Rewind

by Mariam Alaa

  “Yeah, you’re not lying there,” he states.

  “What happened to your hands?” I glance at his knuckles which were covered in dried blood, and it wasn’t easing my nerves not knowing whether it was his or someone else’s.

  I kept wondering if it’s Adrien’s, or maybe -as evil as I sound- hoping it was.

  “It’s nothing.” He unclenches he hands quickly and sets them by his sides. “Just a little misunderstanding- that’s all. Don’t worry about it.”

  “Can I ask you something else?” I try to divert the spotlights from him, since he looked uncomfortable.

  “It seems like all you have are questions, but I’m okay with that because all I have is time. Shoot.” He seems satisfied with the change of the subject.

  “Do you know why Evelyn would’ve hated my parents? Because when I headed there yesterday to have a talk with my parents, my mom said something about why they did what they did so that I don’t have it in me to hate them again, and I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about when she said that, so do you know?” My eyes look at his grey ones with hope swirling in them.

  “I’m not a liar, Evangeline, so I won’t tell you that I don’t know what you’re talking about because I do but what I can honestly tell you.” He crouches down in front of me as he tenderly skims his fingers over my bruises. “Is that as much as I want you to figure it out and as much as I’m dying to tell you about it, I will not allow myself to be the reason why you hate your parents- why you might never want to see them again; I’m not that selfish.”

  With that said, he heads out of the room while I was still, here, lying in the same spot on the ground with sensational tingles from his touch, wondering how I’ve never seen anyone as genuine as he is. His smile is genuine; his actions are genuine, and everything about him screams genuine. My mind couldn’t stop wondering how the hell I’ve only seen this guy about three times and how the hell I’ve known him since yesterday maybe, and I already feel like he’s one of the most people who has earned both my trust and respect in life.

  Chapter 14

  Three weeks has passed ever since I’ve started staying here at Adam’s. At first, I wasn’t used to this peace, to this silence and most importantly, I wasn’t used to this kind of loneliness. Having two floors all to myself surprisingly felt overwhelming- like two floors shouldn’t be meant for one person to live in- that I suddenly got the reason why Adam decided to rent a part of his house. No wonder he felt lifeless with all three floors all to himself. Back at my parent’s two-story house, we’d spend most of the day together- all of us. We had our meals together, we used to watch movies at night together, and we even played cards sometimes when we got bored, but here it was just Adam and I.

  Don’t get me wrong; we spend time together, but all the time we’d spend was at the dining table with nothing to talk about. Even though Lexi would swing by every two days or so for a couple of hours, and Adam would knock on my bedroom door once a day to make sure there’s nothing I needed, I still felt empty- isolated. I’ve been reading the diary Lexi bought me, for it’s the only thing that keeps me company at this time. It’s the only thing that I can use to get my mind off the feeling of missing my parents that was starting to slowly sneak into my heart.

  Speaking of my parents, they called me- a lot. I have one hundred missed calls, forty voice notes, and two hundred text messages. I haven’t bothered listening to any of them until I know why they did it- until I discover the answers to all of my questions. Although I wasn’t completely sure whether or not I’ll find the truth in Evelyn’s diary, I had an intuition that it’ll be there. I haven’t skipped through the pages, though, because I decided that other than finding out what my parents are hiding, I even have a stronger urge to learn who I was before the accident.

  “Is it okay that I ordered pizza for dinner? I’m sorry I forgot to ask what you would’ve wanted to have for dinner.” Adam cuts me out of my trance.

  “No, it’s okay; pizza’s good with me,” I reply as we both sit next to each other in front of the television in the living room which was featuring my favourite movie ‘Miracle in Cell no.7’, as we wait for delivery man to arrive.

  At the scene were the little girl’s father appears with a swollen eye from the merciless torture he endured, Adam glances at mine. “How’s your eye?”

  “It’s pretty much healed now thanks to your help.” I tilt my head to face him and offer him a simple smile because it’s true: I’ve been applying the ointment he gave me every single day, and my eye feels and looks all good now.

  “So,” I say, trying to keep the conversation going. “What’d you order?”

  “I ordered the usual: chicken ranch and pepperoni.” He eyes me weirdly as if not getting why I’m even asking when suddenly his eyes widen apologetically, and he starts rambling, “Oh God, what the hell is wrong with me? Evangeline, I’m so sorry. It’s just that when Evelyn was around, we usually ordered both of these pizzas from Papa John’s because they were her favourites, and it didn’t even occur to me that I sho—”

  “Adam, stop.” A laugh erupts from me as I assure him. “It’s no big deal. Besides, they’re my favourite too.”

  Silence rushes rapidly back into the room, and we’re no longer talking. Our eyes are fixed solely on the movie. Our eyes- not our minds. I don’t know about Adam, but watching this emotional bomb where this mentally-challenged father is wrongly accused of murder, where he is sentenced with a death penalty, and where his daughter- the only light in his life- isn’t allowed to visit him in jail, caused my mind to think of Adam and his parents. Did they have a good relationship? Was he visiting them from afar? Where were they? I don’t know Adam this well, but what I can tell is that there’s no way he wasn’t a good son. He seems like the kind of man any mother or father would be proud to call ‘son’, so where were they really?

  I contemplate asking him about it and end up with my curiosity winning over. “Adam?”

  His focused eyes flicker from the movie to mine before I blurt out my question, hoping he won’t think I’m prying into his life. “Where are your parents?”

  Unexpectedly, his jaw clenches at my question as if I’ve suddenly triggered memories that weren’t appealing to him which sparked a twinge of guilt inside of me. “I’m sorry; you don’t have to tell me.”

  I look back at the television, embarrassed by my sudden interest to know more about him, when he decides to give me a short answer. A short answer that I didn’t expect at all. I expected something along the lines of ‘I wanted to move away; live by myself’, or even as much as I was dreading it ‘they’re dead’ but never ,in a million years, would I’ve been ready to hear him say what he said to me.

  With a pained expression, as if it’s the most aching thing that’s ever happened to his life, he says, “They disowned me.”

  Sorrow and pity washes over me at his answer, and I have no idea what to say. I avoid pushing him any further like ‘why would they do that?’ and keep my mouth shut. What did he do to deserve that kind of hatred and abandonment from his own parents- from the woman who carried him nine months and gave birth to him or from the man who raised him as he grew up? Does he have any siblings? Is it just him? How did my parents even reject him? How did they end up accepting Adrien over this flawless man I was in love with? He’s the epitome of the perfect match. The perfect son. The perfect son-in-law. The perfect gentleman. He doesn’t raise his voice let alone punch a woman; he takes care of people and offers them whatever he can to help.

  “It’s their own loss,” I tell him with a genuinely honest smile.

  He offers me an appreciative small one in return before our attention returns back to the movie.

  Just like that, we’re brought back to silence again, but this time it isn’t the awkward kind; it’s surprisingly pretty much comforting. By the time the movie is finished, my face is wet mess from all the crying my eyes have done. This is one of the most depressing and touching yet definitely ‘worth
watching’ movies I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Adam, who looked a second away from breaking into a giggle fit at my appearance, had the decency to hold the tissue box for me as I pull one after the other and sniff in sadness.

  “I’m just happy he made it out alive for the sake of his daughter; she had no one else.” My words come out muffled.

  “He did, Evangeline; no need to waste anymore tears. It’s just a movie.” Adam gives me a soft smile, humoured by my overdramatic reaction to the movie.

  A sudden knock on the front door causes my sobs to come to a halt because they weren’t just knocks; they were hard, fast blows to the door.

  “You’re expecting someone?” My questioning gaze averts from the door to Adam’s bewildered ones.

  “No. Just the deliveryman.” He stands up from the couch, taking speedy strides to the door before twisting the doorknob and pulling it slightly open.

  I couldn’t see who it is, but Adam’s expression totally caused my palms to turn sweaty because he had one of those hesitantly worried expressions on his face as his eyes travelled back and forth from the person at the door to me. Before he even has the time to process, the door is hardly pushed open and in comes the person I’ve least expected to show up here.

  Adrien.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Adam’s worried expression morphs into anger.

  “I was sure that I’d find her here with you.” Adrien’s eyes were filled with disgust as they settled on me for a few seconds. “But I have to admit: I wasn’t completely sure. Our wedding was three weeks ago after all.”

  “What do you want, Adrien? Can’t you just leave me alone?” I slowly take a few cautious steps towards him, but I make sure to keep a distance between us, and it’s only then when I approach him do I get a look at the purple nasty bruise on his cheek, so I blurt, “What happened?”

  He clenches his jaw and sets his raging green eyes on Adam as he answers through gritted teeth, “Nothing.”

  “Okay then, what the hell do you want?” I cross my arms over my chest with a burning urge for him to get the hell out of here.

  “I came here to make sure you’re okay after the thing with your eyes and all.” His apologetic jade eyes plead silently as if asking for my forgiveness.

  The thing with my eyes?

  Adam snorts in a disbelieving manner, and I have to say: I was fighting the urge to do so myself.

  “You came here to check on me?” He nods, while I just try to wrap my head around how his brain works.

  I’m so glad I left him- honestly.

  “Adrien, let me get this straight: you came here to check on my already healed eye that you were responsible for damaging three weeks ago? Couldn’t you come any later?” I raise my eyebrows in disbelief.

  “I know: I’m a douchebag.” He brushes his hand through his hair in frustration. “I’m sorry, Evangeline- I really am.”

  “Can you leave my property now? Seriously, Adrien, you’re no longer welcomed in this house," Adam says seriously as he fixes his stern gaze on Adrien.

  “Not before saying this.” Adrien turns around to face Adam as he says, “I hate you. Do you know what it feels like to watch her run back into your arms? She always does. She always ends up coming back to you. Somehow, she always finds her way back.”

  My heart starts beating faster as I listen to Adrien’s words, taking them in. I feel a sudden need to defend myself- to tell him ‘no Adrien, I don’t’ and ‘no Adrien, it isn’t like that’- but I don’t say a word. I simply listen to what he has to say.

  “When it comes down to me and you, it’s always you.” He lets out a furious disbelieving chuckle. “Hell even after she lost her memory, she left me for you.”

  What the hell is he talking about? That’s not true. I left Adrien because I couldn’t make a life-changing decision while I was living a big lie that is my life. I didn’t do this for Adam, Lexi, Adrien or my parents; I did it for me.

  “Adrien, I di—”

  “Save it, Evelyn.” He spits my old name out like a venom before heading towards the door. “Have a nice life.”

  Just before he slams the door shut behind him, his eyes avert to Adam’s and a sinister smirk makes its way to his lips before he mutters the one word that changes everything. One of the secrets I haven’t yet unravelled from Evelyn’s diary was now being released from Adrien himself.

  Adrien looked Adam in the eyes, threw me an evil-coated smirk and in a very evident voice, he said, “Goodbye, brother.”

  31/1/2015

  Dear diary,

  Today I’ve discovered something interesting about myself: I absolutely hate jealousy. It’s the one feeling that is capable of corrupting minds, hearts and even friendships- maybe even relationships. I was grateful for having both Adam and Adrien in my life – other than Lexi of course, but now I feel like I’m only grateful for having one and ungrateful for knowing the other.

  In spite of acknowledging it deep down in my heart that my feelings for Adam were escalating the more I got to see him, I never stated it out loud- at least not until now. I was aware of the danger me falling for Adam would both impact on Adrien and I’s friendship and Adam and Adrien’s relationship. It’s not like I ordered my heart to fall for one of them; it just happened. Today, when Adrien decked Adam in the face out of nowhere, claiming that he’s stealing me away from him, my heart was shattered like glass into miniscule pieces. I couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t Adam’s fault because even though I started getting the hints that Adam was actually on a road to my heart as well, I felt like I’m the one who was stealing Adam from Adrien.

  It’s bad enough that they were too close- closer to each other than they were ever to me- before I crashed into their lives, or they crashed into mine. ‘Bad’ isn’t even a good word anymore. Not only am I starting to hate myself for feeling like I’m the reason that their friendship is slowly dissipating, but I’m also loathing my soul for getting in between two brothers. I feel like I’m Elena Gilbert in The Vampire Diaries. I feel like I’m a selfish bitch for doing that- even if I never meant for it to happen. I always made sure that I let them celebrate alone whenever they’d hang out with each other every weekend; I made sure I gave them time, and I made sure I’m not stealing one brother from the other, but I failed. I didn’t fail with my plan itself; I failed in reaching my goal. Now the guilt is eating me alive because I have no clue about what I should do to mend Adrien’s broken heart.

  I shut the diary immediately, for I was no longer able to take it. It’s one thing to read someone’s words, and it’s completely another thing to relate to it because I was. In this instant, I am feeling exactly what Evelyn felt, but it’s even worse. Evelyn loved Adam, but me? I had to really get in between brothers, didn’t I? I had to be engaged to Adam when I was Evelyn, and be Adrien’s fiancé as Evangeline.

  God, what have I done?

  I feel like throwing up. Although I’m just staying here as a residence, I can’t help but feel disgusted with myself. I have no intention of getting back to Adam, right? I swallow the emptiness in my dry throat because I get the feeling that I’ve never been more wrong- that history is repeating itself.

  What am I going to do?

  Chapter 15

  Sometimes we wake up thinking that this is our day. We wake up thinking that we’re going to make use of it to the fullest- that we’re not going to waste time like we did yesterday, and we’re going to enjoy it. Optimism isn’t a crime, not at all, but we seem to forget –at times- that we do not control everything- that everything isn’t in our hands. Plans may be ruined, goals may not be reached, happiness may not be granted, and that’s why I can fairly say that this certainly wasn’t Adam Sanderson’s day.

  Not when he woke up to the sight of his Porsche wrecked up- a man-made wrecking.

  Today, while we were having our usual breakfast, Lexi showed up at Adam’s front door -for a few seconds- with a pale, white face as if she’s seen a ghost. She was passing by hi
s house as she was heading towards a hypermarket to get the groceries that her mom wanted, when she saw it, and that’s why she stopped by: to let us know before she left again. At first she kept her lips sealed with a hand resting on her head in distraught, not knowing how to explain to us what happened. I have to say that her actions caused my head to run over the worst possible scenarios to what might’ve happened. My nerves began itching at the thought that something awful might’ve happened to my parents or Trevor, but when Lexi simply pointed to the direction outside the house, I didn’t know what to think.

  Adam’s black Porsche can no longer be called a car. During a time lapse of an hour –probably at night when the entire neighbourhood was fast asleep- the luxurious Porsche transformed into a piece of junk. At the sight of at least five deep dents into his car, the glass of the windshield and all four windows shattered over the floor and the passenger’s door unhinged to the car, I was surprised Adam’s reaction wasn’t more than a clench of a jaw. It was as if he expected something like that to happen.

  “What’s that?” I’m surprised that my eyes caught glimpse of the small piece of folded paper, which was tucked below the wipers of the car’s windshield.

  Lexi has already left after we saw what happened, so it was just Adam and I for now. I pull out the note from under the wipers. Approaching me with a glint of curiosity in his eyes, Adam furrows his eyebrows. As if granting my permission, he nods, asking me silently to open it. With him standing behind me, my shaking fingers slowly unfold the note until it becomes wide open with its clear familiar handwriting that I could point out anywhere.

  My heart beats drum in my chest hardly, and heat crawls up my neck from the anger, the embarrassment and the mortification at what my eyes are making out. With the paper in my left hand, I cover my mouth with my right hand in absolute shock. I don’t look up; I don’t face him, for what can I say? How can I explain such actions?