by Kamisa Cole
Suddenly he jolted back as if I’d bitten him. “I can’t,” he whispered, creating space between us. “Please, let’s go inside so I can see all of your injuries,” he pleaded, and I nodded, giving him what he needed.
Time was ticking and it seemed he knew it too.
ALEC
Staying away from him proved harder than I thought possible. When he unlocked his door, his hands were steady while mine trembled.
Hell, my whole body trembled.
I had a hard time ignoring his discolored eye and the cut on his lip.
Always the gentleman, he let me enter first, his expression tender yet heartbroken. Once the door was closed, I had to hold myself back so I wouldn’t step into him again.
“Do you have your wallet with you?” They were the first words out of his mouth and the last I’d have expected. Patting my pants, I shook my head.
“No, I don’t. Why?” Deciding it didn’t matter, I cleared my throat. “You know what? Never mind. I just need to… Just… Kash.”
He cocked his head, his expression turning even softer. “I’m okay, Alec.”
Baby Boy, just say it once, I pleaded in my head, not daring to say the words out loud.
“I need to see… Your body. To know you’re okay.” Cam’s comment about people checking themselves out of hospital wouldn’t leave me alone.
There was the slightest smirk on his lips, then he lowered his head, effectively hiding his expression from me. For a heartbeat I waited, wondering what his next move would be, then he lifted his hands and began unbutton his shirt slowly. Even though this had been one of my most frequent fantasies since I had met him, I didn’t even get hard.
No, instead I worried about what I’d see. I watched his movements, checking for soreness and careful moving but, as always, Kash was in perfect control of everything.
The shirt fell open, revealing a perfectly sculptured chest and abs. I was, for a moment, distracted by the tattooed wings spanning across his chest, but then remembered to search his skin for injuries.
The material crumpled as it fell to the ground, and I watched as Kash stepped out of his shoes, then reached for his socks. I was transfixed, wondering how much further he would go—and when I’d have to stop him for the sake of my sanity.
Once barefoot, he nodded me over to the living room, turning on the light before stepping into the middle of it. “Here, check. Make sure you’re satisfied and can see I’m not badly injured.”
Maybe not badly, but I could already see bruises blossoming on his ribs. His knuckles were bloody, proving he’d gotten in some hits as well. Walking closer, now distracted by the simple fact that he was half naked, I inspected his hands, allowing myself to only touch them and nothing else.
My breath was still shaky, but my worries eased and the adrenaline was slowly leaving my body. I was suddenly incredibly exhausted and tired to the bone, yet I kept walking around Kash until I was a hundred percent certain he didn’t have any life-threatening injuries. “Tell me what happened,” I pleaded, meeting his dark eyes.
“Let me pull on sweatpants and a shirt first. Sit, Alec. Take a deep breath.”
He reached out as if wanting to cup my cheek, and I longed for the touch, but saw him pull back in time. “I’ll be right back.”
And with that he was gone. I took a seat, pressing my hands together, trying to figure out how best to tell him that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore. I did, actually, but I couldn’t. He needed to be with someone who wasn’t going to throw fits, who was going to be able to appreciate all that he did for them, and I wasn’t that person.
I couldn’t appreciate him wanting to give me the space to find myself. I also couldn’t appreciate him giving me the chance to find out what exactly I wanted in a relationship, or to get a quick high from being able to kiss whomever I wanted whenever I wanted.
Cam was like that, young and experimenting, and he knew exactly what his ‘no-goes’ were in a relationship, what he needed in a guy and what he didn’t. Kash had been the first man who’d ever given me much attention, and I guessed a little hero-worshipping also played into this.
He was all out there, sure in who he was and what he could and wouldn’t deal with.
I was throwing tantrums, being pouty and—
“You okay?” I hadn’t even realized he’d returned to the living room, and now I rose to my feet.
“I am. Kash…” I swallowed, running my hands through my hair nervously. He watched me, calculating, trying to read me, and I closed my eyes. I needed to get a grip because he would see right through me otherwise.
He nodded toward the sofa again, coming closer as if he was going to sit, too, and I stopped him with my hand on his hip. I didn’t know why I’d done it, but now that it was there, I realized I needed one last kiss. A sweet peck, a wild clashing of tongues… I didn’t care either way as long as I got one last touch of lips.
“Kiss me, Kash. Please.” My voice was small, and as broken as I felt.
He nodded once, then leaned in. I should’ve known he’d go for tender, for infinitely sweet. The cut in his lip pressed against mine, reminding me that he was hurt, making me worry that I was only causing him more pain. And still my hand cupped the back of his neck, his scruff tickling me, reminding me of everything I liked about him.
I wanted to explore his body, his skin, all his tattoos, his mind, and everything about him, but until I knew what I wanted, and had seen the world, that couldn’t happen.
And by seeing the world I mainly meant dating.
Maybe then he’d consider us possible. Maybe then I’d feel worthy of him.
Once he pulled back, I closed my eyes. “You know, I realized tonight that this, us, is as bad an idea as you always said, so…” … let’s be friends. I couldn’t say the words even though I wanted to force them from my lips but, with Kash just smiling slightly, I didn’t think he needed to hear them. He got the drift, and it was with baited breath that I waited for what he had to say. I didn’t know what I wanted to hear, but that didn’t stop me from wishing for him to make it somehow right.
KASH
Alec was trembling, his lips quivering even as he delivered the lie, and I knew that his father had to have been right.
It was best this way, I guessed, him breaking it off. I wouldn’t protest, even as I caught the hope in his blue eyes. How could one human being be as pretty as he was? As perfect, and sweet, yet so completely wrong for me?
“I’m going to grab a pillow and a blanket for you, and you can sleep here for the night, okay? I can’t drive you home because I’m on painkillers, but tomorrow it’ll be fine,” I stated instead of reacting to his words, and his shoulders fell. “You’ll find someone more fitting for you,” I whispered in response to that, and he turned away from me.
“I was angry with you earlier, for pretending there was an emergency at the club, and I… I…”
His voice dripped with guilt and I wondered if he possibly could’ve found someone to have sex with in the short time between me dropping him off and Cam telling him what had happened.
I thought it impossible, but that didn’t mean anything. “You?” I prompted, because I was into pain, and I needed a reason to stop me going to him now and having him the way I’d longed to all day. If he stopped this before it got to anything, maybe one night together would be okay.
Then again, being a minor wouldn’t change even if it was just one night, and nothing would make that right.
“I jerked off. Bossed a stranger around on an app and watched him come. Made him come with my voice, my orders, and…enjoyed it.”
His voice cracked, hinting at another lie, and I was pretty sure the only untrue thing about that statement was the enjoying part.
“You enjoyed it?” My heart shattered inside my ribcage, letting me know I’d been off about how intense my feelings for him were. Yes, I’d been sure I was in deep, deeper than I’d expected at least, but this? This was worse.
&
nbsp; Alec nodded. “I-I did.” There was something he wasn’t telling me, and I felt like I needed to know every perverse detail, needed to know why I felt as betrayed as I did when we weren’t really an item. We might have been on the way there, but…
“Really? What d’you like about it, huh?” I stalked closer. “The way he wrapped his hand around his own dick?” I grabbed mine through my pants. “Or just the way his skin was moving while he jerked, pre-cum leaking? Tell me what you liked. Did you want him to be there so you could do it? Could touch him?”
I needed to leave right now because, shit, Alec was young and could have marathon jerk-off sessions with strangers if he wanted. It was none of my business, and I’d been intending on making him stay away, so I needed to stop overreacting.
Alec lifted his chin, defiance showing in his posture. “I liked the way his dick was pulsing with need just because of the things I said, the way I told him to give himself pleasure. I didn’t have to listen to anyone, wasn’t babied or protected for my own sake. I was allowed to be a man. You baby me, all the time. It is honestly better for us to not… You know… Do this.”
He turned away, stepping to the window, and I’d have been pissed at him if I hadn’t seen the way his eyes were watering.
“Yeah, for the best,” I muttered. “I’ll get the blankets and leave you alone.”
I grabbed everything, a little bit surprised that Alec hadn’t left. Then again, he knew what it felt like to hurt, and I didn’t think he would have felt very safe walking home in the middle of the night.
“Here, it’s… You know… Done.” I prepped the sofa, but he didn’t even turn to me. “Night.” I didn’t know why I didn’t want to offer him the guestroom. Sofa seemed…safer, as if I could keep myself from him then.
I stepped out of the living room and went down the small hallway leading to my bathroom. I got ready for bed, taking another painkiller and telling myself it would work for the heartache too, and then brushed my teeth, conscious of the fact that I wasn’t alone in my apartment and yet suddenly utterly lonely.
I cleaned my face, got rid of any left-over blood, then I left the bathroom. Something caused me to stop in front of my door, but when I listened there was nothing but silence. Only once I stretched out I realized what had caused me to freeze: a sob, and now there was another one.
Alec was hurting, but as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t be the one to ease his pain. Not right now, not when I’d draw him into my lap and show him with my body exactly how much I fucking wanted him despite his age—and everything else that was speaking against us being together.
ALEC
Seattle was quiet at five thirty in the morning. I hadn’t slept much, even when the crying fits should have left me exhausted.
I forced my hands into my pockets, wishing I didn’t have to walk back to my apartment. Hell, I especially wished I’d taken the straight route instead of walking via DiverCity. To my surprise Gage was lingering by the door, smoking a cigarette, and he arched a brow when he spotted me.
I was tempted to rub at my eyes. They’d been puffy and red as I checked myself out in Kash’s bathroom mirror, but I hadn’t wanted to linger any longer in his space. Not when everything smelled like him, cutting me wide open.
“Alec.”
I didn’t know what to make of my boss’s rough tone, but I went over anyway. “Boss?”
He cocked his head, the night sky barely hinting at the coming morning. The streetlights did more to give me an idea of what he was thinking.
“You okay? You look rough.”
“Been a long night.” I shrugged it off, wanting to leave, but he grabbed my arm. The touch was barely there, the same way Kash would touch me, carefully, to make sure he wasn’t hurting me. And still this felt totally different.
“K-Ass giving you trouble? If you need me to tell him to back off and leave you alone…”
I recoiled at the mention of Kash, then shook my head. “No need to. We settled that last night. You know, him not being good for me, me not being good for him. Should make you glad. Didn’t think you liked it much, the idea of us together.”
He sighed. “I don’t like Kash. It has nothing to do with you or him and you. Look…” He glanced around, looking for something, then he pulled out his keys. “Let’s talk inside.” He unlocked the bar and led me inside before closing the door tightly again. Hitting a light switch, he nodded me over to one of the tables.
I drew up one leg, feeling as young as Kash always had made me out to be.
“What did he ever do to you?”
Gage cleared his throat. “You didn’t know DiverCity before Kash was here. It was different. His predecessor and his team were part of the DiverCity family, even if they technically didn’t work for me. They were hired, and we were close. All of them. Instead of leaving them with us, giving us comfort after what went down here, they pulled them away and replaced them with strangers.”
I arched a brow. “Strangers your team adopted fairly well. Sav and the others want to be here. They enjoy being here. And Kash is…” Did I really want to defend him when the mere thought of him nearly brought me to my knees?
“Harsh? Cold? An ass?”
“Serious, protective, good at his job. He’s standing outside that door and making sure everything stays quiet. He’s standoffish with you because you don’t want to give him a chance. What does he have to do to get in your good graces? What will his whole team have to do? You do realize this is a job, right? Did you contact the people that were here before, asking if they wanted to still be here?” Because I couldn’t see Kash’s team wanting to come back if he wasn’t part of it. Nyra would refuse, and so would the rest.
Gage snorted. “So, you and him, huh?”
I instantly shook my head. “No, I need to taste freedom. Kiss strangers. Get fucked in bathrooms.”
He arched a brow.
“With a condom and being totally safe?” I added, wondering if that was what he was aiming at.
He sighed. “While I am glad to hear you’re being responsible…” He gave me a hard look, stating that was at least what he hoped, and then continued, “I was more wondering why you’re lying. I didn’t get the feeling you cared about impressing anyone but Kash. And he was pretty okay with having you adore him.”
I shook my head. “He wasn’t, and you know it. Hell, you probably appreciated the way he tried not to give into me.” In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I considered Gage and Kash as quite similar. They were both grumpy, protective, and always put everyone else first.
“But he did give in, didn’t he? I heard Nyra and Savage talking about the date he took you on.” There was curiosity, and something else too.
“And you care why?”
Gage shrugged. “You walked in here abused and hurt because your family sucks. You work for me now, so… I’m your family. The guys are your brothers. I’m worried. I want you happy. And I think you deserve it more than most people I know. However, I am glad if it’s not going to be with Kash.”
And damn if that didn’t hurt. “He’s not a bad person. He…He thinks we shouldn’t be together because I’m too young, need to enjoy the experiences. I mean… I agree with him. I can’t let myself be tied down by someone so…old.”
Gage watched me for a long moment, then he chuckled quietly. “You are the worst liar ever. So Kash didn’t want to pursue this further? Realized it was dumb on his part because he’s a cold-hearted bastard anyway. You’d think he knows better than to assume he can have a relationship with anyone, least of all someone as vibrant and attractive as you. I see the way guys look at you whenever they get a glimpse. You could make some of them drool without trying. And then, Cam and you, in combination… I could probably make a shit-ton of money if I’d let the two of you dance on a stage every now and then.” He groaned. “If only you were old enough.”
“Nineteen is—”
“Not old enough, boy. And I mean that. Either way, I need to get home and
get some sleep. Can I drop you off somewhere?”
It struck me that Gage had stayed here even after the bar closed.
And, as the boss, that he knew what had happened last night. “The fight, Gage…”
His expression darkened and the approachable feeling I’d had a second ago vanished. “Kash and his team solved that, and we should be good on that front. Do not worry.”
But I was because everyone was keeping something from me. “Was it my father?”
Gage arched a brow. “Your father? Was what your father?”
“The emergency. Is that why they called Kash?”
I watched Gage’s face but didn’t know him well enough to figure out what was going on behind the poker face. “They called K-Ass because he’s the head of security and the only one allowed to make certain decisions. Sorry, but not everything is about you, Baby Boy.”
Hearing that nickname from his lips made me wince. “Do not ever call me that again, boss. I don’t like it.”
There was something in his eyes, something that looked a lot like smugness, and I decided to ignore it. “And yes, taking me home would be appreciated, thank you.” I doubted I’d find any more peace there than I’d found at Kash’s place. Frankly, the only thing I felt was going to drain the tension right out of me was the one thing I wouldn’t allow myself to have again anytime soon: Kash.
KASH
I wished the bar was closed at least one day a week. Alec had been gone when I’d woken up, and this time I wasn’t surprised.
Although waking up would’ve implied I’d slept, and that was an utter lie. Instead I’d stared at my ceiling, wishing for everything to be different. I didn’t know what had gotten into Alec, but in a way his reluctance to be with me had made it easier for me to let him go.
Didn’t change the fact that my chest felt weirdly tight.
My phone rang and I stared at Savage’s name. “‘Sup?”
