Shakespeare's Hamlet in Plain English

by C.J. B.

  Act 3

  Scene 1

  (somewhere inside the castle)

  Enter King, Queen, Polonius, Ophelia, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

  King And have you been unable to determine through general conversation with him why he exhibits this apparently confused frame of mind, why he’s so irritable, spending all his time alone in this disordered and dangerous state?

  Rosencrantz He does confess to feeling distracted, but by what cause he will not speak.

  Guildenstern Nor have we found him amenable to questioning. With his cunning display of madness he remains aloof when we endeavour to elicit some confession of his true state.

  Queen Did he receive you well?

  Rosencrantz Most like a gentleman.

  Guildenstern But exaggerating this style of behaviour he has adopted.

  Rosencrantz Though reluctant to answer our questions directly he did speak most freely in reply.

  Queen Did you persuade him to engage in any pastime?

  Rosencrantz Madam, we happened to pass a certain company of actors on our way to see him. We told him of their arrival and he seemed delighted by this. They are here somewhere in the court and I believe they have already been requested to play before him tonight.

  Polonius It is most true. And he beseeched me to entreat your Majesties to come and watch what they are going to perform.

  King To be quite honest, it pleases me greatly that he is inclined to do this. Good gentlemen, give him further encouragement in pursuing these interests.

  Rosencrantz We shall, my lord.

  Exit Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

  King Sweet Gertrude, I’d like you to leave us too, for we have sent for Hamlet that he may come here and, as though it were by accident, meet and confront Ophelia. Her father and myself will, quite justifiably, be spying on them. We’ll hide ourselves away so that, observing unseen, we may carefully judge and attain further insight into Hamlet’s state of mind. We’ll assess from his behaviour whether or not it is indeed the affliction of love that he suffers from.

  Queen I shall obey you. And I do hope, Ophelia, that you are indeed the cause of Hamlet’s wildness. I hope your virtues will restore him to his normal, rational state. I wish you both the best.

  Ophelia Madam, I hope this will be so.

  Exit Queen

  Polonius Ophelia, come over here. Your Grace, if it pleases you, we will hide ourselves. (to Ophelia) Be reading this prayer book. This will serve to explain your being here by yourself. I suppose we can often be accused of this. It’s all too evident that most of us are really only concerned with outward displays of virtue and religious devotion, while, beneath the surface, as our true selves we are far less concerned with being genuinely honourable and moral in our actions.

  King (aside) O, this is too true. How sharp a lash that speech has given my conscience. Even a harlot’s face, beautified with cosmetics, is less ugly than my deed. O, this is a heavy burden!

  Polonius I hear him coming. Let’s withdraw, my lord.

  Exit King and Polonius

 

  Enter Hamlet

  Hamlet To be or not to be, that is the question; whether it is nobler to endure the torment of my outrageous misfortune and to go on living as I am, or to combat this sea of troubles and, by opposing, end them, and possibly in doing so end my own life. To die, to sleep, to be no more; but who’s to say that will bring an end to the heartache and the many natural tragedies inherent in the flesh, which is most earnestly desired? To die, to sleep; to sleep, perchance to dream; yet there’s the problem; for in that sleep of death the dreams that may come, when we are free of this earthly existence, must give us pause. It is respect for this, fear of what we may face in the next world, that makes us tolerate the adversity and misfortune of this life for so long. For who would otherwise endure the problems, the afflictions and the suffering of this world, the oppressor’s harsh and cruel treatment, the insults and disdain of the conceited, the pangs of unrequited love, the inefficiency and inadequacy of the law, the insolence of those in office, the contemptuous rejections the worthy take from the unworthy, who might themselves be inclined to settle matters with a dagger? Who would bear such burdens, who would grunt and sweat under the strain of such a weary life were it not that the dread of what may await us after death, in the afterlife, the undiscovered country, from beyond whose border no traveller returns, makes us prefer to confront the difficulties we have rather than potentially encounter others of which we have no knowledge and which could indeed prove less desirable even than those of this world? Thus conscience makes cowards of us all, and so our resolve is undermined by contemplation, and enterprises of great importance consequently go awry, never to be realised. The fair Ophelia (sees Ophelia apparently praying and silences himself)! In your prayers may you remember all of my sins.

  Ophelia My lord, how are you after such a long time?

  Hamlet I humbly thank you for your concern. I am well.

  Ophelia My lord, I have keepsakes of yours that I have for a long time wished to return to you. I hope you’ll now accept them.

  Hamlet I am no longer the same man who gave you those things. I gave you nothing.

  Ophelia My honoured lord, you know perfectly well you did, and with such sweet and thoughtful words as to make them even more precious. Their romantic, sentimental value now lost, I’d like you to take them back; for to the noble mind rich gifts loose their worth when the giver changes so profoundly. Here, my lord.

  Hamlet Ha, ha! Are you honest (truthful or genuine; also means ‘chaste’ (though this sense is now dated); Hamlet playing on these two different meanings)?

  Ophelia My lord?

  Hamlet Are you fair (can also mean ‘chaste’; Hamlet once again playing on possible meanings of the word)?

  Ophelia What does your lordship mean?

  Hamlet That if you are honest and fair, your honesty should permit no one any contact with your beauty.

  Ophelia Could beauty, my lord, be more appropriately associated with anything other than honesty?

  Hamlet No, truly it cannot, for the power of beauty can all too easily transform honesty to indecency. This was once contrary to conventional wisdom, but recent events have demonstrated it to be true. I did love you once.

  Ophelia Indeed, my lord, you made me believe so.

  Hamlet You should not have believed me; for virtue is incompatible with, and cannot be integrated into, human nature; we can but taste of it. I loved you not.

  Ophelia Then I was deceived.

  Hamlet Get thee to a nunnery. Would you be a breeder of sinners (have children, thereby bringing people into the world who would because of their very nature commit sin)? I am myself moderately honest, but I could accuse myself of such things that it would be better had my mother not borne me. I am very proud, vengeful, ambitious, with more offences than I could even imagine or would have time to carry out waiting for me to commit them. What should such fellows as I do, standing amidst man’s corruption and depravity, yet aspiring towards more worthy values? We are all thoroughly dishonest; believe none of us. Be on your way to a nunnery. Where’s your father?

  Ophelia At home, my lord.

  Hamlet Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play the fool nowhere but in his own house. Farewell.

  Ophelia O help him, sweet Heavens.

  Hamlet If you do marry, you’d be well-advised to be as chaste as ice, as pure as snow, even though by doing this you would not escape calumny. Get thee to a nunnery. Farewell. Or if you are intent upon marrying, marry a fool; for wise men are well aware of your tendencies, that your nature is such that you will sooner or later be tempted into infidelity. To a nunnery go, and quickly too. Farewell.

  Ophelia Heavenly powers, restore him.

  Hamlet I have heard much of your use of cosmetics. You must have some awareness of how such a practice is hated by society. God has given you one face and
you make yourselves another. You adopt a fake, affected manner, trying to present yourself as something you are not, in an effort to make yourself more seductive, as though you know no better. Go, I’ll speak no more on this matter. It has made me mad. I say we will have no more marriage. Those that are married already, all but one, shall live; the rest can stay as they are. To a nunnery, go.

  Exit Hamlet

  Ophelia O, what a noble mind has been lost! The once so admirable courtier, soldier, scholar, swordsman, heir to the throne of Denmark and rose of this fair state, adored and respected by everyone, now reduced to this! And I, a lady most dejected and wretched, once the subject of his promises and declarations of love, which were like sweet music, see now that they were borne of a disordered mind; this unrivalled, youthful man destroyed by madness. O woe is me to have seen what I have seen, to see what I see.

  Enter King and Polonius

  King Love? His affections do not that way tend, nor does what he said, which, though it lacked a little in coherence and rationality, did not seem like madness. There’s something with which he is preoccupied hidden beneath the melancholy he projects, and I do fear there will be some danger when his true purpose is disclosed. Measures must be taken to avert such a threat, so I have in quick determination decided he shall be despatched without delay to England where he will endeavour to reinstate an annual tax we once levied there. Hopefully the seas and different countries and sights shall remedy whatever is troubling him, whatever it is that his mind has become so consumed with and causes him to manifest such questionable and abnormal behaviour. What do you think of my proposal?

  Polonius It should be very beneficial to him. However, I do still believe the origin of his grief is indeed unreciprocated love. Are you all right, Ophelia? You need not tell us what Lord Hamlet said, we heard it all. My lord, do as you please, but I ask that, if you see fit, after the play, you let his mother see him alone in order that she may entreat him to reveal the source of his grief. Let her be stern with him, and I’ll be secretly positioned close by, if it pleases you, where I will hear all of the ensuing exchange. Should it be that she is unable to discover the cause of his troubled state, then send him to England; or indeed to wherever, in your wisdom, you think it most advisable that he go.

  King It shall be so. Madness in great ones must not go unwatched.