by Nikki Bloom
“Madeline fought with your therapist?” Nodding almost nonchalantly, Sophia grabbed her huge, foam cup of iced lemonade and took a giant gulp that puffed out her cheeks. Curiosity tickled the back of my throat, and the wait was agonizing as she breathed harshly before continuing.
“Yeah. That lady kept asking me if I liked moving out of my house, if I liked Madds telling me what to do... I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. And when Madds went in to talk to her, she said that she was going to say we should go to our aunt’s house in Florida. I’ve never even met Aunt Betty. My mom and her didn’t get along. We got cards for our birthdays and Christmas, that’s all. Madds exploded, screaming that no one liked what was going on, but ‘like fuck I’m letting some third-rate freshie recommend jack shit’—” Sophia deepened her voice to try to emulate Madeline, and I could picture her going ballistic on the woman. There was no humor though, as I cupped my mouth to hide my frown. “By the time we moved out, we went to another therapist who was really nice. We only went that once though. I don’t know why.”
Their insurance lapsed. Madeline had said it’d taken her about six months to lose her parents’ house, which was more than enough time for private insurance to drop. Her insurance through her job wouldn’t cover her siblings, and even if it did, it wouldn’t cover therapy. How fucked up.
“I’m sorry you have to go through all of this. Do you miss your parents?” By now, Sophia had talked herself out of her hole, and she shook her head almost immediately. Arching a brow in surprise, my frown deepened. “Why not?”
“They don’t care about me?” All emotion suddenly disappeared from her face and voice, and Sophia scrunched up her nose in disgust. “I know the baby died. I know it was awful. But I’m here... I didn’t d-die...”
“...Well said.” Evan arrived with a huge tray of coned waffles and twenty different cups of toppings, and I cleared my throat roughly. “Are you going to eat all that?”
“Hell yeah, Carter. You really underestimate how much a loaded waffle is worth.” My chest tightened at that even though I knew Evan didn’t mean to be snide, and he glanced down at his watch before casting me a pointed glance. “I’ll handle this. You go make sure Madeline is okay.”
“Are you sure?” The concern slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it, and Evan shot me a blank stare. I knew what he was going to say before he even took a breath in preparation, but I also knew it was important that these two kids hear it.
“No offence, but I want to talk to these two about growing up with parents that work themselves half to death because I went through it.” His words were an in, and I struggled not to lower my head in shame when both kids seemed to perk up. Standing up, I only nodded before walking off towards the car and fishing the keys out of my pocket.
“What am I doing?” Mumbling to myself, I inhaled sharply and ran my free hand through my hair roughly. Dealing with this family stuff was beyond my scope, but why did I feel so damn guilty?
I held immense respect for her, but if that was all...why was I putting myself in the middle of her family problems? Ah...
16
Madeline
“I’m so sorry... I don’t know what else to say. I’m just really sorry.” Burying my face in my hands, I could not have been more mortified if I tried, and Carter hummed softly in acknowledgment. “I really... I have to apologize to your friend. He’s been with them all day? I don’t even have it in me to be mad.”
“Yeah, Evan grew up dirt poor, so it’s easier for him to empathize with your siblings. His dad was a raging alcoholic, not mean, supposedly. I never met him, but he’d always talk about how he couldn’t hang out in high school because he had to go home and take care of his little brothers because his mom worked like three jobs.” Stopping himself before he started rambling, Carter sighed heavily as I glanced up at him through my fingers. “Needless to say, I am not the right person to talk about siblings or troubles since I have no experience with either.”
“No—no, you’ve done way more than enough. You didn’t have to get involved at all. You have no obligation to. I’m really grateful to you and Evan. I just... I didn’t think it’d happen in front of Sophia and Michael... I always thought I could hold off until I was alone.” My voice dipped at my failure to not screw this up more than it already was, and Carter pulled out his phone to scoot closer to me on my ‘bed.’ I couldn’t believe it was already three o’clock in the afternoon, that I was basically comatose all day. “I can’t call them—”
“Just relax and look at this.” I wiped my achy eyes at his gentle sternness, and Carter turned his phone sideways. On the screen, a video started to play, and my eyes widened. Michael was standing one-legged on a surfboard on the sand, smiling, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. The camera swung left to show Sophia also standing one-legged, also smiling. My heart throbbed, and my chest grew tight before the video ended and started to replay. “Sometimes, it just takes some perspective. Evan had to work for everything he wanted or needed, so he knows what it’s like to acknowledge that your mom—or you—is working so hard but feeling alone, and then feeling guilty for feeling alone. That doesn’t mean the kids aren’t happy. They’re just not carefree.”
“Does Evan resent you?” My greatest fear rode that question, and Carter tucked his phone away as he pulled a thoughtful expression. “I can’t help but worry that they’re going to hate me.”
“I’m not gonna lie, Madeline. There was a time when Evan realized how much better my life was compared to his, monetarily, and we stopped being friends. I remember it crystal clear. My parents and I went to Disney Safari every summer, and we stayed for, like, a month. It was always great. Leaving ninth grade, I asked Evan if he wanted to come, and he said ‘no, I have to get a job this summer.’ I was annoyed. We were teenagers—why’d he have to get a job? Why couldn’t he just have fun like teenagers do? Didn’t his mom have jobs? Needless to say, my dad basically had my ass when he found out. My dad got in cahoots with Evan’s mom and paid for them to go to Disney Safari, and I was the one that had to stay home and get a summer job. Then my dad took what little money I made and put it in a box and said I was never allowed to touch it ever again. And 17 years later, I still haven’t touched it.”
“Your dad sounds...very practical.” Carter chuffed a small laugh as he nodded, and I leaned against the back sofa cushion. “My parents didn’t suck with money, but they weren’t good at it either. My dad got injured at his job, so he had a payout that was supposed to last him until he went back. I think it was time salary plus half. It was gone by the time my mom miscarried. She was seven months along, so she had to give birth to it. I find it really hard to give sympathy because everyone was telling her not to, that it was too dangerous, but she was just so delusional about it.”
“Yeah... not to the extent of your mom, but my dad’s family was particularly disgusting with the ‘I want it, so I’m having it’ issues. That’s why my dad was so hard on me. Too much money and not enough destroys people equally. My mom didn’t even know about my dad’s wealth until after they married because he was so afraid to end up with someone like his sister-in-law. She had her own job, though, and never considered leaving it, so she always had her own spending account that she racked up herself.” He rubbed his face, a little, self-depreciating chuckle escaping him, and I frowned deeply. “I don’t know. I’m just trying to parallel with you and your siblings that you grew up so different, but I’m making it about me. I’m sorry, Madeline.”
“No, it’s... it’s really helpful to listen to it. Who can I talk about this to? Everyone I used to talk to about it... they’re so concerned with Michael and Sophia that they forget about me. And it sucks because I’m glad they have people that care about them, but I’m stuck relying on a stranger who’s only obligation is based solely on wanting to fuck... no offence.” Sourness coated my tongue, but Carter only shrugged lightly as he kicked off his shoes and stretched his legs. Hanging an arm over my shoulders, he h
eaved a huge sigh, and I rubbed my face roughly. “I’m still a person. I don’t understand how anyone can stand having kids if everyone stops seeing you as a person, and like the kid is all that matters.”
“Yeah, see, that’s because this isn’t supposed to be how it works. You’re an adult, so you should be able to handle it better. You’re not an impressionable child who needs to be protected from the world. You had a choice to not be ‘the one’ but you did it anyway, so you shouldn’t complain because it’s hard. At least, that’s what people always seem to think. You’re your parents’ child, too though, Madeline. You just happen to be a little older than your siblings.” Nodding dully, I gulped down the dense lump in my throat, and Carter kneaded my scalp gingerly. “You seriously don’t know where they are, or if they’re alive?”
“No. They left two years ago, Carter. I’ve long since given up on them coming back, and if they do...I will never give them Michael or Sophia. I adopted them. They’re mine. I’ll always be there, even when I’m old and losing my mind.” Conviction burned my throat, and Carter smiled before his phone started buzzing insistently. He glanced at it warily, and I held my breath when he met my eyes before swiping the green button.
“Hey, Evan. How’s it going? Yeah, she’s up... do you want to all go to dinner together?” Nodding eagerly, I could’ve cried, and Carter’s whole face morphed into solid determination. “Yeah. We’ll be there in half an hour. I owe you one for doing this for me.”
“I owe you, too!” Leaning over to speak into the phone before Carter hung up, I buried my face in his chest and threw my arms around him. He was so warm and strong, and he rubbed my back and down my hair as I took deep, heaving breaths, still feeling the remnants of my panic attack. “I owe you, Carter. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
“Ah-h... I thought about that a lot on my way between checking on you and making sure Evan doesn’t teach your brother to pick a lock. I never had siblings. I’ve had one relationship that lasted more than year, that I ended because she asked me for a piece of jewelry that was more than I made in six months and said if I loved her, I’d get it for her. I travel more than I’m here, and I don’t even have a place to call mine. I just stay in my own hotels, which is free. So, I was thinking a lot today, and I don’t think it’d be a bad idea to see where this goes. Even if it’s just for the summer, I think it’d be worth it for both of us.” His little anecdote came to an end, and my chest tightened even as warmth spread through my system. “It’d be a relief, I think. For both of us.”
Cupping the back of my head, Carter squeezed my neck lightly, and I lifted my lips to his. The kiss was deep, full of promises that I intended to keep, and he deepened it with a suggestive swipe of his tongue. Tightening my arms around him, I straddled his waist as a ghost of my old life tickled between my ribs. Briefly, memories of just hanging out, making out, and not being expected to go home flashed behind my eyelids.
But it was oh, so bittersweet when I opened my eyes again, pulling back to stare into Carter’s glittering eyes.
17
Madeline
“Oh—” Sophia threw herself into my arms, and I hugged her tight before wrapping my arm around Michael. Kissing the top of his head, I rubbed his hair and held my sister to my side. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” His face reddened up to his ears, and I smiled a strained smile as Michael waved my hand off his head. “You okay?”
“I’m better than ever.” When I pinched his cheek gently, Michael chuffed in embarrassment, and I hiked Sophia up on my hip. Emotion tightened my chest, but I really did feel good...if not a little guilty. “What’d you do today? I saw you went surfing. That was fun, huh?”
“Yeah. Um... we—we made you this. Evan helped us.” My brows twitched, and Michael sheepishly pulled a little bracelet out of his pants’ pocket. He turned beet red, and my breath hitched when I saw him wearing one, too. Stinging assaulted my eyes, and he absolutely refused to look away from his feet as he grabbed my hand and tied the bracelet around my wrist. “So, you can look at it and not feel...worthless.”
“I got one, too! So, we can match! Because we’re family!” Sophia flung back so hard she almost tumbled over my arm, and I gulped down a sob as I tightened my arm around her. Shoving her hand in my face, my little sister smiled so broadly her lips curled back to reveal straight, white teeth. Blinking back the watering in my eyes, I nodded dumbly as emotion clogged my throat.
It was almost painful how obvious it was that my siblings must’ve spent all damn day scouring the beach for these perfect, small shells. These were absolutely not the shells tourists kept as souvenirs, but that was what made them wonderful.
“You guys are the best, you know that? I love you two more than anything.” Hugging Sophia tight, I pulled Michael to me to kiss his head, and he smiled as his cheeks threatened to melt off his face. “Thank you. We are family, and it’s a little hard right now, but we’re going to get through this. Together.”
“Are you ready to go eat?” Coming up behind us, Carter smiled happily, and I bit my bottom lip as I nodded. He oozed satisfaction and pride, and my sister slid off me to her feet to grab my hand. “Awesome.”
“I really appreciate everything you’ve done for them today, Evan. I know we don’t know each other, but you’re a real special guy.” Evan blushed faintly at my praise, waving his hand in dismissal. “Really. I—”
“Please stop, okay? I’ll leave the making it up part to Carter. You remind me way too much of my mom.” Flames licked up my cheeks, and I ducked my head in a nod as Carter pressed his palm against the small of my back. “I’m not gonna lie, it was for me, too. It’s hard to remember where you started out sometimes. You get so used to this lifestyle that it drones on monotonously.”
“Well, this is a vacation town. If you need a break and some fun, this is usually where you go. So, where are we going to eat?” It felt like so much had happened today when, really, I’d just slept seven hours and was no-call-no-show for my double shift.
But I’m not tired. For the first time in years, I didn’t feel tired.
“We were wondering if there’s any place you haven’t been?” Chiming up from beside me, Sophia cast me a hopeful look, and I gave her a knowing look and nod.
“It’d be a bad idea to go to the House on the Pier since I just didn’t show up, huh? You know—why doesn’t everyone tell me what they want, and I’ll cook it? We’ll go to the store and get what we need, and it’ll be less expensive than eating out. Plus, I don’t know anywhere we can go without waiting forever.” Before all this, I cooked everything, and Sophia’s eyes flashed green with excitement. How crazy that I got the reddest hair but not the green eyes. “Is that okay with everyone?”
“I’m down. I can’t even remember the last time I had a home cooked meal.” Nodding happily, I twisted to find Carter watching me with concerned eyes despite his best friend’s immediate agreement. Arching a brow quizzically, I let go of Sophia’s hand before she jumped and bounced around us adults. “Come on. Let’s figure out what we can eat that everyone will like.”
“What’s up?” Slowing my stride, I watched Carter as he licked his lips in preparation. His palm slipped up my back a little, and I held my breath as my heart leaped into my throat.
“I’m just worried about you,” Carter said as he rubbed his jaw and neck almost awkwardly. “I don’t wanna sound pretentious, but maybe you should try getting some therapy.”
“...Why?” Alarm brightened Carter’s eyes, and I crossed my arms under my bust. “I know what you said at my apartment, but there’s plenty of other flings out there with much less drama and baggage. This is, like, something out of a Hallmark movie. Rich guy falls for the single mom struggling in a bottom-feeder waitress job...”
“You know, the other day when you came by before work, I could’ve ignored what you said about a nap and screwed around until you had to go. Even today, I could’ve said, ‘nah, it’s not my job to clean up after
your mental mess. We don’t even know each other,’ or I could’ve left your siblings with your neighbor because even if I wanted to screw around with you, your siblings are not my problem.” Scrunching up my face, I struggled to maintain eye contact when Carter gripped my biceps gently. His eyes blazed with determination and something else I couldn’t identify— or I didn’t want to identify. “I did it because meaningless goes both ways. ‘Meaningless’ doesn’t mean ‘easy,’ it means ‘empty.’ If I wanted empty, I’d buy a sex doll.”
“I feel like I’m taking advantage of you. Why would you do this? You said it yourself—we don’t know each other. And I’m an idiot for letting them—” A rough thumb brushed my lips, and I tensed as I tore my gaze off Carter. He cupped my cheeks, forcing me to look at him, and my eyes stung viciously at the earnestness in his.
“You’re not a McDonalds bag, trampled on the car floor until someone decides to finally throw you away. You’re a person, and you matter.” My brows twitched, and my face grew hot as I clenched my jaw hard. Gulping harshly, my throat didn’t open, and flames engulfed my lungs as Carter slung his arms over my shoulders to pull me close. “I’ve spent my whole life believing that home isn’t a place, it’s a person, and the walls around you are always temporary. They should make you comfortable, not complete.”
“...You say all the right things. Are you hiding a flash card in your back pocket?” Carter chuckled, his body reverberating against my cheek, and I stepped back to sniff softly. Reaching to dab my eyes with a crooked finger, I blubbered a sound somewhere between a laugh and a cry. “I’m glad I’m so good at my job... not that I’ll still have my job... maybe.”
