Faithless

by Amanda Bennett

  I glanced up quickly to see the look on Riley's face, but she was unreadable. She had her arms firmly wrapped around her chest once again, and if I didn't know any better, I would think she was actually listening. Ever since Mr. Rollins had his little talk with her yesterday, I wanted to know exactly how she was feeling about whatever was going on with us. Just as I was about to look away, those gorgeous sky blue eyes shot straight to mine. A smile tugged at the edge of her plump lips and I found myself smiling back. At least I knew she wasn't pissed off at me.

  Mr. Rollins was calling our therapy session to a close, when he stopped himself mid-sentence. "I would like to introduce you all to someone before we end our session today. This is London. He has been working with me at my office and he is wanting to sit in on some sessions for school, if that's okay with all of you?"

  My eyes landed on a tall surfer type. He was about my height and had somewhat longer brown hair. He was dressed in torn jeans and a white V-neck shirt that showed off his full sleeve tattoos. I followed his gaze when I noticed who he was looking at. My adrenaline started pumping through me and I found myself becoming jealous of how he was looking at Riley. She hadn't seemed to notice him yet and I was somewhat thankful, but all that changed when she looked up and they exchanged a soft smile. My heart rate instantly spiked. The only other time I had ever seen her smile like that over the last couple of days was when she was looking at me. This wasn't going to be good, I could feel it.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Riley

  When I first looked up, I wasn't expecting the young guy that was standing across the room from me. I expected someone older. Someone who wasn't hard to not look at. I could tell immediately that he was a surfer. His rugged appearance and his longer hair was a dead giveaway, but admittedly the first thing I noticed, were his chocolate brown eyes. There was something about them that were dark and dangerous, and had me yearning to want to know him.

  When he smiled at me, I had no choice but to smile back. I was no longer in control of what was happening to me, and it was starting to scare the shit out of me. It was a shock when I was able to even feel some semblance of emotion when I had met Tristan, but I never thought it would happen twice.

  I caught Tristan's glare out of the corner of my eye. He was burning a hole straight through London and I couldn't help but smile internally knowing that I was doing that to him. I guess you could say part of my smile was knowing this fact, but part of it was because London's smile put me at ease. This was crazy. I hadn't even spoken to this guy yet, but I had a feeling all of that was about to change.

  Mr. Rollins’ voice broke through my revelry moments later when he was excusing all of us for the day. I waited until almost everybody left, before I stood up to leave. This was my usual M.O. and I wasn't about to change it now. I noticed that Tristan had hung back a bit. I knew he was going to want to talk to me about what had happened yesterday, but honestly, I wasn't sure if I was ready to do that just yet. Luckily, or maybe not, London approached me before Tristan had a chance. I wasn't sure just yet if this was a good or bad thing, but judging by the begrudging look on his face this was most likely going to come back to bite me in the ass.

  "Hi, you must be Riley. I've heard quite a bit about you from Cary."

  "I'm sorry, who?"

  "Oh I'm sorry, I meant Mr. Rollins."

  "Oh, well I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing." I giggled nervously.

  "It's a good thing. You're much different than what I was expecting though."

  My brows pulled together in irritation. "Well I'm sorry to disappoint." I went to walk around him, but he put his arm out in front of me, stopping me dead in my tracks. Mr. Rollins must've told him that I wasn't the biggest fan of being touched because he never made contact, and for that I was grateful.

  "Wait Riley. I'm not disappointed by any means, I was just saying you're different than what I was expecting. From what Mr. Rollins told me, I guess I was expecting some gothic girl who hated life and everyone in it. It's refreshing to see that you seem, normal." He let out a loud laugh and I found myself smiling at his easygoing personality.

  "So tell me London, what do you see when you look at me?" I really wasn't sure I wanted to know his honest answer, but I couldn't help but be intrigued by this beautiful man in front of me.

  "I see a beautiful girl who seems to think that the world is an awful place. I'm not saying that you don't have your reasons for believing that, but I also believe that you want to find something to change your mind."

  I tried to process what he was saying, but he was a little off base. There was nothing in this life that would make me feel as though I had a reason to live. Although I had found something in Tristan, I still wasn't sure it was enough to change my mind.

  "Am I wrong?"

  I nodded my head slightly and found myself not being able to make eye contact with him. "Again, I'm sorry to disappoint. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get to something." I started moving towards the door, when his voice stopped me mid-stride.

  "Do you think maybe we could sit down and have coffee sometime? I would love to get to know you a little bit better, Riley."

  I didn't turn to answer him, "I'm sorry London. I don't do coffee, or talking very well. It was nice to meet you though. I'm sure I'll be seeing you tomorrow."

  "Absolutely."

  I opened the double doors and made my way to the common room down the hall. I knew if things were to ever be okay with Tristan and myself, then I needed to find him and see if he was okay. Luckily I didn't have to look very hard, I knew exactly where he would be. I slowly walked up to the table he was sitting at, trying not to be too obvious that I was worried about him.

  "Hi John. Hi Tristan." Crazy John said a muffled hello, but he never lost focus of his checkers. Tristan on the other hand completely ignored me.

  "You know, it's rude to not say hello back Tristan."

  "I know, John. Hi Riley."

  So this was how it was going to be from now on, huh. All it took was another guy paying attention to me for him to flip his feelings so fast? If this was how he wanted things, then that's exactly how I was going to let it be. I turned and headed back to my room. I half expected him to follow me, but to my disappointment, he didn't. I rolled my eyes as I noticed Blake sitting on the edge of my bed, once again. Damn this girl just couldn't get a clue. You would think that after our non-bonding moment in group today that she would get the hint that I didn't want to talk, and she wasn't going to be the one to change it. There was only one person I wanted to talk to, and unfortunately I was pretty sure that I had ruined that, just like I had every other relationship that I had tried to forge.

  "Look Riley, I get that you don't want to share your feelings. Trust me, I got that message loud and clear in group today, but could you at least try? I just want to be your friend."

  I let out a loud humph as I threw myself back onto my bed. "It's not you Blake, I promise. I know you mean well, but trust me when I say, I ruin every friendship or relationship that I try. I'm only protecting you."

  "Well who said I needed your protection? If anything, I would say that you need mine."

  Now, I was just getting irritated. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I sat up so I was now facing her head on.

  "I just meant that it's obvious that both of those guys like you. I would just hate to see you get hurt, that's all."

  "And what makes you think I would be the one getting hurt?"

  She rolled her eyes at me before walking over to her own bed. "Trust me Riley, those two look like they'll definitely end up doing the hurting."

  I mulled over what Blake was saying to me, wondering if it were true. I had to admit, I wasn't the only one hurting here and it was very likely that these two guys could end up hurting me, as opposed to me doing the hurting. This thought had never crossed my mind until now, and I was suddenly fearful of even trying to continue to connect with Tristan.

  Instead of responding to her
stupid, but somewhat truthful allegations, I decided to grab my journal and head out the small courtyard outside of the common room. I just prayed I wouldn't run into Tristan on my way out. I hid around the corner to make sure the coast was clear before heading outside. I had just sat down on the bench that overlooked the garden, when I felt him coming up behind me. I let out an audible breath and turned, his eyes were the first things I made contact with and my heart skipped a beat.

  "Before you say anything, I think I should explain."

  "It's not necessary, really."

  "Yes it is. I need to explain what happened today. I felt threatened. I know you're not mine and that you may never be. Hell, I don't even know if that's what this is leading to, but you can't deny that something is there between us. I've never felt what I feel when I'm around you and if your friendship is the only thing I can have, then that's what I'm willing to take. But Riley, please don't shut me out. I think I need you just as much as you need me. If you tell me I'm wrong, then I'll walk away now and I'll never bother you again."

  I heard him take in a deep breath as he waited for me to answer. "Your wrong." My voice came out barely above a whisper, and I almost thought he didn't hear me, but then he started to walk away. I jumped up from the bench and ran to him, grabbing his upper arm and turning him around to face me. "No, I'm wrong. I feel it too. As much as I wish I didn't, I do."

  Tristan slowly and meticulously moved his hands up to my face, gently cupping my chin. I didn't shy away from his touch and it amazed me as much as it does him. I can see the questioning look in his eyes, but I simply nod and his face starts moving closer to mine. I can feel and smell his minty breath against my cool skin and my eyes slowly drift shut, as I await his lips to touch mine. My fear of intimacy tugged at my insides, causing me to rethink what is about to happen. Just when I think he's changed his mind, his lips softly press against mine and my body instantly relaxes into his.

  My hands moved up to his chest and gripped tightly onto his shirt. I wanted to pull him closer. I wanted to feel his body pressed against mine just as I had yesterday. Without hesitation, I begin to move my lips with his and the sensation that runs through me is a welcome one. I parted my lips for him to gain entrance to my yearning mouth, but he suddenly pulled back with a look of fear on his face.

  "I'm so-"

  I cut him off mid sentence before he could ruin the moment. "Don't. Please don't. It was perfect." My eyes sought out his and they seemed bluer today than yesterday and I couldn't help but smile at his flushed face.

  "Is there something you find funny, Riley?" He smirked.

  "No Tristan, not at all." We exchanged a look of something I couldn't quite put my finger on, and then he turned to walk away. "Where are you going?"

  "I'm going to leave you to write. It seems to bring you peace and right now, I want you to feel that." He smiled and then disappeared inside. My smile slowly started to fade as I felt his presence leaving, but he was right, I did find peace in writing so that's what I did. I wrote and wrote and wrote, until the sun slowly began to set.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Tristan

  I could still taste her on my lips. My head was reeling from our kiss. My heart felt more open and accepting than it had ever felt before. Something about her had me yearning for her touch, and longing for her presence. I was well aware that Riley had her own issues that were keeping her from me, but part of me wanted to be one of them. For as long as I could remember, I had never felt the kind of love that Riley encompassed. It wasn't an 'in your face' kind of love. It was a love that ran deep and true and one that she would cherish forever, despite the consequences or outcome.

  Once I made it back inside of the common room, I took my place at the checkers table with John. I honestly couldn't tell you who won half of the games, because I was too busy glancing out the back window at Riley. The sun was setting now and the orange and pink hues were shining right on her long shiny brown hair, enough to notice the tiniest amount of red that flowed through every strand. I wanted to hold her and kiss her until we ran out of breath.

  "Are you going to go, pretty boy?" John's voice cut through my thoughts like a knife. An unwanted and unappreciated knife.

  "Yeah." I took my turn and then glanced back out to where Riley had been sitting for the greater portion of the afternoon, except now she was gone. I quickly glanced towards the door that led back into the room I was in, but there was still no sign of her. I hurried and finished my game with John, before I took off looking for her.

  When I couldn't find her in any other room on the floor, I decided to head back to her room. I was just about to knock on the cracked door, but Riley and Blake's voices floated through the air loud enough for me to hear. My brain was telling me to turn around and walk away. Whatever these two were talking about was none of my business, but when I heard my name, I had no other choice but to listen. I stood with my back against the wall next to their door, arms folded over my chest and ears wide open as I listened intently to their words.

  "I know I don't know you that well Riley, but I would be careful. I'm sure you've already gotten the lecture, and if not before today, then I'm sure what Mr. Rollins was preachin' today, was for the two of you." Of course Blake was on Mr. Rollins’ side. I let out a quiet aggravated breath.

  "Look, just because I tried to do something stupid, doesn't mean I need to forgo my own thoughts and feelings. I understand what Mr. Rollins is saying, but I can make my own decisions. When it comes to Tristan, I just, well I've never felt this way before. I don't know what it is and I don't think I'm in any position to find out any time soon, but I would like to."

  I could hear Riley take in a deep exhausted breath. She wasn't much for talking to strangers, or anyone for that matter, but something seemed to change that in her today. I held my breath as I waited for Blake's response. I could hear movement and I was suddenly afraid of one of them finding me out here, listening in on their private conversations. I backed away from the door a little bit, but then I heard Blake's voice again.

  "Riley, I know Tristan. I mean, not personally, but he was or used to be a police officer in my hometown."

  Holy shit! How the fuck did she know that? I moved closer, pressing my ear into the small open gap of the doorway to better hear.

  "What do you mean?" Oh no, Riley's voice was shaking.

  "About two years ago, he had to come to my house for a domestic dispute. I wasn't living there, but I had been over for dinner with my folks and things escalated and I had no choice but to call them. When they finally arrived, I was the one to answer the door and Tristan was the officer that responded to the call."

  Holy fuck, I could only imagine the shocked look on Riley's face at the moment. I leaned back against the wall trying to remember this run-in Blake was talking about, but for the life of me, I just couldn't.

  "I looked a lot different back then, but I know for a fact it was him. Tristan Hayes was the officer at my house that night. He sat with me for at least an hour while the other officers that showed up, dealt with my parents. Sorry, I know this isn't what you wanted to hear but hey, what are friends for?"

  Friends my ass, this girl was trying to warn Riley about a guy that she had only met for an hour. As my anger started boiling deep inside, my brain finally clicked and I remembered Blake. She was right; she did look different back then. She still had her long hair, but it wasn't blonde. Her hair was practically every color of the rainbow. I remember making a comment to her that she should change her name to Rainbow, if that was how she was going to keep her hair. She was pretty gothic then. Man, she looks way different now. Crazy. Then it suddenly dawned on me, Blake knows more about me than Riley knows.

  "No, no I'm glad you told me. I just don't see why you think I would be upset about that though? Unless, unless you slept with him?"

  Blake let out a loud laugh that echoed off of every wall. "Hell no. Hi, I didn't even know him."

  "Okay, well then I guess I'll just see what happen
s then. I don't want to worry about anything, unless I need too. Do you think I have something to worry about?"

  Don't say anything Blake, please. God, please don't ruin this for me. I was about ready to punch a wall and get the hell out of dodge. There's no way this could be happening to me.

  "I suppose not." I heard Blake half whisper.

  "Okay. Well thank you, I guess." I could sense the concern in Riley's voice. I could only hope that she would just let this go.

  Their room went dead quiet and that was my cue to leave. I took off down the hall, passed through the common room, and straight over to the nurse's desk to sign out. This day had gone from amazing to shitty in less than a few hours, and I just had to get out of this place. The walls were still starting to close in on me, as I reached the steel double doors that would take me to the underground parking garage.

  I shoved the key into the ignition of my car and took off as fast as I could. When I reached the Pacific Coast Highway, I pushed down on the gas pedal as hard as I could. I fully intended on running to the confines of my condo, but the ocean waves were calling me. The sun had just settled past the horizon, leaving the sky a magical shade of purple and I couldn't resist. I always kept an extra board at one of the small huts that was run by a guy I knew quite well, so I parked my car and practically sprinted down the hill to get my gear. Roland was waiting for me, my board propped against his hand.

  "I was wondering if you would show. There's some good action out there tonight."

  "I saw that." I choked out between my panting.

  "Where you been the last weeks?" Damn Roland and his inquisitive mind.

  "I've been a little preoccupied, sorry bro." I grabbed my board out of his hands now that I had my board shorts on, and started off towards the ocean.

  "She better be hot, bro."

  I threw up my middle finger as I kept walking without turning around. As soon as my feet hit the water, my body instantly relaxed. This was my peace in a world full of chaos. As I started paddling out, I had an overwhelming rush of loss fall over me. I wanted so badly to have Riley here with me, to show her what I love to do. I wanted her to experience everything with me. I knew how crazy I sounded. I had only known this girl less than a week, and I was already willing to let her in on something that no one has ever seen before.