Dance With Destiny

by Sloan Johnson

  I offer Dom a faint smile and shrug. “It’s not enough for me anymore.” I dig into my pocket, curling my fingers around Dom’s gift. This morning, I knew exactly what I wanted to offer him today, but now, I feel like I’ll burst if I don’t do it right this minute, while we’re alone so I won’t be humiliated in front of a bunch of people who probably already think I’m a total head case. Worst-case scenario, I’ll be able to pile all of the rejection at one time and start to shovel the shit back out of my life. “Last night, you said you don’t want to go back to Phoenix. My heart jumped when you said that because it meant there’s at least one more we have in common.”

  I press my finger to Dom’s lips when he starts to speak. Once I’m confident he won’t interrupt me, I take his hand in mine, pressing the gift into his palm. “Before you turn me down, hear me out. I have a two-bedroom house. It’s not a total shithole, but it’s not posh by any means. Right now, the second room is empty because my roommate got a job down in Charleston. If you seriously don’t want to go home, I’d like for you to stay with me for a while. As roommates if nothing else, but I don’t think that’ll be enough for either of us for very long.”

  “Tony, I don’t—”

  “Dom, please just let me finish,” I practically beg. “I like you. I mean, I really fucking like you so much that it’s scary. And it’d be a hell of a lot easier trying to woo you when you’re across the hall than if you’re across the fucking country.”

  Now, it’s Dom’s hand pressing tightly over my mouth to silence me. “Has anyone told you that you talk too much?” Dom laughs. He removes his hand, sliding his tongue into my slightly open mouth. “What I was going to say is that I don’t know what to say.” We both laugh at that circular statement.

  “You should know that I’m not easy to live with. Sometimes, I’m a real pain in the ass. But I suppose Virginia is as good a place as any to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.”

  I don’t give a shit if he leaves dirty dishes all over the place, can’t find the hamper, or doesn’t realize when the garbage can is full. Dominic claims he can be a moody bastard at times, but I highly doubt anything he can throw my way will trump what we’ve already been through. Not interested in hearing anything else from him, I seal my mouth over Dominic’s. I wince when his tongue runs across the cut on my mouth, my lips falling open to allow him in.

  “Oh, my God. Would you two quit sucking face and get back to the house before Mama has a fit?” Cara teases. Her cheeks are flushed as she closes the distance between us. “Andrew and I are leaving tonight and then the two of you will have our place to yourselves to do whatever it looked like you were about to do right here in the park.”

  I rush toward my sister, placing her in a playful headlock so I can muss her hair. “Stop it, Tony,” she squeals, her arms flailing about. Dominic stands aside, watching the two of us as we fall into a pile of snow. “Fuck, that’s cold!” she screeches.

  “Okay, now who’s going to get us in trouble with Mama?” Dom teases, running down the path toward the street. It’s not until he turns around that I realize he’s armed. He lobs a snowball at us, ducking behind the trees as Cara and I form our own snowy artillery.

  Today could be seen as a disappointment, but I’m choosing to see it as a resounding success. I have my sister, her husband’s family, and a boyfriend who all love me just the way I am. We continue our snowball fight the entire way back to the Rossi home, joining forces to attack Andrew when he tries to lecture us for being gone for so long.

  By late in the afternoon, there are piles of gifts everywhere and the floor is buried in crumpled wrapping paper. I look around the room, seeing each of Andrew’s siblings cuddled up to their significant others while my own has once again been called out to the kitchen by Mama and Nona. Poor Tony may wind up rethinking his wish that his own family was more like the Rossi’s by the time those women are convinced that he’ll be okay. I love them, but they can be a bit intense when they’re concerned about their children.

  “Have you thought any more about what you’re going to do with Pinnacle?” Andrew asks. He makes his way around the room, gathering empty beer bottles and soda cans on his way to grab a fresh round. My liver will be grateful to be away from this clan because they definitely like to drink more than I’m used to.

  “Not really,” I say, shrugging. “It’s only been a few days since I seriously started thinking about giving it up. I don’t want to make a decision like this at the same time I’m processing everything else.”

  Gus turns up the television as a way to protest the fact that we’re talking business on a holiday. It’s one of the old man’s unofficial rules: everything on holidays has to be positive and light-hearted. “Sorry, Gus,” I apologize, even though I wasn’t the one who started this particular conversation.

  “Dad, you’re going to have to go easy on me. Cara and I leave as soon as we can get home and grab our bags. Dom will be… wait, here’s a better question: where are you going to be when I get back from Bali?”

  “You know you can stay at our place as long as you need, right?” Cara offers, scooting over on the couch when Andrew returns.

  “Thanks, but…uh…” The longer I take to respond, the more interested everyone becomes in what I’m not saying.

  “He’s trying to tell you that he appreciates the offer, but he found a place,” Tony chimes in. I turn to glare at him, still unsure this is the best decision. Sure, it sounded amazing in the moment, but now I’m having second thoughts. He claims I’d just be a roommate, but neither of us is that naïve. If I sleep in the second bedroom even once it’d shock me.

  “Oh?” Great, now we have Mama and Nona’s attention.

  “Where are you going to stay?” Gus asks, turning off the television. Suddenly, I’m beginning to miss the bubble I popped last night. Without that barrier, the Rossi family is all too interested in my life.

  I scratch the back of my neck, trying to figure out how to phrase this so I don’t look insane.

  “He’s going to come to Virginia for a while,” Tony informs them. He sits on the arm of my chair, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “Told me something about a hunky firefighter he can’t keep his hands off of. I couldn’t help but pity the poor sap.”

  The women burst into fits of giggles. I backhand his stomach, hoping that if I knock the wind out of him he won’t be able to keep rambling. “Seriously, if we’re going to do this, you have got to learn to shut up,” I chide.

  “No, if you’re going to live with me, you need to realize that I was born without a filter. Whatever I think flies out of my mouth without a moment of hesitation,” Tony retorts.

  “That might be the most honest thing you’ve ever said.” I wrap my arms around Tony’s waist, pulling him to my side. “Sounds like both of us have some work to do.”

  “Uh, wow,” Andrew stammers. “That’s not what I was expecting, but I think it’ll be good for you. So, what about the business?”

  I scowl at Andrew, wishing he’d lay off about whether or not I’m going to sell. Now that I’m not so raw, I realize it may have been just as impulsive to say I’m going to sell it as it was to move to Arizona in the first place. On paper, the company is wildly successful and I’m not sure giving it up will be the best move long-term.

  Tony jumps in to my defense, telling Andrew that there will be plenty of time to think about the future of my company once I’m settled into my new place. From there, he gracefully shifts the conversation to talking about Andrew and Cara’s honeymoon and my bit of news is quickly forgotten. “Thank you,” I whisper to him when no one is paying attention.

  “Anytime.” He slides off the arm of the chair so the two of us are crammed into the seat. We snuggle close, relishing the feeling of family we both get from these people who love us because they choose to, not because they have to. Tony isn’t completely at ease with showing affection around them, but I’m proud of him for at least trying. “Is it about time to get out of h
ere?”

  “Soon,” I assure him. The Rossi family can be a bit much to take in large doses if you’re not used to the open affection they show and I can tell that Tony is overwhelmed with the entire scene. As soon as we get back to the apartment and I know my friend and his new bride are on their way out of the country, I plan on showing just how pleased I am with him. Not only for taking a scary leap that I tried telling him not to because of my own fears, but also for understanding that not everyone is like his family.

  “Oh, would the two of you get out of here already?” We look up to see Gus looming over us, scowling. “I’m sure you have better things to do than hang out with us. Just make sure you don’t try to skip state without coming back to say goodbye.”

  Tony uncomfortably pulls himself out of the chair, offering a hand to Gus. “Thank you, sir. I’m sorry for bringing my family’s drama here today—”

  “Nonsense, boy.” Gus pushes away Tony’s hand, catching him off guard when the older man pulls the younger close to his body. “I hate to speak poorly of your family, but this isn’t the first time a child of theirs has come into our home crying. If they can’t treat you right, know that you always have a place at our dinner table. And for the love of everything holy, knock it off with that ‘sir’ shit. You’ll call me Gus.”

  Tony looks away as soon as he’s released, but not quick enough for me to not see the way his eyes are glistening. I rush to his side, whispering more words of love and acceptance as I wipe away the moisture before a single tear falls.

  Mama and Nona join the group, their parting words echoing Gus. Both women kiss Tony’s cheeks, lavishing him with the affection I’m not sure he’s ever been shown by his own mother. By the time they let him go, both of his cheeks are covered in smears of red lipstick.

  “Come on, Casanova. Let’s get you out of here before Gus gets jealous,” I tease, pulling Tony toward the coat rack.

  “If you give us a few minutes, you’re more than welcome to ride home with us,” Andrew offers.

  As convenient as that would be, I’m in the mood to stroll leisurely around the city for a little while. The snow is still falling, but the temperature has risen a bit so it’s no longer bitterly cold. Besides, I can’t guarantee I won’t start stripping Tony naked the moment we walk into the apartment and I’m sure Cara would prefer to not see that. A walk will give them time to collect their luggage and clear out.

  The entire family stands on the front porch wishing us a Merry Christmas as Tony slides his hand around my waist, leading me down the front steps. “Are they always this Norman Rockwell?” His words are delivered straight to my ear, which apparently has some connection to my groin because the rumble of his voice causes a reaction in that region of my body.

  “Nah, not quite this bad, but they knew what you needed. They’re good that way.” We stop beneath a street light and Tony cups my face in his hands. The kiss is sweet and filled with promise of amazing things to come in the future. The moment terrifies me more than I’ll ever admit.

  Everything was going well for much of the day. After I got over the shock of my family’s reaction to my “news” it was actually an enjoyable day. The Rossi family didn’t treat me like an outsider or a burden. Ironically, my own parents have become masters at treating me as if I don’t belong over the years. Then, Dom suggested that we walk at least part of the way home and my heart melted. Holding one another tightly as the snow fell around us was magical. But then, I felt Dom starting to pull away from me.

  “Are you okay?” I ask as I put on a pot of coffee. I’m exhausted, but I’m also feeling the cold all the way to my bones and I need to warm up before heading to bed.

  Dom sneaks up behind me as I pull two mugs out of the cupboard, wrapping his arms around my waist. I lean back into his embrace, resting my head on his shoulder. “Why wouldn’t I be?” he asks, as if mine was the most ridiculous question he’s heard all day.

  I turn around in his arms so I’m leaning against the counter, staring into his deep brown eyes. His dilated pupils show me that he’s already thinking about what he’d like to have happen next, leaving me to believe that I’m making something out of nothing.

  “Today was pretty intense. I guess I just need to know that you’re okay with everything. You know, that you’re okay with us still trying to see where things go,” I ramble, averting my eyes because this is all a bit too intense for me.

  Dom crooks one finger beneath my chin, forcing me to look at him. “I’m good, Tony,” Dom swears to me. “I’ll admit that I was upset for a while, but that’s my issue, not yours. Andrew put me in my place, up to and including calling me a conceited asshole for thinking you were coming out for me. Once he put things into perspective, I understood. I’m just sorry your parents reacted the way they did.”

  Dom’s fingers tighten around the back of my neck, pulling me to him until our mouths connect. His tongue teases along the seam of my lips until I finally relent and allow him inside. From there, he deepens the kiss, claiming every corner of my mouth as his own.

  I moan into his mouth when Dom’s other hand squeezes my ass. If we keep going at this rate, we’ll be naked on the kitchen floor within the next two minutes. That would be a great way to end one of the most emotional Christmases I’ve ever had, but I need something different tonight.

  My hands move to Dom’s shoulders and I gently push him away. “Would it be okay if we chill on the couch for a bit?” I ask, trying to ignore the pain of rejection in his eyes.

  “Yeah. Sure.” Dom steps back when I reach for him. This is the type of shit I’d be better at if I hadn’t been trying to hide for fourteen years.

  With my hands placed on the counter, I stand there for a few minutes wondering if I’ll ever get better at not saying shit that pushes Dom away from me. I fill both mugs with coffee and turn out the light on my way to the living room. I’m halfway expecting Dom to have retreated to the bedroom, but he’s crouched in front of the gas fireplace, holding his hands close to the flame.

  He’s muttering something I can’t understand, but I don’t think I’m meant to. I set down the coffee as quietly as possible and sneak down the hall to the bedroom to get more comfortable.

  When I return to the living room, Dom hasn’t moved a muscle. I lean against the doorway watching as he continues talking to the flames. “There will probably always be a part of me that loves you, Brandon. You were the first man I ever loved, but it’s time for me to be happy. I think I have that, and if there’s any truth to what my grandma used to tell me, I’d like to believe that you had a hand in sending him to me.”

  I clamp a hand over my mouth, hoping Dom didn’t hear the gasp escape my lips. This moment feels intimate and private and I’m the voyeur watching. Part of me wants to turn and hide in the bedroom for as long as he needs, but my heart sends a signal to my feet to move. I quietly sit on the floor behind Dom, pulling him so he’s sitting between my legs. He’s closing a door to one chapter in his life and I’m the lucky bastard who’ll hopefully help him write all the rest.

  I’ve spent much of the day second-guessing my decision to ask Dom to move to Virginia. Although I gave him a long speech about how it doesn’t need to mean anything other than fulfilling a need for both of us, I doubt either of us will be satisfied with a roommates arrangement. It feels as if we’ve been running at warp speed since the moment our paths crossed and I’m worried that the attraction will begin to wane once we don’t have distractions like weddings, holidays, and mental breakdowns to keep us from facing the real issues any new couple has to tackle.

  The last thing I want is Dom to feel like this is something he has to do to make me happy. He could just as easily stay here in the city and live with Andrew and Cara. It was unfair of me to ask in the heat of the moment the way I did.

  “My butt’s going numb,” Dom grumbles, rolling himself over to push off the floor. I laugh because I’ve been thinking the same thing for a while but didn’t want to do anything to break the mom
ent we seemed to be sharing.

  Dom reaches for my hand, pulling me up so we’re chest to chest. His fingers interlace with mine as he leads me to the couch. I take a seat at one end and Dom sprawls along the length of the couch with his head on my lap. “Were you serious about me moving down to Virginia?” Dom asks as I run my fingers through his hair.

  I stiffen for a moment, feeling exposed. There’s no question that I was being sincere in my offer, my only concern is that it was ill-timed and a stupid thing to do. No matter how good the sex is, it’s still out of character to ask a man to move in. Some of my buddies have gone years, even losing women they claimed to love because they wouldn’t ask her to co-habitate.

  “Yeah, of course,” I respond, trying to hide the tremor in my voice. The fact that he brought it up has me even more nervous. “But I don’t want you to feel pressured. I just thought it’d be a win-win for both of us. You’re looking for a change, I’m looking for someone to split the bills with and it’d be easier to see you whenever I want if you’re not all the way across the country.”

  Dom’s body shakes as he starts laughing uncontrollably. It’s a complete turnaround from how subdued he’s been since we got home that it throws me for a loop. “What’s so funny?” I ask.

  “You,” he cackles. “You make this grand gesture, inviting me to move to be close to you. Then, you sit and hold me while I have a mini-meltdown and I fall in love with you a little bit.”

  “Okay,” I say, drawing the word out into at least three syllables. So far, I’m failing to see the issue.

  Dom reaches up to run his fingers along my jaw. He stills them once a single finger is resting across my lips. “What made me laugh is that you almost screwed it up right at the end. Seriously, do you always woo men by telling them it’ll be good to have someone to split the bills with?”

  My head falls to the back of the couch. “Fuck, that probably did sound pretty bad, huh?” I ask sheepishly. “In my defense, I did warn you that I have zero frame of reference when it comes to relationships. Hopefully, you’ll grade me on a curve and let me make it up to you. And what in the hell is ‘wooing’ anyway? Sounds like some stupid word a chick made up.”