Complex Dimensions

by Brenda Murphy

The kindness in her eyes made Veronica swallow hard.

  “I don’t know. It happened. Like things do.” She reached over and clasped Veronica’s hand. “Be yourself. Give her time. Don’t give up. She’s happier with you than I’ve ever seen her.” She glanced at the clock and let go of Veronica’s hand. She smiled as she picked up the tray. “Perfect. I’ll be five minutes late. They’ll have to punish me.”

  She winked at Veronica, picked up the tray, and with a saucy swing of her hips, pushed through the kitchen door.

  VERONICA SAT IN the wingback chair, her book balanced on a pillow. The rain beat a steady drum on the floor to ceiling windows and ran in rivulets down the glass. Veronica settled into the quiet and inhaled the sweet smell of books. After turning her down every day for a week, Millie had finally agreed to meet after her late morning errands were completed.

  Libraries had long been Veronica’s favorite places, but after she and Millie made it their habit to meet in the library whenever it rained to sit quietly and read together, it was her version of what heaven would be. Sometimes they sat next to each other on the couch, thighs touching, shoulders snuggled into each other. Other days, Veronica would lay with her head in Millie’s lap, and Millie would read to her. Those were her favorite days, when she would close her eyes and Millie’s husky voice would carry her to magical lands as she read epic tales filled with dragons and glorious strong women.

  Some days, lulled by Millie’s voice, she would fall asleep and Millie would wake her with gentle touches and soft kisses. She squirmed in her seat. Her briefs grew wet as memories of their last library date surfaced. She glanced at the mantel clock. Two-thirty. Where is she? Maybe the ferry was late. Maybe she’s not coming, maybe she’s done. I’m so fucked, she has to talk to me. She’ll come, she has to. Please let her come.

  The door to the library clicked open. Veronica blew out a breath and stuffed her unbridled excitement back where it belonged as she took in the sight before her, swallowing the greeting she had rehearsed for Millie.

  Ashley stepped through the door dressed in black pumps, white capri pants tight enough to show her lack of panties, and a red silk blouse with the top three buttons undone. The black lacy edge of her bra peeked out of the opening of her shirt. “Tessa said you would be here.” She frowned at Veronica. “You look like someone kicked your dog. Is it that painful to see me?”

  Veronica shifted in the chair and placed her book on the side table, cover down. “I was expecting someone else.” She didn’t bother to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

  Ashley raised an eyebrow. “I was wondering if you could recommend something for me to read.” She stepped closer to Veronica’s chair.

  “Still trying to win the game?” Veronica’s anger at Ashley’s engineering of the betting pool for her sexual favors bubbled up. She gripped the arms of her chair and glared at Ashley.

  “It wasn’t a contest. It was a joke.” Ashley glanced up and away from Veronica’s face.

  “It wasn’t to me.” Veronica balled her hands into fists.

  “I’m sorry. Truly sorry.” Ashley’s tone was far from contrite. “Forgive me?” The practiced little girl pout turned Veronica’s stomach.

  Veronica blew out a breath. “What do you like to read?” She kept her tone neutral. What’s her game? She’s sorry she lost.

  “I like thrillers. What are you reading?”

  Veronica flushed. “Nothing exciting. A manual.” She reached out to grab the book where it lay on the side table.

  Ashley was quicker and snagged the book off the table. She affected a tone of innocence as she read. “Lover’s Knots: An Introduction to Shibari.” She smirked at Veronica. “A manual?”

  “Give me the book.” Veronica shoved herself out of the chair and took a step toward Ashley.

  The insolent expression on her face and flare of desire in Ashley’s eyes told her everything she needed to know about her calculated appearance in the library.

  “Make me.” Ashley held the book out of Veronica’s reach with one hand and began to unbutton her shirt with the other.

  Veronica lowered her voice and took a step back. “No. And stop.”

  Ashley unbuttoned the last button and shifted the book between her hands as she shrugged out of her shirt and let it fall. “You sure?” She undid the front clasp of her bra and let it fall open. She pressed her arms together to display her full breasts.

  “Not today. Not any day, Ashley. I’m not into you. Not now. Not ever. Now give me the damn book.” Veronica turned her back to Ashley and crossed her arms over her chest. “And put your shirt on.”

  “Take your book.” Ashley’s voice was closer.

  Veronica clenched her jaw and turned around. Ashley had stripped completely. She held the book with both hands in front of her naked body. She inched closer to Veronica.

  “What the hell, Ashley? Get away from me.” Veronica stepped back and stumbled. She fell back into her chair. Ashley dumped the book on her lap. She leaned over Veronica and placed her hands on the arms of the chair, pinning her in place, pushing her full breasts close to her face. Stunned by Ashley’s behavior, Veronica didn’t move at first. She raised her hands to shove Ashley away. The violent squeak of door hinges as it opened stung Veronica’s ears. With one quick movement Ashley arched her back and shoved her breasts into Veronica’s palms.

  Horror and anger filled her as the pieces of Ashley’s sick plan fell into place. Millie’s sharp gasp pricked her ears. Veronica caught a glimpse of her face and the shocked sadness in her eyes over Ashley’s shoulder before Millie backed out of the room. The sharp click of the door as it latched shut echoed like a shot in the library. Baring her teeth, she shoved hard, pushing Ashley off her. Ashley landed on her ass. Veronica yanked open the door and sprinted down the hall, desperate to catch Millie. Ashley’s spiteful laughter rang in her ears.

  MILLIE DIDN’T ANSWER the door of her apartment, and Veronica spent the rest of the afternoon searching for her. Millie’s phone went immediately to voice mail and Veronica’s texts were unreturned. The rain had continued. Iron-gray clouds scuttled through the evening sky, the bleak weather as ugly as her mood. She gave up and returned to the barn to feed the horses. After sweeping the center aisle, she scooped the grain and pellets for their breakfasts into buckets for the morning. Desperate for distraction, she found a dozen other small tasks to busy herself. By eight she had run out of things to soothe the ache in her heart and cool the anger burning through her.

  She grimaced as she imagined what the tableau in the library appeared like from behind. She scrubbed her hand over her face. Fucked. So fucked. She’ll never believe me. Her trust issues are worse than mine. Damn Ashley to hell. She had skipped dinner, unwilling to face Myfanwy, or anyone else in the house. The tabby barn cat came and twined around Veronica’s legs before she jumped up on the feed box. She peered at Veronica, her green eyes curious, and let out a sharp meow.

  “What am I going to do?” Veronica scratched the cat’s ears. The cat pushed her head against her hand. She picked her up and held her against her chest. The rumble of her soft purrs soothed her. She pressed her cheek to the cat’s head, the rough fur tickling her skin. The cat lifted her head and rubbed her mouth against Veronica’s face.

  A memory burst through Veronica’s sadness: a hot June afternoon, the smell of the outfield grass and sweat, and the fine red dust of the softball field that coated her cleats and the hot metal of the bat in her hands. She closed her eyes and saw her mother’s face and heard her sharp voice. “I didn’t raise a quitter, Veronica Simone. You get back out there. So what if you strike out? Nobody hits a thousand. Even the best hitters only hit three out of ten.” Her mom had kissed her on the cheek before she spun her around and firmly shoved her back out on the softball field.

  The cat began to squirm in her arms, and she let her go. Not going to give up. She’s going to talk to me. I’m not going to give her up without a fight.

  VERONICA STRODE ACROSS th
e lot separating the barn from the garage and took the stairs leading to Millie’s apartment two at a time. She pounded on the door. The apartment was dark, and there was no answer. She pressed her ear to the door to listen. Nothing. Not home. I’ll wait her out. She’ll have to come home sometime. A sharp ache split her chest as she pondered the possible reasons Millie had not returned to her apartment. Unless she’s found somewhere else to stay. Or someone to make her feel better. Fuck.

  She sat on the top step, ignoring the dampness that seeped into her jeans from the wet stairs. She pulled her jacket tighter around her shoulders and rested her forehead on her knees. This is a waste of time. She’s not going to listen. I have to try. No matter what, I have to try. Let her tell me to my face we’re done. She can’t avoid me forever. After the rain had stopped, a cool wind had kicked up, and Veronica shivered. She pulled her phone out of her pocket to check the time. Ten o’clock. Where is she? Who is she with? Does it matter?

  Veronica stood up and stretched. Tires crunched gravel on the drive, and headlights lit up the front of the small car park. Millie’s roadster pulled close to the building, and the bay door opened. The car turned into the garage. Veronica’s pulse pounded in her ears and her mouth went dry as she waited. Millie stumbled out of the bay door, one arm slung around Myfanwy’s neck, her bulk leaning against the shorter woman.

  “Come on, a bit more. Get it together. I can’t carry you up the stairs.” Myfanwy’s voice was harsh. Millie sagged to her knees. Her words were slurred, and Veronica couldn’t make them out.

  Veronica hurried down the steps. “I can help.”

  Myfanwy’s head snapped up, and she glared at Veronica. “I think you’ve helped enough.”

  Veronica firmed her jaw. “It wasn’t what it looked like.”

  Millie groaned and then burped. The sick smell of stale beer filled the air. She attempted to stand and fell back to her knees.

  Veronica ignored Myfanwy’s snort of disbelief, grabbed Millie’s other arm, and draped it over her shoulder. She cupped Millie’s jaw gently and turned her head to see into her eyes. “Can you try again, babe?”

  Millie’s eyes were watery and dull. Blackout. She’s in a blackout. She won’t remember any of this.

  “Stand up. We’ll help you up the stairs.” Veronica grabbed Millie’s belt and with Myfanwy’s help, she rose to her feet. Arms around Millie’s waist, they guided her to the top of the stairs. Myfanwy slipped out from under Millie’s arm. She pulled a clump of keys from her pocket, sorted through them until she found the correct one, and opened Millie’s door. Veronica assisted Millie through the door.

  “Straight back to her bedroom.” Veronica and Millie bumped down the narrow hall with Myfanwy trailing behind them. The door to Millie’s bedroom was closed. Veronica stopped. She had wanted to cross this threshold so many times after their first date. Myfanwy reached around Veronica and shoved the door open.

  “I’m fine. Night.” Millie pushed away from Veronica and staggered into the room. She fell face down on the queen-size bed and closed her eyes. Veronica took a step toward the bed.

  Myfanwy’s arm came down to block her way. “What are you doing?” Her expression was fierce. “Thank you for helping me get her up the stairs. You can leave. What were you doing out there anyway?”

  “Waiting. To talk to her. To explain. Ashley set me up. It wasn’t what it looked like. I swear. I’m not like…”

  “Excuse me if I don’t believe you.” Myfanwy’s gaze burned.

  “I don’t care if you believe me. I care if Millie believes me.” Veronica huffed out a breath. “Besides, she can’t sleep like that. It’ll be easier if we work together. Let me help you.” Ignoring Myfanwy’s glare, Veronica ducked under her arm. She kneeled and unlaced Millie’s right shoe and then the left one before she pulled them off. She bent over and lined them up next to the closet. Veronica stood up and met Myfanwy’s gaze. “I know you haven’t known me long but I’m not a liar. If I’d wanted Ashley, I would have said yes the first ten times she offered herself to me. If I’m guilty of anything, it’s being too confident and distracted to realize Ashley was setting me up. Please believe me. Let me stay. I want to talk to her. I need to tell her I lo…” No, not going to share my feelings with Myfanwy.

  Myfanwy studied Veronica’s face, her glare lethal. “If I find out later you lied to me, you will be the sorriest person on this earth.”

  Veronica swallowed hard. “Understood.” They worked together and undressed Millie.

  “She sleeps nude most of the time. But you’d know.” Myfanwy pulled the covers up over Millie’s shoulders. She turned on a lamp atop the dresser.

  “Um, no. We’ve never slept together.” Veronica’s ears burned with the flush that overtook her. “She always leaves to sleep here.”

  Myfanwy tilted her head. “She said you were taking it slow. I had no idea how slow. Leave the lamp on. She doesn’t like the dark.”

  Veronica pointed to a closed door opposite the closet. “Is that the washroom?”

  “Yes. Toilet and shower is through there. I don’t expect she’ll be in shape to attend breakfast. Come on, I’ll show you how to make her tea.” Veronica cast one last look at Millie’s snoring form and followed Myfanwy out of the room.

  MYFANWY LEFT. VERONICA grimaced at the muddy tracks spoiling the pristine apartment. After taking off her coat and hanging it on the hall tree by the door, she toed off her boots and set them by the doormat. Veronica tugged off her damp jeans with muddy hems and draped them over a chair to dry. She shivered as she pulled off her wet socks and laid them over her boots. After locating a sponge and bucket under the sink, she cleaned the mud from the floor. She shivered as she worked on her knees in her briefs and T-shirt.

  After cleaning the floor and washing her hands, Veronica returned to check on Millie. She had rolled to her side. The soft hiss of her breath and the occasional snort while she slept were the only sounds in the room. Worried Millie might vomit, Veronica moved the bathroom trash bin next to the bed. What am I going to say? She won’t believe me. She has to believe me. She left Millie’s room and went back to the living room.

  She surveyed the room and found a crocheted blanket rolled up next to the sofa. Veronica curled her long frame into the small couch and lay on her side. She draped the blanket over her and pillowed her head on her hands. Tucked away on the bottom shelf of the squat bookshelf opposite the sofa, a silver-framed photo glinted in the dim light cast from the lamp. A grinning Millie stood next to a buxom woman with light-brown skin and wavy coal-black hair. Her arm was draped over the woman’s shoulder, and her broad hand rested on the woman’s stomach. The look on her face. Love. She loved her. Who is she?

  She got up off the couch and pulled the framed photo from the shelf. She cradled it in her hands. Millie was young, her face unlined, her nose straight and unscarred. The woman in the photo gazed up at Millie and her hand rested on Millie’s cheek. Her belly was slightly rounded where Millie’s hand rested. Damn. That woman is pregnant. Where’s the baby? She scanned the back of the photo frame for a date or name before she placed it back on the shelf. She rubbed her hand over her chest to rub away the ache.

  So what? We all have photos like that. Past loves. She has a child somewhere. So what? She’s never looked at me that way. Does she love me? Did she get drunk because she was mad? Or hurt? What the hell am I going to do? I need to talk to her. She can’t drink like this. Not because of me. Or any reason. A sharp wave of fear lanced through Veronica. What if she’s violent? What if she’s mad enough to hurt me? She scrubbed her hand over her face. She’d never hurt me. She’s not like that. He was beating her mother. I might have done the same. But what if she was angry? What if she’s angry with me? Stop. I need to stop. I’m doing what she said I would do. Ugh, this is hard as fuck. She’s got to believe me.

  Chapter Thirteen

  VERONICA SPENT A restless hour on the couch awakened frequently by Millie’s snoring and intermittent low-key groans.
She gave up, wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, and padded down the hall. Millie had kicked the covers off. The nightlight cast a dull yellow glow over the room, and she was sprawled face down across the bed. Veronica fought her desire to cross the room and dust her fingers over her soft skin. She wanted to trace her way over the freckles on her broad back and kiss her neck until she made the soft sighs that set Veronica on fire.

  Instead, she crossed the room and pulled the sheet and then the blanket up and over Millie’s shoulders. She bent and pressed a delicate kiss to her warm cheek, wondering if it would be the last time she touched her lips to Millie’s skin. She cocooned herself in the blanket and sat in the chair opposite the bed, determined to memorize every dip and curve of Millie’s form. What am I going to say? Maybe she doesn’t want a relationship because she has a child. But where is the baby? Child. That photo is at least fifteen years old. She has to listen to me. Please let her believe me.

  First light filled the room and turned the black shadows gray. Millie jerked awake and shoved the bedclothes from her body. Veronica stayed quiet as Millie rubbed her eyes. Oblivious to Veronica’s presence, she lurched off the bed and walked to the bathroom, her gait stiff. The sound of water splashing and the toilet flushing was loud. I should have said something. Let her know I was here.

  “Hey, Millie?” She called from the chair and pulled the blanket tighter around herself.

  A startled yip sounded from the bathroom, and Millie emerged with a towel in her hand. “What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?” A scowl spoiled her handsome face. “Get out.”

  “Um. I helped Myfanwy get you up the steps. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  Millie snorted and threw the towel in the direction of the bathroom. “You’ve seen. Now go.” She planted her hands on her hips.

  Veronica ignored the hard set of Millie’s mouth. “Please talk to me. It wasn’t what it looked like. Ashley played me. She wanted you to think there was something going on. Please believe me.” She chewed her lip.