Paradise Falls

by Jacobs, Jonnie

  He’d slept most of the afternoon, or pretended to. He just wanted to be left alone. But she’d knocked on his door half an hour ago to tell him dinner would be ready soon. You didn’t mess with his mom’s schedule, especially since she’d taken the entire day off. Canceled patients, just because of him. And he knew she’d want an explanation about jail.

  ~~~~

  She was in the kitchen, a sure sign that life wasn’t normal. His mom wasn’t a kitchen kind of person.

  She hugged him, smiling and cheery, like they were in some feel-good family TV show. “You holding up okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  Her smile brightened. “I’m glad. This whole thing is absurd. Totally uncalled for.” She busied herself with salad greens. “I made lasagna for dinner,” she said over her shoulder. “Your favorite dish.”

  It had been one of Adam’s favorites in fifth grade. He wasn’t sure they’d had it since.

  His mom was attractive. His friends said so. She was tall and slender, with dark red-brown hair that fell below her shoulders, and green eyes with long lashes. Adam had gotten her lashes and her build, as well as the red hair. Lucy took after their father, who was stockier. His mom was focused and accomplished and sure of herself. Neither of her children had inherited those qualities.

  He was proud of his mom, but never felt completely comfortable with her. It was like he’d lost the instruction manual on being her son. He was never quite sure what she expected of him.

  “Dinner isn’t ready just yet,” she said, “but I put out a bowl of chips. And I’ve got Coke. You like Coke, don’t you?”

  Lucy was the big Coke fan, but Adam nodded and accepted the glass she poured for him, then made a show of setting the kitchen table.

  “It must have been quite an adventure,” his mother said, “spending a night in jail.”

  “I survived.” Instead of looking at her, he concentrated on putting the silverware on the placemats in precise alignment. He wished Lucy was there to provide a buffer, but his mother had thought it would be better if she stayed with Dad.

  “Oh, honey, I can’t imagine—”

  “It was okay,” Adam said, waiting to put an end to the discussion.

  She handed him a basket of sliced French bread for the table. “Were you . . . I mean nothing really terrible happened, did it?”

  “I’m fine, I told you that.”

  “Right, you did.”

  He sat at the table, sipping Coke and reading the funnies from that morning, while his mom finished up last-minute dinner preparations. Finally, she took the lasagna from the oven and served it. She handed him a plate and then sat down at the table with her own portion.

  “How is it?” she asked after Adam took a bite.

  “Good.” It was so hot he’d barely tasted it.

  She watched him eat then set her fork down. “Now tell me what this is all about.”

  “You know what it’s about.”

  “I’d like to hear it from you, in your own words. Until Friday, when the police showed up here looking for you, I didn’t know a thing. They took me totally by surprise.”

  He pushed a blob of melted cheese around on his plate. “They think I had something to do with what’s happened to Caitlin.”

  “You didn’t, did you?” The sharpness of her tone made Adam flinch.

  “No.”

  She leaned back in her chair. “I didn’t think so.”

  “Then why did you ask?”

  It was the sort of remark that usually elicited a glare—his mother didn’t like to be challenged. But this time she seemed to give the question serious consideration. “I guess I just wanted to hear you say it.”

  He would have liked to hear her say she believed in him without his having to ask. In fact, he wished she’d stop all the questions and simply hug him. When he was young, she’d hold his face and kiss his cheeks and tell him she loved him. He used to pull away and make a big deal of being embarrassed, but secretly he loved it. It had been a long time since she’d done any of that.

  “I wasn’t accusing you,” she said. “I just wanted to know.”

  She must have had her doubts, he thought, or she wouldn’t have asked.

  “They had some photos though,” she continued. “Some from your dad’s house and some they found on your computer here at home.” She made it sound like a question.

  “The attorney said not to talk about it.”

  “But I’m your mother.” For the first time since she’d brought him home from jail, she sounded uncertain. “I understand teenage boys, Adam. You don’t have to pretend with me.” She paused. “You have a crush on Caitlin, is that it? It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

  “Mom, please.” Crush was such an adolescent word. It didn’t begin to describe what Adam felt. He wasn’t sure he understood it himself.

  “It would be perfectly understandable and normal.”

  “I don’t have a crush on her,” he said. Crush, like he was some lovesick little boy.

  “Then why did you take those photos?”

  “I just did, okay? It was stupid, or whatever. Let’s talk about something else.”

  She took a small bite of her lasagna. “This is all Grace’s fault, you know.”

  “She’s worried about Caitlin,” Adam said. “That’s not so hard to understand. You’d be worried too, in her place.”

  “I have to say, your dad’s done a great job of brainwashing you.”

  “He didn’t brainwash me.”

  “You don’t have to be so accommodating, Adam. What Grace did was inexcusable. I should think you’d be mad as hell, that you’d hate her.”

  To his surprise, he didn’t hate Grace. It would be easier if he did, but he could understand why she’d done what she had. Besides, he liked Grace. What he felt mostly was sad. He’d disappointed so many people lately, most importantly Caitlin. He’d made such a mess of everything. And there was no one he could talk to about any of it.

  He pushed his food around on this plate for a bit, and forced down another couple of bites.

  Finally, his mom sighed and said, “There will be rules now. You go straight to school and come straight home afterwards. I’m responsible for you and I don’t want any more complications.”

  “Do I have to go to school? Why can’t I do some kind of home study?”

  She shook her head. “You’re an outstanding student, Adam. I’m not going to let you jeopardize your chances of getting into a top tier college for something that’s not your doing.”

  “I wasn’t talking about forever.”

  “Hold your head up, Adam. Stand strong. If you go around acting guilty, that’s what people will think. You can do that, can’t you?”

  People were going to think he was guilty, no matter what he did. “Yeah, fine,” he said. “I guess I’d better go do some homework then.” He pushed back his chair and fled. There was no way he’d be able to concentrate on school work, but it was a handy excuse for getting away.

  Upstairs, he called his dad, just like he promised he would. Grace answered the phone. “He’s napping,” she said. “Would you like me to wake him?”

  “No, that’s okay. I’ll talk to him later.”

  “Adam, I know you must . . . I’ll tell him you called.”

  Face down on his bed, he wondered how his life had become such a fucked-up mess.

  Chapter 31

  “I friggin’ can’t believe it!” Jake said the next morning. “What in God’s name were they thinking, letting him go?”

  Grace held the receiver away from her ear. Jake had been yelling at her for five minutes, a virtual blitz of fury and venom. She understood that he was upset about Adam’s release, but she wasn’t feeling exactly chipper herself.

  “I warned you,” Jake continued loudly. “I knew Carl’s son had something to do with it. And now, Jesus, how could they let him go?”

  “They didn’t think they had enough evidence,” she said for the second or third time
. “But he’s still a suspect. They just need more before they can charge him.”

  “He’s not going to get away with it. I swear, I’ll even the score myself if I have to.”

  “Jake, stop it. You sound like an idiot.”

  “You’re siding with Carl now?”

  “This isn’t about sides!” In fact, Carl was horribly conflicted. She’d seen the chink in his armor last night, and although they’d discussed it only briefly, sidestepping around the rawest emotions, she knew that his doubts about Adam were tearing him up.

  “My daughter is missing,” Jake snapped, “and whatever happened to her is someone’s fault. That makes two sides, Grace, whether you like it or not.”

  “All I care about right now is Caitlin.”

  “That’s what we both care about.” Jake’s voice had lost some of its venom.

  “It’s so hard . . .” Grace could tell she was on the brink of tears. Her chest and throat were tight, her eyes stung. “What if we never see Caitlin again? Oh, Jake, I couldn’t bear it.”

  “That’s why Adam is going to pay.” There was a click on the other end of the line and Jake said, “I’ve got an incoming call. Let me know what’s happening. And remember, you’re living in the enemy camp.”

  Grace felt drained and agitated all at once. And sad. The sadness had become so all-pervasive, like a dank, gray mist that settled into every corner and crevice of her being, that it was a part of her now. Sad was who she was.

  When the phone rang and she checked the caller ID, she saw the now familiar number of the Paradise Falls Police Department. For a moment the air left Grace’s lungs and her blood turned to ice.

  She picked up the receiver. “Hello?”

  “This is Rayna Godwin. I’m not calling with news, Grace. I just wanted to touch base.”

  Grace began breathing again. “Thanks for understanding about phone calls from the police.” And then she realized that, of course, the detective would understand. She’d lost a daughter herself. “Is it about Adam?”

  “Not exactly. I’m sorry about the way it was handled. A lot of it is out of my hands.”

  Grace wanted to ask if they’d learned anything by questioning him. If he’d given them any clues or new directions. She wanted to know why and how he had photos of Caitlin. But she knew that if Rayna were free to tell her, she would.

  “I have a few more questions,” the detective said. “We can do this over the phone, but if you have time it might be better face to face.”

  “I have time.” Grace had nothing but time, and it stretched before her like a long bleak stretch of barren desert.

  “Shall we meet for coffee, then? I could use a break from the acid that passes for coffee around here. How about the Java Mill? It’s not far from the station. Does half an hour from now work for you?”

  “I’ll be there,” Grace said.

  ~~~~

  The coffee shop was small, with only a few tables, but the detective had one of them staked out when Grace arrived. She greeted Grace over a cup of frothy cappuccino.

  “I would have bought coffee for you, but didn’t know what you liked. I got an extra muffin, though.”

  “Thanks.” Grace hung her jacket over the back of the chair, stood in line to get her own coffee, and returned to the table.

  Rayna Godwin slid a muffin across the old wooden table, took another sip of her coffee, and licked the foam from her upper lip. “Thanks for agreeing to meet me.”

  “You’re one of the few people speaking to me these days.”

  “Sharing your suspicions about Adam couldn’t have been easy.”

  “It wasn’t. I just hope what I told you helps find Caitlin. That’s what matters most.” Grace looked into her coffee. “I don’t suppose Adam said anything about what happened to her?” Grace didn’t really expect an answer. “Do you think he did it?”

  “Did what, is the question. The DA isn’t ready to charge Adam with any crime, much less a specific crime.” The detective set down her cup and looked at Grace. “I don’t want to cause you more pain, but there’s a good chance that Caitlin is dead, and you should prepare yourself for that outcome.”

  The words struck Grace like a lead weight, although they didn’t come as a surprise. Her fingers felt sticky and she realized she’d picked a piece of muffin to crumbs.

  “We’re still looking at Adam,” Goodwin continued, “but we’re also looking at other possible suspects. That’s why I wanted to speak to you.”

  “I’m afraid I don’t have any new ideas.”

  “Caitlin has an account on Facebook. Some of the photos and comments she made were probably not what a mother would want to find. But more importantly, she’d been corresponding with someone who calls himself Romeo.”

  “Someone she met online?”

  “It appears that way. Remember the iPod we found in her locker? You said your daughter didn’t own one, but when we checked with kids at school, they said she did. Maybe it was a gift and she didn’t bring it home because she’d have to explain.”

  “A gift from this Romeo?” Grace felt light-headed. “Who is he?”

  “That’s what we’re trying to find out. She never said anything? Even something in passing? Something that didn’t register at the time?”

  Grace swallowed hard. “Caitlin received a package a few days ago, a web camera, one of those little things that can broadcast your live photo. It was wrapped like a gift, but there was no return address, and no card.”

  “Do you still have the package?”

  “It’s at home.”

  “I’ll send someone by to pick it up. There’s a good chance it came from ‘Romeo.’ ”

  Grace experienced a momentary flicker of hope. If Caitlin had simply run away to be with this man—

  “You had no idea Caitlin was active on Facebook?”

  “Not in the way you’re saying. I knew she had an account, but I assumed it was just a teenage thing with a few friends.”

  Grace felt like an idiot. How could she not have known what her daughter was doing? How could she not have insisted on knowing? Caitlin had been upset recently, but Grace had assumed it was over her breakup with Ty Cross. Why hadn’t she prodded more? “This Romeo could be anyone, right?” she asked.

  “I can’t say with any certainty that ‘Romeo’ had anything to do with what happened to Caitlin. He could be a young man smitten with a cute girl. He could even be Adam.”

  Grace shuddered. Could Adam have stalked Caitlin in that way? The photos, the initials the cops had found carved into a boulder, Caitlin’s necklace. Dear God, had this really been happening right under their noses?

  She couldn’t help thinking that if she’d never married Carl, Caitlin would be safe.

  “Can I ask you a personal question?” Grace hesitated. “About your daughter.”

  Rayna’s expression was suddenly guarded. “What is it?”

  “Do you ever wonder if somehow it’s your fault? If only you had done this or that differently, she’d be alive?”

  “I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

  “I should have protected Caitlin,” Grace said bleakly. “That’s what mothers do. Whether it was Adam or Romeo or Ty Cross, if I’d been more diligent, more careful, this never would have happened.”

  “You’re not to blame for what happened to Caitlin.”

  “What if she’s never found? What if she’s, like you said, dead? How can I live with myself? How can I not feel responsible?”

  The detective drained her cup and slid it aside. “There was a homicide I was involved in almost a year before Kimberly disappeared. A little girl my daughter’s age. The two of them were nothing alike, but because of their ages and the close timing of their deaths, the case has haunted me more than most.”

  “What happened to her?”

  “I got involved initially when the mother got a restraining order against Bethany’s father. Bethany was the little girl. She was eleven. The father was a junkie with a temp
er, but the mother wasn’t a whole lot better. I think she really wanted to do right by her daughter, but she was a high school dropout who’d gotten pregnant with Bethany at sixteen and had never really gotten her life on track. She made one bad choice after another. Anyway, the dad repeatedly ignored the restraining order and got little more than a slap on the wrist for it every time. Then he snatched Bethany and took her to the fleabag hotel where he was living. He threatened to beat her if she tried to get away, and then finally locked her in the closet. When we found her she was dehydrated and filthy and her body was covered in bites from bedbugs. The father claimed he was trying to protect her, but the law finally stepped in and said he’d kidnapped her. He went to jail.”

  “Sounds like that’s where he belonged.”

  “That’s what I thought, too, although he didn’t end up doing much time. Still, I felt pretty good about the whole thing.” Rayna seemed to retreat into herself for a moment. “Two months after he went to jail his wife and daughter were dead. The mom’s boyfriend shot them both, and then killed himself.”

  Grace inhaled. “My, God. Why?”

  “He’d lost his job and speculation was that the mom was breaking up with him, but we’ll never know for sure. Bethany’s death hit me hard. She was a quiet little girl with big eyes who never had a chance in life. I couldn’t help but compare her situation to Kimberly’s. My daughter had lost her dad, but she knew he adored her. And she had me. I’m not holding myself up as an example of perfection, but I thought I was a good mother and although it wouldn’t be easy, Kimberly would do fine. In the end it didn’t make any difference. Kimberly is as dead as Bethany. Being a good mother doesn’t make you Superwoman.”

  Maybe not, Grace thought, but she still should have been able to protect Caitlin.

  Chapter 32

  The school bell rang and Adam gathered his books slowly, waiting for the room to clear. Last period, he’d tried bolting for the door first thing, but so had half the class, so he’d ended up right in the thick of where he didn’t want to be. Curious glances, antagonistic stares, muttered obscenities, all directed his way. And those were the “good kids.” In every class so far there’d been at least one self-appointed crusader who’d led the charge of overt humiliation and hostility. The DA might not have had enough evidence to charge him, but the same wasn’t true for public opinion.