I Am a Conservative

by Kurt Schlichter

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  I am a Conservative: Judges have no moral authority they don't earn.

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  I am a Conservative: The liberals are trying to make Meghan McCain the first segment in the human centipede of conservatism. #Caring

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  I am a Conservative: "Yeah, let's give the UN control over the internet — that'll put those real Americans in their place.”

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  I am a Conservative: I'll hand this to Justin Bieber — he actually earns his money by working. Unlike you liberals.

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  I am a Conservative: "Inflation, shmimflation, he killed Osama, which no other president would have done!” #UnicornDreams

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  I am a Conservative: You have every right to dress like a slut. I'll gladly shoot the degenerates who will assault you.

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  I am a Conservative: Don't confuse young girls by not differentiating what they have a right to do from what's stupid.

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  I am a Conservative: “Zero Tolerance” is the educrat abdication of any need for judgment or wisdom. Fire them all and start over.

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  I am a Conservative: Kwanzaa — Because Christmas just doesn't lend itself very well to commie brainwashing.

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  I am a Conservative: The problems plaguing the Third World are solely the fault of the people of the Third World.

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  I am a Conservative: I don't know what I hate most about hippies — their sanctimony, smell, or shitty music.

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  I am a Conservative: I doubt Rick put a "COEXIST" sticker on his Packard when he got back to the States from Casablanca.

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  I am a Conservative: Lame excuses for personal irresponsibility are the dilithium crystals of liberalism.

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  I am a Conservative: No one should count out the power of idiocy! Exhibit A: The 2008 voters.

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  I am a Conservative: Jimmy Carter says we're violating the North Koreans' rights by not giving them food. Well, if it helps, they can eat me. #Caring

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  I am a Conservative: Liberals think conservatives won't drink martinis because the name sounds "ethnic."

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  I am a Conservative: I want to thank Sarah Palin for existing, since her doing so drives liberals hilariously insane.

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  I am a Conservative: There's no coward like a university administrator/professor coward.

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  I am a Conservative: Capitalism only works where it's tried.

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  I am a Conservative: Just because I have zero interest in hunting has no bearing on your God-given right to. Same with NASCAR.

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  I am a Conservative: “Pathway to Citizenship?” How about a "Pathway to Go the Hell Back to Where You Snuck in From?"

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  I am a Conservative: "If you re-elect me, I promise that OBL will remain dead!” #ObamaFail2012

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  I am a Conservative: OBL is dead. In other news, everything else is completely screwed. But again, OBL is dead.

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  I am a Conservative: Bin Laden is still dead. So is the economy.

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  I am a Conservative: Convicts can provide a ready source of protein for other convicts and welfare cheats. #SoylentAwesome #Caring

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  I am a Conservative: Jimmy Carter does not think his initials are a coincidence. As usual, he's wrong.

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  I am a Conservative: I dig America. But what do I know, having only lived 4+ years on two other continents.

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  I am a Conservative: Sarah Palin's most important role is as an irritant and rebuke to liberals and GOP elitist tools.

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  I am a Conservative: Apparently America is unworthy of Jimmy Carter.

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  I am a Conservative: Of the Carter kids, Billy got the brains. And class. And did less damage to our country.

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  I am a Conservative: Don't we have enough problems without doubling down on collectivist failure? The Democrats don't think so.

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  I am a Conservative: Smoke 'em if you got 'em, but not by using food stamps paid for by people who aren't parasites and deadbeats.

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  I am a Conservative: I speak truth to dumbasses.

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  I am a Conservative: Liberal fascism is kept at bay by one thing — us.

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  I am a Conservative: England should be ashamed of itself — for tolerating chaos. #WeakBritannia

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  I am a Conservative: Reject the fail.

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  I am a Conservative: I'm not a terrorist. I'm just "a guy in the neighborhood" too, though I've never planted bombs.

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  I am a Conservative: The variety of beliefs at a conservative gathering is light years wider than that at a liberal hive gathering.

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  I am a Conservative: My position on New York gay marriage? My position is the elected reps of New York didn't ask me and weren't obligated to.

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  I am a Conservative: The cause of crime is criminals.

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  I am a Conservative: Fact — liberals seek the decline of our country. They'll deny it. Yet given power, they always fail — on purpose.

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  I am a Conservative: Can someone clarify for my why we, as a society, bother taking cop killers and child murderers alive?

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  I am a Conservative: Some liberal liar needs to call me a "racist." I don't feel like a true conservative yet today. #Caring

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  I am a Conservative: Obama got his economics degree at Hogwarts.

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  I am a Conservative: "Spiritual" is to "religious" what "fiscally conservative" is to "Democrat.”

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  I am a Conservative: Want less failure? Stop subsidizing failure. #Caring

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  I am a Conservative: Socialism is the religion of the stupid, the lazy, and those who seek to exploit them. #Caring

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  I am a Conservative: My first choice for GOP 2012 was Zombie Reagan. I'm not sure of my second choice.

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  I am a Conservative: I guess Nancy Pelosi was 'draining the swamp' so she could install a full-sized cesspool.

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  I am a Conservative: Interesting that a judge found it illegal to enforce the law.

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  I am a Conservative: My cigar seems to offend you, Mr. Liberal. Too bad you're too much of a wuss to do anything about it.

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  I am a Conservative: Only Government Motors could create a car that no one wants, that costs too much, that does not work, and brag about it.

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  I am a Conservative: I think the First Family needs another vacation. In fact, feel free to take one through 2013.

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  I am a Conservative: High self-esteem is not guaranteed by the Bill of Rights.

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  I am a Conservative: Hey lib, no one cares if you start yelling "racist" anymore.

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  I am a Conservative: It is your duty as an American to tell stupid, lazy people that they are stupid and lazy.

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  I am a Conservative: The rain in Spain falls mainly on rich liberals lavishly vacationing, once again, on my dime.

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  I am a Conservative: Wait, is not using an ATM a #GutsyCall?

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  I am a Conservative: The Obama administration will be the A-ha of U.S. politics, an embarrassing one-hit wonder beloved by dimwits and best forgotten.

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  I am a Conservative: I don't bel
ieve Obama is a Muslim. Marxists are usually atheists.

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  I am a Conservative: The present four-year traditional college paradigm is a giant scam and the sooner we get rid of it the better.

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  I am a Conservative: I would consider voting for a Democrat. If transported back in time 60 years and Reagan was running.

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  I am a Conservative: Not only is my taste in music better than that of hipsters, but I support free enterprise as well.

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  I am a Conservative: Smell that? It's failure. And the stench is wafting this way from D.C.

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  I am a Conservative: The UN is a wonderful organization — if you're some corrupt dictator, Islamofascist, or a liberal.

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  I am a Conservative: I bet Obama doesn't even own a single Ramones album. I bet Biden thinks Lady Gaga is edgy. #Fail

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  I am a Conservative: My terrier lost no Senate seats in 2010, making him a more viable political movement than the Democrats.

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  I am a Conservative: The 2010 mid-term was the liberal equivalent of the second A-ha album.

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  I am a Conservative: The Ground Zero mosque is an obnoxious insult embraced by those who feel compelled to take sides with our enemies.

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  I am a Conservative: President Obama considers me one of the "enemies." I know because he said so.

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  I am a Conservative: Jimmy Carter needs to come over, wash my car, and keep his sanctimonious yap hole shut

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  I am a Conservative: Bummed out? Need cheering up? Ok. You're an American. There, you're welcome. #USA #USA #USA

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  I am a Conservative: American. I will not be taking questions.