Begin Again (Beautiful #2)

by Bester, Tamsyn

  “She did it for you,” Huntley said. Her face fell slightly and I saw sadness in the depths of her eyes. “You wanted to leave, so she let you go.”

  Huntley’s words sunk in and my vexation gave way to the insurmountable sorrow that had settled in my chest. I was only now starting to see the aftermath of my decision to chase after more than what I had, when the truth was, I had everything I wanted right in front of me. I grabbed the nearest chair and sat down, resting my head in my hands. “She couldn’t even tell me what happened,” I said softly, struggling with my own emotions. I couldn’t tell which way was up.

  Huntley and Grayson exchanged a few words, and then she was gone. Grayson took a seat next to me and sighed deeply before turning his gaze my way.

  “Look man, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but Demi asked me not to and it wasn’t my secret to tell. I feel like shit for keeping it from you, I really do, but Huntley and I had a hard enough time keeping Demi together as it was.”

  I contemplated pressing him for more answers and as enraged and anguished as I was, I needed to hear them. It was my own form of torture, knowing how destroyed Demi was, knowing how much she’d gone through while I was gone. I knew I wasn’t entirely to blame but I still carried the responsibility of throwing away more than I could’ve imagined.

  “I need you to tell me what happened,” I said, finally looking at Grayson.

  “Shit,” Grayson muttered, pulling his fingers through his hair, “I don’t know if I can.”

  “Please,” I begged, “You owe me that much.”

  “I guess you’re right,” he paused, and then continued, “but are you sure you want to this now? Here?”

  I nodded, preparing myself for only God knows what.

  “From what Huntley told me, Demi was twelve weeks along when you left. She was excited, and scared, but asked us not to tell you because she wanted to be the one to do it. One night, Demi called us, and looking at Huntley’s face I knew it wasn’t good. Huntley said Demi was in a lot of pain, and she was bleeding a lot, so Huntley took her to the hospital. She was only twenty weeks along at that stage so we were all worried.” Grayson stopped for a second and I could tell he was struggling, obviously trying to figure out how to tell me the rest. “Demi was rushed into the delivery room and the Doctor said she had what they call a Placental Abruption. I don’t know specifics but apparently it could be fatal to the mother, but when they did the ultrasound, they saw that the baby had already died. Demi had no choice but to deliver the baby naturally, and afterwards,” he swallowed hard, his voice thick with emotion, “she almost bled out. She was in the hospital for a few days, and then she had to go for grief counseling. They had her strung on all kinds of pills to help her with depression and not sleeping. She stopped eating too, until Huntley made her realize that we didn’t want to lose her too - ” when Grayson saw me face, he stopped midsentence. He remained quiet and simply put his arms around my shoulders. My body shook and I didn’t care if people saw. I was a grown man, crying like a baby, because of what the woman I loved had endured. Alone. I felt like a coward, and more importantly like I’d failed Demi, and our child. I had nothing left of myself to give, so I gave in. I surrendered to the desolation that had annihilated my heart and soul. Was I being punished for leaving Demi in the first place? I didn’t know. All I knew was that I could feel my heart breaking, feeling every piece slip away until there was nothing. In the end, I walked away from everything I’d ever wanted, and now I would never get it back. That last thought took what little fight I had left in me, leaving me bereft. I had no idea what to do, except weep. So I did.

  My aunt Emma and I stopped outside of Demi’s house and I raced up the stairs, wedding gown and all. As soon as I saw Brody walk into the marquee tent with the murderous, tear stained expression on his face, something deep down stirred and I knew why he’d come back to the wedding. He was right though, we had betrayed him, but we had to respect Demi’s wishes at the time. I realized after seeing Brody’s reaction that it was wrong to keep something so important from him and there was absolutely no excuse for it.

  I knocked on Demi’s door, and grew more frantic when there was no answer. I grabbed the handle and then saw that the door was unlocked. I pushed it open and stuck my head in. When I saw Demi hunched over on the floor, I immediately walked towards her and bent down at her side.

  She was crying, and chanting “I’m sorry” and “she died” between her hiccups.

  “Demi?”

  Her head flew up and she looked dazed, like she was looking right through me. It took her a few seconds to focus and realize that it was me I front of her. She threw her arms around me and cried into my neck.

  ‘I’m sorry, I tried to be strong but I couldn’t anymore.”

  “It’s okay girly, I’m here now. Everything is going to be okay,” I replied softly, rubbing up and down her back. I hated seeing her like this. It only reminded me how fragile she still was, and how hard it had been for her to pretend that everything was fine when it wasn’t. Part of me felt responsible because we ‘hovered’ constantly, asking if she was okay instead of allowing her to take the time she needed to deal with cards life had handed her.

  My aunt appeared at the doorway and looked at the two of us with a sympathy-filled gaze. “What can I do?” she asked me. Demi’s puppy, Coco, was lying next to her and rested her head at Demi’s feet.

  “Would you mind feeding Coco?” I asked. “I’m going to try and get Demi to bed.”

  My aunt, the amazing woman that she was, nodded and quietly picked the brown Labrador up before disappearing into the kitchen. I helped Demi to her feet and get her to her bedroom. It was late, just after midnight, and I was tired after a long yet perfect day, but my best friend needed me and I wasn’t going to let her down, married or not.

  I sat her down on her bed and waited for her to catch her breath. She was distraught and I wondered what had happened between her and Brody.

  When Demi was calmer, and her breathing was back to normal, I took a chance and asked, “You want to tell me what happened?”

  She sniffed. “Brody found one my old sonogram pictures and thought I was pregnant with Jeff’s baby.”

  I frowned. “Why would he think that?”

  Demi shrugged, looking completely defeated. “He thinks there was something going on between us, even after I told him Jeff and I are just friends.”

  “I guess you finally told him about the baby.” It was a statement, and I just needed to confirm it for myself.

  Her head bobbed up and down. “It was awful. I made a huge mistake by not telling him sooner, I see that now, but I was so scared he’d stay and end up being miserable. I couldn’t do that to him. It wasn’t fair.”

  That was Demi, always thinking about others before herself. It was one of many things that endeared me to her so completely.

  “He’ll come around,” I said, “He just needs some time.”

  Worry creased her brow. “Did you see him?”

  “Yeah,” I sighed, “he came back to the wedding and found Grayson. They’re talking right now. He’s a mess.”

  “Oh God,” Demi breathed, “What have I done?”

  I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and squeezed. “You did what you thought was best for you and your child.”

  “No,” she retorted with her a shake of her head, “I ran. I should’ve told him, Huntley. He deserved to know, and now I’m scared it’s too late. I can’t help but feel like this is really the end, and I don’t know how to let go of him. He’s my true love, my soul mate, and my other half. I’ve lost him for good this time. I can feel it.”

  I couldn’t tell her she was wrong, because it wouldn’t have been true, and I wasn’t about to give her false hope. But what I could do is support her, just like I had before, and help her get through this.

  “What you need to focus on right now is you, and believe that everything else will work itself out. Just give it some time. I also think it might be a g
ood time to go see Dr. Hansen again. I’d hate for this to derail all the progress you’ve made.”

  “I will,” she replied softly. Her eyes met mine and I understood, better than most people, the kind of despair they reflected back at me. I’d been there more than once and I chose to believe that Demi would get out of it. She just needed to keep hanging on to the bit of the light that had broken through her darkest days.

  “Thank you for being here,” she said, “and I’m sorry you had to come on your wedding night. This is my mess, and it’s time I take ownership for my actions.”

  I waved her off. “I would have been pissed if you hadn’t told me, so it’s a good thing Brody showed up and punched Grayson.”

  “He did what?”

  “He knocked Grayson flat on his ass.”

  Demi’s eyes started misting over again. “Oh my, I’m so sorry!”

  “Hey,” I looked her in the eye, “it wasn’t your fault. He was angry, and to be honest I couldn’t really blame him. I actually felt sorry for him.”

  “I think I broke his heart,” Demi whimpered. I didn’t know what more to say. Working through her guilt and everything else she was feeling wasn’t something I could do for her. It was something only she could get herself through.

  We sat in silence for a while until my aunt walked in. “I made you some tea,” she told Demi.

  “Thank you.”

  Demi placed the hot mug on her bedside table and I could see just how tired she was.

  “Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” I asked her.

  “Don’t be silly,” she replied, looking at me like I’d lost my mind, “You just got married. There’s no way you’re spending your wedding night with me when you should be with your husband.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  “Yes, I’ll be fine. Promise.”

  “You’ll call me if you need anything right?”

  “I won’t need to,” she replied, stifling a yawn.

  I stood up and took out a fresh pair of pajamas for Demi to wear to bed. I also took out some of the prescribed medication Demi’s therapist prescribed when she wasn’t sleeping. I handed them to her and made sure she took them. I knew she wouldn’t be sleeping otherwise. She was exhausted so I stayed long enough to make sure she got into bed and fell asleep. Most friends wouldn’t have done that, but Demi was more than my friend. She was my sister. She’d seen me through some of my darkest days and Hell would freeze over before I abandoned her when she needed me.

  I breathed my first sigh of relief when the plane touched down at O’Hare International airport. The last twenty-four hours had been more than I could handle and sometimes didn’t even feel like they really happened. I was overwhelmed with a tirade of conflicting emotions and felt weighed down. After I’d spoken to Grayson, I decided to catch the first flight back to Chicago so that I could make sense of what was going on in my life, my head and my heart.

  I walked to the luggage carousel with determination and despite my emotional exhaustion I knew I had a few things to take care of while I was here. My phone rang and when I saw Sienna’s name flashing on the screen I pressed ‘ignore’. I’d see her later at my apartment and what we needed to talk about couldn’t be said on the phone. I thought about Demi but pushed the thoughts aside quickly. I couldn’t deal with her. Not yet.

  I hailed a cab and in the short time it took for us to arrive at my apartment building, I’d never felt more out of place until then. I thought the city was my home but it couldn’t have been further from that. It was cold and clinical to me now, lacking the effervescence that only Breckinridge could provide. I told myself it was Breckinridge itself that made it home, but that too was a lie. Demi was my home, and it saddened me that I’d lost sight of that.

  I paid the cabby and carried my bag upstairs. When I walked into my apartment, the lights were all on and some trashy reality television was playing on my flat screen. Sienna was here.

  Good.

  I could deal with her now rather than later. I told myself it was like ripping off a Band-Aid, but I knew it would be more like sawing off my leg with a butter knife. Not pretty. I dropped my bag on the floor and walked towards my bedroom, where I heard the shower going. I regretted giving Sienna a key to my place, but there was nothing I could do about it now. It wasn’t going to be my place for much longer anyway.

  I stood in front of my bedroom windows that overlooked the city skyline that had once captivated me. I used to be enthralled by it, drawn to it. But now it meant nothing to me. It only reminded me of a time in my life when I’d been nothing more than an immature boy. After the last few hours, I felt like I’d aged, and at some point I’d started looking at my life and my decisions with a different, more worldlier perspective.

  My phone vibrated and this time it was Grayson. Sienna was still in the shower so I took the chance to talk to Grayson. He’d be my voice of reason while I mulled over everything swimming around in my head.

  “Hey, man,” I greeted.

  “Hey man. Just checkin’ in. Wanted to make sure you landed.”

  “Yeah,” I replied. “I’m at my apartment right now.”

  “Sienna there?”

  “She’s in the shower.”

  There was silence on the other end of the line and it dawned on me that Grayson might have gotten the wrong idea.

  “Alone,” I added. “She was here when I arrived.”

  “I would ask you why she has a key to your apartment, but I’d rather not know. As long as you’re not having second thoughts…” His words drifted and he allowed the incomplete sentence to hang in the air.

  “Hell no!” I replied harshly, earning a chuckle on the other end. “It will take me some time to wrap shit up here, but there’s no looking back now.”

  “Glad to hear it,” Grayson said. I could practically hear his shit-eating grin on the other side. “Looking forward to having you back home, man. We can finally start working out the plans for the ranch.”

  “As soon as I have all my shit together here, I’ll be on the first flight out. I just have a few things to take care of, you know.”

  “You know where to find me if you need help, bro. Just call.”

  “Yeah, man. Thanks.” Just then Sienna’s phone started ringing and I grabbed it from the bedside table, frowning when I didn’t recognize the number. “Listen, I have to go, but we’ll catch up again tomorrow,” I told Grayson. He said goodbye and I immediately answered Sienna’s phone.

  “Hello?”

  A woman’s voice came through. “Good evening, I’m looking for Sienna Johnson.”

  “She’s not available right now, but I’d be happy to take a message.”

  The woman’s voice became muffled and she said something to someone else in the background. I waited for a second before she spoke to me again. “I’m calling from the River North Fertility Clinic. I was hoping to confirm Miss. Johnson’s appointment for tomorrow at ten a.m.”

  Fertility clinic? What?

  “I’m sorry,” I replied, “but you must be mistaken. Are you sure you’ve called the right Sienna Johnson?”

  Something felt off and alarm bells starting going off in my head. Finding out that Sienna was supposedly pregnant had been a shock, and one of the reasons I’d wasted little time coming back to Chicago.

  The woman hesitated, and I imagined she was checking the information they had on file. She then read Sienna’s address through the phone and assured me she did in fact have the right person.

  “Can you tell me what treatment she’s coming in for?”

  “I’m sorry sir, but I’m not allowed to disclose patient information unless it’s a spouse.”

  “I’m her husband,” I lied quickly, growing more and more unsettled with the conversation.

  “That’s strange, Miss. Johnson failed to mention a husband.”

  “We’re newlyweds, she hasn’t a chance to change any of her information yet.” The lie fell from my lips easier than I felt comfortab
le with.

  “It appears Miss Johnson has only made an initial consultation, after which we can determine her course of treatment,” the woman said.

  “So she’s not pregnant?” I asked dubiously. I probably sounded like an idiot, judging by the woman’s growing exasperation on the other end.

  “No,” she replied, “I’m guessing that’s why she contacted us. Our patients are generally those who struggle to conceive.”

  I swallowed, and pinched the bridge of my nose. It was all starting to make sense to me now.

  “Okay, thank you. I will be sure to relay the message.”

  I ended the call and sat down the bed. I heard the shower turn off – finally – and waited for Sienna to come out of the bathroom. She emerged a few minutes later, a towel that left much to be desired wrapped around her body and her head. She knew she was a gorgeous woman, and never hesitated to use it to her advantage. Unfortunately, I had been one of the stupid fools to fall victim to that.

  “You’re home early,” she said in greeting. “I thought you would be a few more days.” She dropped her towel and sauntered towards my closet in all her nude glory. Her lack of modesty came of no surprise, and yet it did nothing for me.

  “I’m sorry to disappoint you,” I replied, just as she reappeared wearing one of my shirts.

  “I’m not disappointed.” She made a move to climb onto my lap but I gently pushed her away. She scowled, and just like that the alluring seductress she wanted to be was gone.

  “We need to talk.”

  Sienna huffed, and crossed her arms over her chest. “About what?”

  “Your phone rang while you were in the shower,” I said, rubbing my jean-clad thighs. “I answered it.”

  “Who was it?”

  “River North Fertility Clinic.”

  Sienna’s face dropped momentarily, and then the cold, calculating mask slipped carefully back into place.

  “Why on Earth would they be calling me?”

  I watched her carefully, my eyes scrutinizing her face first and then dropping down to her flat stomach. Not surprisingly, I wasn’t thrilled to hear that she was pregnant, or that she chose Huntley and Grayson’s rehearsal dinner to share the news. It was like her to do that kind of thing, make herself the center of attention when someone else was in the spotlight. Hearing that she’d lied had only shown me what kind of heartless, conniving person was hiding behind her perfect exterior. All I could say was she had some major issues and I was done dealing with them.