Complex Dimensions

by Brenda Murphy

  “Right.” Millie’s lip curled in a sneer. “I’m not a fool. Or blind. I saw you with her.” She took a step toward Veronica. “Get out. Now.”

  “Please, Millie. I know what it looked like.”

  “Do you?” Millie’s face was dark red. “Do you know what it was like to walk in and see that? Her tits were in your hands. You could’ve told me. I wouldn’t have cared, but you should’ve told me. We don’t have to be exclusive.”

  Wouldn’t have cared? What the fuck? Oh. She only cares because I didn’t tell her? Oh fuck. Not exclusive. Friends. Friends with benefits. Fuck me. She doesn’t want what I want. “I’ve been honest with you.” Veronica rose from the chair and took a step toward Millie. “I didn’t tell you because there was nothing to tell. I’ve never lied to you.” She straightened her posture. Her knuckles ached from her grip on the edge of the blanket.

  Millie stepped back, maintaining the distance between them. “How would I know? Maybe you’ve been playing me all along. Maybe you get off on sneaking around.”

  Veronica scrubbed her hand over her face. “You know how the grapevine works here. If I’d been banging Ashley, everyone would have been talking about it. No secrets here. Everyone would have been dying to tell you. Hell, Ashley would have told you herself. Come on, Millie.”

  Millie’s face was stone. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. Her silence hammered Veronica’s hopes into dust. Veronica stepped back and wrapped the blanket tighter around her body and turned her back to Millie. I’m an idiot to think she would listen. Why would she? She doesn’t care, not the way I care, doesn’t want to be exclusive. Damn, this hurts. I need to go. I’m making a fool of myself.

  She shrugged out of the blanket and folded it carefully before she placed it in the chair. A chill chased over her and the fine hairs on her legs rose on goose flesh, reminding her she only had on briefs. “Sorry I startled you.” She balled her hands into fists as hurt morphed into anger at Millie’s continued silence. Veronica kept her back turned, not wanting to see the hard set of Millie’s jaw. “I thought we had something, Millie.”

  “Me too.” Millie’s deep voice was soft.

  The ache in her chest swelled, and she gulped down the hard knot in her throat. She strode from the room and closed the door behind her. She lifted her chin and clenched her jaw, willing herself not to run. Fuck that. Fuck her. I’m so fucked.

  VERONICA SHOVED HER legs into her stiff dirty jeans. She stuffed her socks into her back pocket before she tugged her boots on. She snatched her jacket off the hall tree and opened the door. Head down, Veronica pulled her jacket on as she stormed down the stairs. Her face burned. Anger and hurt twisted a knot in her gut. Doesn’t trust me. Doesn’t believe me. Doesn’t want to be exclusive. Doesn’t care. Just like Dee. Fuck, I sure can pick them. Fuck me. She probably thinks I lied about not being guilty. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me. Maybe Ashley did me a favor. Something else would’ve happened, she would’ve wanted someone else, and then she’d have told me she didn’t want to be exclusive and broke my heart.

  Veronica rolled back the barn door. Familiar whickers and whinnies greeted her. She unlocked the grain box and threw back the lid. With trembling hands, she lifted the tubs of grain from the box, made her way down the line of stalls, and distributed the horses’ breakfasts. She had done so much work the night before trying to distract herself from her heartache, she had nothing to do this morning.

  She walked to her office. From its hook behind her desk, she took down the clipboard with her running list of maintenance tasks and scanned it for things to keep herself busy. She wiped her damp palm on her pants, the stiff fabric reminding her she was dressed in her clothes from yesterday. Shower. Come back and turn them out. Clean some tack. There’s always tack to be cleaned. As the rush of adrenaline from her fight with Millie wore off, tiredness settled over her and a heavy pain settled in her soul. The ache in her heart intensified, and she pressed her palm to her chest. Coffee. I need coffee. Call Mom. Need to know someone still loves me.

  ONE SHOWER AND two cups of coffee later Veronica sat on her bed. She nibbled on a protein bar she had stashed. That’s my last one. I’ll have to face them at lunch. Ugh. She entered her mom’s number on her phone and sipped her coffee as she waited for her to pick up. Her call went to voice mail, and she hung up without leaving a message. No use worrying Mom.

  She finished the protein bar, crumpled the wrapper, and sighed. One disastrous afternoon of letting her guard down and her future at Rowan House was over. She chewed her lip as she tried to imagine finding another job she liked as much. Let alone could get hired for. Maybe the therapeutic stable in Portree? It wouldn’t be full time. And where would I live? Would my work visa transfer? Fuck. Six more months here before I have to think about it. What the hell am I going to do? Fucking Ashley cost me my job and a woman I thought I had a future with. Anger and images of revenge against Ashley filled her thoughts. She rested her head on her desk, stopping short of banging her head on it, knowing the pain wouldn’t dull the burning ache in her heart.

  A knock at the door startled her. She lifted her head. No one ever visits me other than Millie, and that sure as hell isn’t ever going to happen again. Who the fuck is that? Nothing on the schedule today. Probably Elaine wanting me to get Luna ready for an impromptu ride. Need to turn the horses out anyway. Veronica ground her teeth and shoved the chair back. Another knock sounded in the room, louder and more insistent. “Give me a minute for fuck’s sake.” She yelled toward the door, not caring if it might be one of her employers. The kindest thing they could do for me right now would be to fire me and send me back home. She snatched the door open, knowing her face reflected her anger and unable to summon the will to care. “What?”

  Millie stood on the landing. Veronica blinked. She opened her mouth to speak. Millie stepped into the room and swept Veronica up in her arms. She lifted her off the floor and kissed her. She crushed Veronica to her chest. Her mouth was hot and sweet. Think. You need to talk. Veronica placed her hands on Millie’s forearms and clutched them, holding on to her.

  She was gasping when Millie finally broke their kiss. “What the hell?”

  “I’m sorry.” She lowered Veronica to the floor, rested her forehead on Veronica’s brow, and stroked her hands down Veronica’s back “I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you.” She pulled back and met Veronica’s gaze. “Forgive me? Please.”

  “What changed your mind?” Veronica kept her gaze fixed on Millie’s face.

  “What you said. You’re right. Ashley would have rubbed it in my face if she had you.” Millie’s hands rested on Veronica’s hips.

  Veronica snorted and pushed away from Millie’s embrace. She pinned her in place with a glare. “So what? We get back together, and the first person you see you want to be with you go with them?”

  “What?” Millie’s face pulled into a confused frown. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Veronica embraced her anger like a lost love found. “You said you didn’t care. That you didn’t want to be exclusive. I don’t want that kind of relationship.”

  “No. I didn’t…” Millie ran her hand over her hair and blew out a breath. “I didn’t mean it.” Millie’s anxious expression and the fear in her eyes melted Veronica’s resolve.

  “Why the fuck did you say it?” Veronica reached up and gripped Millie’s chin hard, the skin blanching under her fingers. “I love you. I love you, and I don’t want to share you with anyone.” Millie trembled under her grip.

  Millie gasped. “You do?”

  Fuck. Hell of a time to say it. “Yeah. I do.” It’s okay if she doesn’t feel the same way. Veronica lied to herself. She kept her gaze steady, watching Millie’s face, opening herself, letting her love show in her eyes.

  “Why?” Millie grabbed her other hand and squeezed hard.

  “Why what?” Veronica raised her eyebrow.

  “Why do you love me?” Millie’s expression r
eminded Veronica of a drowning woman. Desperate, unbelieving, fearful.

  “For a lot of reasons. I love how caring you are. You’re brilliant and sweet and protective. I love your voice, and your body, and your sense of humor. I love how you care for your chosen family, how you care for me. How you remember all the little things I like. I love you, Millie. For everything you are with every bit of my heart. Why’d you run off and drink yourself senseless?”

  “I was angry.” Millie pressed her lips together.

  “Angry?” Veronica released Millie’s chin, pulled her hand from Millie’s grasp, and fisted her hands on her hips. She raised her eyebrow.

  Millie lowered her chin to her chest. “And hurt.”

  Veronica reached out and touched Millie’s cheek, drawing her gaze. “Do you get drunk like when you’re in pain? Is it your version of self-medicating?”

  “Not always.” A flash of anger crossed Millie’s face. “So what if I do?”

  Veronica pinned her in place with her gaze. “You need to stop. We can’t do this if alcohol is the way you deal with anything that hurts you.”

  Millie snorted. “Are you telling me I have to choose? You or drinking?”

  “I’m telling you”—Veronica softened her gaze and she leaned in to kiss Millie—“you need to find some healthier coping mechanisms.” She brushed her lips over her mouth before she pressed forward and kissed her softly. She pulled back to observe Millie’s expression.

  Millie swept Veronica up and off her feet. Veronica had carried her share of women to bed over the years, but she had never been with anyone able to lift her. Her heart squeezed hard. Cherished. Adored. Desired. Loved? She clasped her arms around Millie’s neck. Millie crushed her to her chest and scattered kisses over her brow and her cheek and then her mouth.

  Millie’s eyes were dark as she met Veronica’s gaze. “I love you, Veronica Fletcher. I need you like air. I wanted to die when I thought you had been with Ashley. I was afraid I had blown it.” She kissed Veronica again.

  Veronica groaned. The sensation of being loved in return and the way Millie kissed her turned her inside out. She gasped as Millie scattered kisses over her neck. “Wait. Wait. I have to turn the horses out.”

  “And then?” Millie paused to sweep her tongue over the shell of Veronica’s ear. “What are you doing after?” She nipped Veronica’s neck and soothed the bite with a sweep of her tongue.

  Veronica angled her neck, giving Millie better access. “Letting you show me how much you love me.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  THEY HELD HANDS as they walked across the gravel parking lot, the soft crunch of the crushed stone under their feet loud in Veronica’s ears. Her hand was sweaty in Millie’s large palm. Millie urged her up the stairs, her fingers resting on the curve of Veronica’s ass as she followed close behind her. She reached around her and unlocked the door to her apartment. They pushed through the open door together and clung to each other as they toed off their shoes, scrabbling at each other’s clothes. Veronica ripped Millie’s T-shirt over her head. She smoothed her palms across the broad expanse of her chest down over her firm curves, cupped her breasts, and thumbed her nipples. So beautiful. So strong.

  Millie groaned into her touch. “Let me, let me.” She tugged Veronica’s belt open before she unbuttoned her jeans.

  Veronica’s breath stuttered. “Yes, yes.”

  Millie’s warm fingers skipped and skidded over Veronica’s stiff clit before she pushed inside.

  Millie’s hands traveled over Veronica’s body as she fingered her. She used her body and turned them in the small space. She pulled her hand free before she dropped to her knees. She looked up at Veronica, and the devotion reflected in her eyes split Veronica’s heart wide open. This. This is right. She loves me. She laid her hand on Millie’s cheek, and Millie turned her face and kissed her palm reverently. Veronica leaned against the door and shoved at her jeans, pushing them to her ankles. Millie grabbed the waistband of Veronica’s briefs and yanked them down. Her warm breath tickled Veronica’s thigh before she leaned in and flicked her tongue over Veronica’s clit.

  Her legs trapped by her pants, Veronica was held in place by Millie’s strong hands resting on her thighs. Millie’s hot wet tongue dipped and slipped over her slick folds.

  “That’s so good.” Veronica groaned as Millie lapped at her. She dug her fingers into Millie’s soft brush cut to steady herself against the riot of pleasure filling her. Millie used a finger to gently tease the hood back and touched the tip of her tongue to the hot bundle of nerves there, once, twice so soft, so sweetly. Veronica pulled Millie’s mouth tight against her as she bucked and screamed her release.

  “Mmm. You taste like every good thing in the world. I can’t get enough of you.” Millie’s voice was soft as she spoke in between small kisses and touches of her tongue, causing a sharp series of aftershocks to crash through Veronica. She stood and cupped Veronica’s face and kissed her. Her tongue traced the line of Veronica’s lips. Her face and mouth were wet with evidence of Veronica’s pleasure.

  The taste of herself on Millie’s lips sent a fresh rush of desire coursing through Veronica. She struggled against the jeans around her legs. The sensation of being bound ramped up her need. Millie leaned back and stared into Veronica’s face as she lowered her hand to trace her way through the tight curls between Veronica’s thighs.

  Veronica gasped, her body clenching around Millie as she entered her. Sweeping two fingers over the spot that made her buck and arch for more. Veronica struggled and pulled one leg free of her jeans. She lifted it and wrapped it around Millie’s hips, urging her closer. She studied Millie’s heavy-lidded expression. Dark desire filled her eyes.

  Veronica shifted her hips to pull her deeper. “More.” A command not a plea, and Millie kept her gaze fixed on Veronica’s face as she pulled back and pushed a third finger inside. The sting and burn made Veronica groan as Millie’s broad palm rubbed Veronica’s clit as she rocked against her. Eyes locked on Veronica’s face, Millie slowed her thrusts, drawing out Veronica’s pleasure.

  Rippling waves of delight spread through her, so much and yet not enough. Need whipped through her body, her nipples ached, and deep moans rattled her chest. Her body tightened around Millie’s fingers. Millie stilled and eased a fourth finger in, and Veronica panted around the new sensation. Millie gentled her strokes and Veronica cried out, the slow deep soft thrusts making her desperate for more. She hissed and shuddered as deeper waves of bliss spread out from her core.

  Veronica clutched at Millie’s shoulders, her nails digging into her silky skin as Millie edged her, giving her enough but not enough. Sweat rolled down Veronica’s face and stung her eyes. She relished the sweet torture and clung to Millie. Veronica slowed her breathing and let the sensations fill her, taking her down until she was desperate to go over and needed more.

  “Fuck me.” Veronica dug her nails in harder, drawing a sharp yip from Millie. “Now.”

  “Wrap both legs around me.” Millie dipped her hips and Veronica raised her other leg. She braced her shoulders against the door. Millie’s mouth curved into a feral smile. “Hold on.”

  Millie set her legs and wrapped her arm around Veronica’s hips. Her fingers digging into the soft flesh of Veronica’s ass, she lowered her head and mouthed the curve of Veronica’s neck as she sped up her strokes, thrusting hard and fast and deep. Veronica’s keening wail filled the narrow hallway and she came, digging her short nails so deep she was sure she had drawn blood. Her pleasure crested, one wave building on the next until it pulled her under and there was nothing but Millie’s broad body and the sensations between her legs.

  She clung to her and kissed her temple, her cheek, her eyelids, anywhere and everywhere her mouth could reach. Millie slowed her movements, easing her down, and Veronica gasped as another gentle orgasm rippled through her when Millie slipped her fingers free and pressed gently on Veronica’s clit with her thumb. She gripped Veronica’s ass with both hands
and lifted her. The press of the soft skin of her stomach was soothing against Veronica’s swollen flesh. She rested her head on Millie’s shoulder. Millie turned them and strode down the hallway to her bedroom. She lowered Veronica to the bed.

  Millie smiled down at her. “You look good in my bed.” Her usual cocky grin was back in place. “Stay right there.”

  Boneless, Veronica nodded her willingness to comply, unable to form words.

  Millie returned with two glasses of water. Veronica pushed up on her elbows and then sat up to take one of the glasses. “Thanks.” She swallowed, the cool water soothing against her throat. “My throat’s a little sore.”

  Millie smirked. “You screamed a bit.”

  “A bit? I’m glad we were here instead of my room. I’d have frightened the horses.”

  Millie’s booming laugh echoed off the wall of the bedroom. “Aye, you would have.” Her expression became serious. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  Veronica placed her glass on the side table. “Not at all.” She raked her gaze over Millie’s shirtless body. “You still have your pants on. Unacceptable.”

  Millie stood and set her glass aside. She grasped the top button of her jeans and tugged. It popped open. Veronica swallowed hard against the burning need to possess Millie.

  “You want me?” Millie lowered the zipper one notch at a time until it was halfway down and stopped.

  Veronica fixed her with a level gaze. “Do it. Now. Get naked and get in this bed.”

  Millie shucked her jeans and jumped onto the bed. “Or what? You going to punish me?” She lifted Veronica’s hand and kissed the palm before trailing kisses up her wrist and to her elbow until she was at the apex of her shoulder and neck.

  Veronica brought her hand up and wrapped her fingers around Millie’s throat lightly. She pushed on Millie’s chest with her other hand. Millie lay back on the bed, panting, her pupils blown wide.