So Hot MC Boxset

by Blair Grey

Moretti added, “Yeah, I think so too. If you can lose this attitude, you’ve got a real future with us here, Winslow. An acting career. A thriving career as a marketing wiz for our products. The sky is the limit here, bucko.”

  Ryder only shook his head as he looked at me. “Tell then that we’re not going to do this, baby.”

  Max gave me another wink that Ryder didn’t see. If he had seen it, then he would’ve known that his head would be on the chopping block if I went along with him.

  I wanted to cry so badly that it hurt my entire body. But I had to do what I had to do. Ryder wasn’t about to take the jobs he was offered. He’d been fucking around with me the whole time about becoming the kind of actor that I was. And he’d done a great job of making me believe it too. “You know, you should take them up on their deal, babe. We could be Diamond and Dave or something like that.”

  Mark cleared his throat. “Forget that. We’re going to drop the alias of Diamond and you both will use your real names to make it more realistic.”

  Now I was out. There was no way in hell that my real name was going to be associated with sex movies. Not ever ones with Ryder in them. My family would die if that ever happened.

  But I had to act like I was cool with the idea. Ryder’s life hung in the balance, whether he realized that or not. “Wow, how cool is that, Ryder? Our real names! We’ll both be stars.”

  “Are you insane, Janeen?” His eyes popped. “Our real names? No way! Our families would freak out. And my mother would most likely have a heart attack if she even caught wind of me doing anything like that.” He flipped around abruptly. “Wait a minute. You guys aren’t going to put that video out there under our real names, are you?”

  Max nodded. “I want to do that, yes. But if all I have is the one video, I can’t really do that. It’ll just go out as a free video to get people to subscribe to our channel.”

  “Well, we’re out.” Ryder grabbed my hand, trying to tug me to walk right up to the men who blocked our way. “Tell them that you’re out, Janeen.”

  Ryder supposedly had been in a biker gang in Baltimore. So, how he didn’t notice the signs of what was going to go down here if he kept this shit up, was ludicrous. And I knew better than to say a word or even look like I was giving him a hint.

  Mark asked me with a knowing smile, “Are you out, Janeen?”

  And now they’re going to be calling me by my real name. This is a lot of bullshit!

  “You know me, Mark. I’m a team player. No matter the cost, I know who butters my bread and always has. So, I am in. Sure, I would like to maintain my Diamond status. And it would please me to no end for no one but those of us in this room to know my real name. Can that happen for me, Mark?”

  Unlike Ryder, I knew what to say and when to say it. And he proved that yet again as he said, “She’s not in. She’s out.”

  Before Max could give me a third and what I knew would be a final wink, I held up my hands, silently asking them for mercy. “He doesn’t speak for me. I am in. I’ve always been in and I’ll stay in until you tell me to go.”

  “You do not have to kiss these guys’ asses, Janeen,” Ryder let me know as if that were the truth. “I can make a deal with them. Just leave us men to deal and you will see what I’m saying. Go one. Gone up to the penthouse and I’ll be up shortly with the good news. Men like us can find the best compromise for everyone. Now, go on, honey.”

  The time had come. I couldn’t let anything happen to my man. Sure, his time as my man was at the end, but he was the only man who had ever been real in my life. But he had to go. Alive, rather than dead. “Mark, can you please start my last movie. Ryder needs to see who I really am. He’s gotten some silly idea that I’m still the sweet, young, innocent girl he fell in love with. Show him who I really am, Mark. Show him who I will always be. Please.”

  With his mouth gaping, Ryder stood in silence as Mark put my movie on the big screen at the end of the room. Loud panting filled the room. My voice shouted, “Yes! Fill me with your hot cum! Fuck me! Fuck me hard!”

  Ryder’s eyes glazed over. “You done, Janeen?”

  “I am.” My voice almost shook with the last word. Sobs lay right at the back of my throat. Only my sheer will to keep Ryder alive kept them back.

  “You’re nothing but a heartless whore. Do you know that about yourself, Janeen Smithers? You are nothing like the young woman I fell in love with during the last years of high school. You are a disgrace to your family. And what’s worse is that you’re a disgrace to our entire hometown. Camden will never call you their hometown hero.”

  My legs threatened to shake as he spoke to me so harshly. But is wasn’t unjustly. I deserved every bad word he had to say about me.

  Ryder would never know that I saved his life that night. He would never know that I lost a part of my soul so that he could live to see another day. All he would know was that the heart he’d once loved wasn’t his anymore. In its place, he would think was a black hole. Empty. Void of emotions. And dead in many ways.

  He would’ve been wrong though. My heart had never been so full of love. Love for him. Love for what he might become. And even hope filled my heart for him. Hope that one day he could find someone to love who he wouldn’t compare to me, the way he’d done with his wife.

  Walking toward the other men, Ryder threw his hands up in the air. “Keep the money, Janeen. I don’t want it.” He looked at Moretti as he walked by him. “If you have any more money for me, give it to her. I don’t want any of it.”

  Moretti shocked me as he asked, “You don’t want to be a Wicked Warlock anymore, Winslow?”

  Stopping midstride, Ryder looked at Moretti with a puzzled expression. “You would still entertain the idea of me being a member of your elite club?”

  “I like your spunk.” Moretti turned to look at me, giving me a wink. “Plus, you take a breakup like a fucking champ. You crazy motherfucker. You were born to be one of us. Jersey flows through your veins. I’ve even got your new handle. Camden.”

  My heart sank as he called Ryder by our hometown. It sank even more when Ryder asked, “Boss, it would make me a lot happier if you called me anything but that. See, there was this wonderful girl who I loved more than life itself back in that town. She died. So I would rather not be reminded of that town.”

  Died? Damn!

  I’d really done it. Ryder was done with me. Finished. Forever.

  Waiting for them to all leave, I pulled the short, thin robe closer around my body before walking out of the studio. Max waited near the door. “You did good, Miss Diamond.”

  “Did I?” Nothing about what I’d done felt good at all. “I’m ready to go to my penthouse, Max.” I was too tired to bother with going to my dressing room to change. “Could you put your jacket on me to cover me up? I’ll give it right back to you once we get up to the penthouse. I just want to take a hot bath then drink a large glass of vodka before going to bed. Sleep is what I need now. Sleep, alcohol, and time.”

  “Yes, Miss Diamond.” Max took off his black leather jacket then placed it on my shoulders. “Sleep is always good. And time heals all wounds.”

  “Max, can you ask Mr. Moretti and Mark if I can have some time off? I won’t leave the club’s headquarters, I promise. I just need some time. Time. Sleep. And alcohol.”

  “I’ll ask. I’m sure they’ll give you the time off. You’ve never taken a real vacation before. I think you’re due for one.” He pushed the button on the elevator. “He’s lucky that you love him so much.”

  “He hates me.”

  The elevator doors opened, and Max gestured for me to step inside. My feet moved, taking me inside, but my legs weren’t cooperating as they turned into jelly as soon as the door closed.

  Crumbling to the floor of the elevator that took me home each night, I began to cry. Only I knew that all the tears in the world wouldn’t make it stop hurting.

  Nothing can make this pain go away.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Ryder
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  As I walked into my hotel room, I actually felt my mind splintering. Anxiety got a little worse with each step I took. Locking the door behind me had me freezing in place.

  I left her there. Alone. What the hell is wrong with me?

  Pulling my clothes off, I had to shower to get rid of the foul stench that filled my nostrils. It was more than sex that I smelled. The stout and tangy scent told me the chemicals in the cocaine were coming out through my pores.

  Just as I pulled my cell out of the back pocket of my jeans, I heard the sound of an incoming text. Clyde had seen me come in through the security camera and he wanted to talk to me once I was ready.

  When will I be ready to admit all I’ve done?

  I’d basically tossed aside my real mission to try to gain my old girl back. And I had failed miserably with both missions. The only thing I hadn’t gotten was my ass tossed out of the prospects’ list for the Wicked Warlocks.

  A blessing?

  Maybe.

  Texting him back that I would take a shower then text him to come over, I tossed my phone on the nightstand. Heading to the bathroom, I couldn’t get clean fast enough.

  As I turned the water on for the shower, the cold water that came out first felt so damn good on my hand that I left it on pure cold. Getting under the rainfall showerhead, I finally took a real breath. And what I felt as I exhaled horrified me.

  My knees began shaking, my legs followed, then my arms went. My face contorted into a shape I’d never felt before. Suddenly tears streamed from my eyes as sobs forcefully ejected from my mouth. “What… the… hell?”

  Weakness took me over in every possible way. My body, mind, and spirit all sagged. With no other choice, I got out of the shower. My legs no longer felt as if they could hold me up any longer.

  Limping, dragging myself to the bed, I managed to lay halfway on it while using my arms to pull my heavy feeling body the rest of the way onto it. “What is happening to me?”

  The tiny camera above the hotel room door had a tiny green dot that shone steadily. But the bed wasn’t in the range of the camera. Clyde wouldn’t see me to know that anything was wrong. But everything seemed to be going wrong with me.

  I’d done plenty of drugs in my time. Cocaine was nothing new to me. Hell, we sold the shit. But not the same mixture as what the Wicked Warlocks had come up with and I’d taken for the first time only a few hours earlier.

  As I lay on the bed, barely breathing at all, my eyes closed.

  Sitting straight up in bed, I woke to the sound of someone beating on my door. “Ryder? Goddammit! Open this door!”

  “Clyde?” As I got up, finding it easy to move, I wrapped the sheet off the bed around my waist as I was still naked from the extremely short shower I hadn’t finished. “Hold up, man. I’m getting there.”

  As I walked with ease to the door, I had to wonder why I’d had the sudden onslaught of weakness then fallen asleep so quickly. As I opened the door, I found an ashen-faced Clyde looking at me. “What the hell is going on in here? You’ve been unresponsive for the last half hour. I was about to bust the fucking door down.”

  “I feel asleep.” Going back to sit on the bed, I picked up a bottle of water I’d left half-full before I’d left the hotel earlier that day. My mouth was as dry as a cotton ball.

  “You came back three hours ago.” He looked into my eyes, seemingly judging my physical state. “You were supposed to let me know when you were out of the shower.” Moving his finger in front of my eyes, he seemed a little worried. “Follow my finger with your eyes, Ryder. Your pupils are a little on the dilated side. You feeling okay?” He moved his finger as he watched my eyes moving with it. “You seem to be following my finger okay.”

  “It’s the fucking coke they gave me at the studio earlier. That shit is crazy, man.” Twisting my neck a bit, it cracked then I stretched my arms up over my head and my shoulders cracked too. “Shit. That stuff seemed to pull a lot of water out of my body.” I downed what was left of the water. “And my mouth is as dry as the Sahara.” Getting up, I went to get myself a new bottle of water out of the minifridge. “I think I’m going to be fine now. But before – well, before I wasn’t fine at all.”

  He got his phone out as he took a seat on the chair near the bed. “Tell me all the details. I’ll note them. This isn’t any typical coke they’re selling. Also, did you ask anything about what’s in the mix?”

  “Yes.” The make up was right there at the forefront of my brain. Cocaine, MDMA, LSD are cut together then Zoloft is added at the end to even it out and the essential oil of Frankincense makes the unique scent,” I the exact description of the drug that Vera had given to me when I’d asked about it. “And it does some strange shit to you, brother.”

  “I bet it does.” He’d noted the ingredients then looked at me as I took a seat on the bed again, gulping more water. “And dry mouth is an after-effect, I see.”

  Pulling the half-empty bottle from my parched lips, I nodded. “Yes. So, I didn’t notice any effects at all. That’s the really weird part.” I thought about what I’d done and that was way out of character for me. “But it clearly affected my mind. Janeen and I were left in the studio alone. And we were going to have sex. And later we were maybe going to have it again while they filmed it. I wasn’t sure about that yet. And now I’m really against it. But they’re going to use what they taped anyway.”

  Clyde held up one hand to stop me. “You’re rattling on. So, you had sex or not?”

  “I did. With Janeen. And it wasn’t my normal sexual routine either.” Embarrassment began to slow my words as I didn’t want Clyde to know what I’d done. But then I knew a fucking porno was going to use that scene in it someday and figured I might as well come clean. “It was weird. Kinky. But a weird kinky.”

  “Most kinks are considered by most to be at least a little weird.” He seemed to have some understanding about the kink thing. “This is probably relevant to the effects their drug has.”

  With a huff, I just went for it, “Okay, so for some weird reason, I couldn’t quit thinking about when Janeen and I were much younger. Adolescents, to be exact. I’d had some sexual thoughts about Janeen when I was thirteen. So, I wanted to pretend we were that age again. But only this time we acted on the sexual things I’d thought we’d both felt back then.”

  “That’s not so bad, Ryder. You shouldn’t be embarrassed about that.” The way Clyde smiled at me did nothing to make me feel less embarrassed about what I’d done.

  “It wasn’t right. Now that I look back at it, it was like I could’ve been a pedophile or something like that. I was pretending she was a kid, Clyde. That’s sick.” My stomach rolled with disgust at myself.

  “But you weren’t with a kid. You were with a grown woman and you are a grown man. That’s roleplay and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

  What he’d said struck a chord with me. “Yeah, I was with a grown woman. A woman who just did whatever I wanted her to without hesitating at all. Janeen has been brainwashed into thinking that she’s got to do whatever kinky thing anyone wants. But she shouldn’t have to do that, Clyde.”

  I wanted to get her out of the life she’d had to get into. But she’d thrown who she’d become in my face in the harshest of ways. She just wasn’t the girl I’d known before and she never would be.

  “No, she shouldn’t have to do that,” he agreed. “But maybe she went along with it because it was with you, Ryder. Did you two get to talk afterward?”

  “Not about that, no.” I hated how it had all ended. “Things went in a horrible direction after we were done. And in the end, she and I broke up.”

  “In the scene?” he asked with a fair amount of confusion.

  “No.” My head hung low. “In reality. She changed her mood suddenly and the next thing I knew she was having one of her old movies put on and I couldn’t take it. I feel like something wasn’t right there. But again, I had no idea that the drug had been affecting me. But it had to have been. I
didn’t do a thing like my normal self. And when I got here, I broke down in the oddest of ways.”

  “Now tell me all about that.” He got ready to type in more information into his phone.

  “My body and mind collapsed.” I’d finally found the words to describe what it had felt like. “I went weak and then I started sobbing. Barely able to drag myself to bed, I fell asleep immediately.”

  “The Zoloft, no doubt.” He seemed so sure of that as he noted it. “And you seem fine now. Do you feel refreshed?”

  I had to think about how I felt exactly. “Not refreshed. Not wrung out either. Just okay, I guess. But it is sort of remarkable that only after sleeping three hours that I don’t feel tired.”

  “So, that stuff made you act in ways you never have before, but had thought about in the distant past,” he mumbled as he typed that in. “And how’d you feel when you and she broke up?”

  Trying to recall the way I’d felt, I came up with only one thing, “Nothing nearly as bad as I thought I should feel. I love her. I don’t want us to end. But I don’t want us to continue this way. I won’t be becoming a pornstar to be with her. And that’s what I would have to do if we’re to stay together.”

  “You said you ended up sobbing in the shower. Maybe you eventually did exhibit the appropriate feelings a bit late. But you did finally show them. And now how do you feel about the breakup?” Poised for my answer, he steadily ran his hand over his bare chin.

  “Missing the bread, Clyde?” I ran my hand over mine. “I know I would.”

  Nodding, he stopped what he’d been doing. “Yeah. And I see you’re thinking more about other things than what should be very important to you. So, how do you feel about losing her now?”

  Losing her?

  Have I really lost her?

  As I sat there, trying to search for the feelings I had, I realized that numbness was a thing I could feel in the middle of my chest. “This is odd. It’s like my heart is numb.”

  “That’s not good. This drug sounds pretty intense. Too many things going on at once.” Clyde sat back as he shook his head. “I don’t like it.”