Nothing is Forever

by Grace Thompson

  ‘Can you tell us what happened?’ Ruth asked, when Henry had gone.

  ‘The burglary, the mess. I was so upset and I couldn’t imagine sleeping in the bed those filthy people had used. I dragged it outside and set it on fire. Better to sleep on the cold slate floor than that. I didn’t know where I’d find another one but I couldn’t have let my mother sleep on it after the filth they had left. I propped it against a dead tree and it fell, caught the curtains alight – they had broken all the windows you see. And before I realized what was happening, the door was ablaze and I was struggling with the front door when the fire brigade arrived. Someone passing had seen the flames and called them.’ She looked exhausted and they helped her upstairs and into the room prepared for her. She was asleep before they had left the room.

  There was no sign of anyone when Tabs left for the shop the next morning. She called and no one answered. Unwilling to knock on the bedroom door and introduce herself so early, she went to the shop. At lunchtime she went home. She wanted to see the woman who was so important to Jack. He was sitting beside the pale, doll-like woman and he didn’t move when she walked in.

  ‘Hello, I’m Tabs,’ she said, approaching the armchair where Abigail sat wrapped in blankets and surrounded by cushions. ‘We didn’t get the chance to say more than hello, yesterday.’

  ‘Hello – Tabs?’

  ‘Tabitha.’

  ‘I’m so sorry to cause so much trouble.’

  ‘Lucky Jack’s here to keep an eye on you; it’s one of Ruth’s busiest days. Can I get us all something to eat? Ruth won’t be back until teatime. Will a sandwich do?’

  Abigail looked at Jack and waited for him to answer. Tabs tightened her lips. The expression was well known to her, she had been deferring to her father for the simplest decisions most of her life. But she guessed that Abigail’s need for guidance wasn’t out of fear, her eyes told her it was love and adoration. Shivers goosed her arms as she went into the kitchen. Abigail was more than the ex-fiancée of a friend, that much was clear. She was far more important to Jack than that.

  Abigail’s mother arrived two days later and again, it was Henry to brought her from the hospital. She was a lively character and when Aunty Blod came to meet the new arrivals the two elderly women were soon laughing and chattering like old friends.

  Between working and providing food for them all Ruth was busy every moment of the day and when Henry called and asked her to go out with him for a meal and a chat she refused.

  ‘If you want to tell me goodbye I’d rather you do it here, not far away in a strange place. Here is where I live—’

  ‘—and it’s here you want your memories stored? Saying goodbye to me is just another one, is that it?’

  ‘No, Henry, it isn’t. I don’t want to say goodbye to you, not ever, but I could hardly argue about marrying you in a restaurant where we’d provide the cabaret, could I?’ She smiled, persuading him to smile too but he shook his head.

  ‘There is no reason to wait so unless you marry me before the end of this year I’ll get out of your life. I want a wife, a home and a family. You can’t want the same if you’re content to stay here and prop up your brothers like an ageing aunt!’

  That evening Tabs and Ruth went to the pictures. Neither became absorbed in the film, they were both worrying about the men in their lives.

  ‘I’m very fond of Jack,’ Tabs said, as they waited in a queue for fish and chips to take home for supper. ‘But I think Abigail is more important than he admits.’

  ‘Nonsense. He’s a caring man and if he promised his friend he’d look after her, then that’s what he’ll do. You’re lucky to have such a kind and loyal man.’

  ‘If he chooses me,’ Tabs sighed.

  ‘I don’t think Henry and I will marry,’ Ruth said.

  ‘But I thought you’d been together for ever? What’s gone wrong?’

  ‘Me. I’ve gone wrong. I’ve looked after my brothers for so long I can’t stop. I’ve let Henry down and I think he’ll walk away from me some day soon if I can’t get my mind away from being a surrogate mother to four grown men. It sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud, but no one understands how difficult it is.’

  ‘Talk to your brothers.’

  ‘I have and when I do they agree with me that the home is mine until I no longer need it. It’s my home.’

  ‘Then you’re cheating them!’ a voice behind them hissed and, startled, Ruth and Tabs turned to see Tabs’s mother-in-law, Martha, smiling at them. ‘You must see that the money would be handy. They all need it at the moment, but you’re sitting on their inheritance when they all need it desperately.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Mrs Bishop,’ Ruth replied politely, ‘but my family isn’t your business. And I don’t want my affairs discussed in a chip shop!’

  ‘A divorce in the family I hear. That’s expensive for sure. And babies on their way. Plenty to buy with babies on the way. One coming a bit too soon is what I’ve been told. Desperate they must be, longing for you to up stumps and move.’

  Embarrassed by Martha’s loud voice and the waggling ears all around them, Ruth dumped the money for their supper in Tabs’s hand and walked away, her face red with shame.

  ‘You shouldn’t have done that,’ Tabs told Martha, wanting to run after her friend. ‘She’s never done you any harm.’

  ‘Maybe not, but I can do you a favour, my dear. We haven’t let our smart new bedroom yet, so what if your father and I offer the room to the latest addition to Ruth’s household? Abigail, is she called? And that mother of hers? Comfortable with us they’d be and if they came to us, we’d be doing you a favour, you being sweet on Jack. We can keep an eye on them, make sure there’s no funny business between him and that Abigail. You can come home, Jack can visit you, and we’ll be one happy family, us three and two ladies to share our happy home. Put it to them, why don’t you, I’m sure they’d be pleased to get into a beautiful room like ours.’

  ‘Next, please,’ the woman behind the counter shouted, and Tabs was saved thinking of a reply as she gave her order and handed over the money. She hurried out with the steaming packages before anything more could be said. As she walked back she wondered how her stepmother managed to find out all that was going on. Her information was accurate and up to the minute. She must have a huge network of people spying for her. She imagined Martha sitting pondering over all she had learned and putting everything together like a general in an army, planning how she could use it.

  She sat down on a garden wall and wished she had such an efficient network herself. She needed to know a way to find out, accurately, what Jack really felt about Abigail, wondering whether knowing would make her happier. Somehow she thought not.

  Tabs told Ruth about Martha’s offer in a tone that implied that the idea was too ridiculous to even consider. To her relief Ruth laughed and shook her head. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, Tabs. Martha would have you installed in that tiny room and treated like a servant before they’d unpacked their belongings.’

  Hesitantly, Tabs asked, ‘What d’you think of Abigail, Ruth? Jack says she’s just a friend he promised to look after, but is she more than that?’

  ‘It’s hard to say. They haven’t been staying with us long enough, but if you’re really fond of Jack, why don’t you ask him?’

  ‘I can’t. I’m fond of him, very fond, but I don’t know how he feels about me.’

  Ruth hugged her and said no more, relief that it was Jack and not Henry who was causing her the concern that was making her more talkative than usual.

  That evening Jack came to see Abigail and Gloria but he didn’t stay long. Instead, he persuaded Tabs to go for a walk. ‘I’ll leave, then wait for you at the corner,’ he whispered as she handed him his coat. ‘Just you and me at last! I can’t wait to see you without all the hangers-on.’

  Trying to hide her excitement she made an excuse of needing some fresh air and almost ran to the corner where Jack was waiting. He held her close and kis
sed her passionately then with arms around each other they made their way to the park gates and slipped through. It was dark, the only street lamps too far away to shed light on the place, which was surrounded by old trees and overgrown bushes.

  In the centre of the park was a small building that had once been used by a park keeper. Now it was neglected, park keepers a luxury no longer afforded. It was used occasionally to hold tools, but at that moment practically empty. Jack shoved against the door which opened silently and they kissed as Jack moved her into the greater darkness inside.

  It was one of their regular places to sit, and make plans, to dream of a future which beckoned; to an escape from the misery of her father and Martha. The world as seen from the inside of the old shed promised a wonderful life with Jack. Making love quickly become an urgent need. For Tabs it was an inevitable extension of their growing love, as natural as breathing. Ignoring the cold, they slowly undressed each other.

  As they walked back to the house Jack stopped and held her close. ‘You know how I feel about you, don’t you? I hate every moment we’re apart. But I have to go away for a while. I’ve been promised a job in Norfolk.’

  ‘Norfolk? But that’s the other side of the country! Why do you have to take it? Can’t you find something nearer than Norfolk?’

  ‘I need the money to get Abigail and Gloria into a place of their own, just a couple of rooms, then I can walk away, leave them to sort out the rest of their lives, I’ll have done what I promised.’

  ‘Can’t they stay with Ruth? When – if – I move out there’ll be plenty of room and Ruth will value their company, she hates the house being empty.’

  ‘Come on, Tabs,’ he said sharply. ‘You can’t expect them to stay as lodgers for much longer. Abigail is used to better things.’

  ‘How long with you be away?’ She pressed her cheek against his, whispering the words, alarmed at the anger in his tone.

  ‘How do I know? I don’t have to report every move to you, do I? What sort of a life will we have if you treat me like a child, demanding a timetable of my day-to-day activities?’

  Frightened by the unexpected and unreasonable anger, Tabs said nothing more. Jack increased his pace and removed his arms from around her. When they reached the gate they were almost running and she tentatively asked if he was coming in for some supper.

  ‘What, to sit and smile for the others while you ask more of your inane questions? No thanks.’ And he walked off.

  She stood outside the house for a long time, trying to convince herself that he would come back, tell her he loved her. She waited for more than an hour but he didn’t come.

  She went inside and smiled at Ruth and the others, made herself a hot drink and was in bed when the horror of it struck her. The quarrel had been a deliberate set-up. He had wanted to quarrel. For whatever reason, he wanted to end their affair and had engineered the whole thing and immediately after making love in their special place where the night had been filled with promises and redolent with love.

  She walked the streets the next day between the hours she worked and said nothing about it to anyone. The wandering was fruitless and pointless as she had no idea where he lived. Had he gone to Norfolk? How could she possibly get in touch with him if he was so far away? She wasn’t even sure where Norfolk was, apart from knowing it was a long way off.

  When she had burst into tears one morning, Henry closed the shop, led her up to the flat and coaxed her to tell him what was upsetting her. When she explained about the quarrel and being unable to find Jack, and the presumption that he was in Norfolk, he smiled. ‘He certainly isn’t in Norfolk. I saw him yesterday.’

  ‘Where?’ she asked, relief causing the pent-up tears to flow.

  ‘I’ll show you where he was standing. I presume it was where he was living as he looked as though he had just stepped out of the front door. Quarrels can quickly be mended. Come on, wash your face and give it a smile.’

  They searched for several hours, knocking on doors asking at the local shops but no one had seen him. ‘As we’ve only our description of him and no second name, it’s not surprising no one is able to help. Our enquiries sound weaker every time I offer them,’ he said. ‘But, Tabs, if you’re seriously involved with this man, why don’t you know where he is and at least have a name?’

  ‘I daren’t ask, I was so afraid of driving him away.’

  Henry thought that might have been a good thing but said nothing.

  They went back to Henry’s flat where he put the kettle on and put out bread and some cheese. ‘Hungry?’ he asked. ‘I am.’

  She opened her bag and pulled out two packets of sandwiches. ‘I make them every day, hoping he’ll meet me in the park like he sometimes does,’ she said, and the tears began again.

  Ruth was not being kept up to date with Toni’s pregnancy, no reports of mysterious twinges and false alarms, so it was with mixed feelings she learned that her baby was born. Ruth had visited as often as she dared – Toni still giving broad hints reminding her that she wasn’t welcome at the flat too often – so the actual birth came as a complete surprise and a hurtful one. She had been expecting to be needed, to comfort Toni and to be there when the baby began to announce its arrival, but the first she heard was when Tommy burst in, closely followed by his brother, Bryn, shouting the news before the door was open.

  ‘I’m a dadda!’ Tommy shouted.

  ‘It’s a baby boy and he’s beautiful!’ Bryn echoed.

  ‘Bloomin’ marvellous she was, my Toni!’ Tommy was still shouting, his face red with excitement. ‘None of that screaming like you see in the pictures, We never heard a sound until Samuel cried to let us know he’d arrived!’

  ‘Bloomin’ marvellous she was,’ Bryn echoed.

  ‘Samuel, that’s what he’s called, Samuel Thomas.’ Then they were both talking at once and it was some time before Ruth learned that Brenda and Bryn had been waiting at the hospital with Tommy until they were told the news.

  Ruth almost demanded to know why she hadn’t been informed, why she hadn’t been there, at the hospital, one of the first to hear the news, but she managed to swallow her disappointment. Toni had made it quite clear from the beginning that family or not, a sister-in-law wasn’t the most important person in their lives – by a very long way. ‘So how soon can I see baby Samuel then?’

  ‘Soon. And be prepared to be amazed. He’s so handsome you’d never believe!’

  Ruth hugged them all, made tea, brought out the cakes and biscuits and, when they had gone dashing off to tell their friends, she went to see Henry. At least she’d be the first to tell him.

  To her surprise the shop was closed. Tabs had left for her work at the newsagent’s that morning explaining that she wouldn’t be home until 5.30 as she was working at Henry’s shop in the afternoon, helping him to clean and sort some china and glassware he had bought. So where were they? She tried the side door which led up to Henry’s flat and walked quietly up the stairs, part of her wanting to turn and run, afraid of finding them together.

  To her shock and dismay they were together. She released a breath that was a sigh, an almost silent wail of disappointment. Henry’s arms were around Tabs who was obviously crying. Ruth hesitated at the door unable to move. She wanted to run but her muscles had locked. Henry heard the small sound and gently turned Tabs and led her to a chair. He stepped towards her and said, ‘Sorry, Ruth, but this isn’t a good moment. Meet me in an hour and we can take her home together.’

  She ran down the stairs and out of the door and, without stopping, ran blindly across the road. A car caught her swinging coat and she fell to the ground.

  Henry’s face appeared momentarily at the window as he looked to see the reason for the squealing brakes. Then he was there, holding her, persuading her not to get up until help came, and behind him, Tabs watched and blamed herself.

  She wasn’t hurt and after a visit to the doctor who advised her to rest and prepare for aching muscles, Henry took her home. There wa
s no sign of Tabs.

  ‘She’s admitted she’s been stealing from the shop,’ Henry told her, when they were alone. ‘Jack’s influence, I’m sure of that.’

  ‘Why didn’t you call the police?’

  ‘I don’t know. I feel sorry for her. She’ll do anything for this Jack. He’s probably the first person to show her love.’

  ‘What about me? Knowing she’s a thief you say nothing and let her stay in my house? Where do I come in all this, Henry?’

  ‘I don’t know. You tell me where you come in my life.’

  ‘Below thieves, con men and pathetic women like Tabs, that’s where.’

  ‘Then you’ll tell her she must go?’

  Her shoulders drooped. ‘You know I can’t. You might be a fool, Henry but I must be one too.’

  He hugged her and held her for a long time without another word.

  Chapter Seven

  Ruth looked out at a dreary morning where dark clouds and drizzle looked set for the day. She gathered her rain cape and boots. Today’s round was a long one, fairly spread out and she would be cycling all day in rain by the look of the sky.

  ‘I wish Henry would appear and offer to drive me around,’ she said, as Tabs was also getting dressed to leave. ‘He sometimes offers but I can’t rely on him being available.

  ‘Oh, he won’t be free today,’ Tabs told her. ‘He’s taking me to the dentist as it’s a long way to walk from the bus stop.’

  ‘Oh? That’s kind of him.’

  ‘He insists and I must confess I’ll be glad not to get a bus and then walk in this awful weather.’

  And it doesn’t matter about me cycling around in it all day, Ruth thought, angry at Tabs’s casual acceptance of Henry’s help. Anger stayed with her and she finished the round earlier than normal. It had rained heavily all day and almost as soon as Ruth arrived back from her collecting, soaked through and feeling very cold, Henry arrived.