Instant Family (Silver Oak Medical Center Book 4)

by Aiden Bates

  Allen stood up and walked over to the window. Syracuse was beautiful in the rain, which was probably good since it rained a lot here. Today it seemed to be coming down in buckets. "I got the positive test the day his mother called to tell him about Fabian—his ex. That's not exactly the right time, you know? It's not like you can sit there and say, 'Sorry the guy you made your sexual debut with got killed today, and you might get forced to go back there soon, but we're having a baby, so—hooray!'"

  Luke acknowledged that with a nod. "Okay, but after?"

  "Everything moved so fast after." Allen shrugged. "I'm not saying it's his fault I didn't tell him, you know? It's not. It just never seemed like the time was right, and then it was over. Just like that. And I guess I'm okay with that."

  Carter blinked at him. "Come again? You're okay with the father of your child not even knowing you're pregnant? That doesn't make a lick of sense. Color me old fashioned, but that seems like the kind of thing he should know about."

  "It does. It does. But…" Allen searched through his vocabulary, English and Spanish, to try to find some way of phrasing it that didn't sound pathetic or hopeless. He couldn't find it. "I guess… I mean look. If Brantley wanted to be with me, he'd be with me. Right? He was already with me because he had to be. And once he didn't have to be with me anymore, he was gone. Just like that." He snapped his fingers.

  Luke gave him a little smirk. "You didn't ask him to stay."

  Allen shook his head. "Nah. I mean why? He didn't want to be there. Why would he? Have you seen the kind of guy he dates? Models. Not messes. Anyway, if he'd wanted to be with me, I wouldn't have had to ask. He would have said something. And I didn't want him to have to stay just because of the baby. That doesn't work for people, you know? They try to make it work for the kids, but one or both doesn't want to be there and they wind up screwing the kid up for life.

  "I don't need him. I've got enough money. I have a family that loves me. They'll help me out. We'll be fine. The baby will be fine." He bowed his head for a moment.

  "Wow." Carter scratched his head. "I'm not entirely sure what to say. You have to tell him, Allen. He has a right to know he's going to be a father. And your kid has a right to know their dad. You guys don't have to be together, if you don't want to be, but this is too big."

  Allen rubbed at his face and leaned against the window. "Yeah. I just—I'm not sure how to tell him. The longer I wait the harder it is, but I just don't know how to do it. Even talking to him on the phone hurts."

  "You do love him." Carter covered his mouth with his hand. "Oh, Allen, I am so, so sorry I put you in this position."

  Luke drew back. "What do you mean? Of course Allen loves him."

  "It was supposed to be a ruse." Allen whispered. "To prove Brantley was gay, because of ICE. We couldn't tell anyone. Anyway, yes, I'm an idiot. I got feelings for him. Who wouldn't? He's amazing. He's sweeter than anyone I've ever been with, and he's always just there for me. He didn't have to be, behind closed doors. I loved spending time with him, and I loved watching him with the kids. I miss him."

  Luke's eyes were still narrowed. He had every right to be angry he'd been excluded from the conspiracy, but right now he was focused on Allen. "So go up to Oncology and tell him. He doesn't know, Allen."

  Allen shook his head. "He's got enough going on. He just lost someone. He just got his freedom back. Let him enjoy it. He doesn't need to be trapped by someone he doesn't even like."

  Carter sighed, but he wrapped his arms around Allen and held him close. "Someday, someone's going to show you how much you're worth to us."

  Luke hugged him from the other side, and rested his head against Allen's back. "Someday, you'll even believe it."

  Allen let out a little laugh. "Come on, guys. It's not that bad. I've got a great life. Sure, it would be nice—but how many people don't ever get what I have? I am in no position to sit there and stomp my feet looking for more, okay?"

  Carter and Luke just held him a little closer, until they felt he'd had enough. "You do have to tell him," Carter insisted after a moment. "But hold off, yeah. If you don't feel like you can do it yet, hold off a couple more weeks. In the meantime, you obviously need a doctor." He elbowed Allen and gave him a shy little grin. "Now. Let's get you started with an official card, shall we?"

  Allen tried to relax into the celebration and the rituals of early pregnancy with his friends. He'd envied them, before this all started. He still did, although he tried not to. Sure, he was pregnant, but it wasn't the same. He wasn't going back to a loving partner. He wasn't building a home that would show the world what love was.

  There was still plenty of love in his house. Rejects and outcasts needed love too, and Allen could provide plenty of it. He had so much of it to give. Other people might see Alaina as just another drug baby. Allen saw her as a beautiful, strong child who was going to take the world by storm.

  The child he carried now would be raised by a single parent. The child might not know both fathers, and Allen was acutely conscious of the negative stereotyping involved. He would give Brantley the chance to be involved, of course, but he had to be ready for Brantley to not want to do that with Allen. That didn't matter. Allen would give his child the best future possible, with all the love in the world.

  Sadie had been rejected by her first people, and had wound up in the hands of a rescue group. With Allen, she found a loving home, and she was thriving.

  Their townhouse was a haven, and Allen wouldn't have it any other way. They were, and would be, self-sufficient.

  After work, Carter and Luke wanted to go out for dinner, but Allen couldn't make it. He had Alaina to take care of, and Sadie. He invited them home instead, and they joined him for jerk chicken. It was a dish Brantley had taught him, and one he was proud to serve.

  After dinner, he settled in with his daughter and his dog. He didn't text Brantley, even though he wanted to. Instead, he looked into more baby supplies. He might be able to reuse some of Alaina's things as she outgrew them, but some of them wouldn't be appropriate and some would still be in use. He hoped, and prayed, he didn't have to use the preemie-sized things again.

  He was going to be happy, no matter what.

  ***

  Brantley's phone rang, and he jumped up. For a minute, he thought it might be Allen. He hadn't heard from Allen in a while, for all that Allen had been the one telling him to keep in touch. Brantley was starting to lose hope, but maybe this would be it. Okay, they weren't lovers anymore, but at least they could still be friends.

  He almost cried when the caller turned out to be his mother. Only the fact that she was, literally, his mother kept him from doing exactly that. She'd done so much to keep him alive and safe, the least he could do was to sound happy to hear from her. "Mama! Hello, how are you?"

  "Brantley, it's your mother. I'm well. How are you?"

  Brantley grinned and shook his head. Mama never changed. "I'm as well as can be expected. I've been talking to Fabian's children. They're good kids." He sat back on his couch, pristine and entirely free of dog hair. Maybe he should look into getting a dog, if only to break up the monotony.

  "I'm sure they would be. Fabian was a wonderful young man. They arrested the chief of police, men from the federal government. They said he helped murder Fabian. And they arrested Fabian's father." Mama cut herself off. "What kind of man kills his own son, Brantley? I can't imagine it. I can't understand it."

  Brantley closed his eyes against the wave of grief. "People have their beliefs, Mama. I don't agree with them, but I suppose I'm biased. The God you taught me to love and serve didn't hate. Didn't tolerate hatred, either. But not everyone believes that way. I feel bad for his children, and for his husband. But I'm grateful I have you and Dad. You saved my life, a thousand times over I'm sure."

  "You're our son. You aren't supposed to be grateful for us." Mama snorted. "But we're grateful to you, Brantley." She sighed. "At least he had happiness, before he was killed. He had a husband, he had c
hildren. You said they sound nice?"

  "They sound fantastic. I'm hoping to go meet them over Columbus Day." He rubbed at his chest, at the space over his heart. He was looking forward to meeting Fabian's family, but he'd had a kind of fantasy of spending the long weekend with Allen. Of course that was just a dream, wasn't it? They couldn't do that. They couldn't be that. Allen was practically a ghost.

  "Do you think you'll ever have children of your own, Brantley?" His mother's voice changed a little, becoming wistful and maybe a little brittle. "I know it's a little strange, seeing as how I'm so far away. I just… I think about what happened to Fabian. And it was a terrible way to die. But… he was happy before he went. He had a successful career, from what you told me. And he had a husband, and children. He had a full, happy, contented life. I want that for you, Brantley. I don't want you to have to be alone."

  Brantley blinked away tears. He hadn't talked about relationships with his parents very often. It just hadn't come up. He'd tried to avoid reminding them of his sexuality. "I don't see it happening, Mama. Not at this late date, anyway." He wiped the tears away. "I've had some relationships, but I was always too afraid of being caught to move forward. I suppose if I'd loved them enough, maybe it would have been different."

  "There weren't any of them that inspired that kind of affection in you?"

  Brantley lay down and put his feet on the couch. "Yes. There was one. He was the most amazing man, Mama. He was white, American, but I think you'd like him. All he wanted in life was to make the world a better place. He wanted to help people. But I don't think he… It was complicated. He helped me with something. He didn't ask me to stay, and I didn't ask to stay. His friends are all angry that I didn't, they say he's sad and I hurt him, but I don't see it. If he wanted me to stay, he would have said so, right?"

  "Maybe." His mother hummed. "I don't know him. I suppose his friends must have known him better. But if he didn't ask you to stay, I suppose he didn't value you the way he should have."

  Brantley grimaced. He'd never felt undervalued when he'd been with Allen. Then again, maybe his mother was right. If Allen had loved him, neither one of them would be single right now. "I guess Allen knew where I was coming from, right? He knew I had trouble being open about things. If he loved me, he'd have known he'd have had to tell me."

  "Right." Mama sniffed. "Maybe you should go out and look for someone, you know, a partner. Not just some guy."

  Allen's face flashed before Brantley again. "Yes. Yes, Mama. I'll do that."

  He could sit around and wait for Allen to call, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He could call Allen, but that wasn't going to help anything, either. He and Allen were through, probably because there hadn't ever been a "Brantley and Allen" to begin with. He'd let himself forget that they were faking it, and he'd broken his own heart in the process.

  He went through his rounds at work the next day. When he went down to the cafeteria, he didn't scan the lunchroom for Allen's presence. He was done doing that now. Instead, he found a table right away, by himself, and found Dwayne's number.

  "Dwayne, hi. It's Brantley."

  "Brantley, hey." Dwayne sounded more than happy to hear from him. "You still know when the lunch break around here is. I'm impressed."

  Brantley snorted at himself. "Well, you know how it is. Attention to detail and all that. Listen. What are you up to, say, Thursday night?"

  "Day after tomorrow? Nothing, actually. It's a school night, but I'm free. Why?"

  Allen's face flashed before Brantley's mind. He drove it away. "I wondered if you might want to get together. Out in public, for dinner maybe."

  Dwayne coughed. "You mean you and Allen, right?"

  "No. We, ah. We split up. It would just be me." Brantley clenched his fist by his side.

  "Seriously? What happened?" Dwayne cleared his throat. "You know what? Don't tell me. I'm not—it's not appropriate for the phone, and it's not my business anyway. He seemed like a good guy but what do I know? I met him once." He sighed. "Yeah. I'd like to meet up. You and me, maybe at that same restaurant where we ran into each other. We can catch up."

  "Sounds good." Brantley smiled. He wasn't worried about Allen getting jealous if they ran into one another. Allen wouldn't care. He hadn't wanted to stay with Brantley anyway. "I'll see you Thursday."

  "See you then."

  Brantley hung up the phone and looked up just in time to see Allen looming over his table, with Carter Idoni. Allen's tanned face had gone deathly pale, and Idoni's eyes bulged in their sockets. "Allen." Brantley's insides twisted. "Hey. Haven't seen you around in a while."

  The corners of Allen's mouth twitched. "No. I guess not. I guess I've had some stuff going on." He looked away. "Dwayne, huh? Well, good for you. He's a nice guy. I liked him." He looked down at his watch. "Anyway, turns out I'm late for a meeting. Good to see you though. Say hi to Dwayne for me." He walked away as fast as he could, upending his whole tray into the trash untouched.

  Brantley and Idoni watched him go. Then Brantley bowed his head, and Idoni slid into the chair across from him. "So," Idoni drawled. "Dating again already. That's… that's surprising."

  Brantley sighed. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't deny it. He didn't want to deny it. If he didn't want to deny it, why did he feel so much shame? "We weren't really dating, Dr. Idoni," he said in a quiet voice. "Under other circumstances, I'd agree with you. As it is, I'm not sure there's an established mourning period."

  "I don't think you're mourning at all." Idoni snorted and sipped from his water.

  "You have no idea what I'm feeling." Brantley glared at his ultimate boss. "I don't mean to be disrespectful, but that's not something you can even hope to understand."

  "I understand that Allen's my best friend. I understand he volunteered to help you out of a bad situation, and I understand you dating again so soon is deeply hurtful to him right now." Idoni shrugged and drummed his fingertips on the table.

  "Why the hell would it be hurtful to him?" Brantley hissed out his anger. "If he wanted me there, I would be. He knew what he was dealing with. He knew I can't—because of where I'm from, because of what's happened to me—he knew I can't be the one to reach out. I can't be the one to say, 'Yeah, let's start something.' It had to be him, and it wasn't."

  "Isn't that convenient?" Carter lifted an eyebrow in challenge. "Because you just called that Dwayne guy, and reached out to him. You specified meeting him, in public. Sounded like it was going to be starting something, and it sounded like you were initiating. But no, it’s on Allen."

  Brantley looked down. "He never said he wanted me." He licked his lips. "I offered to come by, to see the dog and Alaina. He said no."

  "Let me guess. He said they needed to get used to how things were now." Idoni rubbed at his temples. "Look. I want to stay out of this."

  "Then do." Brantley looked over at the trashcan, where Allen had just dumped his lunch.

  "I don't think I've got a choice anymore. I'm partially responsible for this mess, because I suggested it. And I'm involved in it in other ways. But I guess you don't have to worry about it, okay? I'll handle it." He shook his dark head. "I'm really sorry it worked out like this. I am. And I want you to know that while yeah, I'm not going to recommend you to any single guys of my acquaintance, it doesn't affect my opinion of you as a person. Okay?" He stood up.

  Brantley put a hand on Idoni's arm. "What are you talking about? I treated him as well as I could. I was there for him, I comforted him, I took care of his daughter and his sister's children."

  Idoni turned around and sat down again. "I think it might almost have been better if you hadn't done those things." He looked around. "He's in love with you, Brantley. He's head over heels in love with you. He won't say anything. He never would." He took a deep breath and looked away for a second. "He came here to tell you something, something relevant. But now he knows, Powell. He knows he meant so little to you, he knows you were so easily able to put him aside, that you're alr
eady reaching out to new men. It took me weeks to convince him to come find you and talk to you at all, and you blew it for me. Blew it for him."

  Brantley bowed his head. Then he picked it up. "So let me get this straight. You think I should be sitting around, waiting for a grown man to approach me?"

  "Well you could have approached him first. Being a grown man and all." Idoni snapped his fingers and stood up. "You'll never know what you lost today, Powell. Do me a favor. If you decide to start a family with a man who's a carrier, have him find an obstetrician someplace else. I've been asked to deliver my ex's babies, and that's just cruel." He left.

  Brantley seethed for a long minute. Who was Idoni to come over here and start lecturing him on how he was supposed to treat his partners? And children hadn't ever been part of the equation. Brantley was certainly a long way off from starting a family with Dwayne, anyway.

  And all of this nonsense about how Allen loved him, what was that, anyway? They'd had an arrangement. Allen had abided by the arrangement. Allen hadn't said anything about catching feelings. Allen had let him walk out the door. Allen hadn't tried to stop him. They'd parted on cordial terms. They'd been friendly. If they weren't friendly now, it wasn't because of anything Brantley had done, or hadn't done.