in his cheeks flashing readily. I cannot help but return his easy manner.
Relieved to finally be alone, I close the golden door, leaning heavily against it. Even though I have spent only a handful of moments with Kalen, he seems easy and lighthearted. I know not what I am going to do. It is as if I have become imprisoned in some kind of clever hunter's trap and the more I struggle against the restraints, the more ensnared I find myself.
A noise from the far corner of my room quickly draws my attention. Ryland waits in a chair next to the massive marble fireplace. My hand rises to my lips to stifle the small cry poised there. It comes out as a muffled yelp as my eyes widen.
He rises quickly. There is a tightness to his features that was not there before. "I needed to see you."
"You cannot be here!" My heart riots painfully under my breast. I cannot even begin to imagine what the Queen would do to me if Ryland were found in my private rooms.
He nods, clearly understanding the risk he takes. "Lock the door, Lilianna, so we may converse without interruption."
What he does not say is that if we are indeed interrupted, I will most likely be taken to the Queen for punishment. I do not want to even think of the possibility. Even though it is against my better judgment, I turn the lock hastily before facing him. I cannot deny that my heart is soaring with his closeness. My feet, of their own accord, bring me to him until we are no more than a breath apart. And even that feels impossibly far. He quickly folds me into his arms and I am unable, unwilling to protest his proximity.
How can I?
I long to be like this with him.
I cannot bear to tear myself away. The pain of his absence is like a freshly throbbing wound within me, so much so that I cannot bear the notion of being parted from him. I cannot bring myself to do what is right and remove myself from the temptation he has become.
"I'm so sorry for what has transpired. Your betrothal is my fault."
Lifting my chin, I examine his eyes. I cannot deny that they are tortured by what has taken place. "How is any of this your fault?"
"I mentioned to the Queen that I preferred you to your sister." He searches my gaze carefully before whispering hoarsely, "She insisted that your sister is The One and that it is not for me to question what has been foretold. She is effectively taking you out of my reach by giving you to someone else. A friend at that."
The color drains quickly from my face and I wonder exactly what he has shared with her. When I say nothing, he tenderly kisses the top of my head.
"Do not worry. I said only that I preferred your looks to Shaylee's. Nothing more. I certainly did not tell her about what we feel for one another. You must know that I would never put your life in jeopardy."
I close my eyes not wanting to think about the repercussions should she discover the truth. She would think nothing of taking my life. My very existence is insignificant and expendable. No one creature within the Faerie Realm would protest if she decided to end my life.
My heart thuds painfully because obviously there is nothing more to discuss with Ryland. In fact, there is absolutely no reason for us to ever converse again. Whatever could have been can be no more. Not that it was ever a real possibility, I remind myself. We were simply fooling ourselves with fanciful notions that we could somehow find a way to be together. We both need to accept that it will never happen.
Suddenly I am struggling to break free from his embrace. I cannot bear to be touched by him a single moment longer. It hurts too much to know that he belongs to someone else.
My own sister, at that.
"You must let me go."
"I cannot." He shakes me just a bit to get my attention. There is a fevered light in his darkened eyes. "Don't you understand? I cannot let you go! I will not let you go."
Hot tears prick the back of my eyes. The very last thing I want is to lose control in front of him. I am trying to be good and strong and noble and it is not working. "It does not matter anymore! The choice is not yours to make. It was never ours to make. There is nothing left to do but accept our fate!"
"I cannot! I cannot live without you!" His brows draw together. Agony riddles itself throughout his words as he whispers, "Can you really accept it so easily, Lilianna?"
I bite down on my lower lip to keep silent because it is excruciating to deny the truth. Not only to him. But to myself as well.
I only want Ryland.
For me it can only be Ryland.
My heart stills as the truth echoes within me. No matter how many lives I live, no matter how many deaths I die, it will always be him. My heart shatters into a million broken pieces with that knowledge and still, there is nothing I can do but accept the hand fate has so cruelly dealt us.
My heart twists bitterly as I whisper, "We have no choice. We must forget one another." I shake my head sensing that he will argue. "You will forever and always be in my heart. That will have to be enough." Tears quaver in my voice but I fight them ruthlessly back.
He places his hand over my heart and holds it there. "I feel your heart beating and I know it beats solely for me."
I cannot, will not, deny the truth of his words.
He takes my hand placing it gently over his heart. I feel the strong steady beat of it. "Just as mine beats solely for you. I will not let you go, Lilianna. It is no longer a choice. Honestly, I don't know if it ever was. It certainly doesn't feel as if I ever had any free will where you were concerned. I cannot explain why this is happening to us. It defies justification. But I will not let you go. We will find a way to be together. In my eyes, your betrothal changes nothing."
"Ryland, it changes everything!" The tears I had been holding back finally seep their way into my voice.
"It doesn't change what I feel for you. Does it change what you feel for me?"
With that question, the fight rushes out of me because I cannot lie to him. Not about what I feel. "No."
"Then we will find a way." He pulls me to him. "They will not separate us."
"What can we do? You are betrothed to the future faerie queen and I am betrothed to another as well."
He is quiet for a long heartbeat before finally whispering, "Then we will leave the Faerie Realm and start anew."
I stare speechlessly before realizing that he is quite serious in his pronouncement. This is no fleeting proposal he is tossing at me. He means it. He is willing to leave the realm, his realm, for... me. I am staggered by his sacrifice.
When I say nothing, he begins talking faster, his words tripping over themselves in his haste to push them out. There is an undertone of excitement that bleeds into his voice. "We could do it! We can run away! I'll take you far, far away from here where we will be safe. Where we can make a life together."
"I would never ask that of you." My words are low as if I am frightened of even allowing them to escape from the faithless confines of my mouth into the charged air surrounding us. If merely loving one another is c
onsidered traitorous, what he is now proposing is nothing short of blasphemous. I marvel that he has even suggested such a preposterous and dangerous idea. How could he possibly leave his realm?
For me?
I am speechless.
For a long moment, we merely stare at one another as a heavy silence swirls around us.
Finally he says, "I will not let you go." He glances away, staring at the crystal wall of the palace which shimmers with sparkling jewels. "I wish I could. It would be so much easier if I could just let you go."
That is exactly what I have thought, even hoped for, over the course of this illicit romance. It would be so much easier if we could simply forget about one another. He feels exactly as I do. Whatever flows between us, binding us together, is much too strong to be denied. It seems like certain madness and might very well mean imprisonment or worse but what other choice do I have? Watching him rule alongside my sister would be like slow torture until I wished I were indeed dead.
"I do not know what else to do, Lilianna."
He wraps his arms tightly around me, holding me tenderly as if nothing more is needed to protect us from the danger that awaits if we actually dare to embark upon this foolishness. I find myself holding onto him as if he is the very air needed for breath.
"I promise," he whispers thickly against my hair, "I promise you will always belong to me and I to you. No matter what."
"No matter what," I repeat solemnly.
Chapter Twelve
"I do not think he likes me very much."
My eyes dart guiltily away for it is becoming increasingly more difficult for me to deceive Shaylee. Yet that does not stop me from heaping one more lie onto the ever growing pile. "Oh, that cannot possibly be true."
Glancing gloomily over her shoulder at me, she continues her restless pacing amidst the colorful blooms. "It is. Barely will he even converse with me. Nor does he spend any time alone with me either. I do not understand why he is so very cold. I am his future queen, he should be making more of an effort to acquaint himself with me."
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