Where To From Here?

by Ursula Paul

  Together, priest and police sergeant, knocked at the door of the first home. The inner darkness gave way to light and the door was opened by a young girl.

  “Mum or Dad home?” Bryan asked quietly.

  The young girl nodded and disappeared. Minutes later she returned, this time accompanied by a tall man, followed closely by lady Bryan guessed rightly to be his wife. The request to enter was answered by the man’s nod.

  Eddie listened as Bryan tried to break the terrible news as gently as possible and watched as the terrible news filtered into the shocked parents.

  “No! No!” the mother screamed. The father remained motionless for several seconds, then asked, “Can I see my son?”

  “Yes,” Bryan answered gently. “But not now. We will arrange that for you later. Is there anyone we can call to be with you?” The father slowly shook his head.

  Eddie knelt down beside the mother, now sobbing into the floor. She looked up. “Why?” she whispered between sobs. If only I could answer that, thought Eddie as he took her hand and gently helped her up.

  After arranging for relatives to come and assist, Bryan and Eddie moved to the home of the second victim to break the tragic news and assist in bringing in their needed support.

  Chapter Seven

  The families had decided on a combined funeral. Both families requested Eddie, who since the tragedy had spent many hours each day with them, to conduct a church service. They had decided the boys would be buried next to each other and that there would be an Aboriginal farewell at the conclusion of the internment prayers.

  Both families remained silent. Yet Bryan suspected that they had some knowledge – perhaps only small – of the reasons for this tragedy. Suspicions perhaps, but he knew this was not the time for any answers from the family.

  The celebration of the Requiem was short, but deeply symbolic. The church full to capacity, yet loudly silent; those attending angry, questioning, grieving. At the end of the church service Eddie prayed the prayer of blessing in the dialect of the local Aboriginal community.

  Joe had come across that morning. “Just in case you need any help,” he had whispered hoarsely on arrival, saddened not only by the tragedy of the situation, but also by the obvious health problem of his friend. Before he returned that same afternoon he and Eddie took a short break from the milling crowd.

  “Great to see you mate,” Eddie began. “And how are you – seriously?”

  “I’m getting there, Eddie – slowly, but surely. But you, Eddie. You’re the one for concern right now. I’ve noticed that cough. It’s getting worse, isn’t it? And you’ve certainly lost weight!”

  “It’s all right, Joe. I know I’ve got to do something about the cough. And I will… once we start some sort of healing, building up in the parish – and there’s a lot to be done!”

  “I know, mate. But you can’t let go on your health.”

  Eddie smiled. “Enough of me. How is life in your part of the world?”

  Joe answered with a small description of his introduction to life in the west.

  “And I’m really enjoying it,” he added.

  Joe was preparing to leave when the phone rang. Shortly after answering it Eddie called to Joe, “Come in here, Joe. It’s Julian.”

  Julian had phoned to prepare Eddie for court proceedings of the future. “These tragedies will precipitate all interrogations and court proceedings. These kids will not die in vain, Eddie. It may even take a Royal Commission. It has gone beyond being just a local problem.”

  After a short word also with Joe, the three friends parted, Julian to his life on the other end of the phone, Joe to the road back to Coonamble and Eddie to his part in helping the town and its inhabitants to rise from the pain of the past tragedies.

  Chapter Eight

  As weeks turned to months, hopes and plans to action, Eddie succumbed to pleadings from his family and friends and consented to taking off time and flying to Sydney for medical examinations and various tests.

  “You are to take the month off,” he was ordered by Mark Levitt.

  His welcoming committee included not only his entire family, but also Julian and Sinead.

  During dinner Tony, with a smile, called all to silence. “A bit of quiet now, please. We have a couple of announcements.

  Eddie’s head jerked up, expecting a problem.

  “All’s well – very well,” smiled Tony. “Firstly… over to Kate and Shane.”

  “Well, little brother,” smiled Kate. “You are to become an uncle in a few months’ time – and the celebrant of Baptism for your niece or nephew. We’re keeping that a surprise for us, too!”

  Eddie jumped up and hugged his sister.

  “Oh, Kate, how wonderful! Congratulations… and to Shane,” he added as he squeezed the father-to-be’s shoulder.

  “Now, if you’d like to sit down again,” laughed Tony. “I haven’t finished.”

  “More! On top of that,” smiled Eddie as he sat down again.

  “Yes!” This time Julian spoke. He took Sinead’s hand as he continued, “When we heard that you were coming down and had a month’s leave, Si and I became quite busy and organized our wedding. We have date, place, invitations, all bookings, etc., etc. The only part still to organize is the celebrant – or celebrants as in our case. We have already organized Joe. Now, Eddie we’re asking you to be the concelebrant with Joe… actually, we’re asking but somehow telling,” he added with a laugh.

  Eddie rose quickly to congratulate them both. As he returned to his place at the table, Eddie looked toward his father with a grin, “Any more news?”

  “No, that’s it,” his father laughed.

  Chapter Nine

  The next couple of weeks passed quickly. Most of it for Eddie had been spent at doctors, hospitals, clinics. He knew technology had progressed to the point that results come soon after the process. Yet no results were forthcoming.

  Julian and Sinead’s wedding day was one of great joy for all. Both Eddie and Joe as concelebrants, were equally involved in all parts of the liturgy and marriage blessings.

  During the reception Julian took Eddie aside. “Eddie, please don’t be angry with me. I took it on myself to ask that all your results be held over until after our wedding. As you know, Si and I are having an overseas honeymoon but don’t fly out for a couple of days. I will go with you tomorrow, if that’s okay, to talk over where to from here.”

  Eddie brushed aside his initial feeling of interference. “Thanks Julian. Do you know my results?”

  “No,” answered Julian truthfully. “All I know is that they want to see you – possibly have some suggestions for treatment.”

  The next day Eddie and Julian met at the office of the main physician. He introduced himself to both as Hugo Cavill.

  “Eddie,” Hugo began softly. “I could talk on with medical jargon. But I think it’s only fair to you that we give you the truth – the straight-out truth.” He coughed. “I hate to have to tell you this. What you have, in plain English, is lung cancer… and unfortunately, in rather an advanced state. I’m so sorry.”

  Eddie stared at him for a minute, then asked quietly, “Is there any treatment for it?”

  “Naturally we want to do anything we can to stop it, or, better still, to shrink it. So we would strongly suggest that treatment commences immediately. But, unfortunately, we can’t promise miracles.”

  Eddie smiled wanly, “When do we start?”

  “As I said,” replied Hugo, “we need to begin treatment immediately.”

  “Is treatment available in the far west?” Eddie asked.

  “Some yes,” replied the physician. “But for the immediate initial treatment, we will need you down here.”

  “Doesn’t sound so good,” Eddie whispered.

  Hugo hesitated. “I wish I could say you have a great chance to beat it,” he answered quietly. “Lung cancer is always serious. And yours is in a fairly advanced stage.”

  By the end of the following h
alf hour the next few months of Eddie’s life had been planned.

  Julian drove them both back to Eddie’s family home. “How do you want to do this mate? Would you like me to come in with you?”

  “No,” Eddie replied. “Thanks Julian. You’ve been a tower of strength for me today. Now off you go on your honeymoon. I’ll be all right. Just one more thing …will you let Joe know these results please? Then… just you and Si, have a wonderful time. I’ll see you both when you return – with lots to tell, no doubt. And spare me a prayer now and then!”

  “Sure thing,” answered Julian, waging a battle against tears that wanted to fall. Then, with a quick hug, “I’ll be in touch.”

  As Eddie opened the front door, he knew he would need inner strength to break this news to this couple who had given him a second life.

  “Only me,” he called as he closed the door. Both Tony and Margie seemed to appear from nowhere.

  “Come in and sit down,” his mother smiled.

  As he sat, looking into the faces of the two people who had done more for him than anyone else, the pain of his probable destiny that he had battled since hearing the verdict, burst out.

  Tears poured, his body shook, as he realized the implication of his news. At once his mother was kneeling at his feet, his father standing behind him, now and then squeezing his shoulder. They allowed this burst of emotional pain to empty before his mother whispered, “Darling, we’re here with you.”

  “Help me through this, “ he almost begged.

  “Of course,” his father answered for both.

  The clock ticked. No other sound pervaded the room for how long the three neither knew nor cared. Eventually Eddie whispered, “Thanks, Mum and Dad. I’m okay now. I suppose that had to come. Sorry you had to see it.”

  His mother hugged him. His father whispered, almost incoherently, “We’re here for you all the time, any time, son. Always know that.”

  Eddie nodded.

  The afternoon stretched on. Little was said. Much was thought. As light began to fade Margie spoke softly, “Can’t have you all starving. I’ll get dinner underway.”

  “Before you go, Mum,” Eddie quietly interrupted. “I’ve been thinking – just now. It seems pretty certain that my time is limited. There’s no point in going through ray and chemo with nasty side effects and find out I the end that it was all for nothing. I know doctors are encouraging me to give the treatment a go, even though, I think, deep down they don’t expect it to help. What I’d like to do is to have an honest talk with Sean, Julian’s father. Not as a doctor, but as a friend. Perhaps we could call around one night – whenever suits him – if that’s okay with him… and you.”

  “I’ll call him,” Tony offered.

  “Thanks, Dad. But tell him only when it suits.”

  Minutes later Tony returned to the room to announce, “As it happens, Sean was going to phone us – they were going to call in this evening, if that was suitable to us.” Eddie smiled as he thought, you and Sean are poor liars. But he was grateful and expressed his gratitude when Sean Martin arrived a couple of hours later.

  “Thanks so much for coming,” Eddie reiterated. “We don’t want to keep you too long, so, as a friend of many years and as a professional, I would be very grateful if you would give me your honest opinion on my chances – one way or the other.”

  “Eddie, I would love to be able to give you answers. But there are some I do not have. Without treatment you would have no chance of survival whatsoever. Catching lung cancer in early stages this day and age, with the right treatment often gives the patient quite some extra years. But yours is not in early stages. With treatment – I have consulted your specialist physicians – you have about a 30% hope of holding the cancer at bay. Only a miracle would shrink it at this stage.”

  “Would the treatment be extensive?”

  “Yes. It would have to be. But that is not saying you would have all the nasty side-effects.”

  “And how long would treatment hold the cancer at bay?”

  “Hard to say. Varies with patients.”

  “Okay. What is the average from your experience?”

  Sean hesitated. “Very little, I’m afraid.”

  After a minute’s silence, Eddie quietly remarked, “Sean, I do have another question. But it’s a personal one.”

  “Fire away,” Sean answered.

  “If you were in my position, what would you do?”

  Seconds passed before Sean answered slowly, “ Honestly, Eddie… I really don’t know.”

  By the end of the evening, Eddie had made his decision.

  It had been a long, hard day. After supper and farewelling Sean, Eddie hugged his parents ‘good night’ and retired to his room. He fell into bed but sleep evaded him.‘

  I know, God,’ he whispered. ‘I know You’ll help me through. There are so few answers to the ‘whys’. I know I’m going to need lots of help. I will try to keep my trust in you always, but we both know that I will be questioning for the rest of my journey.’

  Bit by bit as he talked to his God, he planned the next few weeks he hoped he would be spared. Sleep eventually enveloped him.

  Chapter Ten

  As Eddie joined his mother and father for a late breakfast, it was obvious they had had little sleep.

  “Not used to these luxury breakfasts,” he smiled.

  “Extra charge for these,” his mother smiled back.

  We’re back to normal, Eddie thought – or as normal as circumstances will allow.

  Breakfast over, Eddie spoke softly, “Mum and Dad, I’ve done a lot of thinking in a little while, and have come to some firm decisions… that is, provided it’s acceptable to you two. Last night too reinforced what I have always known but very seldom mentioned to you – both of you have given me the chance to live. Without you, I would have been dead long ago, more possibly than not, a hopeless alcoholic or drug addict. You have given me the gift of new life, hopes, opportunities and most importantly of all, you accepted and loved me – really loved me as a son.” He stopped as he noticed tears cascading down his mother’s cheeks and his father turning away to hide his.

  “I’m so sorry,” he continued. “I don’t want to upset you. I just want you to know how grateful I am, have been and always will be for the wonderful and happy life you have given me.” He leaned over and squeezed the hands of both.

  “Sorry, son,” his mother whispered. “Please go on.”

  “You are such special parents,” Eddie reiterated. “Last night,” he continued, “well, last night I made plans for the future.” He stopped for a few seconds, then continued, “I have decided against chemo and ray treatment. From what I can see, in cases like mine they achieve little in healing but cause some pretty nasty side effects. Having said that, I will accept any other treatment that is needed. Last night I asked Sean for an estimate of time left to me. He said he couldn’t give me an answer as every case is different… But I will live to see myself an uncle!”

  “Of course,” his father coughed.

  “So,” Eddie continued, “I still have to talk to my bishop. But I think Mark will agree to any of my wishes. I would like to return to Bourke fairly soon. I know I won’t be there for too long. But I would hope that I still have two or three months of enough health for that. And then…” He stopped for a few seconds as though looking for words. “And then I’ll come home.” His voice faltered.

  Holding her feelings at bay, his mother spoke softly, but firmly. “Of course, Eddie. In all your plans and decisions, we’re right with you. I can speak for Dad.” She looked over to her husband who nodded. “We are both right behind you in any decision you make. And we are going to make the most of what is left to us in all our lives. Who knows what is in store for any of us in the future!” Suddenly her bravado crumpled. Again, tears began to flow.

  Eddie hugged her. “You’re right, Mum. We are going to make the most of whatever life is left to us.”

  Chapter Eleven

 
The next day, after an affirming phone conversation with Mark Levitt and an extended visit from Sean Martin, Eddie’s immediate medical future was planned. During the next two weeks it began to take shape as planned. His doctor in Bourke would be guided by Hugo Cavill, to whom he would give a weekly report on Eddie’s medical condition.

  As Eddie prepared to leave on his journey back to Bourke, he was reminded of the morning, now almost twenty years ago, when he had set out – as he was doing now – from the home of his childhood to the home of his ministry. He was then a young priest with great hopes for the Church he had chosen to serve. Some hopes had been fulfilled. Many had been dashed and many of his dreams for the Church of the future had died. And yet, he still hoped and dreamed and the Aboriginal part of his spirituality spurred him on.

  The journey was long and tiring, although he stayed overnight on the way at the bishop’s house. On the way the next morning his energy returned.

  His plan to enter unobtrusively was squashed as he drove through the presbytery gates. The front yard was crowded. Aboriginal and non-Aboriginal faces smiled at him. The crowd’s excitement and joy to see his return was obvious in the shouting and cheering, which continued long after he left his car. Rather taken aback, Eddie looked around and whispered, “Thank you. I am very glad to be back with you.” Immediately silence fell. Sensing this welcoming crowd wanted more, Eddie hesitated. Then, in a restrained voice endeavouring to hold back any emotion tinkering on the surface, he continued, “My sickness may not be cured, but I am back with you as long as I can.”

  Suddenly a bell rang. All remained silent as Angel ordered, “Thanks for Father’s welcome. He must be tired. He’ll see you soon. But he needs a rest now. So, let’s give him that.”