To Dream Anew

by Tracie Peterson

  “That’s a good idea, Gus.” Cole looked to Dianne. “We could even continue to work out of Virginia City and make it that much easier to come home from time to time.”

  The idea of seeing her husband on a regular basis comforted Dianne. “All right, then,” she said with a smile, “it sounds like we’d best plan a trip to Virginia City and send out telegrams to the army and to Zane.”

  Joshua had made up his mind to leave, but first he knew he had to talk to Elsa. Since the fire and the announcement that Mara had betrayed them, Elsa had come to him more and more. She wanted to know what the future would hold, but Joshua had no answers for her. Even now, knowing that he would leave Montana—at least for a time—Joshua could give Elsa no real information as to where he would go and what he would do.

  Elsa sat peeling apples in the kitchen, seemingly oblivious to the world. But Joshua knew better. Her mind was constantly at work.

  “May I interrupt?” Joshua asked.

  “Come to say good-bye?”

  He startled at her blunt question. For a moment he thought of edging around the comment but instead faced her head on. “Yes, but I also wanted to talk to you before I left.”

  Elsa shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”

  Joshua turned the kitchen chair around to sit on it backwards. Leaning against the back, he tried to figure out what to say. He’d played this out in his mind so many times, but now it seemed the words wouldn’t come.

  “Where are you going?” she asked, putting down the apple she’d been peeling and picking up another one.

  “I don’t know. I figure to go east. I want to go to college and get a good education. Or I might try to apprentice with someone and learn a trade. Maybe then I’ll know what I’m supposed to do with myself.”

  “Will you ever come back?”

  “Of course. Fact is, I plan to talk to Mara as well. If I can secure a decent living, I would like to send for both of you. Would you be interested?”

  Elsa looked up, her eyes wide with hope. “Would you truly send for me?”

  Joshua smiled. “Of course I would.”

  She licked her lips and looked back at the apple. “But why? I haven’t been very nice to you or Mara. I always figured Pa was right when he called you both weak. I didn’t want him to think that of me.”

  “Father equates weakness with kindness and gentleness. It’s not true, you know. Meanness doesn’t equal strength, but some folks can’t figure that out. I just want you to know that I care about you, Elsa. It doesn’t matter what happened in the past.”

  Elsa looked up. Her soft brown hair was plaited on either side of her face, making her look much younger than her fifteen years. She searched his face as if trying to understand the meaning of his words. “I’m afraid. I don’t know what’s going to happen when Portia comes back. Pa won’t be happy that she’s been gone so long.”

  “I know. I don’t know what will happen then either. I can’t figure where she’s gone or why. Seems she was pretty happy bossing folks around right here. But either way, don’t worry. I’ll come back for you or send for you as soon as I can. I promise.”

  “And maybe then you’ll have some answers for me.”

  “Answers?”

  “About what happens when we die and whether heaven is real.”

  Joshua realized the girl was still thinking hard on the issue of death. “I’ll try to learn those answers for you, Elsa. That’s my second promise to you.”

  She smiled. “Nobody’s ever made me promises before.”

  “Well, now you have two.”

  Later that day Joshua rode to the Blackaby ranch. He assumed the Selbys were staying there with the other ranchers whose homes had burned. After asking around, he was finally directed to an encampment of several tents and wagons.

  Joshua dismounted and stood awkwardly holding the reins of his horse, wondering what to do next. He knew Cole Selby by sight—he’d seen him in church and a couple of times in town—but he wasn’t sure he’d recognize the other members of his family. But to his good fortune, Mara came bounding out of one of the tents, humming a song and carrying a bucket. To Joshua she looked happier than she had in years.

  “Have you time for a talk?” he asked.

  She looked up, her eyes wide. “Joshua!” She dropped the bucket and ran to him. He hugged her tight, raising her off the ground. Putting her back down, he pulled back.

  “You’re sure a sight. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. Here I am living in a tent and doing chores, and yet it’s all so much better than what I had at home.”

  “So they’re treating you well?”

  “Oh, they treat me better than well—they treat me better than my own family did,” Mara declared. “No one yells or screams at me. No one shouts at anyone. You know, I honestly thought all families acted the way ours did, but even the black family here doesn’t act like ours.”

  “I’ve never been around black folk much. Are they … well … are they like white folks?”

  “Just the same. We all eat the same and dress the same. Faith and Malachi are real nice folks. Faith has been showing me some things about cooking.”

  “You were already a pretty decent cook.”

  “Yes, but I knew nothing about cooking outdoors. I feel like I am learning so much. Miz Charity is teaching me about making clothes without a pattern, and Dianne has taught me how to build fires and care for horses.”

  Her animated voice was a strong indication of her pleasure in each of these tasks. Joshua felt a sense of relief, knowing that what he had come to tell her would be much easier to take in the midst of such joy.

  “I came here today to tell you something,” he finally said.

  Mara sobered. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

  He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets. “Yes. I wanted you to know, however, that if I can secure a decent living, I’ll send for you. I promised Elsa the same thing.”

  “Elsa? Why would she even want to go?”

  “We had a nice talk the night the fire destroyed Madison. She was really scared and she wanted to know about life after death and what I believed.”

  “And what do you believe?”

  Joshua shook his head and looked to the ground. “I don’t know, and that’s why I need to go.”

  “You don’t have to go away to learn the truth about that. The Selbys and their friends have that pretty much figured out. They’ve really been helping me to understand.”

  Joshua’s head shot up. “What do you mean?”

  Mara smiled. “They strongly believe that God exists and that He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for our sins. They believe that the Bible is true and that we only have to believe in God and repent of our sins and that God will forgive us and we’ll have eternal life.”

  “The very things the preacher talked about at church.”

  “Yes. Ben Hammond, the preacher, is their good friend. Miz Charity is his wife. There’s a lot to learn, but I’m feeling better about it every day. And I’m reading the Bible.”

  “Well, maybe that’s what I’ll do too. But I still have to go. I want to try to go to college and study something besides ranching.”

  “Well, I plan to stay with the Selbys. We’re going to Virginia City in a few days, so you can write to me there in care of them.”

  “Virginia City,” Joshua repeated, committing it to memory. “I’ll send you letters as often as I can.”

  Mara hugged him again. “Please be safe. I love you so very much. You were the only person who ever really cared about me.”

  “I’ll never stop caring about you.”

  “Mara, is everything all right?” a voice called from behind them.

  “Dianne, this is my brother Joshua. He’s come to tell me good-bye,” Mara said, motioning the woman over.

  Dianne smiled sweetly at him. “Joshua, I’ve seen you a few times in church, and once or twice in t
own.”

  “I never went regularly to either place. Pa always manages to keep me busy, and he doesn’t think much of church.”

  “Never mind that. Where are you heading?”

  “I figure to go east. I want to get an education—secure a decent job—then send for my sisters. They’ve always been miserable on the ranch, just as I have been.”

  “I don’t mind the ranch,” Mara admitted. “For me it was the company and misery of my family that I didn’t like. I’m sorry to say it, but I’ve never felt like I belonged. I always felt that because I didn’t see eye-to-eye with our father, he had no time for me. Mother was just as bad. She was hardened by Father and therefore if we girls showed softness, she hated us for it.”

  “Mara tells me she’s going to stay with you. I’m much obliged.”

  “We’re pleased to offer her a home. She’s been a great help with the boys and around the camp. Did she tell you that we’re heading to Virginia City?” Dianne questioned.

  “Yes. She mentioned that. I promised to write her there.” He turned to his sister. “I don’t know how long it will be before I send a letter, so please don’t fret.”

  “I won’t. I’m just glad you’re getting away from Jerrod and Roy … and our father.”

  “Well, I’d best be going. I have a long ride ahead of me.” He hugged Mara one more time, then quickly mounted lest his emotions get the best of him. He wondered if he’d ever see her again. At least he had the peace of mind knowing that she’d be better off with the Selbys than at home. He only wished the same thing could be true for Elsa. “If you get a chance to help Elsa,” he said as he turned the horse for the road, “please do so. She’s changed, and I hate to think of her living there alone without anyone to help her.”

  “I’ll do what I can,” Mara replied.

  He smiled. “I’ll see you soon.”

  The house Cole managed to secure in Virginia City for the family was a massive structure owned by a former politician. The man had been trying to sell the property for some time, but no one needed a house that large—nor could they afford it.

  With six bedrooms on the second floor and a variety of other rooms on the first floor, the house would suit their needs nicely. Cole assigned rooms to everyone as they toured the house.

  “We’ll take this room at the head of the stairs,” he told the group. “It’s a smaller bedroom with a sitting area that will make a good bedroom for the boys. The next room would suit Ardith and Winona nicely. It’s fairly small but big enough for the two of you.” Ardith grinned as Winona went dancing off into the room.

  “Look how pretty it is!”

  Cole smiled. “Apparently she’s pleased.” He moved them on down the hall. “This next room across the hall will suit Koko and her family. It’s very large.”

  “George can stay with us,” Koko announced. “That way you won’t have to worry about a separate place for him.” George nodded in compliance.

  “That will work well,” Cole said. “Thank you. The place directly down from yours is similar to ours, but the sitting room has an entry to the hall. I thought Ben and Charity could stay in the large bedroom and Mara could use the sitting room. Will that work?” He turned to the crowd of people gathered in the hallway and searched for Ben and Charity.

  “We’re just grateful for a place to stay,” Ben said. “It suits us fine.”

  “That leaves the rooms across from the Hammonds and Mara, and those will be Malachi and Faith’s rooms. The two rooms adjoin, and one can be for the children and the other for the adults.”

  Faith peeked inside. “Our first cabin wasn’t even half this size. This will serve us nicely.”

  “Good. Then I suggest we get unpacked. Then the women can start making us a list of household goods we’ll need. We are fortunate that this place already has quite a bit of furniture. We’ll buy whatever else we can. There are several places around town where I’ve been told we can secure beds. So let Dianne know what you can use and we’ll go from there.”

  Everyone scattered to their assigned spots, all talking at once and discussing the possibilities for each of their families. Cole came to Dianne and sighed. “Looks like we’ll do all right here.”

  “For the time,” Dianne said. “But already I miss the feel of grass under my feet and my lovely mountains and peaceful river. Virginia City reminds me of so many things—mostly sad.”

  He put his arm around her. “I know, but we can’t let it discourage us. This isn’t going to be easy. It may well take us years, but Dianne, I know God will bless our efforts. I feel strongly that He has already made provision. Look how well it’s gone with the freighting business. We’ve already acquired one of the businesses here in town, and the man was desperate to sell. God knew what we’d need before we even did.”

  “I know. I’m grateful for all He’s done. He’s kept you and the boys and all of our loved ones safe.” She paused and shook her head. “Well, not Levi.”

  “But Levi loved the Lord. If he’s gone as we fear, then we know we’ll meet him again on the other side. For now, we must look to the future and put aside the past and the pain it represents.”

  “I know you’re right. I want to be strong, and with you and the Lord, I feel I can do anything—everything required of me.”

  Cole smiled and kissed her lightly on the lips. “I couldn’t have said it better, for I feel the same way about you. I think we’ll be happy here. No, I know we’ll be happy here. We’re together and that’s all we need.”

  Dianne leaned against him and sighed. “This isn’t the way I figured things would be, but I know even in this, God is leading the way. I can rest in that.”

  February 1882

  “Push, Dianne. Push hard,” Koko ordered.

  Dianne bore down with all her might. The baby was coming quickly and with relative ease, but the pain was fierce. Panting, Dianne felt the child emerge from her body. Koko quickly cut the cord and hung the child upside down.

  “It’s a girl!” she declared as she smacked the baby’s bottom to get her breathing.

  “A daughter!” Dianne sighed and fell back against her pillow. “I have a daughter.”

  The baby wailed in protest of her abuse. Koko laughed and immediately handed the baby to Charity. “She’s got a good set of lungs. Perhaps she’ll be as strong willed as her mother.”

  “No doubt,” Faith said as she brought Koko a stack of clean towels. “That’s what she’ll need to get her through life in this territory.”

  “That and a strong faith in the Lord,” Dianne agreed. Nothing had ever sounded as good to her as the cry of her new baby. Exhaustion washed over her and suddenly all Dianne wanted to do was sleep. “Please let Cole know about our daughter.”

  “I’ll go get him right now,” Faith said.

  Koko finished cleaning Dianne up and readied her for visitors. While Faith went for Cole, Charity brought the baby to Dianne. “She’s ready to meet her mama.” Dianne reached up and took the child in her arms.

  “She’s a real beauty,” Koko said, leaning over to view the baby.

  “Oh, she’s perfect.” Dianne gently touched the copious amount of brown hair on the baby’s head. The infant had stilled and looked up at Dianne as if in awe of the world and everything in it.

  “Hello, little one,” Dianne cooed. “Oh, you’re my little beauty.”

  “What will you name her?”

  “Athalia,” Dianne said without hesitation. “Mr. Cohen at the dry goods store told me it’s Hebrew and it means ‘the Lord is exalted.”’

  “How perfect,” Charity declared. “Athalia.”

  Cole knocked and peeked in. “Is it all right to come in?”

  “Come ahead,” Koko said and waved him in. “They’re waiting for you. Both of your gals.”

  Cole came to the bed and smiled. “So you finally got the daughter you wanted.”

  “And just look at her—she’s perfect.”

  “She takes after her ma,” Cole observed
.

  Dianne lifted the baby up. “I think she looks like her papa.”

  Cole took the baby in hand, looking most uncomfortable. “She’s kind of on the small side.”

  “Most babies are,” Koko teased. “If I remember right, your boys were all about that size.”

  “Well, she seems a whole lot smaller.”

  Charity came to his side. “No, but she will be a weight of responsibility. Girls are always much harder than boys. I’ve heard it declared so more than once.”

  “I know it to be true,” Koko said in agreement.

  “Well, our little Athalia will be loved no matter what,” Dianne said as Cole handed the child back to her. “Athalia Hope Selby will be the symbol of our new beginning. A symbol of God’s love.”

  Everyone commented in agreement, and Dianne could only bask in the blessings that God had bestowed. Her life had known its moments of despair and darkness, but always God had brought her back around to dream anew.

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