Faithless

by Amanda Bennett

  I nodded and let her lead me to the front door. It was larger than normal and made of some solid wood that I couldn't quite name. Nancy unlocked the door and made her way inside, almost as if she had been here a thousand times before.

  "Here are your keys. I'll just turn the alarm off and let you be."

  "Um, Nancy. How do I disarm the alarm?"

  "Oh, here I'll just write the code down for you." She made her way into what I assumed was the kitchen and returned with a small pad of paper and a pen. She definitely knew her way around here.

  "Did you know my mother well?" I muttered.

  She handed me the pad with the instructions on how to disarm the system. "I did. She was actually friends with my mother since I was about ten. She was like a second mother to me. When she got sick," She fanned her face as she started to get chocked up. "She wanted to keep her past private, so she came to me about you. Until that day, she hadn't said much about you."

  And just like that, she started to twist the dagger she had just pierced into my heart. I clutched at my chest in agony, trying to keep my composure, but I knew this girl was out to hurt me so I played it cool.

  "Can you show me where the kitchen is, I need some water."

  "Absolutely, right this way."

  We walked past a sitting room on the left and a formal dining room until we reached the large open kitchen. The cabinets were a dark mahogany wood and there were stainless steel appliances everywhere. There was a sink and a smaller fridge built into the island counter where Nancy retrieved a bottle of water for me.

  "Would you like tour of the place before I go?"

  I shook my head as I sipped on my water. "I'm good. I think I can find my way around."

  "Okay dear, well here are your keys. I'll leave ya. Let me know if there's anything else you need."

  "I think I'll be good. Thanks."

  "Oh and if you see that nice looking guy around, could you tell him he needs to call me?"

  I stopped dead in my tracks as I was making my way to the back windows. "Excuse me?"

  "You know the hot one that was coming around a lot right before she passed. Tristan, I think was his name."

  I closed my eyes tight before responding to this infuriating girl. She was pushing my buttons and I wanted to attack her in her sleek suit, but I held myself together not trying to let her know the effect she was having on me. "I don't think I know who you're talking about."

  "Don't you?" She sniped as she walked out the front door, closing it behind her. I reached for my water bottle and threw it as hard as I could before I turned back around. Even in death my mother had left me with a spiteful little princess who probably couldn't handle that even though she had known my mom forever, she still left all of this to me. Bitch!

  The curtains in front of me were a bit dusty, so I banged them out before pulling them back to their rightful hooks. When I saw what was laid out before me, I gasped and almost choked on the large intake of air. The Pacific Ocean sat there staring back at me from literally twenty feet away. On the cab ride over, I guess I hadn't realized just how close to the ocean we were. I made my way down the five stairs that led to an oversized living room, to the back sliding glass wall. I unlocked each door and slid them back. The entire back wall was made of glass and opened up to a large wood deck with a built in fire pit and barbecue with a small kitchen attached.

  I slowly made my way out onto the deck, stopping just as my feet were about to touch the sand that led to the almost deserted beach. I've lived in Malibu my entire life, but can only remember coming to the beach once. Unfortunately, that memory had now been tarnished with the overwhelmingly horrible thoughts that came along with my father. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as I slipped off my shoes and let the soft sand close in around my feet. A bright smile formed on my lips as I kept walking, my eyes still closed. After a couple of steps I finally opened my eyes and noticed I was only a few feet away from the water. Before I could process what I was doing, I was running into the water, as the waves crashed into my legs hard and strong. I let out a loud deep hearty laugh as the water splashed up in my face. My eyes closed again as I took in the scent of the salty water, but that smile quickly faded as memories of Tristan flashed through my mind. This was exactly what he had smelled like every time we were close. Every time I blinked, another flash of him would go through my mind. Memories of the night he had made love to me played like a movie over and over again.

  I turned quickly and ran back up to the house. The thoughts of him were overwhelming and I just couldn't handle it at the moment. When I made it to the edge of the deck, I collapsed and hugged my knees tightly to my chest. I glanced around, making sure nobody was around to hear me as a sob broke free, and for the first time in my life, I let the tears fall freely and rack my body. How did I ever think I could do this on my own?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Tristan

  I was feeling pretty good as the vodka made it's way through my system. That mixed with the anticipation of the next wave, had me feeling like I was on cloud nine. I rode one last wave, when I glanced in the direction of the monstrous houses a couple blocks away from where I had been surfing. I had always pictured myself in a house like one of these. Every time I came out here, I tried to imagine myself running up to one of the vast decks and into my home. Honestly, there was only one house I ever kept my eye on and today was no exception.

  I wasn't sure if she would actually go to her mother's house, but something deep inside me knew she would be too curious by it not to. When I paddled back into shore a bit, closer to her house, I noticed someone in the water just outside of her back deck. I wasn't sure if it was Riley, because this person was fully clothed and bouncing around in the waves like a kid at Christmas time. I knew Riley well enough to know that she rarely got that excited about anything. As I paddled in closer though, I realized, it was her. I watched her as she splashed around, but just as quickly as she had run into the water, she had run back out. As much as I tried to take my eyes off of her, I couldn't. She ran back up onto the deck and from where I sat, it looked as though she had collapsed. I waited a few minutes for her to stand up and go inside, but she lay there unmoving.

  I wanted to run to her, to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't. She had made it very clear that she wanted nothing more to do with me, and I couldn't blame her. I had called the hospital shortly after I left to make sure London would be okay, but it was looking grim. I had to make sure she would be okay, so I waited outside of the hospital to pay the cabby to take her wherever she needed to go. After that, I had made my way home. She may want me out of her life, but I would always make sure she was alive and well, and taken care of. Even if that were all I could do for the rest of my life, then that would be what I would live for.

  I waited in the water to make sure she got up at some point. After a good twenty minutes when she still laid still, I started to paddle towards the shore, but made sure to stay back so she couldn't see me. A short while later, she slowly pushed herself up and made her way back into the house. As soon as she closed the back glass wall, I hung my head and made my way back down the beach towards my condo.

  When I got back home, my sister still hadn't returned. I would've been worried, but I knew my sister could take care of herself. Knowing that Riley was only a few houses away, was slowly eating away at me and I found myself seeking out all the alcohol I had put away for a rainy day. I was at a loss as to how to deal with her being so close and me not being able to go to her, so I drank. And drank and drank, until everything was blurry and I stumbled over to my couch. I collapsed down onto the soft pillowy cushions face first, just as I heard the front door open. I slowly lifted my head and saw my sister’s fuzzy frame come into view.

  "Graaaccciiieee. Where ya been?"

  "Someone's a little drunk, huh?"

  I waved my hand in front of my face, "No, what would you think that for?"

  "Um, maybe the empty bot
tles littering your kitchen counter."

  I let out a loud laugh. "That wasn't me."

  "Yeah, okay. Let's get you to bed." Grace came over and tried to pull me off of the couch, but my six foot four build dwarfed her five feet four inches.

  "See, you can't even move me." I laughed again.

  "Funny, Tristan. Get your drunk ass up and go to bed, now!"

  "Yes, Sir." I saluted her as I tried to push myself up and failed. "Can't I just lay here a little while longer? Maybe she'll show up." My eyes were getting extremely heavy and I couldn't even make out Gracie's face anymore.

  "Who, Tristan? Who do you think will show up, Riley? Because after what you pulled today, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to see you now or even ever again."

  "You're mean, Grace."

  "So I've been told, Tristan. Now get your ass up and go to bed."

  "Fine, but tomorrow I'm not sharing my pancakes with you. Mom always said to not share with people who are mean, and you're being mean."

  "Oh my god, are you five? Get up!"

  "Whatever, Gracie. You're just mad because I won't share with you." I stuck out my tongue at her as I made my way to my room.

  "Sleep it off, big brother. I'll see you in the morning." She shouted back as I slammed my door shut.

  A noise caught my attention, and I glanced back at the doorway as long brown hair caught my eye. "Riley?"

  "Shh."

  She made her way over to me and climbed into bed next to me. I pulled back the covers and draped them over her as she nestled into the crook of my arm. I held her tight and extremely close to me, wishing for her to never leave. My lips found their way to her forehead and I placed a chaste kiss to her chilly skin.

  "Were you in the water again, Riley?"

  "Mmmmhmmm."

  I kissed her forehead again and snuggled into her. Her body curled into mine and her thin arms wrapped themselves around my waist. "I'm so sorry for today. I swear I never meant to hurt you."

  "I know you didn't, Tristan. Just sleep now. Everything is fine."

  "Riley?"

  "Yes?"

  "I love you. I love you more than I think you could ever understand. My world is empty without you in it. I need you, Riley. I need you like I need air to breathe." My voice was soft and barely above a whisper. I didn't want my sister to hear what was going on.

  "I know you do, Tristan."

  This caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting her to pour her heart out to me, but I expected a little more than what she was giving me. When I turned my head to speak to her, she was gone. I searched the bed frantically for her. When I couldn't feel anything but the cold sheets beside me, I realized that it had all been a dream. I slammed my fists down on the sheets and threw myself back onto my pillows. There was no way I was going to be able to deal with not talking to her. I had to do something, anything to have her back in my life. I felt like I was going crazy and she was the only person who could make me sane and stable. I closed my eyes, willing sleep to take me under without dreams of Riley. As much as I wanted it, I didn't. I was willing to take any form of her that I could get. Unfortunately, I got what I wished for and I fell into a dreamless sleep moments later.

  ~~~~

  The sun coming through my bedroom window was practically burning a hole straight through me. All I could feel was pounding in my head and I instantly regretted drinking the entire kitchen sink last night. Not talking to or having any contact with Riley was going to be the death of me. When I opened my eyes, the sun hit my corneas like a hot frying pan, singing them to their very core. I slowly sat myself up and noticed the tall glass of water and two aspirin on my bedside table. Ah, Grace could be a godsend when needed. I quickly took the pain reliever and downed the entire glass of water. I wanted to jump in the shower and wash the residual salt water from my skin, but I just didn't have the energy and when I smelled the aroma coming from the kitchen, there was no way I was passing up Gracie's world famous pancakes and coffee for a shower.

  I pulled on a pair of clean shorts and shirt and stumbled out into the kitchen. When I caught sight of my sister cooking in the kitchen, I had a flashback of my mother making us breakfast every Saturday morning. Granted it wasn't Saturday, but it was still a memory I would forever cherish. Those were the mornings when we got to spend quality time with mom before dad got home from golfing with his "co-workers," which usually meant he had spent the night before with his flavor of the week. But mom never showed any inclination that it bothered her, and even though I knew better, it was time that Gracie and I had both craved from her so we never asked questions.

  My father was a shitty man and an even shittier husband and father. There were so many times I had wished for any of my friend's fathers. The ones that used to take their kids to baseball games, or played sports with them, or hell, even ones that actually came home on a nightly basis. My father hadn't always been a prick. He had actually been a pretty decent father, until I reached the age of nine and Grace turned five, that's when the tables turned. My mother had been amazing though, and she all but took the place of two parents when my father wasn't around. She did what she could to make us happy and always showed us she loved us. That was always the case, until our worlds came crashing down around us five years ago. I remember the day like it was yesterday, and for me it was like yesterday, replaying itself over and over again.

  "Tristan?"

  I jumped at the sound of my sister's voice as I entered the kitchen. "Yeah?"

  "Do you want some coffee?"

  "Does a bear shit in the woods?" I smiled.

  "Well I hope so." We both broke out in a fit of laughter as I poured my cup of coffee and took a seat across from her at the breakfast bar.

  "You know, you didn't have to make me breakfast."

  "Well, you said I was being mean last night, so I was trying to be nice." She smirked.

  Last night's conversation started to slowly pour in my mind and I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my mouth.

  "You know, when you drink you turn into a five year old."

  "Oh, I am well aware of it. Sorry, Gracie."

  "Don't even mention it." She waved the spatula at me. "I still love you, even if you won't share your pancakes with me." She winked.

  I took a few sips of coffee as I made my way out onto the back patio. The waves were perfect this morning and as much as I wanted to run out and become one with the ocean, I was slowly starting to realize that doing so was only making things worse for me. I took a seat at the small iron table, propped my feet up and stared out at the mesmerizing water as I finished my cup of coffee.

  "Here, eat something so you start feeling better." Grace sat a full plate of syrup-covered pancakes in front of me, along with a fork and napkin.

  "Thanks, Grace." Grace just smiled and disappeared back inside.

  After I was completely full and onto my second cup of coffee, I decided that it was time to face the consequences of my actions from the day before. I dialed the hospital and waited patiently as they paged Mr. Rollins.

  "This is Mr. Rollins."

  "Mr. Rollins, it's Tristan. I just wanted to check on London's status."

  "Well hello Tristan. Honestly, I don't know how comfortable I am telling you anything about him, but I know you and I know what you did yesterday wasn't entirely your fault. London's awake and recovering nicely. He only had a few broken ribs, but he did have to have his jaw wired shut. You did quite a number on him."

  "I know and I'm sorry for the mess I caused. I'm glad he's on the mend. So, um..."

  "She's doing fine. I heard from her just a little bit ago, and I have an appointment with her today. Look, I'm not saying what London is doing is okay by any means, but you have to see it from my side too. I let you come into our group, knowing damn good and well who you were and why you were there and I feel as though you took advantage of that. My first priority here is Riley, not you."

  "I know, and I'm extremely grateful for what you have done for me, I really
am. I just wish I could go back and undo all of this bullshit I have caused."

  "Tristan, it is what it is. There's really not a whole lot you can do now, but let things play out on their own. You need to give Riley time to adjust to it all. She found out everything about you, and her mother, and then this whole thing with London happened. I think she just needs some time to heal and learn to lean on herself. I'll call you if anything changes."

  "Thank you, Mr. Rollins."

  "I'll talk to you later, Tristan." I hung up the phone feeling like a small weight had been lifted. At least I knew I hadn't killed London, even though I wish I would've.

  I made my way back inside to find my sister. When I entered the living room, she was sitting there with her hands over her face.

  "Grace, are you okay?"

  "Yeah, I am. I'm just preparing myself for the worst."

  "What do you mean?" I was utterly confused at what she was saying.

  "Mom won't stop until you talk to her. You need to call her before she comes over here. I can't deal with that Tristan."

  I started to rub her back to calm her down. "I know, Grace. I'll call her today, okay?"

  She nodded her head and leaned into my chest. "Thank you, Tristan."

  "You never have to thank me, Grace. Never."

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Riley

  I woke up on the couch, confused at where I was at first. Last night was all a blur and I was having trouble remembering how I had even gotten to the couch in the first place. I made my way into the kitchen, and scrounged around in the cupboards looking for coffee or food, but came up empty handed on both counts. Looks like I could add that to the list of things my mother and I didn't have in common. The funny thing was, there was a coffee maker on one of the counters. Maybe she had to stop drinking it when she got sick, who knows.

  I knew I wouldn't get a lot done if I didn't get some sort of sustenance in me, or caffeine for that matter. I decided to search the house for keys to the shiny new Mercedes I had found in the garage last night. That, I do remember. I made my way up the long winding staircase, when I stumbled across what I believed would've been my mother's room. It held a king sized bed and matching dresser, but not much of anything else. There weren't any clothes left in the closet and absolutely no sign that anybody ever even lived in this room. I was confused and perplexed as I made my way through the other two rooms up here. When I came across the room with the small balcony off of it, my mouth literally almost dropped to the floor.