The Last Human

by T F R LeBoomington

  Rick liked the memorial. It was delightfully ironic, and he hadn’t seen it in a while. His father used to take him when he was a teen, walk the alleys and rant about the future of humanity.

  The cab dropped them off, and Rick started down one of the alleys that led to the monument, the aisles were lined with golden hanging and crucified humans. The eerily lifelike statues had immortalised the judged pain and regrets on their contorted faces. They looked more like outstanding craftsmanship than dead people painted in gold. Weird that. Rick stopped and aimed his gaze at the top of the obelisk. It stood before him, decorated with the vilest embodiments of greed. This monument should have scared people like the Dick. Why was he not afraid? Rick stared at the monument in angry contemplation.

  “This is what happens if people stay apathetic for too long. Good people become tainted.” Rick gestured towards the obelisk and the field of dead. “This looks like evil to me. We can’t let people like Dick the-fucking-asshole-Prunce fuck everything again. People love me, not Dick fucking Prunce. I’m hijacking the show; I’m running shit now. The people will follow me.”

  “The fuck you on about now?” Brock seemed more amused than irritated.

  “Yeah, could do with some clarification here, Rick.” Barry looked uncomfortable again.

  “I mean the show is called The Last Human. Not the dickhead marketing knob-end. So I’m going to be hands-on from now on, and I’m deciding the direction and messages the show tells. I’m not taking it lying down.” Rick pointed at the obelisk, “this is what happens if you let shit get too far out of control.” Rick stopped there because he had the inkling of a plan and he still didn’t think he could trust his only two friends.

  “So let me get this right, your plan to get back at the Agency is to do your job properly and send out a positive message of unity?” Brock held Rick’s eyes. He felt his anger dissipate. “But you do it angrily? That’s the spin!” At that Rick broke and cracked a smile.

  “Plus you’ll need to be sober more often. I like that. I can work with that.” For the ninth time today Barry seemed relieved he’d dodged a crisis.

  “Fuck you. And fuck you too. A fuck each! I’m feeling generous.”

  “Sure thing Rick!” Barry flashed a smile and shot Rick a couple of birds while making laser sounds. “Guys I’ve had enough of this for one day so how about you go home, and I do the same thing. Seems like we have a lot of work coming up.”

  “Rick, you ready to go?” Rick had spent enough time in this place, he answered by walking away.

  Best Laid Plans

  Barry was gone, heading west, back to sunny Caliscadia. Brock and Rick were heading back East. Rick was swiping on his holographic display. The rain was back; the sunshine had been short-lived. Typical. The news was vacuous. Rick felt a burst of excitement as he imagined the reports after he put his plan in motion. They would have a lot to talk about then. He’d made his mind up. The Agency was evil. Rick was feeling something he’d never felt before. That feeling was purpose. He knew what to do, he had a quest. Take down the Dick and expose the Agency. Easy.

  “What are you thinking about?” Brock hadn’t said anything since Barry left.

  “Hmmm, nothing, just daydreaming, thinking about space. Why? What’s up?” Rick had turned towards Brock, he was going to try it. Rick was sure of it, any second now Brock would try to find out if he had a plan or ulterior motive or something.

  “Were you serious earlier? At the monument?” There it is.

  “Meh, you know me. I just go off sometimes. My mouth has a mind of its own. Don’t worry I’ll be drunk soon and I’ll be on another tangent when I wake up.”

  “I don’t believe you. You had that serious face on. You rarely contract your muscles that way. Nonchalant is your usual expression.”

  “Fuck you! Stop analysing me! I don’t know anything anymore… This week has been crazy. And it's only Tuesday...”

  “True.” It was true, even Brock had to admit. These last forty-eight hours had been unusual. “Fine, you don’t want to talk. It’s a rare thing so I’ll enjoy it while it lasts. But we are not done here.”

  Rick sighed and went back to his musings. He wanted to become a cyborg, like Brock, Barry and most people. Being an android or robot just wouldn’t be the same. He thought about maybe cyber-enhancing his dead body, but then he’d be a zomborg, part zombie part robot. His skin would be old, wrinkled and rotting. Not very sexy. Maybe there was tech that could rejuvenate his dead skin. But zomborg. Rick couldn’t do it. Realistically he only had two options. He could just do as he’s told and become an android whenever he died. Or he could run away and become a cyborg. It came down to how patient Rick was and how willing he was to let the Dick get his way. And the answer to both was not very much.

  Brock was watching videos on his holoscreen, didn’t seem concerned with much. Rick had questions for him. “Hey, Brock.” Brock was receiving the video’s sound via neural link, he couldn't hear him. This annoyed Rick to no end. He waved his hand in between the screen and Brock’s eyes. “Hey, Brock!”

  “What?” Brock turned to Rick seemingly exasperated. “Want to talk now?”

  “Yes, but not about that. I have questions. If you don’t want to talk, I’ll just find another cyborg to answer my questions.”

  “Go ahead. I’m curious. What fresh madness have you concocted in that brain of yours?”

  “Do you remember not being a cyborg?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Do you remember life before you got cyberised? Do you feel different to who you used to be?”

  “Not really... You know I lost my mind. I wasn’t myself until I got the brain enhancements. So I guess the only me I know is the cyborg me.” Rick forgot about that. He’ll need to speak to another cyborg.

  “What does it feel like being a cyborg? Do you feel your human parts as separate from your cybernetic parts?”

  “What the fuck Rick…” Brock seemed a little annoyed again.

  “Please... I want to know.”

  “You know that question you hate about being a human? Well, this is the same question. It feels like being alive. I don’t know what else to say. And my cyber parts and human parts feel connected, and they are.”

  “You’re not being very helpful.” Rick needed to speak to some other cyborgs, androids and maybe some robots. He wanted better answers to his questions. He had to understand the difference.

  The cab dropped Rick off, and Brock asked him if he wanted company, Rick said he would drink alone and ponder things. At that Amy said she’d drink with him and maybe put on a sexy body for him. They started on the jokes, and the cab took off with a suspicious-looking Brock and Mr T.

  Mom came to life as Rick approached the house, the door swung open, and the lights came on.

  “Welcome home Rick.”

  “Hey Mom, it’s been a long day, I need a stiff drink.” Mom didn’t say anything, but it would be done.

  Rick made his way into the lounge and plopped down in a big black couch that could seat a dozen. He looked small and insignificant all alone in there. It was a good visualisation of his reality. He remembered a time when his place was always filled with party guests. A DJ lived in the corner and played tunes for weeks on end. The Tuneslinger. Good times. Rick tried to remember why he’d ever stopped having house parties. Probably something to do with privacy or security. It’d been a while, and it was too late for that nonsense now. Amy came in levitating a rack of whiskey bubbles. Rick and Amy hadn’t talked much today, and he was curious to know what she thought about everything. Unless an AI spoke or showed emoji on their displays, it was impossible to read them. No body. No body language. Amy set the rack down on the coffee table, and Rick reached for a whiskey bubble. He poked a hole in it and started sipping. He was waiting for Amy to say something.

  “So, Ames, what did you think of today?” Rick didn’t want to wait.

  “I’m surprised by how little you knew about your contract.
I know you have a very limited amount of fucks to give...”

  “I didn’t care about anything until two days ago. I have you to take care of important things.” Amy flashed a rosy-cheeked smile. Rick continued. “I care now though. About my life, my contract, the show, everything.” Rick really wanted a change. “What do you think about the deal? Put my brain in an android body when I die?”

  “Well, I don’t perceive time the way you do so waiting for my death and then resuming life in a superior body seems fair. However, I don’t feel pain and angst like you do, no one does. I have heard pain can make a second feel like an eternity. There is also the problem of your brain’s decay over time. If you don’t die soon, your brain might be too old for effective cyber-enhancement. And your digital brain is locked by the Agency.”

  “So the deal is bullocks. Great…”

  “I’m surprised by how manipulative Dick Prunce was. According to my analysis of our meeting cross-referenced with historical records, he is like the men that brought the world to the brink of extinction. Greed and power seem to be his only motivations. He wasn’t this way at previous meetings. He has an uncanny ability to mask his true intentions.”

  “It’s because he’s soulless, a sociopath, a psychopath! Society and people are his playthings! People like that can do and say anything, they don’t care about anyone but themselves, others are just tools in their world.” Rick was up now, pacing angrily. “These are the types of people that were supposed to have died out in the war and purge.” Rick stopped and plopped back in the sofa. “But if the Dick survived then there are others, plenty of psychopaths still populating the world, turning into cyborgs and having little mutant psycho children. The cycle of psychos continues.”

  “You’re overreacting. You have us now! AIs will never let the situation deteriorate to pre-war levels.” Rick didn’t seem too convinced by Amy. “I swear it, Rick, you’ll see. And Dick Prunce is not going to destroy the world. He’s just an asshole, but he does have the power to destroy YOUR world. So we should be careful.”

  “I’m not so sure. The Dick is up to something sinister. People in the Council must be aware of what the Agency is doing. They are either turning a blind eye or allowing it. Either way, the Council should stand for better than that.” Rick was right, and he hated that he was right. Amy displayed the disappointed face.

  “Let’s say you’re right and greed has once again infiltrated the highest levels. I don’t see what we can do about it. You are a celebrity, and I am your AI companion. We're not warriors like Brock, and we're not sanctioned by anyone to act. Not the government nor the people and there is no overt crisis to avert.”

  “The show Amy, the show. We use the show to expose everything!”

  “And how do you propose we do that exactly?” Amy was dubious, and her display wasn’t needed to convey that, the tone of her voice did it perfectly.

  “I don’t know all that yet. All I know is the show is the solution. It will come to me when the time is right. No need to overcrowd my little human brain.” Rick had no clue what the plan was. “So what about my digital brain?”

  “What about it?”

  “I want it, Amy.”

  “Well Mom has a copy but it’s encrypted, and in all likelihood, the key is with Dick Prunce.”

  “OK well, I want you to keep a copy as well. Can it be hacked?”

  “Well no, they're meant to be ultra-secure, and if you do try to hack one, there are countermeasures and self-destruct systems. They're supposed to be unhackable." Amy paused just long enough for Rick to get hopeful. "But, they’re supposed to be secure from external threats... Maybe if a talented hacker used your actual brain’s signatures, he could hack your digital brain. Maybe...”

  “OK, we’ll keep a copy of my digital brain anyway, and we’ll see what future Rick wants to do with it.” He sat back and thought for a minute. “Alright, what do you think of the Solus Tour idea and our plan? I feel like I'm going insane. Too much is happening.”

  “I think the Solus Tour is a good idea. You’ll have more chance of success away from Terra. But the Agency will not let you roam free. You will be watched at all times. They are probably already watching you.” That last bit freaked Rick out.

  “What even here? They can listen in when I’m at home? You’re joking right?” Rick started looking around nervously.

  “No don’t worry. Mom would know if someone tried to make it past her security systems. But this is the only safe place. Watch what you say everywhere else.”

  “So the rant at the monument, the rants in restaurants and bars... They know about that?”

  “Probably yes.”

  “What the fuck Amy! Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

  “It hadn’t occurred to me until earlier today. Things have escalated considerably, and the Agency is more nefarious than I thought.”

  “Fuck…”

  “We don’t know what they’ve heard. Until recently there was no reason to suspect you of anything. Hopefully, the narrative they understand is the one where you want to do Solus Tour and send a strong message of unity across the colonies.”

  “That’s a bit hopeful…”

  “And you're paranoid and negative. This way we balance out.” They were quiet for a minute before Rick started again.

  “I need to talk to some cyborgs and androids.”

  “You want to go back out?”

  “Yes.”

  “Where do you want to go?” Rick loved that Amy always asked the right questions.

  “I don’t know, but I want to get out this fucking country.”

  “How about Paris? You like it there. And it’s been a while.”

  “Yeah, Paris. Great girls there.”

  “I’ll call us a cab, where to?”

  “The Eiffel Tower. I want to get drunk there first.”

  Paris Je T’aime

  Rick’s gaze had been focused on the Eiffel Tower since it had come within sight. Paris had been relatively spared compared to other major cities. The Russian fleet had been stopped after its assault on the British. Their bombs had never reached the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe and Louvre. The iconic city’s streets were savaged, but the monuments, landmarks and world-renowned architecture remained. A bit of the old world preserved between two Zero City green zones. The old city was mostly inhabited by caretakers. They kept it animated for the tourists that swarmed the place. The flow of people come to experience the City of Lights was never-ending.

  Paris had taken on a new life as an adult theme park. Culture by day and a fancy open-air pit at night. Rick loved it. Much of the art had been spared. Looters had never made it into the vaults, so Parisian museums and galleries still held the most significant collection of classical art in the world. Rick liked to get high and wander the museums. To him, each piece was a window into the past. He liked large pieces best, medieval art was especially insane, background characters were always up to nonsense. It's where artists hid their jokes.

  Rick was dropped off at the premier spot in town. The landing pad at the top of the Eiffel Tower was as exclusive as it got. It led to Club Eiffel. The tower had been reinforced when Zero City 1 was built, and a new floor had been added between the second-floor restaurant and control room at the top.

  The VIP section of Club Eiffel was always busy. The view was spectacular. In addition to the architectural majesty and light show that Paris offered, people were treated to the glory of Zero City 1.

  The place was decorated like a Second Empire bordello, deep reds and purples and thick heavy velvet curtains separated dozens of private rooms. Not a great place for meeting people and asking them about their lives, unless you’re an escort. Rick headed down to the club, it was a little crowded for a Tuesday, but Amy got him a table anyway. He always got a table. His position offered a breathtaking view of Paris, but Rick didn’t care about that. He cared about the bar’s patrons. He needed to find intoxicated androids and cyborgs so he could ask them some profound questions a
bout their state of being and whatever existential crap he’d come up with on the spot.

  Rick got started on his drinks and did some people watching, Amy knew the parameters and was scanning the room. The robot band had just switched it up from jazz to electroswing, and people were starting to boogie. Rick could see them jittering at their tables, swing ants crawling up their pants.

  “It’s still early. Mostly cyborgs in the room, some androids. But I have no way of telling if the androids are AI or human without engaging them.” Rick agreed with Amy’s report because there was no way he could know any better.

  “We’ll just start with cyborgs and see about the androids later.”

  “I think it’s important to speak to human androids as a priority. Before you’re too drunk.” Rick groaned at that, Amy and her voice of reason. “Rick their opinion is important if you’re going to go up against the Agency.”

  “Fine. Who do you suggest I approach first then?”

  “I’m not sure yet, I need to observe the room some more.”

  The drinks were going down well for Rick, and everyone else in the bar it seemed. Things were getting lively; singing started on some tables. Mad French bastards, fucking love their Piaf! Rick loved the song. They were singing about regretting nothing, and it spoke to him. He too regretted nothing, but it was still time to change. Regret nothing. No fucks. Rick couldn’t hit a note to save his life, but he really wanted to join in the singing. Doing it would ruin his plan, no questioning anyone on the sly. He’d go viral again and the rest of the night would be pandemonium, as per usual. He kept his mouth shut and let the singing die down.

  The voices were all louder now. Inebriation was spreading. A group had caught Amy’s attention, Rick’s followed suit. Five, seemingly, fully artificial bodies sat together at the same table. Five people and two AIs. One of them had to have a human brain or at least be able to point Rick and Amy in the right direction. They seemed to be drinking but not to excess. There was a lot of gesturing accompanying their conversation. Debating something of importance, maybe. Rick drained his drink and stood up. Headrush. He stabilised himself and headed over to the android table.