Where To From Here?

by Ursula Paul

  “Something made you happy?” he asked.

  “Yes,” she answered quietly.

  “Are you telling?” he asked, now also smiling.

  “Well…” She hesitated. “I was going to wait until we were home. But I want you to know anyway. I wasn’t airsick on any of our trips, except this one home – and I don’t think it’s the flying.”

  “What do you mean?” She could hear almost terror in his voice.

  “Oh, darling, it’s okay. I’m also a couple of weeks overdue. I think I’m pregnant!”

  “Si!” The shout of joy caused a couple of weary heads to turn. “Si! How wonderful! Are you all right?”

  “Of course. I’m fine. Perhaps a bit surprised that it’s happened so quickly. But very happy about it. What about you?”

  “Si, I’m delighted.” His attitude endorsed his statement.

  Both remained wide awake for the rest of the journey, each with joyful anticipation of a baby in their lives.

  Not long before they landed, Sinead voiced her latest thought, “Darling, I’ve just been thinking. Perhaps this is not the right time to shout our news from the rooftops!”

  Julian read her thoughts. “Yes, you’re right, much and all as I want everyone to know.”

  “So is it okay if we keep it under wraps from everyone for the next month or so?” she suggested.

  “That sounds like a good idea,” he agreed.

  “No, I don’t mean everyone,” she added. “Everyone except Eddie. We tell Eddie?” It was a question, not a statement.

  “If it’s fine with you, it’s fine with me. We tell Eddie.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  The welcome home was nearly as crowded as the send-off. Family and friends gathered at Mascot. Cheers erupted as they walked from Customs. A welcome home party had been arranged for the following evening.

  Prior to the party, Julian and Sinead had arranged to visit Eddie. Both were surprised at how his health had deteriorated; at how his thin body had shrunken even more.

  “I’m going to leave you two for a while,” announced Sinead after their arrival. “I’ll give your mother and father my version of the trip.”

  Eddie smiled, knowing she was giving him time with his friend, perhaps their last time together.

  “Married life is agreeing with you,” Eddie smiled.

  “I’ll give a big tick to that statement,” Julian retorted. Then asked quietly, “How do you feel, mate – really?”

  The brown eyes, always so alive, now looked forlornly from the sunken face. Slowly he responded, “I’ve tried to keep the ‘it’s all right mate’ attitude with everyone, especially with Mum and Dad. But sometimes, Julian, I question – Why? What have I done? Sometimes I ask myself is there really a God? And if so, why is He punishing me? Then, other times, I’m accepting. The physical pain can be treated. But these questions…” His voice faltered.

  Julian’s arm shot around his friend’s shoulders. For some time he said nothing. Then, “Mate, you are one of the special breed on this earth. I’ll say it again – you are one of the special breed on this earth. Why this is happening to you – there is no answer, Eddie. No answer at all! Some may suggest that your lungs were weakened due to your infancy and early childhood experiences. Others may suggest that the infection could be hereditary. But no one can prove any suppositions. We don’t know, Eddie. But – you – you are the best of the best. You deserve nothing but the very best. Oh, mate!” Julian broke off as the tears he had been pushing back began to escape. Tears flowed freely as they hugged each other.

  “Thanks, mate,” Eddie eventually whispered. “Just needed to share a few feelings – as I do now and then with you and Joe. It always helps.”

  It’s not fair, Julian thought. It’s just not fair!

  “Now tell me all about the trip.” Eddie suddenly changed the subject.

  Julian knew that Eddie would tire soon. With that in mind, he raced through a brief description, finishing with, “I’m not much good at describing holidays. As soon as we have photographs printed, we’ll give you a ball-to-ball description with the photos.”

  Eddie nodded.

  Julian continued, “Now, I do have some news for you. Firstly – our secret. Sinead is expecting our baby.”

  Eddie’s face lit up. “Oh mate, how wonderful. What super news!”

  “It is exciting! As it’s still very early days, we’re keeping this to ourselves for the next few weeks. But Si and I wanted you to know.”

  “Thanks, mate. I’m so pleased for you.”

  “Now,” Julian continued, “For your news.”

  Eddie looked up, puzzled. His tension eased as Julian continued…

  Part Two

  Julian

  Chapter One

  The day had been similar to every other day in the past month. As Eddie drove back to the Presbytery – from another frustrating day by his reckoning – his thoughts rolled back to the last few months.

  He had been momentarily disappointed when Bishop Levitt had asked him to leave Brewarrina for a new position in Bourke. As the bishop explained, the former parish priest, Damien Ewans, was on the verge of a breakdown and needed some time out. As the bishop explained, “It would be such a blessing if you would take on the ministry of parish priest of Bourke. Eddie, feel free. You have done great work in Brewarrina. And I know you are both loved and respected there. If you decide to stay, I will agree to your decision. I need a replacement for Bourke – and you are the obvious choice. But I don’t want to pressure you.”

  Eddie smiled back. “Yes, Mark, I don’t really want to leave Bre. I have had some happy years here and – I hope – we have all progressed together. But I became a priest to serve, not to be served.” He stopped suddenly. “Bloody hell! How supercilious can I sound!”

  Mark Levitt laughed heartily.

  Eddie continued, “Of course I’ll go to Bourke.”

  “Once again you have solved a big problem for me,” Mark replied quietly.

  That was only a few weeks ago. And yet, in some ways, it seemed like another life away.

  Eddie had been welcomed to the old, rambling, weather-beaten building – to be his home for the unknown future – by a quietly spoken, middle-aged part-Aboriginal lady, who introduced herself as; “Angel, your housekeeper.”

  “Don’t be taken in by my name,” she added with a smile. “My mother had hopes for me.”

  Her smile vanished as she barely whispered, ‘hopes’.

  Angel proved to be an efficient housekeeper and a plain, but adequate, cook. What she was not, was an informer. Yet, as the weeks wore on and he became more frustrated with the distance with which he was placed by most of the people he met, he believed that Angel could give him some insight. Coming back to the present, as he drove in he decided he must go beyond frustration.

  “Hi, Father. How was your day?” The welcome he received each evening as he drove in.

  This time, after his usual friendly response he added, “Angel, I don’t want to hold you up. I know it’s time for you to go home. But I’d like to talk to you for a few moments.”

  Immediately he noticed her body stiffening and fear shading her eyes.

  “It’s okay, Angel. I just need your help.” She relaxed.

  “I’ve been here a month,” Eddie continued. “Yet everyone – or nearly everyone – keeps me at arms’ length… or further! I’ve come here as a friend and helper, but nearly everyone – especially the Aboriginal community – don’t want any communication, not even a short conversation. Something is wrong! I’m sure you know something – anything to help me get to the root of the problem.”

  Angel looked down as she quietly answered, “Yes, Father. Something is wrong. You’re a good man – go back! There is nothing you can do here.”

  “Hold on, Angel. There’s plenty I can – and will do – if I knew what is wrong, what is going on.”

  Angel looked up and shook her head.

  Although frustrated, and now wo
rried, Eddie knew this was not the time to push her further.

  “Angel,” he spoke gently. “I am here to minister. I want to be a friend to you all here and help where needed. Remember that! I want to help. Call on me at any time. But I must let you go home now. Sorry to have kept you.”

  “It’s okay Father. Thank you.” She turned back as she walked toward the door. “It’s…” then as she changed her mind, “…fine,” and turned back and left the room hurriedly.

  Okay, thought Eddie, there is something wrong and I am going to find out just what.

  Chapter Two

  From the first week Eddie had begun calling on homes. Many times the door was closed in his face. Even when he was greeted at the door, he was never invited inside. Invariably, if a male Aboriginal opened the door, and regardless of the tone of his dismissal, he was always aware of anger, deep-seated anger. Now, from Angel’s remarks he was aware that something was wrong, perhaps seriously wrong, and he prayed for direction.

  Another week passed, still with the same results and frustrations. Angel came as usual each day. Eddie knew that if she had more to tell him, it would be in her time and in her way.

  Then, suddenly, he received a phone call.

  “Hello, Eddie. My name is Damien Evans.” That name is familiar, thought Eddie. His thoughts were interrupted by the caller continuing. “I need to talk to you. I was the parish priest before you, headed for a break-down but am okay now. Can we meet? But not in Bourke! Could you come to Dubbo – sooner than later!”

  Gradually Eddie began to realize the significance of this call. “Hi, Damien. Of course I’ll come to Dubbo.” A time was agreed upon and the call ended.

  How will I recognize him? Eddie asked himself as he drove toward Dubbo. The coolness of dawn at the beginning of the journey gradually gave way to the heat of mid-day as the miles fell away. Outside the church at 1.00pm. had been agreed upon. Eddie arrived at the destination with half an hour to spare. The coolness within the church refreshed him. He had drifted into a calm meditation when he was jolted into the present by a light touch and a reedy voice, “Eddie?”

  Eddie looked up into a thin, drawn face that shook on top of an equally thin, gaunt body.

  “Damien!” as they shook hands.

  “We could go to the presbytery here,” suggested Eddie. Then added with a laugh, “They know me – a cuppa and a heat-up any time of the day!”

  “Rather not,” replied his serious companion.

  “Okay – a street or two away – we can talk over a meal.”

  As they walked in silence the short distance to the café, Eddie was aware of the tenseness within his companion.

  Once seated and lunch orders given, Eddie endeavoured – eventually successfully – to ease the tenseness within his companion.

  “Did you drive up today?”

  “No – stayed the night on the way. I’ve been very lucky. As you probably know, I was in rather a nervous state when I left Bourke. Treatment has helped tremendously – or perhaps leaving the problem behind was the answer.” He stopped talking but continued fidgeting with the end of the table cloth.

  Seconds later he continued, “I’ve always been a bit of a nervy type. I just couldn’t cope with Bourke any longer. The bishop helped me find a chaplaincy position in Sydney.”

  Eddie waited for him to continue. But after minutes of silence, Eddie asked, “Damien, did something happen to you in Bourke?”

  He was unprepared for the response. “It’s a devil town!” In the same hoarse whisper he added, “Eddie, get out while you can!”

  Eddie spoke softly. “It’s all right, Damien. Do you want to talk about it?”

  Clasping and unclasping his hands, Damien began his story, at first slowly, hesitantly, then, like a river in flood, racing, gushing.

  Eddie listened in silence, nodding his head at times, at other times quietly murmuring, “Go on Damien.”

  Eddie guessed that Damien would be described as ‘highly strung’ and the pace of ordinary life would have been a challenge for him. But, as Eddie had been beginning to understand, life in many parts of Bourke had been anything but ordinary and, for Damien coping with it was far beyond a challenge. Damien was in tears as he concluded, “It nearly finished me, Eddie. I’ve come through treatment and I’m very grateful to the bishop for helping me find this new position of chaplaincy. Don’t let this happen to you! Leave before it breaks you too.”

  Eddie leaned across the table and gently touched the shaking hands.

  “Thanks for thinking of me.” He spoke quietly. “You have had a terrible experience. It’s over. You are safe now. Feel free. Enjoy life. It sounds like a good place to be.”

  Damien smiled. “Yes. It is a good place to be. The old folk are so happy and so friendly. Still I felt the need to meet you and warn you.”

  “And for that I am grateful,” smiled Eddie.

  As they parted Eddie felt both pity and respect for this nervous little man. He took his hand as he parted with, “Thank you Damien. God bless you now in your chaplaincy.”

  The road back to Bourke was long and straight. But, now Eddie had more to think about. As he fell into bed around midnight, he whispered a prayer for direction.

  Chapter Three

  Eddie woke earlier than planned the next morning – another coughing fit. He knew he would have to seek medical attention eventually – but not now. No time now!

  To his pleasant surprise, Julian answered on the first call. “I’m in the Uni world at present,” laughed Julian. “Just waiting on results. Soon studies will be all over – at least I hope they will!”

  “You poor sod!” laughed Eddie in reply. Then seriously, “How’s your time factor this morning. Got 15-20 minutes to share a problem?”

  “All day, mate. Fire away.”

  Eddie began with his call from Damien and the meeting in Dubbo. Then continued, “Julian, I preface the rest of what he told me with the fact that he is an extremely nervous person – genuine and caring, but very vulnerable to feelings. So, his remarks need to be sieved. I’ll relate it to you as he did it to me. Firstly, he warned me that the devil is alive and well in Bourke and suggested very strongly that I leave before any disaster befalls me.

  “Then he proceeded to tell me of his experience, which obviously rattled him to the core and to a physical and mental breakdown. When he first went to Bourke, only a year ago, he came across the same blocks I have been experiencing. It’s obvious something is wrong but no one will talk about it.”

  Eddie stopped, caught by a bout of coughing.

  “Eddie!”

  “It’s okay, Julian. Just a cough. Nothing to worry about.”

  “Yes, Eddie. You told me you were going to have that checked out!”

  “I will – but no time just yet.”

  “Eddie, be sensible! Please get that checked.”

  “Will do,” Eddie answered quietly. “Now to go on with what Damien told me… When he first arrived he was treated by the Aboriginal community in much the same way as they have been treating me. Few came to Mass, even spasmodically, and fewer still asked for Baptism for their children. He said he was here for months before he was asked for a child’s Baptism. After the ceremony, the father took his hand and almost pleaded with him to guarantee that nothing evil would happen to his child. Damien said he was surprised, but not extremely so. However, surprise turned to fear the next day when he had a visit from one of the town’s councillors, warning him not to take notice of any idle Aboriginal talk and advising him strongly to stick with ‘your church business.’ I think I can honestly say that had you or I had a similar experience it may not have meant too much. But for Damien, well, it was the catalyst that broke his spirit. And we know the rest of his story.”

  Once again, a fit of coughing broke into Eddie’s recount of Damien’s story.

  As it eased Julian spoke seriously, “Eddie, you must do something about that cough – please.”

  “Okay,” whispered Eddie, r
egaining his breath.

  “Please Eddie. Let me get Dad to make an appointment for you with the best in the field.”

  “Thanks, Julian. But not yet. Not until we’ve got to the root of this problem.”

  “All right. For now you have your way.” Julian endeavoured to sound light-hearted, but he was becoming deeply worried over Eddie’s health.

  Julian continued. “My guess – and it’s only a guess – is that someone, or more likely someones, are conducting something illegal and have the Aboriginal community scared into secrecy. I don’t think Damien was in any danger. Still, all the same don’t you take any risks! Give me a day or two to think about this and the best way to attack the problem.”

  “We?” enquired Eddie.

  “Of course ‘we’”, laughed Julian. “We always help each other. Haven’t you noticed!”

  “Once or twice,” laughed Eddie in reply. Then, seriously, “Thanks Julian. I certainly need your help.”

  “And,” added Julian seriously, “when we’ve solved this problem, you will have this cough checked out – and by a specialist! Promise!”

  Eddie nodded.

  “Have you told Joe about this parish problem?”

  “Am going to. Thought I’d talk to the barrister first!”

  “Ho! Ho!’ replied Julian. “Take it easy mate. See you soon.”

  That evening, a similar call to Joe was answered by “Anything I can do?”

  “Not right now – apart from a prayer of course. How serious is the problem remains to be seen.”

  “Just say the word and I’ll be there – or wherever you need me.”

  “Thanks, Joe. I’ll keep you in the loop.”

  The day progressed as usual – after Mass, deal with mail and office work, then time at school and after lunch visiting or meeting with his parishioners. Yet, for Eddie, this day seemed a little different. This day he felt slightly hopeful that, with the needed help, this parish problem would be solved. As usual Angel had his dinner prepared and, as usual, he thanked her and assured her she would be employed as a chef anywhere. And, as usual, Angel smiled but answered only, “See you tomorrow, Father.”