'Tis the Season: A Collection of Mimi's Christmas Books

by Mimi Barbour

In his imagination, he fantasized about how he’d force his way inside and beg Belle to listen to him. Just thinking about the conflict made his stomach tighten. Maybe he’d just whimper like Sam did when he wanted her to pick him up and she’d take pity on him. His nonsense made him smile and Mari, misunderstanding, smiled back with delight.

  “It’s nice being together again, isn’t it Jess?”

  Her calling him by the shortened version of his name instantly transported him to a past where pain and sorrow had been his two best friends. “I missed you when you left, Mari. For a long time, I missed you.”

  Getting comfy, she leaned back and tucked her legs under her. “I missed you too.”

  She spoke softly but they were just words, no depth, no passion, only empty words. Maybe she’d missed him to begin with, but she’d moved on. Found a career. Got married.

  While he’d hung on to their early romance like a lovesick fool, willing to let the world go by so he could exist in his ridiculous dreams, she’d lost no time in finding a man to take his place.

  Shaking away the remorse, knowing he’d spent enough hours and emotion on a love affair that only existed in his head, he decided to be blunt. End this farce of her pretense. She didn’t care about him. Oh maybe as an old friend, maybe she even kept sweet memories tucked away of their young love, but now she belonged to someone else.

  “Tell me about your husband.”

  Mari stiffened, uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. First running her finger around the rim of the glass, she finally took a sip. She took another and then cupped the glass and looked at its contents as if it held the mysteries of the universe. With her head still down, she finally answered. “You mean ex-husband.”

  “Don’t quibble.”

  She laughed and tried teasing, her gaze taunting him, willing him to play along. “I’d forgotten your habit of sweeping away the bullshit. Cutting to the chase.”

  “And I’d forgotten your habit of using bad language for shock tactics.”

  Giggling, she sipped again and rested back against the couch. “You’d like Steve. He has many of your qualities. He’s possessive and funny and very smart.”

  “Hummm, sounds like the kind of guy you don’t easily throw away.”

  “It wasn’t… easy.” Mari mocked the last word. “We want different things. I care about him, so I decided to let him go so he could find someone who can give him what he wants.”

  “How altruistic of you. Break a guy’s heart and tell him you’re doing it for his own good.” Jesse shook his head. “You women are something else. Ever think that maybe Steve has a right to make his own decisions?”

  “He made it.” She lowered her voice and continued. “We were fighting and I’d frustrated him but he’d reached an impasse I couldn’t handle.” Her voice rose again, full of anger and anguish and shock. “In fact he gave me an ultimatum. Have his baby or leave.”

  “Huh? Thought you told me he was smart?”

  “Not so much.”

  “You gonna give in?” Horrified, Jesse watched Mari’s chin begin to quiver.

  “I wasn’t planning on it until today. Now that I’ve spent time with Belle and Layla, I’m kind of… ahhh messed up.” Her sobs started out quite low. As soon as he slid onto the couch and gathered her into his arms, she broke.

  “You love him, Mari. So give the guy a break. Have his baby and be happy.” He sheltered her with his chest and used his hand to pat her back comfortingly.

  She struggled to answer and her woeful words made him hate himself for being so blasé about the matter.

  “I just… can’t.”

  Thinking fast, he wondered if maybe she had a medical problem. “You mean you can’t or you won’t?”

  “You’ll laugh if I tell you.”

  “Scout’s honor, I won’t even grin.”

  “I – I’m scared.”

  “Of… of the pain?”

  “Of course not!” Her disgust at his absurd questioning overshadowed her crying for a few minutes. She sniffed and continued. “I’m afraid I’ll be a horrible mother. What do I know about babies? Or kids for that matter? I’m a lawyer. I like to fight battles in a courtroom. I’ve never even been in a nursery, or for that matter, held a baby.”

  “Have you told him about your fears?”

  “I couldn’t. He’d think me a fool and I couldn’t bear that.”

  Her crying had slowed to sniffles and his back pats had changed to rubs. Her head, buried against his chest, made it impossible for him to see her face. Jesse could only guess by the sound of her voice how difficult it would be for her to confess about fearing anything.

  After all, as youngsters, she’d been the one thrilled over any reckless kind of activity. He’d always held back from pure common sense but her ‘hell-bent for adventure’ attitude had often made his eyes cross and his heart end up in his throat.

  He used that image now to his advantage. “Marilyn Krude? Frightened of something? That’s not the girl I remember. She’d conquer anything.” He teased gently, hoping to make her feel better.

  “All show. I was always afraid, Jess, but I knew if I screwed up you’d take care of me. Now being in charge of a little person? That’s a whole different scenario. I’d be completely out of my element.”

  “Surely you know someone who’s gone through this already, other women with children.”

  “I’ve never had many women friends. The ones I do know are strictly career oriented. When we married, I thought Steve wanted the same kind of life I did. Good jobs, lots of travel, nice homes, you know an exclusive, just the two of us, kind of existence. Then he upsets our safe world by deciding time was moving on and we needed to start a family.”

  Jesse sat up and made her face him. He wiped her wet cheeks with gentle hands. “Mari, you are a very smart lady. If having a baby is frightening, then learn about it so it doesn’t seem so terribly hard. Luckily, you have the perfect teacher as a little sister and she’s got a heart as big as Mt. Rushmore. You ask her whatever you need to know. Hell, by the time you’ve spent the day with her and Layla, you’ll want to have a whole brood.”

  A small giggle broke loose and Mari looked much less upset. “Do you really think so, Jesse?”

  “Yeah, I really think so.” He reached over and pushed her loose hair back over her ears from where it covered her face. Then he smiled with conviction so she could see how seriously he had taken her predicament.

  “Thank you, Jesse. You’re a sweet man. In a way I’m sorry things didn’t work out for us.” She leaned in to kiss him and he made sure her lips found his cheek. There was no way he wanted to lock lips with a woman who belonged to another man.

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Belle tossed and turned in her lonely bed. Common sense worked hard to wipe out the emotional response she’d suffered from Jesse’s ecstatic reaction at his first sight of Mari. Hurt and bewildered, her mind skipped from one unsettling notion to another.

  According to Kim, even though Jesse hadn’t seen Marilyn for many years, he’d kept her enshrined in his memories. Even had her framed photograph on his bedside table. Belle had seen the picture turned upside down when she’d dusted the apartment earlier. To keep the memento, he still must have had some attachment to her.

  Right?

  Maybe not… after all the passion he and Belle had recently experienced, the man showed every sign of being as much invested in their relationship as she was. He’d been a wonderful lover. How could she forget?

  What if she’d been too hasty? Perhaps Jesse hadn’t meant anything earlier when he’d said Mari’s name with such delight? Could be Belle was confusing affection with shock.

  Therefore, it made sense that he would react, didn’t it? In fact, it would be impossible not to be affected when faced with someone important from your past. Heart truly lightened, she felt better after giving herself the much-needed pep talk.

  Resolve firmly in place, Belle slipped out of bed, threw a warm robe on over her pa
jamas and checked on Yaya. Sam looked up from the foot of the bed and whined until she went over to sooth his golden velvety skin with pats and comforting whispers. “Good boy, Sam. Good dog.”

  Then she covered her baby and tiptoed from the room. A side trip to the mirror to brush her hair and apply a bit of lipstick showed her a woman with pink cheeks, a sparkle in her eye and nerves tightly under control. Ready to apologise, she made her way out of her apartment and quickly down the dim-lit area of the public hallway.

  In her mind, she imagined being able to sneak into the foyer area and if everyone were still up, hopefully, she’d be able to catch Jesse’s attention. Then she’d give him the signal that she waited for him and zip back home to ready herself for another incredible night.

  When she opened the door and stepped into the darkness, she noticed that the bags she’d put there earlier had been cleared. Next, she heard the sounds of soft music. Instantly filled with foreboding, she stepped to the corner and stood rooted to the floor as if imaginary double-sided tape kept her a prisoner.

  Not nearly quick enough, she slammed her eyes closed, needing desperately to shut out the image of Jesse leaning back against the couch holding Marilyn in his arms.

  While her head rested against his chest, her blonde hair, now loose and flowing, hid her face. His hands rubbed her back in a familiar way of a man soothing a woman he loved.

  In the short glance Belle got of his face, Jesse’s soft expression exposed such tenderness that it felt like she’d been shot through the heart with a bullet of pain.

  Hide.

  Run.

  Get the hell away.

  Oh the agony! It grabbed, tightening around her chest until breathing became a conscious act. Her hands covered her mouth to keep in the moans. They pressed so hard, she felt the imprint of each tooth against the skin.

  She stumbled back against the wall and grabbed at an ornamental angel before it hit the ground. Then she snuck out of the apartment and dragged her broken spirit along with her as she returned to her lonely bed to weep the night away.

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  It seemed to take forever for Marilyn to finally wind down and leave Jesse to make up his bed on the couch. Until his constant yawns did the trick, he thought she’d never leave.

  Before he changed his mind, he opened his laptop and did a search on Steve Dangerfield. LinkedIn, the business network with message capability, solved his problem and he sent a personal note to the man who needed a good swift kick in his ass.

  Didn’t the idiot know that his wife wasn’t the kind of a woman who would accept ultimatums and simply agree? The stupid ass should’ve dug a little and found out why she refused to do something that most women accepted as they’re role. But then again, men could be really dense when it came to their lovers and wives.

  Look at him! He had no room to talk. Right now, he was making up a bed on a couch instead of being wrapped in the arms of the girl who’d become his whole world.

  Again, he headed for the entrance only to pull himself up short. You can’t just go there and pound on the door at this time of the night. You’ll scare Layla or the neighbors. They’ll call the police and you’ll end up in the drunk-tank.

  Despite his yearning to be with her, he paced the room to strategize. How could he get Belle alone so he could explain?

  Explain what? That the shock of seeing his past had momentarily rattled his brains. It was the truth. He just had to make her believe it.

  As soon as he spotted the two Persians pests who’d been kicked out of Kim’s room and were now curling themselves on his narrow couch, he flung himself in the only chair he could comfortably sit in and fumed.

  After another glass of wine and an hour of contemplation, exhaustion kicked in. First he threw an afghan over the chair he’d just left and picked up Puff to transfer her to the new bed. She mewed softly and licked his hand, and with a few strokes settled down quietly.

  When he went to move Snowball he was met with a hiss and a glare of resistance. “Not tonight you monster, I’m in no mood.” Ignoring the warning, he lifted the cat, moved her next to her sister and sucked at the claw mark on his knuckle that he got for his troubles. “Damn cat!”

  Quickly, he undressed and tried getting comfortable on a bed too narrow, too small and too empty. Stuffed up from the fur, he rubbed his nose and decided he’d rather have ten Sams than one feline like Snowball.

  Sam!

  Why didn’t he think of that before? Early in the morning, he’d go and pick Sam up for his constitutional and save Belle from the trouble of having to take the pup out herself.

  It would give him the perfect opportunity to explain everything to her, plead if need be. Hell if nothing else worked, he was prepared to grovel.

  Chapter Forty

  Rising early, after a sleepless night, Belle knew she needed to get away. Spending time with the others couldn’t be borne until she’d built up her defenses.

  Once Layla woke and Sam began his ritual fidgeting for his morning walk, she still had no plan. When the doorbell rang, her heart dropped like the proverbial stone. She just knew it would be Jesse to get the dog.

  “Layla take Sam to the door for Jesse while Mommy’s in the bathroom please.”

  “Okay!”

  Belle heard Jesse’s deep tones and then her little girl’s giggles but she remained hidden until Yaya came to get her. “Jesse wanted to talk with you, Mommy.”

  “He did?”

  “Yep. He said so, but Sam had to go outside real bad.”

  “Did he say anything else?”

  “He said to tell you that he’ll keep Sam at his place so we gotta go over there when we’re ready.”

  Belle ruffled Yaya’s hair. “It won’t be until later. This morning you and I have to go shopping. We still haven’t any presents under the tree for Grampa and Auntie Marilyn and tomorrow’s Christmas.”

  “And for Jesse, too.”

  “Yes, we’ll buy some little thing for Jesse.”

  “But weally nice, right mommy?”

  The doorbell rang again and Belle suffered the same reaction as earlier.

  My god I can’t live like this for long. I have to either get a backbone or I’ll be a basket case by the end of the week.

  Since Yaya was now getting dressed, Layla had no choice but to open it herself.

  Praying it wasn’t either Marilyn or Jesse, she checked the peephole and breathed a huge sigh of relief before opening the door to the end of the chain.

  “Jack! What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to deliver my Christmas presents for you and Layla. I hope you don’t mind.”

  His calm persona, added to what Jesse had told her about Phil’s assessment, worked to loosen her fear. Still slightly apprehensive, she unlocked the door and opened it. Then she blocked the doorway and really looked at him.

  He’d dressed in civilian clothes and they made her remember Jack as he’d been before he and Terry had joined up. Even his short hair in the wind-blown style of so many of the young men today worked to remove the memory of the wild man who’d accosted.

  Trying to picture this Jack as the animal who’d stolen her baby didn’t work either. Not now. Not seeing him looking so well.

  He’d lost the begging eyes and sickly aura. Standing tall, his cane by his side, he waited for her to speak. This guy resembled the old Jack, the one she’d missed so badly when he’d changed.

  Speaking softly, she asked, “How are you really, Jack?” On the one hand, Belle wasn’t sure if she should have anything to do with the man responsible for frightening her to death not that long ago.

  Confidence flooded once she spied the two beautifully wrapped presents and the peaceful expression when he smiled tentatively. She opened the door wider. “Come in.”

  “Thank you, Belle. I hope I’m not too early. I like the mornings and decided to try and catch you before you went out for the day.”

  “Good thing. We’re planning to go shopping f
or some last minute Christmas presents. The stores will be hectic so I wanted to go early. You… you look wonderful, Jack.”

  “I feel the same way. Jesse hooked me up with a friend of his, Phil Reid, who runs a special program for us Vets. It’s been inspirational and a life saver. I have a long way to go but it’s a beginning.”

  “Oh Jack! I’m glad. I was so worried about you.”

  “I didn’t feel too good about myself, either. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for frightening you the way I did. Desperation can drive a man to do crazy things. I just hope you know that I’d never hurt Layla. Having her nearby gave me a peace that’s hard to explain and it was something I craved.”

  “You look fine now, Jack. That’s why I opened the door.”

  “It’s true. I’m taking a different medication that doesn’t make me feel like I’m locked in a nightmare. It’s helped tremendously. Plus the group therapy has taught me that the peace is coming from learning how to deal with my fears and not feeling so alone.”

  Belle reached out to hold his hand. “I’m grateful everything worked out, and thankful that you’re so much better.”

  “Phil offered me a position, working beside him and I’m going to take it. Don’t worry about me anymore. From now on I want to be able to help you girls.” He squeezed her hand before he dropped it and then passed over the presents. “Enough about me.” Jack scanned her in a friendly way. “Goodness, you look a lot better than the last few months.” When he caught her eye and she looked away, his hand reached but stopped before touching her shoulder. “Something’s not right.”

  “I’m fine, didn’t sleep much and it’s catching up. My health is a lot better since I found out what my problems were and have corrected them. I won’t go into it now, but one day, I’ll tell you all about it.”

  “Uncle Jack!” Layla ran into the room and slowed before reaching the tall man who looked so much like the picture of her daddy.

  He knelt down and waited for her to approach. “Hey sweetheart, I came to bring you a Christmas present because I heard on the grapevine that you’d been a very good girl this year.”