Die, My Love

by Penelope Fletcher

  Yes, to love so deeply and quickly, and for it all to collapse equally fast is a difficult thing.

  I’m weeping when a couple find me and call the police, working themselves into a fitful state, fearful I’ve been attacked. I’m alone down a secluded London street, in a crumpled heap on the cold ground, crying, after all. It takes much coaxing from the nice policeman who arrives sometime later to get me to stand up and speak. He makes me take a breathalyzer test and checks to make sure I’ve no illnesses disabling me. Quite soon, he realizes I’ve suffered an emotional trauma, and through my demented babblings he discovers I’ve been left here by a man, and swiftly concludes I’ve been through a rough breakup. When he tries to put me in a taxi to drive me home, I snap out of it, and assure him I’m fine. During his appeal that I should go home, I agree with him silently, and wander off mid conversation. I hope he can forgive me my rudeness. He cannot help me; no one can.

  I gave my heart to Vampire, and he refused to keep it.

  Lee, you said it! The word you couldn’t even think of before, you’ve said it!

  On autopilot, I duck into a newsagents, buy a bottle of vodka, slide a crumbled ten-pound note over the counter to the man, and find a tube station. On the train, I get heckled by a group of boys who’ve buttoned their pastel polo shirts right up (isn’t that uncomfortable?), and combed their hair to one side. Ah look, how quickly they lose interest after catching a good look at my blotchy face. What, a hysterically crying woman too much for you? I also get looked at funny for drinking from a bottle of vodka on the train, now illegal on the tube, but what do I care?

  At first, I’m on the wrong train, and halfway to Ealing Broadway I realize and get off. Ooops! I’m having a dangerous moment on the overhead pass, these railings really are quite thin aren’t they. Hmmm. Back on a train, I’m curled up on one of the seats, my head tucked into my shoulder as I cry.

  The horrible thing? I swear I feel Ben nearby. Each time I look up there is no one close to his description, but I feel him.

  Can you, Lee? Are you sure that is not merely your brain trying to make you feel better?

  Stumbling into my flat, I try to slam the door closed, but it just isn’t working. Damn you door! The vodka bottle in my hands is not helping matters, I guess, but at least it’s lighter now I’ve consumed so much of it … seeing double is not helping either. Everything feels numb but the organ in my chest, that still hurts like a motherfucker. Maybe I should call Bethany? She will know how to comfort me.

  “I would give him my heart,” I mumble, patting my pocket for my phone. “He could take my blood and I would beg him to drink more to feel him close to me.” Not finding the phone, I sigh, and take another swig from the bottle, because the knowledge I would rather be his food if I cannot be his love reminds me how mental I am. “But only if he was honest,” I finish decidedly. “I’ve a thing about honesty.”

  “Really?”

  I swing round and take in the tall figure standing in the middle of my sitting room. It’s still dark, and I see nothing but a vague outline that blurs out of focus. I squint and puff out my cheeks. Ick, that did not make me feel good; the room is spinning. I blink slowly, trying to concentrate. Ben? No, no this man is too tall and slender to be my darling.

  “You’re not Ben,” I manage, confused.

  Lightning flashes outside and thunder is a few moments away. The heavens open and it rains, huge droplets bouncing off the windows. Another flash of lightning and the stranger is suddenly half a step away from me and I stumble on the spot.

  Okay, Lee, you need to put the bottle of booze down and wake up right now. Danger, do you understand? He is an enemy!

  My fingers spasm but I’m unable to drop the bottle. I can’t feel my limbs anymore. Oh well, looks like I’m holding onto the bottle. I shake my head at myself and sway.

  The stranger leans closer and sniffs me. “Are you upset? Did Child Ben hurt you?” The shadow cocoons me in his arms and his strokes his hands down my back. “You poor, poor girl. I know that it hurts but no … no you don’t want to know.”

  I frown and swipe at his shoulder. “Tell me. I deserve to know the truth. To know everything.”

  “Well….” The stranger sighs and looks away. It’s then I see his profile and through the haze I remember him.

  “Daniel?” I whisper.

  “Yes, I’m here for you. I’ll take the pain away, Lee. Don’t you want the pain to stop?”

  I push away from him and angle my head away. “You shouldn’t be here. Ben will be mad.”

  “Ben? But didn’t he leave you all alone? Didn’t he abandon you when he said that he wanted you forever?” His voice sounds bitter. “It is cruel when someone promises forever and lies, isn’t it? I feel your pain. I will be trapped with mine for an eternity.”

  His voice is compelling. I’ve stopped struggling and watch his face with wide eyes. There is pain there and such feeling. Who does he speak of I wonder? When I met him earlier, I’d assumed he was the Bad Guy of Ben’s people, but now, I’m not sure. Daniel sounds like me, a cast off. Someone who was promised everything by someone he loved only to have it cruelly snatched away from him.

  “Such pain,” he finishes on a sigh. Looking down at me, eyes glinting in the darkness, he gives a small smile and the tips of his fangs are exposed. He leans closer and breaths in deep. “You don’t have to suffer like me, Lee. I can make everything better.”

  “You can?” I mumble, and slouch in his embrace. Honestly, I’m relieved he may have an answer to the rather large issue of my world falling apart.

  “Oh yes.” He moves even closer, his arms tightening. “All you have to do is relax and … try not to scream too loudly.”

  Relax? I can do that and … wait … scream?

  A thunderous roar rings loud in my ears. My legs give out and the world cuts to black. Somehow I’m free of his embrace and keel over like a felled tree: the side of my head smacking the coffee table, shunting me in the other direction. Everything vibrates. I fall onto my side and my bottom lip explodes in pain. Sobbing, I roll over and taste blood.

  Sprawled on my back, above me Daniel is locked in combat with … Ben? Oh gosh Ben, you came back! Darling. Ugh, I can’t move. My hands are still clamped around the damn vodka bottle though.

  Daniel flying across the room to crash through the wall into my bedroom swiftly follows with pained grunting.

  “Look at me,” a voice pleads.

  No Ben, too loud, the power of your voice is too much!

  ‘My bride, please look at me.’

  I swivel my eyes wildly until they snag on his pained face. He curls me into him, pressing kisses to my cheeks, my lips, chin, and forehead, all the while talking to me in my mind: soothing promises that I’m safe and that he has me.

  “Ben!” Daniel roars.

  Once again, I fly through the air as Daniel slams into Ben’s back and sends us hurtling across the room. We land in a heap, but Ben curls his arm around my head to stop me bashing it. He pushes me from him. ‘Go,’ he thinks at me and lunges up to clash with Daniel, fists flying, legs braced.

  Lee, get up and move your fat ass!

  Pulling from deep within, I lurch up onto my hands and knees and crawl. I ignore the sounds of pain and destruction from the powerful beings fighting in my living room come diving room, and make it to the front door, which is ajar. I slide out into the hallway. My next-door neighbour peeks at me from behind a baseball bat bigger than her.

  “Ms Chang,” I rasp, still crawling, my arms aching. “Go back inside your house and lock the door.”

  “I call police,” the tiny Chinese woman whispers and disappears in a swirl of purple silk.

  “Wait,” I cry, panicked. “Ms Chang, wait!”

  I can’t keep going. My arms fail me and I lie down breathing heavily. My eyelids droop, and I close them for a second, promising myself I will open them again. My whole body goes lax. Oh, it feels nice to lie here.

  A sharp and foul smell is th
rust under my nose and a blunt slap on my cheek has my eyes popping open.

  “Now is not time to sleep,” Ms Chang scolds, her hair rollers bouncing madly and her half-moon spectacles slip low down the flat bridge of her nose. Dragging me across the hallway floor by my arm, her small slipper clad feet look like those of a mechanical doll. “You wake up now, young lady Lee, or those bad men will hurt you more. Come inside. I call police.”

  My top rides up my torso as Ms Chang drags me and I get carpet burn on my stomach. She clutches a bottle of smelling salts, I clutch the bottle of vodka, and from the sounds and vibrations coming from my flat, Ben and Daniel will bring the whole block down on our heads. The world is going to hell and … oh crap, I’m going to puke. I roll over and spew sick up the wall, the alcohol ejecting from my system in violent retches. I swear, never again. I’m never drinking as a way to solve my problems ever.

  Two pairs of feet – one super size and booted, the other dainty and clad in ballet pumps – step into my line of sight. Ms Chang has a meltdown beside me, screaming she has called the police.

  “I’ll get Child Ben. Protect Lee, mein schatz,” a female voice says, a gust of air signalling her exit.

  I look up, and up, and up until I see Adam’s bushy bearded face smiling down at me. I whimper in pain and misery. I’m too exhausted to feel afraid of him. Okay, I lie, I feel a dart of alarm for the huge bloodsucker, but that is natural, right?

  He chuckles. “Do not worry, Petite One. They will work it out. There is always something for those two to fight over. Usually, Ben walks away, but he is attached to you. I am not surprised. Our matches are permanent.”

  I hold up my hand, expression desolate. “Take the bottle please. It’s welded to my palm.”

  Adam plucks the bottle from me and hands it over to Ms Chang who swipes hair off my bloody face.

  “You are a bad man,” she shouts. Popping up like a jack in the box, surprisingly spry, she smashes the vodka bottle over his head. Adam does not flinch, merely flicks a chunk of glass off his broad shoulder. Ms Chang mutters something fretfully in Mandarin, prayer-like, then shrieks, “You leave us alone. I call police.”

  “So you said,” Adam replies in a kind voice.

  He picks her up by the upper arms, like she’s a sticky child he doesn’t want to hurt, but has no emotional investment in. He places her down inside her door, all the while focusing on her eyes. Ms Chang stills, turns, and closes her door behind her.

  Ben comes out into the hallway looking mean and terrifyingly angry. Instead of his trench coat ensemble, he’s wearing black biker leathers. He paces over and looks at the puddle of puke then back to me.

  “It is either concussion, fear, or simply too much of a good thing,” Adam assures him. “Or maybe a little bit of all three. Her wounds are superficial, nothing fatal, she is fine.”

  “Only because I came when I did. Had I not happened to look in her window to check on her….” He trails off thinking of what might have happened.

  “But you did and all is fine.”

  There is a loud thump and the wall opposite bloats. It happens again a millisecond later.

  “You left him in there with Simone?” Adam laughs. “She will not go easy on him.”

  “Good,” Ben replies shortly. By now, my head is about to pop off. I think the sole reason I’ve not passed out is because the alcohol is distorting everything and so the power of Ben’s voice is muted somewhat. “I am going to turn her tonight.”

  “I thought–”

  “It doesn’t matter anymore. He will kill her the moment my back is turned. It is this or nothing, for all of us.”

  “I see. Well then, go Child. Simone and I will finish here then meet you at Castle to check for his followers. We shall gather the others after you arrive. You will be protected until you can address Daniel’s actions against you personally. For now, he will be lucky if I convince Simone not to kill him. Go safely.” Adam picks me up gently and places me in Ben’s arms. “I bid you goodnight, Petite One.”

  Then he is gone, and another, louder bang is heard from my flat.

  As Ben and I pass Ms Chang’s door I hear her laughing to a late night television show. Oh, such a brave and kind old lady, to help me in the face of such scary monsters. “Thank you Ms Chang,” I whisper, before the darkness pulls me under.

  God, thank you, I really need some sleep.

  Chapter 8

  Ben Takes Lee Home

  Ben’s bike coasts to a stop and he kills the engine. I tug my helmet off and shake out my hair. My face is still tender from where I hit the coffee table, but the three aspirin helped a lot. It’s amazing the level of beating the human body can withstand.

  Hmm. A field. Is this it? Ah, but am I missing the delicious gift Ben offers? If so, I’m thrilled by this surprise, and no matter how achy I am, I will not turn him down.

  He has been quiet since his rescue of me earlier. He’s not happy, extremely unhappy, actually. I’m just relieved to have him within arm’s reach again to be honest. I guess I have to take back what I’ve promised myself, huh? Surely, no matter what he keeps secret, it cannot be as bad as having to try to function and live without him.

  Well, Lee, looks like you are willing to take that chance.

  The inky sky is sprinkled with stars, and a picturesque waning moon. Wind whips through the long grass, rippling the fine strands and wild flowers, which give off a sweet scent. Combine that with Ben’s spicy musk and I’m a happy girl. Will we make love under the stars? Will he feast on me until I come? Oh love. I lean into him and wrap my hands around his trim waist.

  For the first time in what seems such a long time, Ben chuckles, and rubs the back of my hand with his own. He gets off the bike and picks me up, carrying me in his arms. I like this look on him. Black leather, sleek black helmet, black boots. I know beneath this get up his eyes will be a kaleidoscope of dark browns with flecks of gold and hazel. His nostrils will flare and his eyes flux when he smells my arousal, and his own lust will rise like a tide to consume him before he consumes me. Can he feel my passion, the need that burns in the core of me? Even after all we’d been through tonight I want him more than I’ll ever reasonably explain.

  I open my thoughts to him, my mind, my body to show him how much he means to me, and I feel him stiffen and pull back mentally. This makes me sad and I pat the side of his helmet. Still, after everything, he hides from me.

  I feel his shock that I felt him distance himself from me and his immediate apology. ‘We’re home.’

  Home? Ah, the field. I pause mentally. The meadow is pretty, but can I live in grass? I understand my needs when I became like him will be different, but surely we need a roof and four walls? A place to shower and a bed to love each other in. I flush. I could love him anywhere, and the very idea of him sliding inside of me for the first time is too strong to block; too urgent to not have my entire body heating.

  He feels it, hears me, and his hold tightens. Mmm. I like it when he holds me this tightly. His desire is dammed behind a rock solid wall of determination, I think. I remember this mental barricade from the first time I entered his mind uninvited, carried over it by our combined pleasure. I will have fun breaking it and bringing him to his knees.

  Oh yes, I will break you, Ben. Your walls will tumble when I decide I no longer wish them in my way.

  His reaction is to reinforce said iron will, but he doesn’t caution me to back off. ‘Open your eyes, love. Open them wide.’

  Luckily, I understand Ben, and so rather than retorting that my eyes are already open, I open myself fully, and gaze around inquisitively. There’s a tingling at the corner of my eyeballs, and the air bends as if I look through a glass fishbowl. The field wobbles. Akin to melted wax, the air becomes lucent and oozes into nonexistence to leave behind a … castle!

  I place a hand on Ben’s chest and he stops. I’m grateful he understands my every whim. He sets me down, his hands holding mine tenderly needing to stay connected. I exhale in a
whoosh and accept what I see like I accepted Ben’s arrival in my life.

  The fortified structure is made of gloomy stone, with curtain walls and arrow slits. I’d first thought the field backed onto the ocean, I see the castle is built onto a natural rocky motte, cutting into the cliff face. Holy mother! The noise as the waves crash upon the structure’s sea face is as beautiful as it is terrifying. There is a curved four-storey flat-topped Keep on the west side. On the east side there is another tower equal in size, though capped with a conical roof and metal spiral. The wooden front doors, the portcullis raised, stand four men wide and two deep, and we must cross an arched bridge over a moat of frothing seawater to reach them.

  ‘I was a feudal lord,’ Ben thinks at me by way of explanation for this castle’s presence. ‘I was made a man too young, and Daniel took me soon after this fortress became my domain.’

  Holy hell, Lee. I will not claim to know much about history, or the heritage of English soil, but I’ve never heard of this place. It’s too magnificent for the history books to simply forget. Did he conquer this or something? How much do you know about feudal lords of the seventeenth century?

  ‘We … drank those who once worked here and hid the castle from view.’ Again, I wait, and think. From all but those who know it’s there? That is some achievement. ‘From humans. Lycanthropes and others of my kind can see.’

  I spin to him and clutch the front of his jacket in my fist. It creaks as my nails dig in. “Werewolves?” I demand breathlessly. He nods and the moonlight bounces off the side of his helmet. “Where?” He points to the left to the forest. My eyes must be like saucers.

  ‘Castle sits on the cusp of the boundary line. I own this land. Past that tree line the territory becomes theirs. Remember that.’ He caresses the side of my face. ‘Always remember that you cannot cross that line.’

  I’m naturally curious and despite Ben’s obvious distress at the mention of me stepping a toe past that boundary, I find myself compelled to see what lies in the midst of those tress. My body leans forward. A little peek? I’m human at the moment. Surely, they will not harm me.