The Lost Voice

by V. St. Clair

  She didn’t want to be left behind, stagnant, while the others embraced the sudden wave of change upon them. She still didn’t know how she fit into this grand plan of Hera’s and Jessamine’s, so she turned to the one thing she felt she could control: finishing school and getting a job.

  At least I’ll be able to meet some new people and bring new information to the group for a change.

  Assuming she could pass her exams.

  With a sigh, she set her book aside and stood up, stretching her back and staring down at the half-filled out page in front of her without interest. She knew what she needed to do before she could give her attention fully to her exams; Hera and Ana both felt the need to remind her of it every time they got the chance. But talking about something was easier than actually doing it, and she had been hiding from this for weeks now.

  No more.

  And with that, her mind was made up. Whatever happened would happen, and no matter how dreadful these next few conversations went, at least it would be resolved.

  But who to call first?

  She needed to make amends with Carl, badly. He had been on her mind more than anyone these last few weeks, ever since the horrible bus accident when she learned he was going to work for the Augenspire. As she adjusted to his new role, she was able to be properly ashamed of the way she treated him in the wake of the announcement, and often wondered if it was too late to salvage their relationship, even after he stayed the night to guard her from a foe that never came. They hadn’t really spoken since he left the Academy, and she felt the pain of the distance between them every day.

  It’ll have to wait a little longer.

  There was only one real answer to the question of who she should contact first. As much as she wanted to talk to Carl to make things right, there was someone she had been waiting to talk to for eight years now; the reason she had started this winding journey with Hera as a teenager and become the person she was today.

  Topher it is, then.

  She pulled the communicator from her bag and quickly found Ana’s number, preparing to message her and ask for Topher’s personal info so she could call him directly.

  He gave that number to her, not to me.

  She stopped before the message was sent, hesitating for a moment and then deleting it entirely. If Topher wanted her to have his personal number, he could give it to her himself. He would hardly welcome an intrusion into his privacy right now.

  So she called the main line for the Augenspire, preparing to try the switchboard.

  Someone answered on the first ring.

  “Augenspire central. How may I direct your call, Miss Vorhees?”

  It was always unsettling to know they had her entire dossier in front of them every time she called, and were scanning her information while speaking to her.

  “I’d like to speak to Major Topher Augen, if he is available.”

  Silence. Risa could imagine the shocked expression on the face of whoever was on the other end of the line.

  “Provo-Major Topher Augen?” the woman asked.

  Is there another one? Risa was tempted to ask, but didn’t.

  “Yes, please.”

  “I’ll need to transfer you through the Provo-Minor offices. I am also required to explain to you that any calls routed to the Provo-Major determined to be threats, jokes, or otherwise problematic may result in legal action taken against you under Statute 4A. Can you confirm your understanding and acceptance of these terms?”

  “Yes.”

  “One moment, please, while I transfer your call.”

  Risa exhaled deeply as the next set of ringtones became audible, taking a moment to settle her nerves and wondering whether Topher would even be willing to speak with her. It was hard to put the memory of her last horrible attempt at calling him out of her mind, but she had to at least try to reach him again.

  It took four rings for the Provo-Minor switchboard to answer. This time it was a man’s voice saying, “Risa Vorhees?”

  “Yes.”

  “How can I direct your call?”

  “I am trying to reach Provo-Major Topher Augen, please.”

  Another uncomfortable moment of silence.

  “May I ask why?” the man said at last.

  The question surprised her.

  “Um, am I required to tell you?” she asked hesitantly, not wanting to get into trouble.

  Another moment of silence, and then, “No. But I must inform you that under Statute 4A—”

  “I know and acknowledge the terms of 4A. Please ask if he’ll take my call.”

  “One moment.”

  The line went silent, and Risa breathed again, wondering if this entire thing was an exercise in futility—or worse, stupidity. She contemplated whether it was even worth trying Carl after this.

  “I am transferring your call. One moment.” The male voice sounded puzzled, and before she could speak it was gone and the ringtone was back.

  The video switched on, and Risa abruptly found herself staring at the face of Topher Augen.

  “Topher,” she blurted out, shocked at him actually answering the phone.

  “Risa,” he replied steadily, arching an eyebrow. “Is everything alright?”

  “Yes—or, well, as far as I know,” she amended, feeling like an idiot. “I—I’m sorry, are you busy?”

  He looked slightly rueful when he said, “I’m always busy, at present.”

  “Oh, never mind then—”

  “I didn’t mean it as a deterrent. It was a general comment on my workload,” he explained. Upon closer inspection, he did look tired. “What do you need?”

  Risa had been thinking about this moment for years, but now that it was here she suddenly had no idea what to say.

  “I—I wanted to talk to you…when you’re able. I’ve wanted to talk to you for a long time.”

  Topher’s eyes scanned her face, though Risa had no idea what he was looking for. Whatever it was, he must have found it, because after a moment he seemed to relax slightly and said, “Yes, I suppose we should. I can break away from the Augenspire for a few minutes.”

  He wants to meet in person?!

  Risa was so stunned she almost hung up the phone out of sheer panic, but she managed to keep her composure long enough to say, “Right now?”

  “If you’d like.”

  “Um, sure. Where do you want to meet?”

  “I’ll come to you. You reside in the Physical Manipulations dormitories, correct?”

  “Yes…” He’s coming here, to the Academy?

  “Meet me outside in about twenty minutes.” He waited until she nodded and then cut the comm.

  Risa stared at the blank display in silence, surprised that it had been so easy to get a meeting after all this time. For years this insurmountable wall loomed in front of her, and suddenly here it was, crumbling down.

  When her brain kicked back into action she dropped the comm and checked her reflection, trying to decide whether she should change clothing or put some makeup on. She was wearing a bright blue blouse and cream-colored pants, and the contrast against her pale skin and red hair made both stand out. She tried to remember the last time Topher had seen her. Had she already started wearing bright, eye-catching clothing, or was she still trying to blend into the background?

  It doesn’t matter what I look like, she shook herself mentally. She didn’t care if Topher thought she was pretty, but her hands were itching for something to do while she passed the time.

  Come to think of it, what is Topher going to wear to the meeting?

  Was he going to fly down from some top level of the Augenspire in his heavy armor, like a demon from a fairytale? Everyone who happened to be outdoors in the Academy would be terrified by the sight of an armored Major dropping into the middle of campus, especially as news of the Gifted murders had begun to crop up around the school. No one outside of Hera’s acquaintances seemed to know the Majors were the key suspects right now, and very few people knew of Risa being cha
sed by one, but they were still on edge.

  Topher is smart. He knows better than to start a panic in the Academy.

  He was obviously one of the key players in Jessamine’s plans to integrate the Gifted back into society, and he wouldn’t do anything to deliberately make her work more difficult. He would probably show up in his light armor and be calm and professional with any Gifted he encountered.

  Rather than stand in her room wondering how much time had passed, Risa decided to head downstairs and wait near the doors. Walking released some of her nervous energy, so she took her time moving towards the ground floor and passing through the main entrance.

  The weather was nice today, and Risa breathed deeply and let the sun shine on her face, moving away from the doors and taking a seat on a nearby bench in the shade. Staring down at her hands, she tried to organize her thoughts and plan for the upcoming conversation. The last thing she wanted was to start rambling disjointedly, or, worse—crying.

  She had no idea how long she was lost in thought, only that she hadn’t really accomplished much of anything when Topher’s voice said, “Hello,” from nearby.

  Her heart raced as she looked up and saw him standing in front of her in plainclothes. She couldn’t decide if the jeans and black t-shirt were a nod to how he dressed before joining the military, for her benefit, or if his personal style hadn’t changed much in the last decade. A close-fitting skull-cap covered his Enhancers, and his Talents and weapons were nowhere in sight. Risa didn’t doubt for a minute he had them hidden somewhere.

  “Topher, hi.” She stood up just as he said, “May I sit down?”

  “Yes, of course.” She returned to her seat, feeling awkward as he sat beside her.

  She cast around desperately for something to say and ended up blurting out, “I thought you’d be in your armor.”

  If he was surprised by the question he didn’t show it.

  “The armor draws attention and makes me easy to track,” he explained.

  “You’re worried the Gifted might follow you out of the Academy?” Risa asked, confused.

  “It’s not the Gifted I’m worried about, at present.”

  It clicked in her head as soon as he said it, and she mentally shook herself as she said, “Sorry, I’d almost forgotten about—the issues at the Augenspire.”

  The expression on his face read: must be nice.

  “I hear you avoided an unpleasant encounter with one of my peers as well.”

  Risa’s lips parted, wondering who Topher had heard about the attack from. Hera, most likely.

  “It’s hard to be sure, especially since no one else has been attacked near the Academy recently.”

  Topher took this in without comment before changing the subject. “You wanted to talk?”

  “Yes, I…well, I thought we should, after all this time.”

  Topher nodded, staring down at his own hands instead of at her.

  “Yes, I’ve been meaning to follow up with you for some time now, but things keep getting in the way. My apologies.”

  It was odd seeing him so agreeable and—well, normal. The last time she saw him he was storming into his childhood home to tell her he didn’t have time to deal with her and dragging his mother off to have some private discussion while she sat in the living room.

  “I spent all this time imagining what I would say to you, but now that you’re here I’m drawing a blank,” she admitted. “I didn’t really think you’d ever have time for me—or want to make time—again.”

  Topher frowned thoughtfully.

  “I avoided your call back then,” he admitted darkly. “I thought about answering—I knew I should—but I didn’t.”

  “I always wondered why,” Risa said softly. “I assumed you heard I was Gifted and decided we weren’t friends anymore. I know that hating the Gifted was kind of a requirement for being in the Provo-Major at the time, and you obviously got the post at a freakishly-young age for a reason, so you probably wanted to fit in.”

  Topher shook his head.

  “I have never hated the Gifted. To be honest, I mostly only thought about them in the context of how they could pose a danger to the Viceroy and his family, so to me they were always just a facet of my job.”

  “But the Majors seem to enjoy striking us down and keeping us scared and oppressed.”

  “Most of us don’t really enjoy killing anyone. I certainly don’t, Gifted or not.”

  Risa raised her eyebrows.

  “It’s kind of surprising to hear that, especially after Halstead and Corithans and everything else you’ve been involved with.”

  He shrugged.

  “I follow orders. It’s the thing people keep failing to realize about working for the military. The Viceroy said to find a way to stop the rebellion at Halstead, and I found a way. Granted, the execution of my plans was terrible and not at all what I had specified.” He looked at her now. “We follow the will of the ruling Viceroy or Vicereine. Roald wanted the rebellion crushed, so I helped crush the rebellion. Jessamine wants peace and integration, so I do what I can to drive her agenda.”

  “It sounds horrible, always doing what someone else wants. Do they even ask your opinion?”

  “Usually, depending on the subject. We Majors have a variety of skillsets and backgrounds, and we’re involved in most major business within the government. But the final decision is Jessamine’s.”

  “And what if she does something you really don’t agree with?”

  “I agreed to serve her, whether I align with what she’s doing or not. If I was strongly opposed to her agenda, I suppose I could quit, but few Majors take that route.”

  Risa frowned thoughtfully.

  “So you haven’t been hating me all these years for being Gifted?”

  “Hating you?” He looked surprised. “No, I never hated you.”

  “Then why did you avoid me and your mother for so long?”

  Topher looked introspective now, his gaze unfocused as his thoughts turned inward.

  “I wasn’t sure how to integrate my old life into my new one. The more I stood out in the military, the more you—and my mother—grew unhappy with me. It was always lectures and tears when I tried to explain my new life to you both, and I grew weary of it. My peers are from more affluent backgrounds and often like to remind me of it, which doesn’t bother me in the slightest now, but did when I was younger and newer to all of this. I kept waiting for the Viceroy to decide he’d made a mistake in promoting me, and I was working as hard as I could not to come to his negative attention.”

  “So you were embarrassed of where you came from, and of us.” Risa said it without emotion, though she felt a pang of sadness at the thought.

  “Yes, I suppose so.” He sighed. “I’m not proud of it, and I apologize for it, but at the time I was trying to secure my position and not remind anyone of my origins any more than necessary.”

  Risa nodded.

  “There were times when I thought I hated you,” she admitted. “Especially after Halstead, because it broke your mother’s heart. I was the only one with her when she broke down sobbing because you were involved. I thought you were selfish and cruel for abandoning us, and for working with the people who kept the Gifted oppressed. So much of what I’ve done the last eight years has been driven by that anger.”

  “And now?” Topher met her gaze.

  “I’m not sure.” She blinked and looked away. “When I found out Carl was planning to join up I think I hit critical mass on my anger, but recently it’s just sort of fallen away. I guess I got tired of being so angry and sad all the time, and I want to make whatever amends I can and move past it.”

  Topher nodded.

  “Anger is one of the more exhausting emotions, isn’t it? I’ve held onto my share of grudges as well.”

  “I’m not sure Carl will forgive me for some of the things I’ve said, but I at least wanted to try to mend things with you, so I can stop feeling awkward when you show up at your mom’s house for me
etings.”

  Topher nodded.

  “I didn’t handle things well at my mother’s house.” He met her gaze. “I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did. I had–still have–a lot on my plate and stress tends to make me…”

  He seemed to be grappling for a word, so Risa supplied, “Terse? Gruff?”

  “An ass,” Topher corrected, and the admission made them both smile. It was fleeting, but it was the first time Risa had seen him smile since they were children.

  “Well, that seems to be something we have in common. I feel like I’ve been horrid recently, even to the Vicereine, who I barely know from a hole in the ground.”

  “For what it’s worth, Jessamine has always supported making things better for the Gifted, even when her father was in power. Most of the small concessions he eventually made were a result of her influence. If you are willing to continue working with her—with us—despite our past differences, we might actually be able to accomplish some real change.”

  “I know. I couldn’t help but despise her for a long time, because I felt like she had everything I didn’t. She took you away from me and I—well, I liked you.” She had no idea why she was telling him after all this time, but if she was ever going to clear the air, now was the moment to do it.

  Topher looked mildly surprised but then said, “I liked you, too. I seem to favor redheads.” He shook himself slightly, apparently surprised that he admitted his feelings for Jessamine out loud, though it was pretty obvious to Risa.

  “It must be hard with her getting married soon.”

  His expression became suddenly closed and he said, “I’ll manage.” He checked his communicator. “I need to leave soon. Quite a lot of people are demanding my time at present, especially with the wedding so close.”

  “Thank you for taking the time to meet with me. I hope things can be better between us now.”

  He nodded and checked to make sure the hat was still covering his enhancers.

  “As do I. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to make another meeting at my mother’s house, since my movements are being watched, but I’m sure we’ll run into each other eventually.”

  She extended her hand and he shook it, his grip warm and firm.