#Blur (The GearShark Series Book 4)

by Cambria Hebert

  “No. I’m fine.”

  “You need to get looked at,” he said. I felt him reach for A.

  Without lifting my head, my arm shot out, catching Lorhaven by the wrist, the fabric of his fire suit under my fingers slightly rough. Arrow’s body, and the arm beneath my hold, tensed. Slowly, I lifted my head, turning to glare at Lorhaven.

  “Don’t fucking touch him.”

  Lorhaven dropped his arm.

  Arrow rubbed up my back with his palm and leaned so close his lips brushed my ear. “I love you.”

  A shiver ran up my spine. Those words were my lifeline right now. They were my entire world. They grounded me, but they also set me free.

  “We need to get you off the track and check you out.” One of the responders jogged over and gestured to his truck.

  Arrow nodded. “Yeah, we’re coming.” He pulled back a little but linked our hands. “C’mon, Hopp. We gotta get off the field.”

  The three of us walked to the vehicle that would transport us to the pit. But before they did, they insisted Arrow be checked out by a few EMTs.

  I hovered while they did everything they needed to do, and I asked more questions than Arrow. I was starting to come down off the panic, and my limbs felt heavy, my knees weak.

  As Arrow was finishing up, Lorhaven called to me.

  I blew out a breath and walked over, glancing back once or twice. I stopped in front of him, figuring he was going to ask me for an update on his brother.

  He didn’t say anything at first. Instead, he stuck out his hand between us.

  I glanced between him and his hand, then finally surrendered mine. He shook my hand firmly, and I tried to return the pressure.

  “Welcome to the family,” he said.

  “You changed your mind about me?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “You changed my mind about you. You didn’t even fucking think. You stole a bike and fucking drove like a bat out of hell through a bunch of wreckage. All to get to my brother.”

  “I can’t lose him,” I said, that fear punching me again.

  “You won’t. Welcome to the family.”

  “Thanks,” I said. I knew this was a big moment. Hell, I’d thought Lorhaven would never accept me, and most days, I didn’t even blame him for it. I couldn’t fully bask in his sudden approval, though, because I was still trying make sense of everything that happened.

  Arrow yelled, and I spun. He waved us to the vehicle so we could be taken back to the pit. I sat as close to him on the ride as I could, squeezing his fingers probably too tight, but he didn’t complain.

  Before we stepped into the pit, Arrow put his back toward the waiting crowd and blocked me from everything but him.

  “I’m sorry I scared you,” he said sincerely.

  “You really fucking did,” I admitted, shaky.

  He made a sound. “I know, babe.” He used the name I reserved for him. “I’m okay, though.”

  I nodded, and he took my hand as we were swallowed by the crew.

  Thank fuck Arrow was okay. But after that crash, I wasn’t sure I was.

  I’d seen Hopper like this before.

  I didn’t like it, but I understood it. It seemed both of us were cursed with the past today. The baggage we usually dragged around was dragging us instead.

  First me with my father and the reminders I couldn’t shake. Then Hopper watching me crash while he stood by feeling powerless.

  I knew about pain and closing myself off. I knew about a lot of shit. But trying to understand what Hopp went through today was something I didn’t know. I could imagine. Fuck, the mere thought of anything happening to him made me sick.

  But experiencing it?

  Finally moving on after over five years and then watching something similar again?

  It made what I experienced with my father feel like something that wasn’t even important.

  It seemed to take forever for us to break away from the track. There was so much shit that went with racing besides driving a car. Eventually, I got pissed enough and tired enough of watching Hopper fight it all back so he could appear “normal” and partly dragged him home.

  We left Lorhaven, Joey, Trent, and Drew to deal with it all, something they were more than capable of doing.

  I opened the door to the apartment and practically ran in. The second Hopper crossed the threshold, I shut the door and locked it behind us. He pulled the hat off his head and tossed it across the room, and I kicked off my shoes.

  I grabbed two longnecks out of the fridge, popped the tops, and took one over to where he stood by the window.

  He drank half the bottle, then leaned his head against the glass and shut his eyes. “The morgue is the most silent place I’ve ever been. It’s devoid of life, even the people who are still breathing.”

  “Hopper,” I whispered. A severe ache bloomed in the center of my chest.

  “I was unconscious for a little while after. But when I woke up, I went there. The last time I ever saw Matt was when he was lying in the morgue.”

  I took his beer and set both aside. Without any hesitation, I moved up behind him, wrapped my arms around his middle, and pressed my chest along his back. My chin rested against his shoulder, and for long moments, we just stood there, not saying a word.

  “I got on a bike today. Didn’t even think twice and didn’t even realize what I’d done ‘til later. The last time I’d been on a bike was when I tried to save Matt. This time, I was trying to save you.”

  “Don’t do this to yourself, Hopper,” I practically begged, even though I knew it wouldn’t stop him. I knew all too well how easy it was to torture yourself.

  “I keep seeing the crash. How your car went into one and then another T-boned you.”

  “It was my fault,” I murmured, stroking his stomach. “I let myself get distracted. I let him get the best of me for a split second.”

  “You could have died.”

  “I didn’t.”

  Hopper’s back arched, pressing farther against my chest with his indrawn breath. He was shaking. “I don’t think I can do this.”

  I stilled. “Do what?”

  “Us.”

  Remember that beating I took a few years ago? That’s sort of what this felt like.

  I pulled back, paced away, then turned back. “You can’t do this.”

  He pushed off the window and turned. His eyes were bleak and pale, his posture defeated. “I’d never live through something like that a second time. I—”

  “I love you,” I said, rough.

  “I love you, too. It’s why I can’t.” He sounded miserable, looked miserable.

  I was miserable, too. It took me so long to get here. To find him. Now he just wanted me to give that up?

  Maybe the old me would have run back to my place behind the fences with all the locks. Maybe I would have turned to Lorhaven and let him be the strong one.

  I admit it was tempting. Tempting to be rejected, to retreat and lick my wounds.

  No.

  I wasn’t that person anymore. I might still have those urges, but I was stronger than that. I was better. I was going to fight for what I wanted.

  As someone once told me, I needed to “man up.”

  “I’m so fucking sorry,” he said. “I should have realized this sooner. I should have known trying to be with someone who drove, who could potentially die every time he got on the track, would be a deal breaker.”

  “Did you know one hundred people die every year from choking on a pen?”

  I caught him off guard. Some of the freak-out and misery left his eyes. He shook his head as if he wasn’t sure he heard me right. “What?”

  I nodded. “I read it online. It must be true.”

  He made a sound, a laugh and groan all rolled into one.

  I held up my hand. “I could get hit by a bus, choke on a pen, fall and hit my head in the shower… There are a million ways I could die. Yeah, my job increases the risks, but I’m still vulnerable. Everyone is.”


  He squeezed his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “I know that. I just… I can’t do it again.”

  I finally opened up to someone, finally let my heart go… and he was trying to walk away with it. “So walking away from me and living alone will be easier?”

  “Yes. No.” He spun away. “Fuck!”

  “I don’t know how much love you had in your life before Matt, like with family and shit. And I’d honestly like to know about it, someday, if you’ll let me. But I can tell you from the experience of not having much love, having love on conditions my entire life… It sucks. It eats away at your self-worth. At your very core. I did okay, though. Know why? I didn’t know any better.”

  He glanced around. His piercing eyes found mine.

  “You showed me better. You showed me love, and now you want to just take it away?” My voice cracked, and I told myself to knock it the fuck off.

  He stepped toward me but stopped. The instinct to shield me from pain, even pain he caused, was still his automatic reaction. Hopper didn’t want this. He just didn’t know what to do with all his pain and fear.

  “I’ll give it up,” I announced.

  His body jerked. “What?”

  “I’ll go to Gamble, ask to be released from my contract. I’ll even sign a non-compete that keeps me from racing anywhere else. I’ll get a job. I know a lot about cars. There’s something I can do. Something that won’t scare you every day of our lives.”

  A look of awe transformed his features. “You would give up racing?”

  “For you? For us? In a heartbeat.” I meant it, too. I loved racing, but I loved Hopper more.

  His breathing hitched. “I can’t ask you to do that. That’s an asshole thing to do.”

  I flashed a smile. “You didn’t ask. I decided. Guess that makes me the asshole.”

  He lunged forward, wrapping his arms around me tight. “You are not an asshole.”

  “Hey,” I said soft, pulling back enough to grab his hand and press it against my chest. “Feel that?”

  His eyes went soft. “Yeah.”

  “Be a shame to waste something as exclusive as my heart. You’re the only one who’s ever gonna have it.”

  Hopper’s hand slid up, curving around the back of my neck, and he leaned in inch by inch. Our lips met timidly at first. He kissed over mine softly, barely there, as if he were trying to savor the moment.

  Eventually, the kiss grew deeper, our lips hungrier. The tension and adrenaline of the day started draining away and left us both tired, but never more awake.

  In that moment, it seemed to me the thing to do when the true fragility of life reared its ugly head was not to push away the time you had left, but embrace it.

  As we kissed, I pulled his shirt up and broke apart long enough to pull it over his head and toss it aside. I ran my palms over his chest, cupped his pecs, and dragged my fingertips down the center of his abs.

  His hands explored beneath my shirt, rubbing everywhere he could reach. I shifted so one of his thighs was between mine and sucked his lip into my mouth. He groaned as I nibbled at the full flesh, and he began tugging at my clothes.

  My shirt joined his somewhere on the floor, and I pushed him lightly back toward the bedroom. The blinds were still drawn, so most of the daylight was kept out. It was cooler in here because of the lack of light and movement in the space.

  At the side of the bed, my fingers reached for the button on his jeans, popping it open and guiding the fly down. He was already hard, already straining against his clothes. I wanted him so badly my hands shook and my eyes were blind to everything else.

  Hopper ripped his mouth from mine and started sucking down my neck, leaving a hot trail of moisture. I groaned and shoved his pants over his hips.

  He lifted his head, his blue eyes half closed as he gazed at me. “I really do fucking love you.”

  “I love you, too, Hopp,” I murmured.

  He gripped my chin with one hand, turned my face to the side, and then used his free hand to trace down the arrow tattoo on my neck. The thick, slightly rough texture of his tongue glided across the same place, and then his lips latched onto that spot he always said taunted him. I angled my head away, giving him all the access he desired, delving my hands into the wild curls at the back of his head and pushed him just a little bit closer.

  He sucked hard. It twinged with pain but bloomed into pleasure. My ball sack tingled and my ass clenched.

  As he sucked and licked, I reached around, filled his ass with my palm, and squeezed. His hips pumped closer. Between us, his hard dick rubbed against me. I gave his ass a squeeze, then let my fingers delve into the crack. He jolted a little, lifting his mouth in surprise, but when my fingertip brushed over the sensitive nerves, he moaned and started sucking my neck again.

  Sex with him was addicting, but never so much as it was now. I couldn’t even think straight; all I could do was feel. When I released the back of his head, he lifted his mouth, puffy and red.

  He held my gaze as he reached for my pants, unbuckled them, and pushed them to the floor. The second we were both standing before each other, completely naked, Hopper reached between us, grabbed our dicks in his one hand, and started jacking us at the same time.

  I swayed a little on my feet, then reached down to wrap my hand around his. Our lips fused together again; our tongues fucked each other’s mouths while we both stroked each other.

  Silky liquid wept out of the tips, and I used it to enhance the pleasure and slip my hand up and down Hopper’s rod. He did the same with me, and soon we couldn’t keep up the kiss because we were stroking each other so hard we were both gasping for breath.

  I pulled back first. His dick sprang away from his body and pointed at me. I licked my lips, pushing him back onto the bed. He spread out on his back, hands at his sides. I climbed between his legs and lowered my mouth.

  I sucked him deep all the way until my mouth hit his balls. I clamped my lips tight and slowly dragged back, releasing him little by little.

  The head of his cock glistened with my spit and his precum when I finally let him go. He reached for me, but I shook my head and sucked one of his balls into my mouth, then moved to the other. As I played with his sack, my fingers dragged down his taint, then circled around the puckered hole, and he shuddered.

  I leaned over to latch onto his inner thigh and sucked deep. A breath hissed between his teeth, and I gently probed at his hole.

  “Jesus,” he murmured, and I smiled.

  I lifted my head and crawled up his body to straddle his waist. I reached behind me grabbed his throbbing dick and laid it against my crack.

  His eyes shot open and stared at me. I smiled and continued to slide it along my slit. Gently, I started rocking against his body, and he wrapped a hand around my cock, which was hard and begging. Using his thumb, he spread the leaking fluid all over my head and then gave the tip a squeeze. I shuddered and leaned forward to suck one of his nipples into my mouth.

  Hopper’s fingers clung to my back as I sucked, then moved to the other. His hips pumped upward, and I rocked against him. His hands slid down, cupping my ass cheeks, and I wiggled against his palms.

  He looked at me; I felt the question in his gaze. I wiggled my ass again. “Touch me.”

  His fingers delved between my crack, slowly, exploring everything. It wasn’t the first time he’d touched me there, but he always made sure I was okay with it, and he never got too bold.

  This time when his finger grazed the sensitive hole, I groaned and pushed back against him. He paused, then stroked the area again. I was draped over his chest. My cock was hard between us, so I moved, rubbing it against his chest, and he stroked again.

  I growled and whispered his name.

  “What do you want, babe?” he whispered.

  I sat up, and he pulled his hand away and wrapped it around my cock instead. I leaned over to the bedside table and pulled open the drawer.

&n
bsp; Hopper’s lips closed around my dick unexpectedly, and I shuddered and looked beneath me. He was deep-throating me, sucking hard, and my knees were starting to shake.

  Quickly, I reached in the drawer and pulled out what I needed, a big-ass bottle of clear lube. Hopp introduced me to the stuff, and I always used more than I should when I entered him because I knew what it felt like when a body wasn’t ready.

  He sucked me deep again, and I jerked back. He glanced up at me, question in his eyes. I held the bottle out to him, and his eyes rounded into saucers.

  “You don’t have to do this to keep me,” he vowed, caressing my cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

  “I never would have let you go.” I kissed him. “You have my heart. It’s time you got the rest of me.”

  “I…” His voice fell away. I saw the debate in his features. He didn’t want to hurt me or bring up pain. “It’s already been a shitty fucking day.”

  I held out the lube again. “So make it better.”

  He moaned.

  I climbed off his lap and lay beside him, spreading my legs just enough for him to fit. He took the lube, laid it aside, and moved between my legs.

  “You sure you want me on top?” he murmured, picking up my hand and kissing the palm.

  “I’m sure.”

  With a sigh, he stretched his long, muscled body over mine. He was wider, stronger than me, but instead of feeling I was at a disadvantage, I felt protected and secure. There was something to be said about only seeing the man you loved above you and nothing else.

  I stroked his back, and he dipped his head. We kissed languidly and rubbed our dicks together. Slowly, he moved down my body to draw each nipple into his mouth and suck them into hardened, sensitive pebbles.

  As he kissed my chest, his hand moved down to cup my balls, then stroke my inner thigh. By the time he made it down to my waist, I was panting. We weren’t new to foreplay. Fuck, I felt like every moment since he showed up at the fence was some form of foreplay between us, but I was starting to grow impatient.

  He chuckled like he knew and sucked my cock, working it over with his tongue and mouth until I strained against him.

  He pulled back, licked across my sack, and then dragged his tongue down my taint. I shivered with pleasure, but when his wide hands pushed my legs wider and settled on my thighs, the nerves broke in.