My fingers fidget unnecessarily with the bow at the waist of my ivory silk gown. After a few nervous moments, my thumb nail finds its way to my mouth and I start chewing on it in silent agitation.
Oh, but I cannot stand what my selfishness is doing to Shaylee!
She is completely and utterly smitten with Ryland but he will not pay her any more attention than is absolutely necessary. And even that is stingily given. It is difficult to withstand. Harder still would be watching him fawn adoringly over her.
I hate myself for the pain and anguish this has so unnecessarily caused her. If I had even one shred of decency, I would turn away from my feelings for Ryland and allow my sister her happiness. A happiness that is her due. It does not sit well with me that I am the one causing her such turmoil.
She sighs unhappily before sitting on one of the many stone benches which are strategically placed within the lushly fragrant gardens. "I do not know what to do anymore. Anytime I speak with him or even suggest a walk, he has a ready excuse as to why he must rush off."
"I'm sure he is just preoccupied with his duties."
She gazes moodily at the exquisite flowers which grow in radiant abundance. They look like an explosion of bright bold colors from within the confines of their carefully cultivated beds. I know she does not see their stunning beauty. She is much too distracted by Ryland's neglectful behavior to enjoy their exquisiteness. She cannot understand why he continues to rebuff her continuous overtures of friendship. It is gut-wrenching for me to watch all this play out knowing that her hurt is renewed each and every time he dismisses a proffered offer. Her heartache weighs heavily on me. It is my penance for the treachery I am set on committing.
After an interminable amount of time she finally says, "I think he is involved with someone else." Her gray eyes fasten upon mine.
Is it my imagination or are they probing mine for knowledge?
I feel the heat of a scarlet blush crawl slowly up my cheeks and so I jump from the bench with a sudden need to survey the vibrant flowers nearest to us. With my backside to her, she cannot see the tortured expression of guilt that must be plastered across my face.
Part of me only wants to relieve her of her fears but another part knows that they are absolutely justified. He is involved with someone else! And no matter how pleasing her manners or form, no matter how pretty her words or actions, he will never turn towards her with tender feelings. There is nothing Shaylee can do to make him fall in love with her. To make matters even worse, I am the culprit behind her betrothal's defection.
Could this possibly become anymore twisted or cruel?
"Why would you ever think such a thing?" It is a battle to keep my voice calm and even.
"Oh," she shrugs her slender shoulders, "it is just a feeling."
"Well, I think you are wrong. You are the most beautiful faerie here. How could he not be hopelessly in love with you?"
Her quick smile is fleeting. "True."
At last, I feel her foul mood lifting. I am glad for it because this conversation has the bile rising dangerously within my throat. Any moment and I will choke on it. Perhaps that would be a blessing considering I am having a difficult time keeping this deception from her. It is eating me up from the inside out. I am disgusted at how very easily I am able to lie and deceive her.
"Oh, do not worry, sister, I will get to the bottom of this. If there is someone who has captured his attention, I will ferret it out." She gives me a smug smile and something within my belly constricts with the icy cold tendrils of fear. Fear that she may already suspect that I am the one who betrays her trust. "Whoever she is, she cannot possibly compete with me." Shaylee stands shaking out her lavish silk skirts before strolling along the stone path. "I simply will not allow it."
I gulp at the menace that has crept into her voice before whispering, "What will you do?"
"Oh, nothing right now. But do not worry for I have eyes everywhere within the palace." Her lips curve upwards ever so slightly and it chills me for the look reminds me so very much of the Faerie Queen. "I will figure out if something is afoot."
"Spies?" Mentally I retrace my steps trying desperately to recall if I have spoken privately with Ryland within the last few days. I do not think so. We try to be as inconspicuous as possible within the confines of the palace walls. We cannot chance someone discovering our secret tryst. Occasionally we will capture one another's eyes but that is the extent of it. And even that seems much too dangerous now.
She throws a brief smile over her shoulder. "Oh, just two or three." She waits for me to catch up before continuing her leisurely stroll.
No longer is Shaylee the demure young miss she was when we first arrived a few short months ago. She has found her footing as the future queen of the Faerie Realm. Already she is treated with the deference that befits her future station. She lacks for naught.
Well, perhaps that is not altogether true for she lacks the attention she wishes to garner from her betrothed. I bite down upon my lower lip knowing that I must send a message to Ryland regarding my sister's spies. I do not realize how hard I am biting down upon my flesh until the warm metallic taste of blood fills my mouth.
"Ah, I see your betrothed is making his way towards us." She smiles as if she is joyful but I know she is bothered by the devoted attention Kalen continuously showers upon me. He is sweet and charming which makes it difficult, if not impossible, to dislike him. And yet... and yet, I cannot like him, love him actually, the way he wants me to.
The feelings I have for Ryland are already so deeply entrenched within me that there can be no comparison between the two. I almost wish he did not seek me out so often for it is difficult to keep lying to him as well but what other choice do I have?
I lie to everyone.
My breath catches at that disturbing thought for this is not who I am.
It is not!
Fleetingly, I wonder if all this lying and sneaking around is worth it. Is the love I feel for Ryland so vital, so very necessary, that I will lie to those most important to me just to keep it? Apparently it is because that is exactly what I continue to do. His hold over me becomes stronger with the passing of each day. Most mornings I look in the mirror and am not quite certain just whose reflection gazes back at me.
Kalen is indeed making his way towards us. He sweeps a rather formal bow to my sister before giving me a jaunty one. As he rises I see an impish grin which displays his dimples handsomely. He is quite striking. And yet there is no spark within me. No kindling of warmth within my heart. Even now, I would welcome it if it meant I could stop lying to those I care about.
"It is a beautiful day for a stroll, would you mind overly if I join you?"
My sister smiles sunnily before taking his offered arm. I take his other as we meander our way through the flowering blooms and hedge rows. The setting is positively serene. The sun beats down upon our heads as a gentle breeze kisses our faces. We continue to wander at an unhurried pace along the stone path that is nestled deeply within the lush green grass.
"Kalen, you seem rather smitten with my sister-"
Jostled from my troubled reverie by her sudden words, I gasp. "Shaylee!"
She laughs at my embarrassment as if she is allowed to voice whatever she wishes solely because she is our future queen. Just as I have changed, so has Shaylee. She has come into her own power and every once in a while, she enjoys flaunting it. I have noticed that it is usually at my expense.
Kalen glances at me before giving a quick wink to show he is not offended by her blunt words.
"I must confess that I am quite enamored by your lovely sister as well."
I gasp again because I cannot believe he just said that either! What is wrong with the pair of them?
With heat staining my cheeks, I must surely resemble an overly ripened tomato. I very much wish the ground we are strolling across would split open and swallow me up. I do not want to hear this from him! It only serves to heighten my guilt, for my feelings will never
be such and he cannot see that right now. I do not want him to feel any more foolish than he will once he realizes that I do not reciprocate his ardent adoration.
Shaylee claps her hands happily. "Oh, I am so delighted to hear that! Ah, young love! How I adore it," she whispers to Kalen but of course I can hear her. As, I'm quite certain, I am meant to. "I know my sister feels very much the same about you."
A wide smile breaks out across his handsome face and my heart sinks to the bottom of my toes. What is she doing? I have said no such thing to her!
"You know," she begins as if the notion has only occurred to her, "why should the two of you wait to be united? I think a ceremony is just what is needed to lift our spirits! Do you not agree?"
She leans forward catching my wide startled eyes. Hers are brilliant and sparkling and I cannot tell if she is being malicious or simply impulsive. Months ago I would have never expected this kind of behavior from Shaylee but this is an all-together different Shaylee.
A more powerful Shaylee.
Just as I have been transformed, and not for the better, so has Shaylee.
Months ago we were as close as two sisters could possibly be. I would have confided everything to her. But now...
Now I realize there is a rift between us.
Have I done this?
Have my lies, my betrayal, done this to us?
Kalen squeezes my hand before meeting my eyes. I see the silent questions lurking within his deep blue gaze. I sense he will agree with whatever it is I desire.
"I think it best that Kalen and I continue acquainting ourselves with one another."
She waves off my carefully voiced comment. "Nonsense. You two are perfectly suited. Why wait?"
"Shaylee, please, you are embarrassing me." I am trying to keep my voice steady but I am trembling inside.
She blinks, her eyes clearing before she finally nods. "I apologize. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable. I can see how very much Kalen adores you. And clearly you feel just as strongly towards him. Why should you wait a moment longer to be united?"
Kalen is blushing, but happily so.
"I will defer to you, my future Queen."
Shaylee beams. "Now that is exactly what I like to hear. I shall think upon it." She untangles her arm from his before turning towards us. Smiling she gazes at the pair of us before her face softens as if she is truly overcome with emotion. "If I were my sister, I would not want to wait to be united with you. Perhaps you have some convincing to do, Kalen."
With those parting words, she strolls back towards the palace doors leaving us thankfully to ourselves. We both stare silently after her retreating figure. I do not realize that I am holding my breath until she has totally disappeared around the bend of a leafy green hedge row. I expel the air from my lungs as if it were poison. My brows beetle together as I continue staring at the spot she last occupied. Honestly, if I would not be beheaded for it, I would wring her pretty little neck right now. Finally I summon the courage to glance over at Kalen. The very least I can do is apologize for my sister's embarrassingly rude behavior.
Profusely, if need be.
"I am terribly sorry about that. Honestly, I do not know what has gotten into her."
He smiles, his dimples flashing enticingly. Somehow his relaxed manner puts me at ease. It is quite a gift he has. Fleetingly I wish he had been the one to capture my heart. My life would be so much less complicated if that were the case. Instead I am set upon weaving a web of deceit. I am set upon sneaking around behind everyone's trusting backs. I am constantly riddled with anxiety that our dangerous liaison will suddenly be uncovered. There is not a moment that passes by that I am not fretful about the consequences should our treachery come to light. It all weighs heavily upon my shoulders.
"Do not worry overly about it."
I huff out a relieved breath right before he gathers me into his arms.
He voice is soft when it touches my ears. "I can only hope that your sister speaks the truth about your feelings."
My eyes widen and for a moment I am unsure just how to respond. I cannot very well tell him the truth. I cannot tell him that my heart belongs to another, to the Faerie Prince himself. I don't want to hurt Kalen. I have not known him long but he is clearly kind hearted and caring. Quite honestly, he is perfect. If I were any other faerie, I would be head over heels in love with him. If the Queen was trying to punish me, she could have been far crueler in her choice of suitors. Gazing up at him, I am unsure just what to say to this boy who has so suddenly become my betrothed.
"Every day my feelings grow stronger." That, at least, is the truth. Unfortunately he does not realize that it is merely warm feelings of friendship that deepen with the passing of each day and nothing more.
He swoops down before I realize his intentions to press his lips against mine.
"I would not mind in the least if we were to hasten our relationship along." He whispers the words against my lips and something flips uncomfortably in the pit of my belly.
"I-" I break the contact unsure of what to say. "I... just need some time." That is all I can think of. I pray it is enough to keep him at bay.
Stroking my lips again, he pulls away before smiling happily down at me. "Rest assured, I will give you as much time as you need."
Relieved that he has accepted my pleas with so little effort on my part, I squeeze his hand. Thank goodness he is so decent. I do not know what I would do if that were not the case. Honestly, I do not. My nerves are stretched so thin and taut, they feel as if they might snap.
Just as we start walking once more, a guard approaches with a note for Kalen. He scans it quickly.
"Apparently I am needed elsewhere." He kisses my forehead tenderly. "Would you care to accompany me inside?"
Knowing that he would not be pleased, I keep my relief to myself. "I think I will stay and enjoy the gardens just a bit longer. Thank you." A quiet moment to calm my nerves is exactly what is needed right now.
"I shall bid you farewell then."
He leans in very slowly before his lips slide possessively over mine. I know at this point that whatever feelings I wish he were capable of rousing within me will forever remain dormant. I am disappointed that he has been unable to win over my heart but another part of me knows that what Ryland and I share is special and no mere kiss by a handsome boy can undo the magic between us. When he finally pulls away, I smile up at him as if I am just as taken with the kiss as he is.
"Until later," I agree quietly watching him leave. Honestly I am thankful to have a few moments to myself. One never feels alone within the Crystal Palace. There are always faeries lurking about. Spying, perhaps? I cannot dislodge my sister's words from my head. Just as I am about to stroll further down the path that leads deeper into the gardens, I see someone with soft dark curls peek around the corner of a hedge.
Ryland.
I give a discreet cough and see his answering smile as he moves from around the green leafy bush. He holds his hand out to me and without words I take hold of it. The spark between us that is ever present sizzles with intensity at our union. A sense of rightness surges through me at the sudden contact. It seems pointless to keep trying to talk myself out of this. There could be no greater love for me than Ryland.
When I am with him it is unquestionable.
He is where I belong.
He is the other part of me that I never realized was missing until I saw him, touched him. I never believed this kind of love existed but when I am with him I know it is undeniable. We were fashioned solely for one another. When I am with him, there are no doubts. Even if I might wish otherwise, I know he is the only one for me.
With my hand firmly ensconced within his larger one, he runs through the perfect rows of hedges and a gurgle of laughter escapes from my mouth as I quicken my steps to keep pace with him. We only stop when we have snaked our way deep into the gardens so prying eyes cannot possibly discover our indiscretion. When we reach the very heart, he quickly folds me in
to his arms, holding me for a long moment before his lips crash down upon mine. As they do, I realize that the realm has gone completely silent.
Everything else ceases to exist.
Our hearts beat in perfect unison.
There is something so right about the feel of his arms wrapped around me. I burrow into their welcoming strength wishing these precious embraces were so much more than mere stolen moments that are punishable and traitorous to the realm in which we live.
His mouth roves slowly over mine and these thoughts are so fleeting and distant that I can barely grasp onto the soft edges of them. He pulls away, his breathing harsh and I'm unsure if it's from our run through the hedges or the tantalizing kiss we just shared. Closing his eyes, he leans his forehead against mine.
"I have missed you."
My hand gently strokes his cheek as he leans into the caress. It is on the tip of my tongue to tell him about Shaylee. About her suspecting a love interest but he captures my mouth once more and every thought that was pounding rampantly through my head turns into a hazy seduction of sweet warm melting caresses. His hands cradle my face tenderly as if he wishes to keep me close to his heart forever. Oh, but I wish it were that simple. How easy would all this be if it were solely based on love and nothing more?
"I am consumed by you, Lili."
I smile at him for no one has ever used a shortened version of my name. All the faerie folk refer to me by my given name. I like that he has abbreviated it. I will forever be his Lili. No matter what happens, I will be his Lili.
I gasp, once again remembering that I must warn him. "She knows something is amiss, Ryland. Shaylee suspects you are enamored with another."
His lips turn downward and I cannot help kissing them until he is smiling once more. I cannot bear to see his handsome face marred by unhappiness. Finally, when I think we are both done kissing, he sweeps me off my feet carrying me to a stone bench nestled beneath one of the hedge rows. He positions me on his lap so that he can hold me tenderly within his arms. My flowing silk skirts billow out around his legs.
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