The Boys' Book 3

by STEVE MARTIN

  Left Hand

  Left Hand, Right Hand, Left Foot

  Left Hand

  Left Hand, Right Hand, Right Foot.

  If you’ve got this far successfully, you’ve really got the beat. So sign up for lessons at your local music school, start saving up for a drum kit, grow your hair and get drumming!

  HOW TO EAT SPAGHETTI WITH STYLE

  You’re staring out of the window of an Italian restaurant. A delicious plate of spaghetti is in front of you and you’re starving. You push a small amount of the pasta into your mouth, the rest hangs down in front of you, smearing tomato sauce all over your chin and your clean, white shirt. At that moment your classmates troop past looking in. Nightmare.

  Spaghetti is one of the trickiest foods to eat without making a mess. So you need to be prepared.

  SPAGHETTI SKILLS

  • You only need a fork to eat spaghetti – not a fork and spoon, or a fork and fingers – just a plain, simple fork.

  • Never use a knife to cut the spaghetti up into smaller pieces.

  • Clear a space near the edge of your dish – you’ll need it later.

  • Take your fork and stick it into the middle of the pasta. Don’t stick it in too far as you don’t want to pick up too much. Now, press the prongs of the fork against the plate in the space that you have just cleared.

  • Twist the fork round and round until the pasta is wound completely round it. There shouldn’t be any bits hanging down. If there are, lower your fork, scrape the pasta off against the plate, and try again with a smaller amount of spaghetti.

  HOW TO NAVIGATE BY THE STARS

  The sky above you is dark and full of twinkling stars. It’s certainly very beautiful, but did you know that the night sky also works as a giant compass? Because the stars’ positions relating to each other always stay the same, people can use them to find their way in the dark. Sailors out on the open sea often use the stars to plot a course and steer their ships.

  SUPER STARGAZING

  The way to do this is to find Polaris, which is also called the North Star as it is almost directly above the North Pole. Polaris helps you find north. Of course, if you know which way is north, you can also find east, south and west.

  It does take a little bit of time to become skilled at finding stars, so practise every time there is a clear night, and soon you’ll be a night-sky navigator.

  HOW TO FIND NORTH

  1. There are countless stars in the night sky and thousands that we can see. To help identify them, they are put into groups called ‘constellations’. The group of stars you need to find in the sky is part of the constellation Ursa Major, and is called the Big Dipper.

  2. Look at the two stars at the right of the Big Dipper. These are called the ‘pointer’ stars. Now imagine a line drawn between these two stars and continue this line upwards. This line leads you to another, very bright, star. This is Polaris, the North Star.

  3. So, to work out which direction north is from where you are standing, turn yourself to face Polaris. You are now facing north.

  In the southern hemisphere (the part of the Earth that is below the equator), Polaris cannot be seen. Instead, people in the southern hemisphere use a constellation called Crux (also called the Southern Cross) to help them find south.

  HOW TO GO THROUGH THE FLOOR

  There’s no doubt about it, the human mind is an amazing thing. Come to think of it, the human body is pretty incredible, too. However, this simple exercise stops these two, very clever things from working together.

  Get together with a friend and try out this cool trick, which will confuse your body and your brain.

  WHAT YOU DO

  1. Lie on your back on the floor and raise your legs, keeping them straight.

  2. Ask your friend to hold your ankles with both hands and lift your legs until they are level with his waist.

  3. Shut your eyes and breathe deeply. Ask your friend to hold your legs still in that position for one minute.

  4. Tell your friend to lower your legs towards the floor very, very slowly.

  Your brain will get impatient, and will send signals telling you that your legs have reached the floor much earlier than they actually have. Then, of course, your legs will keep moving slowly downwards, and you’ll be left with the very weird feeling of your legs passing straight through the solid floor.

  HOW TO MAKE THE PERFECT PIZZA

  Fresh, home-made pizza is truly delicious, and if you think it’s difficult to make, think again. Home-made pizza is easy, fun and very tasty. Follow these simple steps and you’ll be cooking like a real Italian pizza chef in no time.

  Before you start, remember the golden rules of cooking: always get permission from your parents and get an adult’s help when dealing with hot ovens and sharp knives.

  You Will Need:

  • 200 g plain flour • 1 teaspoon dried yeast • a pinch of salt • a pinch of sugar • 1 tablespoon olive oil • 120 ml warm water • olive oil for brushing round the bowl • 2 tablespoons tomato purée • 150 g grated cheese

  WHAT YOU DO

  1. Pour the flour into a bowl and mix with the yeast. Add the salt and sugar.

  2. Make a little dent in the middle and pour in the olive oil and water. Mix together with your hands until you have a lump of dough.

  3. Take the dough out of the bowl and put it on a hard surface that you have sprinkled with flour (this will stop the dough sticking). Grab the edge of the dough and fold it over the rest of the dough. Push down into it with the heel of your hand to flatten it. Turn it round a little bit and do this again. This is called ‘kneading’ the dough, and you should knead for a few minutes.

  4. Rub some olive oil around the bowl to stop the dough sticking. Put the dough back in and cover the bowl with a cloth. Leave it for an hour, so the dough has time to rise (this is what happens to dough when you put yeast in it).

  5. Take the dough out and knead it again to get rid of any large air bubbles. Then press and shape the dough with your fingers into a circular pizza shape.

  6. Spread the tomato purée over your base and sprinkle the grated cheese over the top of it.

  GET ‘TOPPING-TASTIC’

  Now, the fun really starts – adding the toppings. You can add toppings you are familiar with, such as ham and pineapple, or you can invent completely new pizza flavours. What about a beef and barbecue sauce pizza, or a smoked salmon and cream cheese pizza?

  Once the toppings are on, place your pizza on a baking tray in the oven at 220°C (Gas Mark 7) for about 15 minutes. When you take it out, the crust should have browned and the cheese should be bubbling.

  HOW TO ESCAPE GETTING INTO TROUBLE FOR NOT DOING YOUR HOMEWORK

  If you’ve not managed to get your homework finished on time, and you are bored of using the same old ‘My dog ate it’ excuse, try out one of these imaginative new excuses on your teacher:

  • ‘I was so tired after doing my voluntary work at the old people’s home that I fell asleep.’

  • ‘My mum was looking really tired, so I did all the housework for her.’

  • ‘I watched a documentary about the destruction of the rainforests, so I decided to help the environment by not using any more paper.’

  • ‘I was concerned about how hard you work, Sir, and I didn’t want to give you any more marking to do.’

  • ‘My dad thinks I’m clumsy, so he made me play computer games all evening to improve my coordination.’

  • ‘I was on a special mission for the Government. I can’t tell you what it was about, because you don’t have security clearance.’

  Be warned though, teachers are clever, so don’t be surprised if your teacher still doesn’t believe your excuse.

  HOW TO BUILD A CARD TOWER

  This section could be called ‘How to Really Annoy Yourself’ as there’s nothing as stressful as spending a lot of time and effort building up a card tower only to make one wrong move and see it collapse. But when you get it right, it’s
fantastic and very rewarding. So, try to stay cool as you follow these instructions:

  1. Take a set of playing cards. Take out two cards and stand them up, leaning them against each other in an upside-down-V-shape that looks a bit like a tent. They should be about the same width apart at the bottom as your middle three fingers. Try building your card tower on carpet as it gives more friction and the cards will be less likely to fall down.

  2. Next, take another two cards and build another tent shape, next to the first. There should be only one finger space between the bottom of each of the two shapes. This is when building the tower can start to get annoying. If the second shape collapses, the chances are it will also knock down your first shape.

  3. Once your two tent shapes are standing, lay another card on top of the shapes, resting on the points.

  4. The next step is to make another tent shape on top of the other two by using the card you have just laid as the base.

  If you have got this far, you are doing very well. You have already made a two-row card tower. One more row and you’ve done it (unless you want to go even higher).

  5. Back at ground level, put another tent shape next to the first two.

  6. Lay a card across the top, so that it rests on the points of the second and third tent shapes.

  7. Use this as the base to build a second tent shape on the second row.

  8. Lay a card across the top of the tent shapes on the second row.

  9. Finally, place the last tent shape on top of this card. You now have a three-row tower with three tent shapes on the bottom row, two on the middle row and one on the top row.

  HOW TO STYLE OUT A FALL

  Have you ever tripped and fallen over in public? If so, you probably found that hearing people laughing at you was more painful than the bruises you collected. Everybody falls down now and then, and it’s important to know how to do this without looking silly.

  The best way is to make it look as if you fell on purpose. Here are a few ideas of things you can do to avoid the laughter:

  • Make your fall look like part of a move by springing straight back up. For example, if you fall on your back, bend your knees, push yourself up and strike a martial arts pose. Then, look at your friends and say, ‘I bet you can’t do that.’

  • If you fall forwards, roll with the fall so that you fall, roll and get up all in one cool move. As soon as you are on your feet, carry on walking as if nothing has happened.

  • If you fall flat on your face, shout, ‘Come on, everybody, let’s see who can do the most press ups!’ Then start pushing up and down.

  • Wintertime can make things extra hazardous, as the ground can often be slippery with ice or snow. If you fall down in the snow, start moving your arms and legs up and down and pretend that you suddenly decided to make a snow angel.

  • To disguise a fall where you end up on your back, stay down, put your hands behind your head and pretend you are having a rest. This can work well in a field, but not so well if you fall down in the middle of a supermarket.

  HOW TO PAN FOR GOLD

  Imagine the thrill as, through the mud and the dirt of a stream, you catch sight of something bright, yellow and glittering. Gold! The following method for finding gold is called ‘panning’. Be warned though, the hunt for gold can be addictive, and people have been known to spend their whole lives searching. If you’re going to try your hand at panning for gold, make sure you don’t get taken over by this kind of ‘gold fever’.

  Don’t waste time looking for gold where there isn’t any – find a stream where gold has been found before. The most famous ‘gold rush’, where many people found gold nuggets, was in a river in California in the USA. Do some research online to see if there’s a good gold-panning spot near where you live.

  You Will Need:

  • a metal pan (shaped a bit like a soup bowl) • a small shovel • a jar with a lid

  WHAT YOU DO

  1. Find a part of the stream where the water is moving slowly. Panning for gold is about understanding that gold is heavier than the sand, mud and gravel it is found in. The tiny flecks of gold that get swept along by the current sink to the bed of the stream where the water slows down.

  2. Using your shovel, dig into the stream bed, lift the dirt out and put it into the pan.

  3. Lower your pan into the running water and swirl it around gently. This loosens the sand and stones and the running water carries them away. The gold won’t be carried away by the water as its weight makes it sink to the bottom of the pan. You won’t get rid of all the sand and pebbles doing this, but you will get rid of most of it.

  4. Take the pan out of the water and continue swirling. Tilt the pan slightly so nearly all the water and dirt gradually leave the pan.

  5. Use your fingers to search through the remaining material for tiny pieces of gold. If you find any, carefully remove them and put them in your jar.

  HOW TO MAKE A PAPER FIRECRACKER

  Origami is the Japanese art of paper folding. Origami artists can make intricate shapes – from beautiful birds, to frogs that really hop – just by folding and creasing paper. This simple origami trick will show you how to create an incredibly loud ‘Crack!’ sound – like a firework – using just one piece of paper.

  You Will Need:

  • a piece of A4 paper • scissors • sticky tape

  WHAT YOU DO

  1. Fold the piece of paper in half both ways across the middle, then unfold them again, so there is a cross shape of creases across the middle. Then fold one of the longer sides into the middle and unfold it again.

  2. Cut down the two long creases you have made so you have two equally sized strips. These are the bits you need to keep. You could use the other bit of the paper to make another firecracker for a friend.

  3. Fold each of the two strips in half lengthways. Then unfold them again,

  4. Fold each of the long edges into the middle and keep them folded in.

  5. Fold each of the strips in half again to form a thick sideways ‘V’ shape. Your two strips should now look like the picture below.

  6. Put both strips on top of each other and tape the ends together with sticky tape. Hold both ends tightly and move your hands close together so that the centres of the strips move apart.

  7. Pull your hands apart as fast as you can so that the strips smack together. The faster you move your hands, the louder the sound will be. CRACK!

  HOW TO TAKE THE CROWN JEWELS

  A wonderful collection of priceless treasure belongs to the British Royal Family. The State Crown glistens with nearly 3,000 diamonds. There are rings, bracelets, a sceptre, an orb, the Sword of State and so much more. Together the collection is known as the ‘Crown Jewels’, and they are housed at the Tower of London.

  The most famous attempt to try and steal this precious treasure hoard was carried out by a man named Colonel Blood over 300 years ago. He tried to smuggle the Jewels from the Tower under his cloak, but was caught and imprisoned. Today the Jewels are protected by incredible security. Anyone planning to make off with the Jewels needs to bear in mind that:

  • The Tower of London is an ancient, fortified castle, surrounded by two high walls and a moat.

  • The Jewels are guarded both by armed guards and the Yeomen Warders, better known as ‘Beefeaters’, who patrol the Tower dressed in scarlet and black tunics, or scarlet and gold if there’s a special occasion.

  • There is a control room within the Tower where soldiers constantly watch the Jewels.

  • The Jewels are kept in bomb-proof display cases.

  • They are protected by high-tech security and you may have to watch out for electronic beams that set off alarms if you cross them and shutters that come crashing down.

  As if all this wasn’t enough, you’d have to be extra brave to break in at night as, over the centuries, The Tower has been a scene of torture, murder and execution and is said to be the most haunted building in England.

  So, how can anyone
possibly steal the Crown Jewels when they are so well protected?

  Well …

  If ever you go to the Tower, you will see a number of large, black birds. These are the Tower ravens. An ancient legend says that if the ravens ever leave, the Tower will crumble and the Kingdom will fall. So, while everybody is guarding the Crown Jewels, why not steal the ravens and release them far from the Tower? Then, all you have to do is to pick through the rubble of the fallen Tower until you find the Jewels.

  Of course, a boy who is the best at everything would never really steal anything, so once you’ve had your fill of wearing the Jewels and feeling like royalty, make sure you put them back where they belong.

  HOW TO BREW YOUR OWN GINGER BEER

  When you’ve been running around in the sunshine, there’s no better refreshment than an ice-cold glass of good old-fashioned ginger beer, and it’s even better when you’ve made it yourself. This recipe will make enough ginger beer to fill a large bottle.

  You Will Need:

  • 450 ml water • 2 heaped tablespoons fresh ginger, peeled and finely chopped • a lemon • 250 g sugar • ½ teaspoon cream of tartar • 800 ml cold water • ½ teaspoon dried yeast