Where To From Here?

by Ursula Paul

  Not all agreed, but quietly, with a ‘great to see you back’, ‘welcome home’ or a friendly wave, the crowd dispersed.

  Angel helped him collect his luggage and steered him into the kitchen as she commented, “You need a rest, Father, but lunch first!” It was as though the last few weeks were only a dream. He was back – perhaps on borrowed time – but he was back.

  He soon fell into his old pattern… but not quite. Now, instead of a full day, beginning with his morning Mass, followed by school, hospital, home visits, sick calls, and other calls on his time, he had to take a longer lunch break for a much needed rest. Some days he found following his schedule humanly impossible, but most days he was able to keep to the programme he had set himself.

  In the short time, home visiting had changed dramatically. Now, not only was he welcomed, but he was requested to call. When the town had been under the stormy cloud of fear and distrust, all positions of authority had been questioned. Now, with the perpetrators jailed in the city and Eddie’s help in bringing safety to the residents documented, he was accepted as a genuine friend and leader.

  Eddie was now accepted in full as friend and minister. With this acceptance came extended calls for his ministry. With acceptance growing rapidly, so did attendance at Sunday liturgies, calls for advice, calls for counselling.

  By the end of the first month he knew his energy level had dropped. He had kept appointments with the local doctor, who, in turn, had made weekly contact with Dr. Hugo Cavill. His coughing, although no worse than before, was now producing blood and the level of his constant pain had slightly increased. But his ministry was producing peace and joy – not only for his parishioners, but also for himself.

  It was only at the end of the second month that he had to admit to himself that time was running out. His bishop had agreed to his staying another month provided he felt able to cope.

  Chapter Twelve

  The day he had dreaded in advance arrived all too soon. His three months back with his parishioners had been a happy and fruitful time, in spite of his declining health. Now his health had declined to the point that he had to admit to himself that he had very little strength left.

  He felt he could never face an official farewell. Bishop Mark Levitt had agreed to his request that he would leave Bourke with no prior notice of his departure. He also agreed that he would officially advise the congregation at the next weekend liturgy. Eddie’s mother and father arrived the day before driving him home. They were silently shocked by his appearance. It was obvious that Eddie’s life was fast fading.

  Looking back as Bourke faded into the distance, Eddie spoke quietly, “Mum and Dad, after all you have done for me, I have another favour to ask – perhaps the biggest one ever!”

  “Of course,” his father answered.

  “I know there will be a Requiem for me back home…” Both Margie and Tony stiffened at the thought of his Requiem. “I don’t want to upset you any more,” Eddie continued, “but after that I would like to be buried in Bourke.” His mother coughed, endeavouring unsuccessfully to hide a sob. “I know I will always be part of your lives. The reason I ask for this is that the Aboriginal part of me thinks that they will know my spirit lives with them too. I don’t want to hurt you. If this is too hard for you, I will understand.”

  His mother looked to a nod from his father before she answered, “To be honest, Eddie, for some unknown reason, this is not a real surprise. I don’t know why… just a feeling. Dad and I are right behind you in any of your wishes. Of course we’ll see to your request.” She stopped and gulped down another sob.

  “Thanks,” Eddie whispered.

  The remainder of the journey was slow and gentle. Many memories were shared, sometimes with spontaneous humorous anecdotes, as the western region that Eddie had known so well in all his years of ministry faded into memory.

  They were descending the mountains on the second day of the journey when Margie’s mobile rang. Her look of surprise turned to a frown as she answered an agitated voice on the other end.

  “Shane, don’t worry. It’s natural. She’ll be fine. We’ll be there in a few hours. Tell her we’ll be there very soon, okay?”

  It was Tony now telling Margie not to worry as she relayed Shane’s news. “She’s two weeks early. The water has broken and she’s in early stages of labour.”

  “Well Grandma, we’ll have you there soon,” Tony smiled.

  They whispered a quiet prayer for Kate and the baby who would bring new joy into all their lives.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Within three hours they arrived at the hospital and were advised that Kate was in advanced labour. Shane was with her. Eddie resisted suggestions from his father that he take him home to rest.

  “No way, Dad. We have all waited a long time for this. I’m fine.”

  Not long after they arrived at the hospital Shane appeared hurriedly.

  “Kate sent me out as soon as they told her you had arrived,” he added to his greeting.

  “You won’t mind,” he added, “if I leave you and return to Kate.”

  “Of course,” Margie laughed. “Go back to her and give her our love. We’re thinking of her, of course.”

  “Will do,” breathed Shane as he raced away.

  An hour passed. Eddie and his mother and father spoke spasmodically. Their thoughts were with Kate. Time passed quietly and slowly in the waiting room – that is, until Shane rushed in, smiling broadly.

  “Well?” Tony was unable to control his impatience.

  “It’s great!” exclaimed Shane. “A boy – as healthy as they come. And Kate is fine. Come on – come and meet our son. Grandparents and uncle will be very welcome!”

  Soon they were hugging Kate and admiring the little bundle beside her.

  “Who’s first?” asked Shane as he proudly held his newborn son.

  “The grannie first!” laughed Tony as Margie looked down on the little one who would mean so much to them all.

  “Now to Poppa!” smiled Margie as she gently transferred the little one into the arms of the smiling Tony.

  Minutes later, Tony looked toward Eddie. “Your turn, Eddie. Sit down… He’s heavy,” he added with a laugh.

  As he gently eased the baby from his father’s arms, Kate looked over to Eddie now holding her new-born baby and whispered, “Edward Anthony, meet your Uncle Eddie!”

  Kate and Shane smiled at the surprised faces.

  “Yes,” Kate continued. “Shane and I both agreed on the name without any discussion. And we hope and pray that our little boy will grow up to resemble his special uncle and grandfather.”

  Noting the tears welling in Eddie’s eyes, Kate continued, “And our parish priest has agreed to our little son’s Baptism in the church at any time to suit us – apart from official parish times of course – and to his uncle being the celebrant.”

  Eddie smiled while thinking his prayer of thanks that he had been spared for this.

  Kate and little Edward returned home within the week. As planned, Edward Anthony was baptized the next weekend by his uncle Eddie. It was a joyous occasion. Eddie’s pain had increased over the past few weeks. But, with the help of pain relievers, he conducted the ceremony with love and joy. Extended families swelled the numbers attending. Julian and Sinead emailed from abroad as soon as they received word from Eddie. A surprise visitor for the day was Joe.

  Eddie was unable to hide his joy when he saw his friend. “Joe! How great to see you! You’ll assist, won’t you?”

  “No,” answered Joe. “This is a ceremony just for you to perform. If you need me, I’m here. But you’ll be fine. And, in years ahead little Edward will boast, ‘my uncle Eddie baptized me.’”

  Later, at the celebratory lunch at home, Eddie and Joe found a quiet time together.

  “How are you really travelling?” Joe asked quietly.

  “Joe, it’s great to see you. And to you I can really say I’m okay most of the time. But at other times I question. Why? Why m
e? Is it punishment for something? I really know it’s not, but sometimes…”

  “Eddie, you and your feelings are you… are real. I think you are coping better than I ever could. Feel free to question… I know I would. Yet there are some questions without answers. One question I certainly can answer… this is not a punishment. You have given your life for God and others. This is not a punishment!”

  “Thanks Joe. I know I can get things out of my system by talking to you and Julian.”

  “Then please do, Mate. Any day, any time. We help each other. Remember how you and Julian helped me when I was almost at breaking point.”

  “And now?” asked Eddie, changing direction of the questioning.

  “I’m okay, thanks mate. Have an odd off day. But, that’s life! I’m okay.”

  “And I’m so grateful for your coming today. I knew you’d be able to take over if…”

  “You did a great job Eddie. We’ll all remember this day with joy.”

  A call from the kitchen invited them to refreshments.

  Chapter Fourteen

  As the weeks progressed, so did Eddie’s health regress. A month after Edward’s Baptism Eddie became bedridden. With the help of palliative care, Margie and Tony were able to nurse him at home.

  Julian and Sinead returned from their overseas honeymoon. Joe came down whenever he could take time off. Eddie took comfort and pleasure in the times the three friends spent together. Eddie knew that, in some way, they gave him strength. They seemed to understand, to say the right things at the pertinent times, to sit in silence with him at times, to share memories, to pray with and for each other, and always to part with their typical ‘scrum farewell.’

  Tony worried that his wife would become physically and emotionally drained.

  “A lot of nonsense,” she declared. “It is my privilege to be with Eddie.” He had to admit the truth of the statement. He also had to admit to himself that his wife showed no signs of physical draining – emotional, perhaps – but not physical.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The day they had all dreaded arrived unexpectedly and unheralded. Eddie awoke to rays of sun falling on his bed through the open slats. He had had a couple of days of heavy sedation because of severe pain. Today, the pain seemed to have eased. Perhaps they had increased the pain-killers! His life flashed before him – the orphanage, going home with Margie, Tony and Kate, his happy family life, his special friendship with Julian, Joe and Simon, and finally his call to priesthood and his spiritual life. He smiled as he whispered, “Thanks God, for family and friends and for the special life you have given me.” He closed his eyes as he felt a tremendous joy overtake him.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The palliative team arrived early in the morning as they had done for the past few weeks.

  Margie met them at the door. Together they entered Eddie’s room.

  “He’s sleeping,” one commented.

  Suddenly, Margie knew. “I think God has taken him,” she whispered.

  At once, the team checked heart and pulse beats. “He’s gone,” one whispered.

  Minutes later, Margie and Tony hand in hand stood by Eddie’s bed as the parish priest prayed the prayers of the dying and gave Eddie the last blessing.

  Kate and Shane arrived shortly after. Together the family shared memories. Prayers and memories tumbled out together. Extended families arrived during the morning.

  Eddie had expressed his wishes for his last journey. Now the family endeavoured to put them in place.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Three days later, family, extended family and friends came together in the Walsh’s parish church for Eddie’s Requiem. Joe, as principal celebrant, was assisted by the parish priest.

  Julian’s address, tracing Eddie’s life from the orphanage to his home with the Walshes, his call to priesthood and his life-long answer to same, was simple, eloquent and moving.

  Eddie’s final journey to Bourke was followed by Margie, Tony, Kate and Shane, Julian, Sinead and Joe. It was a long, slow journey. Margie, Tony, Kate and Shane, travelling together, spent some time in silence with thoughts of their unique experiences. In another car, Sinead encouraged Julian and Joe to share their many memories. Yet, at different times each was engrossed in silent thoughts and memories.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “You two need time!” Sinead announced as they drove away. “We’ll leave here early tomorrow. Tonight we’ll stay at the motel just out of town.” Neither Julian nor Joe objected.

  After the meal barely touched, Sinead whispered to Julian, “I’ll read or watch a bit of TV in our room. You and Joe need a ‘wake’ I think.”

  “Thanks, darlin’”, he whispered back.

  The bar was fairly crowded but they found a table in the far corner. Drinks ordered, silence prevailed for the first couple of minutes. Each was full of thoughts and feelings but sparse on words to express them adequately.

  Eventually Joe spoke softly, “He’s gone – so hard to believe. And yet he hasn’t gone… hell, Julian, what am I talking about!”

  Julian answered, “Yes, Joe, you’re right. Eddie’s spirit will always live on. And, I think, it will inspire folks around here for many a day.”

  “You’re right there,” Joe replied.

  “This is so different from Simon’s death.” Julian spoke his thoughts. “Simon… Eddie… both tragedies. But their parting! Simon – still questions. Eddie – a long painful journey to the end, but still swamped in love and care… and peace due to Eddie’s acceptance.”

  “Yeah,” Joe responded. “You’re so right. There are still questions unanswered regarding Simon’s death. But Eddie… yes, so different.”

  Changing the subject, Julian spoke softly, “Mate, there is something else that Eddie has asked me to tell you.”

  Joe frowned.

  “It’s all right,” Julian continued. “Just days before his death, I was able to answer Eddie’s life-long question. For years he has been asking himself where did he really come from. In the last couple of years he has asked me to help him find out, if possible, who his parents are. It has been a bit of a search, but I cracked it – the answer was waiting for me when we returned from overseas just recently. Eddie’s birth father was Tony’s brother, Ron, as you know a fairly unstable character killed in a car crash many years ago. His mother was a young Aboriginal girl who worked at the family home. Apparently, when she found herself pregnant, she vanished – I suppose she knew that Ron would deny being the father. It was fairly difficult tracing where she went, but I was lucky. She didn’t return to her tribe, instead lived in the bush. When the baby was born – who helped her we can only guess – she kept him for a week or two, then one day turned up at the orphanage and left him there. She left hurriedly. No one seems to know where she went from there. They guessed she was a sick girl and died soon after. That part is only guessing. Perhaps Tony’s father knew the truth and encouraged Eddie’s adoption. But, again, it is only a guess.”

  “You told Eddie all that?” Joe questioned.

  “Yes,” Julian answered. “He was grateful. He’d always questioned his heritage. But Margie and Tony would always be the real parents to him. Then he asked me – in his own quiet way ordered me I suppose! – never to tell anyone, his family especially. He made one exception and that was you.”

  Joe was silent for a few moments before he commented softly, “He’d know his secret was safe with you and me.”

  That thought tapped their storage of memories. For hours they relived parts of the past – their initial dreams and hopes, the fading of many, the new hopes, the twists and turns of their life journeys.

  “In twenty years life has certainly changed,” Julian commented. “And so has the Church – in a much smaller degree – from the one we knew at ordination.”

  “Yes,” added Joe slowly. “And we wonder… how will life have changed in another twenty years? Where will the Church be then?

  Epilogue

  “Feel
like a swim?”

  “A bit too cool I think! What about you?”

  “Agreed! At this time the water is the coldest. And that cool breeze…!”

  They both laughed.

  “We’re growing old!”

  “Don’t remind me!”

  Seconds passed as many thoughts floated.

  Joe broke the silence, sensing his thoughts and that of his friend were on the same wave length. “Hard to believe that it’s forty years since the day we broke free!”

  “A good choice of words,” Julian replied with a wink.

  “It was a day of freedom – a day of joy – sort of gentle achievement. Right here!”

  “We were so full of hope for the future!”

  “We certainly were! And since then… So many hopes have been dashed, so many dreams have died.” Both nodded silently.

  “Yet, in spite of outside pulls, we believed… we stayed and hoped – and spoke out at times.”

  “We certainly did. We had to sift the human failures to believe that the God we believed in was still there!”

  “But… what that group of bastards did to kids for so long!” Julian’s anger always mounted on the subject.

  “And now that you’re looking into these abuses you must be seeing too many!”

  Silence reigned for some minutes.

  “And Simon?” Joe asked quietly.

  “We will never know,” Julian replied slowly. “But the case against Alberto Ponti will stick. Three victims have already spoken out. There could be more. But there is enough evidence to convict him… even at his age. But that will never bring Simon back!”

  Again their thoughts returned to this spot almost forty years previously.