by Abigail Agar
From behind him, down the corridor, the front door opened. Startled and distracted, he turned to see who was coming. Set at once at ease, he saw that it was Miss Windsor. She nearly opened her mouth to speak, but he put up a hand to pause her.
Jonathan silently gestured for her to remain where she was so that she would not frighten the deer. The last thing he wanted was for them to run away. He urged her through gestures of the hand to approach with a quiet caution. At first, she did so, curious to see what he was so excited about.
Upon seeing the deer, she smiled and looked at him as if he were being rather foolish. She proudly took his hand and led him softly outside through the back door and into the garden where the deer stood, munching on leaves and grass.
Miss Windsor plucked three apples from the tree closest to where he stood and handed him one of them before taking a step closer to the deer.
There was a moment in which everyone froze, both human and animal. The mother deer stared at Miss Windsor and sniffed the air. She glanced over at Jonathan, as if she was trying to size him up as well.
And then, she took a step forward.
Jonathan followed Miss Windsor’s example and stretched out his hand. The mother went to him and her children instinctively knew to go to Miss Windsor.
He had never done anything like this before, but it was only a moment before the deer was nuzzling into his hand, getting a good chunk of the apple between her teeth. She bit and started to chew before looking over at her children and seeing them do the same.
He eyed Miss Windsor in delight and surprise. He had never met anyone capable of something like this before. She was remarkable. How was she able to earn the trust of one of the most skittish creatures in all of nature? He couldn’t understand how she managed to do this, but it impressed him deeply.
Jonathan smiled and let the deer finish eating. Then, he took another apple from Miss Windsor and fed the deer another. The fawns continued to nudge one another in their competition to eat as well.
This was one of the most remarkable experiences in all his life and he wondered why he had never tried to feed the deer before. It was such a simple thing, so easy and relaxing and exciting all at once. Jonathan wished that he could spend all his time like this, enjoying the beauty of nature and the wonder of Miss Windsor at the same time.
By the time the deer had finished eating apples and decided to move on, Jonathan was elated. His mood was lifted more than it had been in as long as he could recall.
“My goodness, do you do this often?” he asked Miss Windsor.
She laughed and nodded.
“As often as I am able. I love to spend time with the deer and they are so much friendlier than people realize. Honestly, it is not so hard to get them to eat from your hand and it is incredibly rewarding to do so,” she said.
“Indeed, it is, but I never thought I would have such a moment. How simple and wonderful!” he exclaimed.
“I find that many people do not realize the beauty of the world around them until it is shown to them directly. But I do assure you that any time you wish to feed the deer and draw them close to you, they will come. You need only to have a little bit of patience,” she said.
“Yes, I expect I have not always had enough of that. But, tell me, have you always been one of the few who can see such beauty and gather it with ease? You are so calm and attuned to the world around you and I have not seen that often in my life. I cannot help but wonder whether or not you were born to it,” he said.
Miss Windsor was still smiling, but she somehow appeared sad, as if there was a deep hurt beneath it all.
“My mother and father loved nature. I do not think I was born to it, but I was born to them and they were sure to instill it in me from very early. We used to go for walks as a family and we never wore shoes. We would go and play by the river or walk in the fields. They never bothered to worry about getting dirty,” she said.
“That sounds wonderful. I do wish that more mothers and fathers could appreciate things like that,” he said.
“Indeed, I do as well, but it was a nice life. We often fed all sorts of animals. Deer, ducks, mice, it hardly mattered,” she said.
“Mice? They were not frightened by disease?” he asked.
Miss Windsor laughed and shook her head.
“Not in the least, but others found it shocking and appalling. They said that my mother and father were going to let me get killed if they did not stop allowing me to play amongst the elements. But I loved every moment of it. I was so full of joy when I got to spend time outside. And I still am,” she said.
“Then you must continue. I know you have mentioned an aunt who tries to prevent you from indulging, but you cannot allow her to stifle you, especially not when the root of all this is the memory of your mother and father,” he said.
“Indeed, that is how I often feel about it, but, you know, I do understand her concerns. Even if I find them somewhat petty or unnecessary, I do understand them,” she said.
“That is very good of you, but I still think you need to take control of your independence and do what makes you feel the happiest. You need to live the life to which you were born, the life which reminds you of your mother and father as I can see how much they mean to you and how important it is to you that you have that memory,” he said.
Jonathan watched her when she gave him that look, the sweet one that told him he did not understand and he never would but she appreciated his efforts nonetheless. It was a kind look, but one that also told him he was simplifying things far too much.
“Miss Windsor, I may not know the sort of life you live or what your days look like, but I do hope you know that I find you completely remarkable. I have never met anyone so attuned with the world around her and you are so skilled and…well, I fear that I am rambling, but I do hope that you understand the depth of my admiration,” he said, far more openly than he had intended.
Miss Windsor smiled again, her face expressing more than her words as she looked away from him, blushing sweetly. She obviously felt the same, but she was not saying anything and he could hardly tell her that he actually really did have romantic intentions for her. He could not share that until he had told her his true identity.
The feelings he was developing for Miss Windsor were greater than he had ever anticipated. As she started to influence his life, she was becoming more and more of an intrigue to Jonathan and he began to wonder what would happen if he did, indeed, introduce her to his mother. What would his mother ay? What would she do? Could she really stop him from falling in love? What if he did not give her a say at all?
His mother had already threatened to disown him if he did not marry as she wished, but he wondered if she would truly carry out that threat. His own father would not have had such a problem with the idea of him loving someone of inferior birth. It was purely the feeling of his mother.
So why should he be afraid? Why would he not allow himself to have the care and affection for her that he truly wanted to express? There was no reason he found for being frightened or worried about the days to come just because his mother was always telling him he had to find a noblewoman. If he refused, what could she do? He was the inheritor of the home. He was the one who had everything at his disposal.
Of course, he understood that he would still be risking alienating her even if they did live together. She would be furious with him and there was nothing he could do to change that, even if he did push for the possibility of marriage to a woman like Miss Windsor.
“What is it?” she asked him, noting that he was staring at her. How could he tell her that he was simply wondering whether or not she was worth the possibility of losing his mother’s affection?
“Oh, nothing. Forgive me. As I said, I simply admire your ability with animals and how remarkable you are. I thank you for showing me this wonderful thing. I do hope that I shall have the opportunity to feel the deer with you again in the future,” he said.
“I am always happy
to. And, if they do not come to us, we may always go to them,” she said.
“Indeed, that we may,” Jonathan replied.
Would he really follow her out into the countryside just to feed animals?
In a heartbeat.
Chapter 15
With the deer fed, Ellie wanted to get back to work on the house, trying to make everything presentable again. She had so enjoyed her time with Mr. Potts outside, but she was eager to get some things taken care of to restore the home to its former glory.
However, she also understood the complications of working inside with him. If they were discovered, she would be in terrible trouble. People might think that she had loose morals. Even Mr. Potts might think that if she went back in with him. What if he questioned her?
What if he thought she had impure intentions with him?
And yet, she was enjoying his company greatly and wanted so badly to spend more time together. Ellie truly had come to care for Mr. Potts, far more than she ever anticipated. He was a wonderful man, so much so that she found herself constantly surprised by him. There was something about the way he spoke with her and how they interacted that she just found unique.
He treated her with the respect of a real person. He did not see her as some sort of inconvenience or undesirable. Ellie really felt as if she mattered when they were together and that was a wonderful feeling, indeed.
However, she kept thinking back to the horror of getting caught. What could happen? She might never be allowed out of the house again. She might never be allowed to see Mr. Potts again. That was a most dreadful thought and she did not wish to take such a risk.
“Mr. Potts, I fear that I ought to be going,” she said.
“What? Go? But you have only just arrived,” he said.
“I know, but I also…” she trailed off and looked around, taking in the sight of work he had already completed.
“I understand,” he said, nodding to the indoors.
“I can see that you have already done quite a bit. Thank you, Mr. Potts. It looks wonderful,” Ellie said.
“If it looks so wonderful, you ought to remain here and enjoy it. Please, Miss Windsor, please stay a little longer,” he said, urging her.
“Mr. Potts, I hope you do not mind my saying so, but I fear the propriety of it. I worry what it may look like and how you may perceive me if I remain. It would not be good if we were seen here—inside—together,” she said.
He nodded and took a deep breath.
“Miss Windsor, I really do understand that. But, if I may, we are not going to be seen together. There is no one who knows that I am here and you have given me every indication that you have not shared with others that you come here. So I still must ask you to remain,” he said.
Ellie still hesitated.
“I vow to you that I shall be perfectly respectful of you. You need not have any worries about my intentions. I understand that, maybe, hearing me say that is not enough, but if you are willing to trust me, I vow to prove it to you. I am going to be a perfect gentleman,” he said.
“Mr. Potts…I do not doubt you. I only worry…” she trailed off again.
“Please…” he said, asking her once more. Ellie could not find it within herself to resist those blue eyes of his.
“All right. Just for a short time,” she said.
“Thank you. I have already made tea, actually. Well, I hope it is still warm enough. I made it earlier than you arrived so it may be too cool by now, but I can always try to heat it again if need be,” he said.
“Thank you, Mr. Potts. You are too kind. Is there not work I need to do on the home?” she asked, thinking that she ought to help out a bit more.
“No, no. Not today. We have plenty of time to continue working on it and I have already gotten enough done for now. I urge you to simply relax and we may speak and continue getting to know one another better,” he said.
Ellie certainly wanted that as well. She was desperately eager to get to know Mr. Potts better and, if this was her best opportunity to do so, she was more than happy to engage with him as discuss matters.
They sat in the parlor and Mr. Potts brought tea to Ellie. She eagerly took a sip and instantly had to hide her expression of bulging eyes and spluttering cough at the bitter tang of it. The tea was far too strong, as if Mr. Potts had never made it on his own before and was trying to impress her with a skill he did not possess.
She managed, however, to cover for herself. She drank it and smiled.
“Thank you. I am grateful for the tea,” she said.
“Very well,” he replied. But, all too late, Ellie realized she would be caught in the lie. Mt. Potts drank from his own cup and responded in the very way she had tried so hard not to.
He coughed and scrunched up his nose in disgust.
“Oh, good heavens! You lied!” he shouted with a hearty laugh.
“I did not. I told you that I am grateful. That was not a lie.” She laughed in reply.
“You said you were grateful for the tea. This is not tea. This is some awful concoction,” he said, still chuckling at his own mistake.
“It is not. It is just very strong,” she said, sharing in the humor of it. They continued to laugh and be full of joy as they both tried to recover from the bitter taste of it. Ellie was relieved that they had a moment to simply laugh and enjoy themselves, aside from all the seriousness of the days they had already experienced.
“My goodness. I must apologize, deeply. Now, you never did tell me, why do you keep tea here? Have you always kept it since coming to visit this home?” he asked.
Ellie understood precisely what he was asking. He did not care about the tea at all. Mr. Potts was trying to find out why she was so attached to the house. He wanted to know about the thing she had been staying silent on.
“Mr. Potts, you must be wondering about this little cottage and why it means so much to me. I can understand that, I suppose. After all, you must wonder what separates me from the vagabond who simply came and tried to make this his own residence. Why would I be here all the time? Why would I insist on remaining?” she asked, as if they were the questions in his mind.
“I do not wish to pry,” he said, apologetically.
“It is all right if you do. I do not mind telling you,” she said.
“If that is so, I should very much like to hear it,” he said.
Ellie gave him the faintest hint of a smile and nodded.
“Yes, very well. So, you have certainly gathered by now that I am more familiar with the home than someone might be if they simply enjoyed a location. Indeed, it was my own home at one point. I was born in this house and I lived here until I was probably around the age of eight. I do not know exactly when,” she said.
He nodded, but did not interrupt her.
“My father owned this home. He and my mother met when they were young and they married, for love. Although my mother’s family was not titled or anything, they were quite wealthy. She gave up a great deal in order to marry my father,” Ellie told him.
“That is very good of her, allowing love to determine her marriage as opposed to society’s whims,” he said.
“Indeed, it was. Her family did not approve so heartily, but she was happy. They eventually relented and consented to the marriage, but it was not the happiest of affairs in their eyes,” she said.
“Such a shame,” he said, bitterly. “It is not right when society should try to ruin the happiness of a couple in love—all for the sake of money and status.”
