Chasing Faith

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  As she shuffled through my pantry, Eden whispered, “I didn’t know your sister was having a baby.”

  I looked at her shocked face. “I guess with everything going on in my life, it must have slipped my mind.”

  “How old is she?” Eden asked quietly.

  “Almost sixteen.”

  “Girl, you don’t have nothing in here except tuna,” Crystal said, coming out of the kitchen carrying a small can.

  “You can have that if you want,” I told her.

  “How are you going to take care of a baby?” Eden asked.

  “Oh, I ain’t keeping it,” Crystal said, pulling a can opener out of the silverware drawer. “I’m gonna place it for adoption.”

  “Where’s the baby’s father?” Eden questioned.

  Crystal finally got the lid off the tuna can and tossed it into the wastebasket. “Oh, he’s in jail.”

  “I thought he got out,” I said.

  “The cops found something else on him, so they took him back in.”

  “Sounds like you’re a lot better off without that loser,” Eden commented.

  Crystal grabbed a fork and started eating right out of the can. “If I don’t find an adoptive family soon, I may have to raise this baby myself. I don’t want to do that. I’m not ready to be a mama. Besides, my mom would get attached and then she’d have a real hard time giving up her grandbaby.”

  Crystal tossed the empty tuna can into the trash. “Well, I’ll let you two go back to catching up. Talk to you later, sis.”

  After she left, Eden and I sat on the couch and went back to talking about her situation. All of a sudden Eden said, “Wait! Your sister’s looking for parents for her baby?”

  “Yeah,” I said hesitantly.

  “Why couldn’t Dion and I adopt Crystal’s baby?”

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  “If you’re concerned about Dion, don’t be. He’s changed.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. He’s been going to AA meetings and working for the pastor of our church.”

  “That sounds like a good start, anyway,” I said.

  “Pray about it for me, will you?” she asked, getting up. “I can’t wait to tell Dion about this.”

  I walked with her to the door. “Thanks for trying to help my sister.”

  “Your sister could be helping me out, too,” she said, beaming. “Tell Crystal to take care of herself. If she needs food, tell her I’ll be happy to cook something for her.”

  “I love you, girl,” I told her as I watched her practically skipping to her car.

  Two weeks went by. I really missed Sebastian, but I didn’t call him. I wanted to stay tough. I guess he was taking the same stance because he didn’t call me, either.

  Mom took me to church with her and I got to sit with Mrs. Jones, the lady who’d helped me understand how important my commitment to Christ was.

  My mother had bragged to all the church members about my engagement to the newly elected lieutenant governor of Georgia. After the service, lots of people came up to me, telling me about their cousins or ex-boyfriends or high-school friends who lived in various small towns in Georgia. I didn’t want to be rude, but since I didn’t live in that state, the names of the places meant nothing to me.

  Trying to learn how to be a politician’s wife, I just said things like, “Oh, that’s wonderful. I’ll be sure to tell Sebastian.” I knew I would never remember the names of the towns they mentioned, much less their friends’ or relatives’ names.

  After everyone had gone, Mrs. Jones came up to me. “You’re representing your man quite well.” Apparently she’d been watching me. “There’s just one thing I don’t understand, my dear. Why aren’t you by his side?”

  “I honestly don’t know,” I admitted. “Everything’s perfect, but I now don’t know if I want to go through with the marriage.” I sighed. “Am I an idiot?”

  She smiled briefly, then asked, “What are you afraid of?”

  I stared at my hands, digging deep inside myself for the answer. “Mrs. Jones, I just recently started developing a relationship with the Lord. He speaks to me and I hear His voice. I love that. I guess I’m afraid that if I get married, I’ll have to submit my will to someone, and that might become a wedge between me and God. I don’t want to have to go through Sebastian to talk to the Lord, and I don’t want to stop hearing directly from Him.”

  Mrs. Jones chuckled a bit. “Oh, my. Your mama always said you were a strong cookie. Not many young women would hold up a wedding just because they wanted to keep their independence.”

  “So, what do I do?” I asked, hoping she’d have a clear answer for me.

  She took a deep breath. “Christian, darling, being married to a godly man isn’t about losing anything. You gain a loving man who leads you, but I don’t think you really understand what that means.”

  “Can you break it down for me?” I asked.

  She smiled. “God will speak through and to your man, but He’ll still talk to you as well. You don’t have to worry about him leading you astray. If you’ve got a man who loves God, Christ is calling him to love you. You won’t mind following him, serving him, submitting to him, and helping him because without you, he wouldn’t be able to become all that God wants him to be. You’ve heard that behind every great man there’s a great woman? Well, it’s true. God created Eve to help Adam.”

  “Yeah, but tempted him to fall,” I pointed out.

  “That’s true,” she said. “And we’re all now paying the price of pain for what Eve did. But you don’t have to make the same mistakes Eve did. When God tells your husband to do something, follow it, even if you feel led to do something else.”

  “That sounds like a tough thing to do,” I said.

  “You’re right,” she said. “When you’re single you can totally focus on God. But if the Lord gives you a husband who loves Him, you’ll have so much joy, you can’t even imagine it.” She threw her hands up. “You won’t believe all the things you two will be able to do together to worship God. Just pray and ask God to give you guidance.”

  After Mrs. Jones left I sat in the pew and thought and prayed. I soon realized that I didn’t want to live without the man I loved.

  I rushed home and called Sebastian.

  “I’ve missed you,” he said.

  “I love you.”

  He asked about my Thanksgiving plans.

  “I wanted to be with you,” I said, “but I’m not sure I can come out there.”

  “Actually,” he said, “I’ve been thinking I’d like to get away from Georgia for a while. Maybe I can come up there. If that’s all right.”

  “That’d be great!”

  “We’ll plan on it, then,” he said, sounding relieved.

  “How are your parents doing?” I asked.

  “Not good,” he said, the excitement in his voice disappearing. “Mom moved out for a while, but then she decided that since she wasn’t the one who did anything wrong, Dad should leave. So she kicked him out.”

  “Where’d he go?” I asked, searching my kitchen cabinets for something to eat.

  “Believe it or not, he’s staying with me. That’s why I’m trying to get a break from here.”

  “Gee, and I thought you just wanted to see me,” I teased him.

  “I do,” he assured me. “But my dad really is driving me crazy. He keeps trying to tell me what I need to do when I get into office.”

  “At least you two are talking.”

  “The line of communication is open between us, and I’m thankful for that. So what are your family’s plans for Thanksgiving?”

  “I’m sure my mom will cook a big dinner. Now, we don’t have fancy china and crystal or anything.”

  “Oh, I can’t come, then,” he joked.

  I laughed. “Will you be able to stay long?”

  “The governor has given me a vacation as an engagement gift. He even offered to let me stay at his cabin at a ski resort in Tennessee. Think y
ou might want to join me there for a couple of days?”

  “I’d love to.”

  “We could head up there the day after Thanksgiving.”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  We sent each other hugs and kisses through the phone. Our relationship was back on track, and it felt so good. I still wasn’t ready to set a date for our wedding, but I figured another two weeks would give me time to decide.

  On Thanksgiving my mom’s house was full with my sister and her friends, Eden and Dion, and, of course, Sebastian and me. Dion and Sebastian hit it off right from the start.

  The next day, Sebastian and I flew to the ski resort. The governor’s wood cabin had a high ceiling, a large brick fireplace, and antique furniture. It was beautiful and cozy, and I relished the thought of just relaxing for a change. Too bad I was going to be staying in the nearby lodge and not with Sebastian in the cabin. Since I had started my walk with God, I knew that we should not sleep in the same cabin because things may get out of control like they did in the hotel room. I figured that we could hang out in my room in the ski resort or the cabin, but I was definitely sleeping alone in my room.

  Sebastian wanted to take to the slopes right away. I asked if he’d mind if I just sat by the roaring fire and spent some time alone with the Lord. “I’ll go skiing with you tomorrow,” I promised.

  He came out of the bedroom dressed in his dark yellow snowsuit. He looked so adorable all bundled up. Before leaving, he gave me a long kiss. I appreciated it, but it was like he was going off to the army or something.

  “What was that for?” I asked him, very uneasy with his strong good-bye kiss. “You’ll be right back.”

  “Yes, I will, but I don’t want to take you for granted. I want every kiss we share to be special,” he said, leaving my side to grab his skis and poles.

  I felt much better after hearing his sweet explanation. He was so silly as he put on his gloves and then blew me kisses. Gosh, I loved him.

  As soon as he left, I settled in the recliner by the fireplace. I was so cozy, curled up in an afghan. I read a few chapters in Proverbs and then fell asleep.

  My peaceful solitude was interrupted by Sebastian’s cell phone ringing. I let the voice mail pick up. Since it rang again right away, I decided it might be Sebastian trying to reach me, so I picked up.

  When I said hello, I heard a deep sigh, but no words.

  “Can I help you?” I asked.

  “Christian, this is Reverend Stokes.”

  “What can I do for you?” I asked coolly.

  “Is my son there?”

  “No, sir. He’s out skiing.”

  “He’s on the slope already?” Stokes asked, his voice sounding strange, almost panicked. “How long has he been gone?”

  “About twenty minutes. Is something wrong?”

  “Christian…” Reverend Stokes paused. “The governor offered to let Sebastian stay at his cabin because…”

  His uncharacteristic nervousness had me scared.

  “He sent Sebastian out there to get rid of him,” Stokes blurted out.

  I sat bolt upright. “What are you talking about?”

  “Governor James doesn’t believe Sebastian will support him in his bid to get the casino approved. That deal is worth millions of dollars, so he and his people are willing to do anything to get it. And I do mean anything.”

  I sucked in my breath, trying to take in his implications.

  “Christian, you have to go out to the slopes and find him. You’ve got to save my son!”

  “I’ll do my best, sir,” I said. The second after I hung up, I called the ski patrol and told them what Reverend Stokes had said. “Sebastian told me he was going to the Deer Run slope.”

  “That’s the most dangerous one, this time of year,” the ranger said. “It’s very close to the deer-hunting side. Stray bullets sometimes fly through there. We’ve tried for years to get the park to close it down.”

  Since the slopes were less than a mile from the cabin, Sebastian had walked, leaving the rented four-wheel-drive Jeep in the driveway. I drove as fast as I could on the icy roads to the ski patrol building.

  When I pulled up, I saw a patrolman mounting a white snowmobile with a forest ranger emblem on it. “Are you going after Sebastian Stokes?” I hollered over the rev of the engine.

  “Sure am,” he said. “Are you the one who called?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Can I come with you?”

  He handed me a helmet. I hopped on behind him, my heart beating like crazy.

  Lord, please don’t let anything happen to him, I chanted over and over as wet snow assaulted my cheeks. The patrolman’s broad back offered me some protection.

  The snowmobile slowed down and I peeked around the patrolman’s shoulders. I saw a guy in a black ski mask and black clothes pointing a gun at a skier coming down the hill. As the skier slid past us, I recognized the bright yellow of Sebastian’s ski suit.

  A loud booming sound rang out across the snow. I turned around and saw the man in black skiing down the far side of the slope. I quickly looked back at the skier who’d passed us. All I could see was a yellow suit lying in the white snow.

  “Sebastian,” I screamed. I pounded on the back of the ski patrolman and pointed. He called for backup and steered the snowmobile toward the yellow lump in the snow. As we drew closer, I noticed some of the white snow was turning pink.

  Even before the snowmobile came to a complete stop, I hopped off and tramped through the deep snow to get to my injured man.

  “Stay here,” the patrolman ordered. “I have to make sure the area is clear of danger.”

  “What about Sebastian?” I asked, furious that he would leave a wounded person.

  “Ma’am, if that gunman is still in the area, we could get shot, too.”

  I saw his point. This was definitely a no-win situation.

  “I’ve called for backup,” he assured me. “The medics will be here soon.” He turned the snowmobile around and zoomed off.

  What was happening? How could things get so bad just when they were at their peak?

  Chapter 18

  Heaven

  “Please don’t go to heaven yet,” I screamed with myknees buried in the snow. I held Sebastian’s head in my lap as if my protecting his head would make him better. Blood was gushing from his left side, so I took fresh snow and put it on his wound, hoping it would stop the flow. I begged Sebastian to say something to me. He didn’t utter a word.

  I kept pressing snow against his side. Finally I heard him moan. “Thank You, God,” I cried.

  A blue-and-white vehicle that resembled a large snowmobile slid up to us. Three paramedics climbed off, carrying first-aid bags. “Is he breathing?” the larger one asked as they trudged toward me.

  “Yes, but he’s lost a lot of blood.”

  “His pulse is faint,” the female paramedic said, her bare hand against Sebastian’s neck.

  “We’ve got to get him to the hospital stat,” the tall paramedic said. He radioed for a helicopter.

  “We’re losing him,” the woman called out.

  “Don’t let him die,” I screamed. “Please don’t let him die.”

  The large guy ripped open Sebastian’s snowsuit and started CPR, alternating between pressing my man’s chest and blowing into his mouth while holding his nose closed.

  I was trained in CPR but forgot everything I knew because I was panicking. I yelled, “He’s bleeding. Are you supposed to press his chest?”

  The lady looked up at me and said, “Basic first aid says that you have to get the guy breathing first before you attend to his wounds. Unless you want us to attend to the wounds of a dead guy.”

  “Janna, don’t say that,” the tall guy responded.

  Janna said, “Well, it’s true, and she’s got to let us do our job.”

  Horrified by the thought that Sebastian could be dead, I knelt in the snow and held on to hope.

  One of the ski patrol guys got a portable defibrillat
or from one of the jet skis. He turned on the machine, instructed everyone to move back, put gel on the paddles of the defibrillator, yelled “Clear!” and put the paddles on Sebastian’s chest. He then pressed a button on the back of each of the paddles and they sent an electrical current to Sebastian’s heart, which caused his whole body to jerk. He then checked Sebastian’s pulse and said that there was a faint pulse.

  Lord, I prayed, I’m not ready to let him go, but it looks like he’s in a lot of pain, and I don’t want him to be hurting so much. Just take him.

  Though the last thing I wanted was for Sebastian to be gone, God’s Word said it was far better for him.

  “He’s going,” the female paramedic yelled.

  “Let’s shock him one more time,” the tall guy responded. The awful procedure was performed again.

  “There’s a pulse,” the female reported, “but it’s faint.”

  Just then I heard helicopter blades whirling above us. We all looked up. As the chopper landed nearby, kicking up snow in all directions, the paramedics put Sebastian on a stretcher. They carried him to the waiting aircraft.

  The EMT in the helicopter told me I could ride in front with the pilot. I quickly thanked the paramedics and jumped in. As the chopper lifted, the EMT started Sebastian on an IV and dressed his wound.

  When we landed at Gatlinburg Memorial Hospital, the doctors rushed Sebastian to surgery. I prayed aloud in a quiet corner of the hospital chapel. Though my whole body was shaking, I had a peace in my heart that came from God.

  I went to the waiting room. When I dug in the pocket of my jeans to get money for a cup of coffee, I found Sebastian’s cell phone in my pocket. I should call his parents. But what would I say?

  Apparently, the governor of Georgia had invited us to his cabin to have Sebastian assassinated. But why? Did Sebastian know something that Governor James wanted to keep hidden? It made me pretty sick to think that this was connected to the attempt on my life.

  Opening the cell phone, I punched the button to display the last number called. When I recognized the number as the one for Sebastian’s parents’ home, I pressed Send.