He turns on his side, facing me. I’m not sure where he’s going with all of this. He brings his hand to my cheek, his fingers leaving a hot trail down the line of my jaw.
I take a breath, and watch as his eyes go to my mouth. His hand slips behind my head and I grab hold of his forearm. I’m not sure if I’m trying to stop him, or encourage him.
When it comes to this part of life, I’m just as lost as he is.
There’s a determined look on his face, as he leans forward. I can’t push him away, and instead, I close my eyes. His breath on my mouth is my only warning. His lips brush against mine, and the slight touch is enough to make my heart explode.
He hesitates for a moment, and it’s enough time to clear my head. I yank away from him and scramble out from under the covers. I fall off the bed, but quickly get up. My hands flutter everywhere, straightening my clothes.
I touch my fingertips to my lips, still stunned by what just happened.
As Jack moves to get out of bed, I run for the door.
He’s is still too raw. I should have stopped him sooner, instead of letting my heart take over. I’m such a fool.
I walk out onto the patio and lean against the wooden railing. I stare blankly into the night trying to gather my confused thoughts.
“What’s nipping at your heals?” Adam says from the dark corner.
I go to where he is and sit down. “Jack sort of kissed me.”
“And that’s bad?”
“Yes, it’s bad,” I snap. “He’s still healing. I don’t want to take advantage of him.”
“How are you taking advantage of him if he kissed you?” Adam asks.
I glare at him. “He doesn’t know any better and I do.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he snaps back at me. “He’s a fucking grown man, River. If I were to kiss Sophia would that be wrong?”
I stare out into the night, hating that he’s right.
“Are you telling me or asking me, Adam.”
He sighs heavily and then says, “I suppose I’m asking you.”
“I don’t know.” My whole body slumps back against the chair. “Honestly, I don’t know. You and Sophia are a different story. Sophia is different from Jack. I’m different from you.”
“That’s not an answer, River.”
“There is no right answer.” I jump up again, feeling antsy.
“There is always an answer. It might just not be what you want to hear,” Adams says in a low tone that makes his voice rumble like thunder. When he uses that tone on me I know he’s about to get serious.
I turn back to Adam. “Fine. Let me have it.”
He gets up and comes to stand in front of me. “It’s not wrong for two people to enjoy each other if they both want to. A blind man can see that you care about Jack. You’re scared shitless because for the first time in your life, you’re in love.”
Anger bubbles up inside of me, hot and fast. “I’m not scared. That’s ridiculous.”
“You’re scared of what he means to you.”
I frown, not following Adam at all.
He shoves a hand through his hair and then his grey eyes pin mine. “You want to be with him, but then you’ll have to admit that your whole life has been a lie. You say you hate sex, and I understand where you’re coming from with that, but I think you’re hiding behind your past. You’re refusing sex because you’re scared you’ll turn out to be just like your father.”
The slap echoes around us and my palm stings. Shocked at what I’ve done, I stare at Adam.
His face is carved of stone when his eyes meet mine.
“Don’t ever hit me again.”
He walks away leaving me with my fast growing guilt.
How can things go wrong so fast?
I spend the morning with the girls, picking fruit. I tell myself it’s to make sure they’re all okay after Beverly’s sudden departure.
I’m such a coward.
“River, those aren’t ripe yet,” Jamie says, and she takes the rock hard pear from me. “Are you okay?”
She looks really concerned so I force a smile to my face. “I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well.”
“Go back to the house.” She gives me a quick hug before returning to the patch she’s busy with.
When I walk into the kitchen I find Miss Ella, Sophia and Jack sitting at the table and eating pie.
They don’t see me and I take the opportunity to look at Jack. His scars have healed nicely. The remaining ones only make him look rugged and handsome.
“Have you ever been in love, Miss Ella,” Sophia asks.
“I try to avoid it,” Miss Ella pats her mouth with a napkin and then looks her square in the eye. “Love is like a car accident, child.”
I pull a face. That’s not what I’d compare it to. I listen as she continues to share her wisdom.
“It hits you hard and out of the blue. By the time you realize that you’re in love it’s too late to run for the hills. When it’s done with your poor heart; you’re either in a world of pain, or you’re one of the lucky ones who has a great story to tell. Love will either break you or make you.”
Sophia stares at Miss Ella, blinking a few times.
I walk closer and take a seat with them. “What Miss Ella is trying to say is that love can hurt if it’s not returned by the other person, and love can be a beautiful thing if both parties feel the same way.”
Jack’s looks at me and I flinch from the anger I see there. “Beautiful thing my ass. You don’t have a clue what love is.”
I can feel Miss Ella and Sophia’s eyes swing from me to Jack, as if they’re watching a tennis match.
I want to defend myself, but I don’t even know where to begin.
Jack stands up and resting his hands on the table, he towers over us all.
“I’m damaged, River, not destroyed.”
I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless as he walks away from me.
I can feel Miss Ella staring at me. Sophia went after Jack because I am too much of a coward.
“He cares for you,” Miss Ella says in her take-no-nonsense way.
“He can’t.” I get up and start to pace the floor.
“That boy knows more about love than you do.” She gets up to stir whatever she has cooking and then angrily wipes her hands on the apron she’s always wearing. “I’ve been down to the chapel. I’ve seen how pretty he’s made it.” She throws her arms wide, her cheeks flushing with anger. “Look at all the beauty he creates. Only a man who knows about love can do all of that.”
She walks over to me and lays a soft hand on my cheek. “Child, a one sided love is a destructive thing. It breeds anger and jealousy. You love the man and he loves you. Let the past be the past and go to that man before it’s too late.”
Miss Ella is always right. Am I using my past as an excuse to hide behind, just like Adam said?
I don’t have the guts to face Jack yet, so I go hide in the office pretending to do books the whole day long.
I knock softly and wait for Adam to answer the door.
Instead, Sophia opens the door. For a minute I can only stare, before I finally ask, “Is Adam here?”
“Yes, he’s just taking a shower. Come in,” she says smiling wide.
I follow her to the kitchen and watch as she’s finishing up two cups of coffee.
“Would you like some?” she asks politely.
I take a hard look at her. She’s changed a lot over the past month. She’s become more human and less robotic. She’s alive and not just existing.
“No, thank you,” I say and then smile. “You look good, Sophia.”
She blushes and looks in the direction of the closed bedroom door. “Adam is good to me. He’s teaching me what’s right and what’s wrong.”
“I’m happy for you.”
The bedroom door opens and Adam comes out, dressed in only a pair of sweats. His eyes jump from me to Sophia, and then he asks, “Is there something you needed?”
I shake my head and quickly apologize, “I’m sorry for slapping you the other night. You were right and I just didn’t want to hear it. I’m so sorry, Adam.”
His face softens and he walks over to me. He hugs me hard and I sink into him, so happy that he’s forgiving me. That’s one thing about Adam, he never holds on to his anger.
He pulls back and cups my cheek. “You deserve to be happy, and so does he.”
“Thank you for always being there to point me in the right direction.”
“Always, that’s what friends are for.”
I leave them so they can have their coffee. Tomorrow I’ll talk with Jack and hopefully we’ll be able to put this all behind us.
Chapter 15
Jack
Even though I’m fucking angry, I can’t stop thinking about her.
For the past two nights I’ve woken up rock hard.
I stand in the shower, letting the water pelt my back. I close my eyes and all I see is her face, her hot fucking ass, and those legs … fuck those legs drive me wild.
I wrap my hand around my hard cock and start stroke myself. After a few minutes, I growl with frustration that I can’t make myself come.
The woman is tearing me up inside. I just wish she would see the man, not some victim she saved. I’d give anything to experience a sexual encounter where I’m in full control.
I step out of the shower and get dressed. Frustration ripples through me as I walk out of the house.
I’m a fucking grown man. I wish people would let me decide how I feel and what I want. I’m not a fucking child that needs to be coddled. Yes, my life has been absolute shit up until now, but what’s the use of getting your so called freedom, if people keep reminding you of how fucked-up you should be.
I hear gravel crunching behind me, and looking over my shoulder, I’m surprised to see River walking towards me. I haven’t seen her in days, not even for dinner.
I turn to face her, ready to let her have a piece of my mind.
“Hey.” She looks away, still not able to make eye contact. “How are you?”
“Are you fucking for real? How am I?” I hate fighting with her, but she has to wake up and see the real me.
She closes her eyes and bites her bottom lip. I watch emotions wash over her face, and then she whispers, “I’m scared.”
My lips part on a harsh breath. “You’re scared of me? Is this because I grabbed that woman?” I shake my head, feeling aggravated. “I’d never hurt you.” She has to believe me.
She shakes her head and whispers, “It’s not you, Jack. I’m scared that I’ll become my father. I’m scared I’ll lose myself, this person I’ve fought so hard to be, and that I’ll hurt people the way he did.”
Fuck. For a moment I close my eyes. I was so absorbed with myself, I never stopped to think how she might feel. I forgot about her demons.
I close the distance between us, and placing my finger beneath her chin, I nudge her face up.
“Look at me.”
I wait until she gives in and finally makes eye contact with me.
“Cameron was the only father I’ve ever known. I was eight when he placed me with the other slaves. I could easily have given in and let them break me, but I didn’t. I knew I was nothing like Cameron and the others. I held onto the hope that I’d be free one day. Your father might be a monster but that’s not who you are. We have our own souls and we choose who we want to be. Don’t live in the shadow of a monster when you can be out in the sun.”
Her voice is hoarse when she asks, “Do you really believe that?”
I brush some hair away from her cheek.
“I do. We can’t let the past define us, otherwise I’ll be nothing but a fuck, and you’ll be nothing more than the daughter of a monster. We aren’t those things. I’m just a man who loves to see things grow, and you’re just a woman who loves to help people.”
The corner of her mouth lifts in half a smile, and she shoves her hands in the back pockets of her shorts.
I decide to say what’s been eating away at me and to just get it off my chest.
“You think I’m a child. Just because I like to keep to myself, and don’t interact with the others, it doesn’t mean I’m broken. Just because I’ve fallen in love with you, it doesn’t mean you can hurt me.”
For a moment there’s shock on her face, as if she can’t believe that I could actually be in love with her.
She looks down at her feet and whispers, “I’m really sorry, Jack. It all just happened so fast. I was confused and scared.”
I take a step closer to her and lower my head until my lips brush against her ear. “I’m confused and scared too. I know it’s all happening too fast, but if there’s one thing I refuse, it’s to pretend. My life has been one fucked-up act.”
“I don’t want you to pretend,” she whispers, a tear sneaking over her cheek.
“What do you want, River?”
I know we have a long road ahead of us, but I want to walk that road with her by my side. She fills the cracks that have been left in my soul.
“Are you really going to make me say it?” A blush creeps up her neck, and she’s so beautiful right that the sight of her steals my breath.
“What-” I take the final step separating us. “Do-” I lean closer until her breaths are racing over my jaw. “You-”
She pushes up on her toes and her mouth crashes into mine. She throws her arms around my neck and pulls herself up against my body.
My heart all but stops. I close my eyes as pure bliss washes over me. I’ve never felt something so right before.
I wrap my arms around her, and it feels perfect as I hold her to me. I slip my tongue inside her mouth and for the first time in my life, I lose control.
My hands find her ass, and I lift her against me. My cock starts to harden and I just want to get lost in her.
I want to willingly fuck this woman. The thought is overwhelming and so fucking satisfying all at once.
She pulls back and places her fingertips to my lips. “Wait.” For a moment my heart stutters, but then she says. “Just a little slower.”
I frame her face and fight the urge to kiss her again.
“I can do slow,” I say, just drinking her in.
Chapter 16
River
We’ve had a busy week on the plantation. It’s as if all the fruit and vegetables got ripe at the same time. I’ve been helping Miss Ella and Sophia in the kitchen. Jack says he’s been working on a surprise for me.
I saw Colby bring something down to the river for Jack, but I’ve promised not to peek until it’s ready.
I’ve just finished placing the last jar filled with pickled onions in the pantry, when the door slams open. Jack comes in, and when his eyes land on me, he stalk over, takes hold of my hand and drags me out of the kitchen.
“Jack, what’s going on?” I have to jog to keep up with his long legs.
“It’s ready.” That’s all I says.
Halfway to the river, I pull at Jack’s hand. “Slow down, you’re going too fast for me.”
Jack stops dead in his tracks. One arm slips under my back and the other under my knees, and then I’m airborne. I throw my arms around his neck, laughing at how alpha-male he’s being right now.
As we near the clearing where the chapel is, I get a glimpse of purple through the trees. When I finally get a good look at the clearing, my mouth drops open.
Everywhere I look there are flowers. They’re all different shades of purple and blue. It looks like a wonderland with the chapel standing to the side.
Jack lets me stand and I slowly walk through the flowers, brushing my fingers over them.
“It’s all so beautiful, Jack,” I breathe. Standing in the middle of the clearing I turn in a slow circle, taking in all the beauty around me. “I can’t believe you did all of this in one week.”
He comes closer, a soft look on his face. It’s the first I’ve seen his eyes shine with warmth.
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He tilts his head and lets his eyes caress my face. “Thank you, River.” His voice is hoarse with emotion and it makes me melt on the spot.
“For what?” I whisper, as emotion wells up in me.
His intense gaze locks on mine, making my stomach explode with tingles.
“For saving me.”
The three words knock me off my feet.
“Jack.” I hug him tightly and it’s in this moment that I know I love this man with all my heart. I’d kill for him. “You’ve got it all wrong. You’re the one who saved me.”
“
Chapter 17
Jack
I sit at the foot of the bed and watch as River comes out of the bathroom. My eyes drink in her perfect body. She said she wants to take if slow but all I want to do is get lost in her.
I catch her hand before she can slip by me, and pull her closer to me. Taking hold of her hips, I guide her to stand between my legs, and then I look up.
Her eyes dart all over the room before she finally looks down at me. I can see the fear in her eyes. I wish I could take it from her.
“What if I’m bad at it?” she asks, her voice laced with uncertainty.
“If it’s bad we’ll have something to work on,” I whisper as I caress the curves of her hips.
She pulls away from me, and I clench my jaw as she walks to her side of the bed. I have to be patient with her.
She takes something out of the drawer and then sits down on the bed. I turn to see a condom in her hand, and my eyes dart to hers.
“Let’s be bad at it together then,” she whispers.
I crawl over to where she is and taking hold of her, I pull her down until she’s under me.
I take the condom from her hand and stare down at her. I’ve never been on top and seeing her beautiful face beneath me, make my chest tighten with emotion.
Dirty (A Damaged Romance Duet Book 1) Page 10
