Coco scratched at my leg, interrupting my wayward thoughts, and I grinned down at her. I scratched her belly, finished my coffee, and got dressed before grabbing my purse and heading out the door.
I PULLED INTO HUNTLEY and Grayson’s driveway and stopped in front of their double garage. Their house was stunning on the outside, and everything I could imagine Huntley wanting – white picket fence, blue shutters, wraparound porch. As soon as I walked in through the front door Hunter came barreling down the hallway, and flung himself into my body, nearly knocking me off my feet.
“Mimi!” he yelled excitedly. I bent down and allowed him to wrap his arms around my neck. He squeezed tight, and whispered, “I missed you,” in my ear so that only I could hear.
I squeezed him back, and pulled away to look at his handsome little face. “Hey booger. I missed you too.”
He grinned a wide, toothy grin, and my heart filled with love for my Godson. I stood up, took his hand in mine and walked into the kitchen. Grayson’s mother, May, was standing in front of the stove, while Huntley’s aunt, Emma, was filling glasses with what I assumed was her sweet tea. Huntley was leaning against the counter, laughing at something her aunt said.
“Hey Dem,” Huntley greeted. She hugged me, and I returned it.
“Hey girl,” I replied. Huntley’s eyes searched mine, and it was a look I’d become familiar with months ago. It was probing. She was trying to gauge how I was feeling. If it were anyone else my defenses would’ve shot right up. But she was my best friend, and she understood how hard the last year had been for me.
“You seem better today,” she remarked. “I’m glad to see that smile again. I missed it.”
I gave her hand a squeeze, and replied, “I’m good.”
Huntley’s eyes were bright with understanding, and I knew she was glad that I was feeling more like the old me. After I greeted May, and Emma, Huntley and I took a seat at the island in the middle of the kitchen. Huntley looked a little worried, and opened and closed her mouth a few times before talking.
“I need to tell you something,” she said. Her gaze dropped momentarily, and then lifted back to mine. My heart sank, because I knew what she wanted to tell me.
“I know he’s coming tomorrow,” I said, beating her to the punch. She was going to tell me Brody would be arriving tomorrow, which I already knew. Huntley and Grayson’s wedding was only a week away, and since Brody and I were both part of the wedding party, I figured he’d want to be here for everything that was planned for the week ahead. I was Huntleys’ Maid of Honor, but luckily Jeff was Grayson’s’ best man, which meant he’d be my date.
Huntley’s shoulders dropped, and she sighed in relief. “Who told you?”
“Jeff,” I replied, fighting the urge to smile at the sound of his name.
Huntleys’ mouth tipped into a knowing smirk. “He’s been calling you hasn’t he,” she observed.
I nodded. “Yeah. Almost every night.” I felt a knot form in my stomach at the admission, and I knew it was guilt.
“You have nothing to feel bad about,” Huntley said, reading my thoughts. “He makes you feel like you again, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“We’re just friends,” I sighed, knowing that it’s a partial lie. Huntley’s brows rose and I could tell she didn’t believe me. She knew me better than that. Huntley took my hands, and held them, giving me a sympathetic gaze. “You have no reason at all to feel guilty. I know Jeff helped you get through a lot, and if I’m being honest, I’m glad he did. I know you care about him, Dem, and he cares about you too.” Jeff was another member of the Carter family that I grew up with, so we’d been friends since we were kids. But he’d become something more to me. I needed someone to hold me up when everything around me, and inside me, was falling apart and Jeff was there. Somewhere along the way something happened and I’d started seeing him a little differently. Even so, I never acted on those feelings because at the time I was emotionally unavailable and he knew that, but didn’t seem to mind.
“I know,” I replied. I tried not to think about everything too much and on most days, like today, I actually got it right. It wasn’t always easy for me to talk about, even to Huntley, but I understood how important it was to do what I had to in order to move forward, and put myself back together. It helped that Huntley and I worked at the same school. I’d spent many lunch breaks in her counselors’ office talking it out, crying if needed. Of course, that was after I took a short leave of absence after everything that happened when Brody left. The school insisted I take more time after everything I’d been through, but I reached a point where being at home drove me crazy and I grew tired of the mind-numbing pills that made me feel nothing for far too long. I was stronger than that and I only realized that when I was the only person who could pull me out of the hole I had fallen into. Sure, I had Huntley and Grayson to help me, Jeff too. In fact, I had the whole Carter family, and the Morgan family, taking care of me. But I needed to draw on my own strength to pull myself through my grief. After a while, the sunshine started coming through the darkness again and I reveled in it when those moments came. Eventually, I started feeling okay again. I accepted that I could never be who I used to be, especially after what I had lost, but I found a new determination. I wasn’t ready to lose myself. So I fought and I fought hard. All that fire inside me led me to today, to feeling more like myself than I had in months.
“There you girls are.”
I looked up just as Grayson walked in. I stood up and he pulled me into his body for a bear hug. He’d become a little bigger since he graduated. Working at the new Sports Rehabilitation center kept him fit and he looked good.
“Hey Gray,” I sighed, hugging him around his waist.
“Good to see you, Demi,” he said, smiling at me. He let me go and lifted Huntley off her chair before taking her place and depositing her in his lap. “What’s this I hear about my brother?” he asked, looking between Huntley and me curiously.
I looked down and felt my cheeks heat.
“Now that’s a sight for sore eyes,” Grayson mumbled. I looked up to find him and Huntley grinning at me like fools.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re blushing,” Grayson remarked. “I didn’t know if we’d ever see that again.”
I knew what he meant. Grayson was Brody’s best friend, but he was one of mine too and he cared about me. I wasn’t sure how things were between him and Brody now but I knew their relationship had been strained for a while after he left. Grayson was pissed that Brody left, and he wanted me to tell him about what happened to me, but I just couldn’t. I wasn’t ready then and the one time I tried it blew up in my face. Luckily, I had Jeff to help me get through yet another one of life’s disappointments.
“Your brother has been good to me, Gray.”
“I know. We’re just glad to have you smiling again. I know Hunter has missed you too.”
I smiled thinking about my adorable Godson. I missed him too, even though I’d seen him regularly. He often went with Huntley to school on the days she worked and during lunch I’d steal him for a while. He was always so happy, and it was impossible to dwell on life’s shortcomings with him around. Huntley and Grayson were both worried that being around Hunter would be difficult for me, but it was actually quite the opposite. Now that it was summer vacation and Huntley and I were on a break, I could see him more often.
As if knowing we were talking about him, Hunter came sauntering into the kitchen, swinging his arms and shaking his little hips. For a two year old, he sure had attitude.
“Hey bud.” Grayson smiled proudly at his son. He was the perfect mixture of Huntley and Grayson with his daddy’s dark hair and his mamma’s stormy blue eyes. Kid was going to be a real killer in a few years time, no doubt. He threw his arms up and Huntley managed to bend down from her position on Grayson’s lap to pick Hunter up. They looked like the perfect little family, and I wanted nothing more than to experience it. I came close to it, once.<
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“I think it’s time to feed our little man,” Huntley said, kissing Hunter’s forehead.
We all got up, and I was grateful to have the attention taken away from me. Huntley walked outside with Hunter, and I was about to follow when Grayson stopped me.
“Would you mind staying a little longer,” he asked. “I wanted to talk to you, but after everyone else has left.”
“Sure,” I replied. “Is everything okay Gray?”
He gave me a small half-smile and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Yeah, it’s fine.” I didn’t believe him, but decided not to press the issue. I’d wait until later.
I WAS SITTING ON THE back steps of the porch. Grayson’s parents left a little while ago, and Huntley’s uncle and aunt followed shortly afterwards. We’d spent the day eating good food, chatting, and finalizing the plans for Huntley and Grayson’s wedding. I laughed for the first time in months, feeling completely at ease and at home with the people around me. I was nursing a bottle of water when the deck creaked behind me, and Grayson’s big body bent to take a seat on the steps next to me. He sighed and brought his all-knowing eyes to me.
“You have fun today?” he asked. I knew he was stalling but I allowed it. “I did,” I replied honestly. “You don’t have to worry about me anymore Gray. I’m okay. I’m getting better.”
“I know, but - ”
“But nothing,” I interrupted. “I’m okay, Gray. This is going to be the best week of your life, and the last thing I want is for you and Huntley to spend it worrying about me.”
“You’re family Dem, we always worry about you. I will never understand how difficult the last few months have been for you and I’m sorry that you had to even go through it at all but Huntley was right there with you, feeling everything you felt. It killed me to see you girls hurting so bad knowing there was nothing I could do. I wanted nothing more than to kick Brody’s ass for leaving but I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to think I was choosing sides.” It was the first time Grayson was talking to me about this, and I was more than a little surprised. “I should’ve spoken you sooner,” he continued, looking somewhat sheepish. “But I didn’t want to upset you.”
“Are you talking to me now because Brody is coming tomorrow?” I asked quietly.
“I need to make sure you’re going to be okay seeing him this week. If not, I’ll phone him right now and tell him to stay in Chicago.”
My heart warmed at Grayson’s thoughtfulness and I wondered what I’d done to deserve a friend like him. I was just me, an average Southern girl who had been to hell and back in the last year, and for some reason God blessed me with this amazing, loving family. It wasn’t a flesh and blood family, but it was family all the same.
“You don’t have to do that,” I sighed. “He deserves to experience the most magical day of your life with you. We’ve all been friends for too long to let what happened with us come between that.”
“If you don’t want him here, just say the word Dem and he won’t be here. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, because then I’ll get hell from Huntley and we all know how that works out for me.”
I chuckled then, knowing he was right. Huntley could be a real hellcat when she was pissed, or unhappy. We’d managed to avoid Bridezilla so far, we weren’t about coax it out now.
“I’m going to be just fine,” I replied. I wrapped my arms around his bicep and rested my head on his arm. “He’s not the only one responsible for our mess, Gray. I was also wrong.”
I felt Grayson kiss the top of my head and it was comforting. I was terrified as all hell to see Brody, but I tried hiding it as best I could. This week wasn’t about me. It was about two of the most amazing people I knew pledging their lives and hearts to each other forever. I wasn’t about to let my problems ruin that.
“Are you going to tell him about… you know?” Grayson asked hesitantly.
Thinking about what I had to tell Brody made my chest tighten, and my throat start to burn. I tried to will the tears to stay away, but it was hard. I’d been doing so well but there were some things that would still cut me up.
“I don’t know,” I sniffled, trying to be quiet. I didn’t want Huntley to hear me, or see me if I started crying. This felt like a set back of sorts but I knew I’d have to tell Brody everything at some point. Not only did he deserve to know but it was important for me to get this closure. I wasn’t going to heal otherwise.
“He deserves to know,” Grayson murmured, reading my mind. “It won’t change what happened but it will make it a whole lot easier on you.” I wasn’t entirely sure that was true but he was right to some extent. Brody deserved to know what happened after he left.
“I have something else you need to know.” I looked up at Grayson, and the expression on his face worried me.
“Brody might be bringing someone with him,” he said. He watched me carefully, and I had no idea what he was expecting to see on my face.
“I know,” I replied. Grayson looked surprised but didn’t ask me how I knew. I wasn’t ready to tell him anyway, even if he had asked. “Your brother will be on my arm,” I said, trying to sound unfazed. “Brody can bring whoever he wants.”
Grayson looked skeptical and probably thought every word coming out of my mouth was bullshit. He wasn’t wrong.
“So you and my brother, huh?” he smirked. I smiled, a real genuine one at that and ducked my head a little.
“I don’t have to tell you what’s been going on with us,” I said. “I’m sure Jeff has been keeping you up-to-date.”
It was Grayson’s turn to chuckle. “It’s the only way I can find out how you’re really doing. I know you don’t always tell us everything.”
“I wasn’t lying when I said I was doing better, Gray. Sometimes I just need to talk to someone who won’t pity me. Jeff is that person, and I really care about him.”
“We don’t pity you, Dem,” Grayson argued. I shook my head.
“Yeah, Gray, you kinda do. You guys have looked at me like I’m broken beyond repair for too long, and I didn’t want to end up resenting you for it. Besides, I had to pull myself together on my own. I may not be completely there yet, but I will be.”
“You’ve always been strong, but it’s alright to lean on someone every now and then.”
“That’s why I have your brother,” I replied quietly, thinking about just how much Jeff had helped me.
“Okay you two, it’s late and I need to put the little monster to bed.” Grayson and I both looked up to find Huntley smiling at us with a sleepy Hunter in her arms. Grayson helped me up, and I walked over to Huntley. I kissed Hunter goodnight, and Huntley passed him to Grayson. I said goodnight to him too and Huntley walked me to my car.
“Are we still on for tomorrow?” Huntley asked, stifling a yawn.
“Of course,” I replied. “I can’t wait.”
“Me neither,” Huntley replied. “You drive home safe and let me know when you get home, okay?”
“It’s like ten minutes.”
“I don’t care. I won’t sleep until I get that message from you saying you’re home safe.” Huntley yawned again and I knew she’d fall asleep before I even pulled into my driveway. But I agreed just to appease her and hugged her goodbye before climbing into my car and driving home. After locking up and activating my alarm, I grabbed my kindle e-reader and got Coco settled on my bed. I started reading a new romance novel but it wasn’t long before my eyes dropped closed and the flash of Brody’s face haunted my dreams.
The plane touched down at O’Hare International airport in Chicago and I woke with a start. I was groggy from the flight even though it was only two hours long at the most. My mood had worsened considerably but I chalked it down to why I was here in the first place and told myself to suck it up. The sooner I saw Brody and got this out of the way, the sooner I could go home and crawl back into the darkness and despair that had been my life for the past two months. It was easier that way, for me at least. I knew everyone at home, inclu
ding Huntley, had become frustrated with my behavior and my need to hide away from the world. Too bad I didn’t care. They didn’t understand what I had gone through and they sure as hell had no idea what it was like to live in the perpetual darkness that had consumed me. I was only a fraction of the person I once was and no one could pretend they knew what that was like.
I grabbed the small bag that I’d brought with me for my two and a half day visit from the luggage carousel and made my way out to where the cabs were parked. It was late and the sun had just started setting but it felt like I’d been awake for days on end. Everything hurt. My head, my arms, my legs, my belly. But nothing compared to the hurt I felt gnawing away at my chest. But I was here for a reason, a purpose, and I had to see that through before I allowed myself to be overcome by my grief. I hailed a cab and after sliding in, I gave Brody’s address to the cab driver. As we weaved through the streets, the tall glass buildings whizzing past, it hit me that all of this was what he’d left me for. While I took full responsibility for allowing him to leave and chase his dreams, it felt like a slap in the face to know this was what he’d been chasing. My stomach twisted and I rubbed at the dull ache. I had to do this. I needed closure and Brody deserved to know the truth. Minutes later, the cab stopped outside an apartment building and I asked the driver to wait for ten minutes before he drove away. I wasn’t sure how this was going to go and if necessary, I needed an escape plan. Not that Brody would hurt me. I was more worried about the pain I was about to inflict on myself. The cool evening air nipped at my skin and I hugged my sweater closer for warmth. I was always cold lately but it seemed worse with the cooler temperatures in the city. I took the crumpled up piece of paper out of my pocket that Grayson had given me and checked which apartment number belonged to Brody. If I was right, I would’ve been able to see which apartment was his from the street and taking a chance, I counted four floors up and six apartment windows to the right. I lost my breath when I saw him standing there, leaning against a window. Wearing nothing but what looked like his pajama bottoms, he still looked as impossibly beautiful as I’d remembered. He was the villain in my nightmares night after night and still I missed him fiercely. I stared at him for a short while, until a tall blonde came up from behind him and wrapped her arms around him. He hadn’t pushed her away, but he hadn’t returned her intimate embrace either. It became obvious to me then, standing outside on the sidewalk. He’d moved on. After only two months. Two months that had been nothing short of Hell on Earth for me. Just like that, life landed its’ final blow, and what was left of my broken heart shattered. Tears burned my eyes and I welcomed the sting. I’d convinced myself that somewhere along the way I’d done something to deserve this, that this was the price I had to pay for how my relationship started with Brody. This was Karma’s way of righting my wrongs, of restoring balance after I cheated on my ex-boyfriend, Tommy, with Brody. Clearly having Tommy beat the crap out of me when he found about me and Brody wasn’t enough. Brody and the blonde disappeared from the window and I had the sudden urge to throw up. The acid in my stomach climbed up my throat and I spun around and grabbed ahold of the nearest garbage bin just in time before the fowl tasting liquid spewed from my mouth. I heaved until there was nothing left but my hollow sobs and when I had no fight left in me, I climbed back into the cab. I’d known it was a bad idea to come here. I felt it the minute I’d got on the plane back home. But against my better judgment I’d ignored the alarm bells in my head and came anyway. And I wasn’t any better off for it. The cab driver looked at me as if I was mad but I ignored it. I need to get the hell out of here and fast. I only had one option. Jeff Carter.
Begin Again (Beautiful #2) Page 2
