Rewind

by Mariam Alaa

  “What do you want me to do, Lexi? Blame me for not wanting to ruin things with my fiancé right before our wedding just because he lied to me about some other stranger just like all the people in my life did- including you,” I yell out frustrated.

  “Evie, you’re my best friend.” Her voice turns shaky when she says ‘best friend’ before she continues, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. I’ve been waiting for the day I see myself as your maid of honor in your big day, but I can’t do this anymore.”

  Can’t do what?

  My eyebrows furrow in confusion, and just as I was about to question it, she blurts out, “Everyone’s lying to you, and the guilt- it’s killing me.” A lone tear leaks from her right eye down her cheek before she elaborates, “Your parents, your brother, and fucking Adrien! They’re all lying to you. They’re lying to you about fucking everything.”

  My eyes widen at Lexi’s choice of words since she’s never cursed before.

  “And the only reason why I couldn’t tell you the truth,” she continues pleadingly with her eyes as if asking me to understand, “Is because they have eyes on me all the time, but it’s too much. Alone or not, you’re my best friend, and they can threaten me all they want, but I will tell you.”

  They threatened Lexi?

  My heart paces at Lexi’s sudden outburst and different emotions overwhelm me at the same instant: sadness, confusion, but most of all: betrayal.

  What does she mean by ‘lying to you about everything’?

  What else is there to lie about?

  “You should cancel the wedding.” My eyes widen at her statement but because I am too consumed by the emotions, I hear her out as she continues, “And if you won’t do it, I will. I’ll object to the wedding if you don’t have it in you to cancel it. You always ask me why I hate Adrien so much, right?”

  At my nod she continues, “This man is not a man, Evangeline. You don’t know who Adrien really is but what I can tell you is that he’s one hell of an actor. I won’t let you marry someone who is playing you just like he perfected playing all his previous past roles: a fiancé, a backstabber, a liar.” She pauses almost as if she’s contemplating whether or not she should tell me.

  My heart shakes like an earthquake in my chest as Lexi looks me with sadness swirling her eyes and finally confesses. “And most importantly, a killer.”

  Chapter 9

  I find myself pacing back and forth in my wedding dress and heels in front of the groom’s room with my hands locked together under my chin as my mind broods nervously over the exact words that I’m going to say. Never would it have occurred to my ten-year-old self that I’ll be one of those runaway brides, and the fact that I haven’t even talked to my parents about what I am about to do now makes me nauseous.

  After Lexi’s confrontation about how everybody’s lying to me, and her weird accusations on Adrien that I haven’t yet made sense of, she told me to cancel off the wedding. Her exact words were, “If you’re so adamant on finding out the truth, I’ll tell you everything but not before you cancel it. Trust me,” she said with such honesty in her eyes I’ve never seen before. “It’s for the best.”

  At first, I was so against the idea. Without a doubt, I trust Lexi more than anyone else right at this moment in my life, and she’s right: I wouldn’t want to marry someone who is lying straight to my face about everything and according to her, lying is the best worst quality of Adrien’s.

  How she knows that is way beyond me, but she promised that I’ll understand everything very soon, and perhaps that’s the only motive driving me to not give up.

  At the same time, though, I don’t know if I can just shrug off all my feelings for Adrien in a night- let alone a minute- because of a sudden confrontation from my best friend. I have to admit that in these past few days, I’ve been trying to imagine how my life with Adrien is going to be after we get married, and my imagination didn’t serve me any good. Though I love Adrien- I really do- I hate how he loses his temper so easily. Not only that, but also how he doesn’t care about the money he throws away without a second thought, so for the past few days, I’ve already been thinking deeply about whether or not I should proceed with marrying him and

  reached the conclusion with my inner self that I don’t really want to.

  I know what you’re thinking: why the hell didn’t I say anything then?

  The truth is, I was afraid of the consequences of what would happen if I told him off. Other than my fear and dread for heartbreak, I felt embarrassed to admit my true feelings to my parents, to face Adrien and to call the five hundred people invited by my parents, who I probably don’t even know half of, to notify them not to come since there’s no wedding to attend to in the first place.

  The mortifying truth that I’ll forever keep sealed inside of me till the day I die is that I was now taking advantage of Lexi’s confession as an opportunity to run away from the life that I was somewhat excited for yet so afraid and hesitant to live.

  Even though I was somehow terrified that Adrien would end up being the only person who loves me like I love him, I decided that I’ll call the wedding off. I came to the conclusion that learning the truth first then figuring out what I want to do with my love life, especially since I was still contemplating whether or not he’s the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with, can’t be such a bad idea.

  In my head.

  The plan didn’t seem so bad in my head until I remembered that I’d have to confront my parents and Adrien. What do I tell my parents? What do I even tell Adrien? Would I be able to look him in the eye and tell him ‘it’s over’?

  God! He’ll hate me so much, and I probably won’t even be able to blame him, but can I handle it- the heartbreak?

  Or will it be too much to take?

  Should I mention what Lexi told me?

  No, that would be a terrible idea since she mentioned how they threatened her not to tell me the truth, and how dare they threaten her?

  My best friend.

  In the midst of my thoughts, I failed to notice the sound of a door slamming because I’m brought back to reality at the sound of a sudden shriek.

  “Evangeline, what the hell? Shouldn’t you still be waiting in the bride’s room? God, you look so beautiful, but you shouldn’t be here; I’m not allowed to see you yet.” Adrien’s eyes widen with panic when they spot me, yet he continues looking at me anyways.

  “Adrien, I love you.” I scan his attire, and my eyes burn at the sudden dwell of emotions that fell on my chest.

  Just looking at him and thinking about what I’m about to do, brings my heart a lot of pain.

  He looks at me with his wide jade eyes probably confused to why I’m here but replies, “Evangeline, you know I love you too, but wh—”

  “Stop.” I inhale and exhale slowly. “Just let me finish.”

  He stops talking, and I start pouring out my heart to him. I start pouring out everything I have to say- literally.

  “Adrien,” I start telling him softly, “I’m so glad that I met you because you’re such an incredible man. You’re kind; you care with depth about those you truly love, and you’re always around helping people. You even helped me both create and finish my stupid bucket list. You were there from almost the very beginning of my medical journey till the very end of it, and it kills me that I’m ending this, but I h-have to.” My hands wipe away the traitorous tears that fell without my consent.

  “Wait, you’re ending it? What’s this all about?” He runs his hand through his soft blond hair as he questions me.

  My heart breaks at his question, and tears start making their way down my cheeks once again. “Adrien, we created so many beautiful memories that will forever remain engraved in my mind. You were always there for me, and you always had my back. I love you so much- I really do. You slowly sneaked yourself in and carved yourself into my heart, and my heart will always be yours, but I can’t marry you today, and I’m not sure I can do it anytime soo
n. I’m so sorry.”

  “You’re not answering the question, Evangeline. What did I do?” His voice comes out in a demanding tone- a one that’s filled with visible anger-, and I place my hands on his clenched fists in an attempt to soothe him a little.

  I make my decision quickly on telling him the truth yet leaving Lexi out of it so as not to cause her any trouble. “Honestly Adrien, I don’t think that I’m ready yet, and other than not being on our best terms right now, you’re lying to me about everything. I know you are. You’ve never been a good liar, Adrien, and I will neither be the fiancé of a liar- a person who lies to his own supposedly soon-to-be wife- nor set foot into a wedding hall anytime soon until I know the truth. The whole truth that you all seem so desperate to keep hidden away from me- whether you’re the one who tells me or not.”

  With that said and with all the tears and makeup spoiling my face, I run as fast as I can, not waiting to hear what he has to say and heading to where Lexi and I agreed to meet after I confront Adrien. Even though I should’ve been one hundred percent heartbroken from inside, I wasn’t.

  It was worse: I was a chaos- an emotional wreck.

  For a random stranger passing by, I surely looked like a crazy bride in heels- with tears sprinting out of her eyes endlessly- from outside. Even though my heart was swelling in ache, from inside, it was still pounding with a little bit of excitement as eager as ever to finally know the truth.

  I’ve been kept in the dark for so long, and I’ll be damned if I don’t grab the opportunity Lexi offered me to set foot back into the light- even if it is at the expense of my own heart.

  While Lexi is currently driving my red Ferrari to God knows where, in ultimate silence probably not knowing what to say, my head rests against the glass of the window as my soul sunk into the heartbroken zone once the reality of what I just did dawned upon my mind.

  Ever since I ran away from Adrien, two things have happened: guilt hasn’t stopped paying me visits, and they haven’t stopped making an appearance in my mind- the memories. From the moment I met him till the moment I left him, every single one of them flashes through my eyes, and as they do pass vividly one by one, my heart accuses me.

  It yells at me to turn around- to go back.

  It warns me that I might be running away from the only person who will ever truly love me as much as I love.

  That I might not get an opportunity at this again: an opportunity at love.

  That finding out the truth isn’t worth ending my relationship with Adrien.

  “Are you okay?” Lexi’s focus on the road diminishes a little as she throws a few worried glances at me.

  I didn’t know what to say because I definitely am not okay. How do you explain heartbreak to someone who hasn’t even experienced love in the first place? How do you even explain heartbreak? Is it something you can explain? Will talking about it help put my mind and heart at ease, or will it forever be a heavy burden I’ll be forced to carry as my life goes on?

  I massage my forehead softly as I feel a headache slowly starting to make its way there.

  Lexi’s eyes widened a little before she releases one of her hands from the steering wheel and face palms herself. “What the hell am I asking? Of course you’re not okay.”

  “Lexi.” It’s my first time to talk since I ran away from Adrien and even though my voice comes out raspy and quiet, she surprisingly manages to hear me anyways as I ask, “Where are we going?”

  Her eyes soften at my question, and she offers me a small happy smile. “To where you finally get to know the truth.”

  “And where is that?” I wipe my eyes, which are blurry from all the tears, and look around trying to get my mind to pick up on our current location, but everything my eyes watch passing by is nothing they’re familiar with.

  My eyes zero back on Lexi whose eyes are looking searchingly out of the window on her right before the car slows down until it comes to a sudden stop, and Lexi looks at me with a wide smile etched onto her face. “R-right here.”

  “See this three-story high house?” My eyes flies from building to building until they reach the one she’s pointing at.

  “The one with the number 25 imprinted on the front door?” The blood suddenly rushes to my pacing heart at the flashback my mind takes to the last time I was here.

  “Evie, is everything okay?” Lexi places a hand on my arm, obviously catching my sudden distraught.

  “This is Adam’s house, isn’t it? What are we doing here?” Confusion draws itself on my face as I let out a breath.

  “Yes, it is. Don’t worry, you’ll find out in two minutes. Now, will you please head over to the front door and knock until I find somewhere to park? I’ll be right behind you.” Lexi unfastens her seatbelt and reaches out with her arm to my side pushing the door open for me to leave the car.

  I slowly move myself from the seat and abandon Lexi’s car still not knowing what we’re doing here. As if with a mind of their own, my feet start making their way up the staircase in front of the front door of Adam’s house, while my actual mind was somewhere else.

  What would Adam say if he sees me- the stranger who returned his wallet this one time- in a wedding dress in front of his house?

  A psychopath?

  A lunatic?

  What are we even doing here?

  Just before I am about to knock, the door swings open and Adam heads out with a black trousers, tight black shirt and a light black jacket. I’ve noticed that in those only two times I’ve seen him, he wore black.

  Is it his way of grieving after he lost Evelyn, or is he simply gothic?

  While he was departing his house, he comes out in a hasty speed not entirely looking in front of him that I don’t get a chance to warn him nor swing out of the way, and he bumps hardly into me. As if the world decided to push my limits even more, I lose my balance at the top of the staircase, but just before my feet completely slips from the step I was currently standing on, someone quickly holds me steady from behind and pushes me so that I’m completely standing still and balanced.

  Lexi.

  “What the hell Adam? Are you trying to end her life for real?” Lexi yells harshly at Adam, who looks completely and utterly confused at the sight in front of him- maybe even shocked.

  “Lexi, it’s okay. It was an accident,” I assure her calmly.

  “Are you okay, Evangeline?” Lexi eyes me worriedly, so I answer her question with a simple nod as grateful as ever that the only side effect is a rapidly pounding heart and not a broken neck.

  “What are you doing here?” Adam directs Lexi with the question and not me- probably because I’m also looking as puzzled as ever to why I’m here too.

  “Yeah, what are we doing here Lexi?” I bump my arms into hers and look straight into her hazel eyes which were, for some weird reason, burning holes into Adam’s head.

  “What the hell happened to you? Have you got no manners now? You almost kill her and you’re only worried about why we’re here?”

  Adam raises his right hand and rubs his temple slightly before breathing out slowly as he says, “Yeah, you’re right.”

  His guilty eyes avert from Lexi’s to mine as he apologizes. “Sorry about that.”

  “It’s okay.” I assure him with a soft smile.

  I don’t get why Lexi’s making a big deal out of nothing, but I don’t say anything, awaiting her explanation for what we’re doing at Adam’s.

  “Lexi.” Adam directs his curious gaze, which finally noticed my wedding dress, from the dress to her as he asks, sounding serious, “What are you doing here?”

  Lexi rubs her face with her hand in exasperation before eyeing Adam back with a serious face. “Remember that deal we made that one time?”

  That one time?

  How long exactly have they known each other?

  Adam’s eyebrows furrows in confusion, and he tilts his head back slightly in hesitance as he appears to be deep in thought. A few seconds pass before his eyes widen suddenly
in disbelief as if a bulb has lightened up in his head. “W-what?”

  “Yes.” Lexi’s lips start etching wider from a zero into a full beaming smile.

  I’m so confused with all these encrypted messages flying around, so I decided to ask Lexi what the hell they’re saying.

  “Lexi?” I raise my eyebrows.

  “Goodbye.” She surprises me by waving her hands enthusiastically and starts descending the stairs in front of Adam’s house quickly.

  “Wait!” Adam suddenly yells, with a voice filled in panic, just before I was about to. “I-I can’t do it alone.”

  He looks at me, and I don’t miss how his face contours in what seems to be pain and burden-full.

  Lexi turns around to face him whilst crossing her arms. “You.” She points a finger at him accusingly as she says, “Told me that if this ever happens, you’ll be the one to unlock that door; don’t get me in this now.”

  “What door?” I give them a curious eye.

  “I know.” Adam passes a hand through his hair in distraught as he replies to Lexi, totally ignoring my question, “I know what I said, but I didn’t think I’d actually get to do it. I just need you to be here when I do it- with me. You know as well as I do that she needs you too.”

  Okay, so they’re talking about me like how parents talk about toddlers without wanting them to understand what they’re actually saying, and it’s bothering me like hell.

  Lexi’s face studies me shortly before she slowly ascends the stairs back to where we’re standing. “Okay.”

  After we slowly make our way through Adam’s house, which wasn’t a house really but more like a mansion, we all sat down at the royal dining table. Lexi made me coffee claiming that I’ll need it, while I silently nod to anything that’s being said or directed at me as I patiently wait to understand what they’re doing- what I’m about to hear- because it doesn’t seem anywhere near good, and it isn’t helping that my pulse is slowly rising with each second passing by.