Diary of a Vampeen

by Christin Lovell

  “Two years. We returned to Charleston when I turned five.” I took another sip of my drink. “How about you?”

  “Four years. My parents moved to Seattle shortly after I turned seven.”

  “Maybe I was too young, but I don’t remember your family,” I prompted hoping he would elaborate.

  “I only saw your parents a few times when I was younger. They never brought you around our kind,” he stated. He furrowed his brows as if he was pondering something.

  “And what kind are you?” I pressed in confusion.

  “You’ll find out soon enough,” he answered sternly. I hated this riddle; I didn’t like stuff being withheld from me. More upsetting was the fact that he said my parents knew, but they hadn’t said one word to me regarding any of this.

  “So are you dating anyone?” he swapped subjects, a prime method of distraction and avoidance.

  “Um… yea,” I replied still trying to process his previous response. What did he mean “our kind”? Maybe that’s why my parents didn’t mention him. Except why would they say he was like family but then distance me from him? The more I thought about it, the more frustrated I became. It simply wasn’t adding up right… I finally gave up returning to the conversation. Kellan looked at me warily.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “No. It’s okay. I’m just confused. Everyone has been really weird with me lately and it just doesn’t add up,” I shrugged. No matter how hard I tried to push this aside, it was an itch that wouldn’t be scratched until someone caved and finally communicated with me outside code.

  “No, it’s my fault. I know you’re analytical. I can just tell. So I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” He seemed sincere. Even if he wasn’t, I couldn’t say it was him I was upset with. It was my parents. I didn’t understand why they would keep secrets from me. And if Kellan was the wrong kind before, he apparently was the right kind now since it was ok for me to go out with him.

  “Are you able to explain any part of it to me?” I asked hopelessly.

  “I’m really not the right person to ask.” He offered me a small sympathetic smile.

  “What am I missing?”

  He sighed. “As soon as you know, I’ll tell you everything. I promise.” Oddly, I believed him.

  “When will I know?” I pressed.

  “Within the week.”

  Great. “Within the week?” Did that mean my world was going to come crashing down in a week? It just didn’t make sense. He’s not making sense. Nothing in my life seemed to be cohesive. In forty-eight hours my world had turned upside down.

  I stared at him. Despite my frustration over the brainteaser he’d given me, and despite the fact that I was dating Mike and Kellan was under the forbidden label, I still longed to embrace him, to place my body against his. Beyond the physical attraction I bore for him, I felt oddly secure and trusted him. He’s a total stranger I lusted after yet trusted, dare I say, more than my own boyfriend at that point. What was wrong with me? I was baffled by my attitude. He acknowledged my concerned expression.

  “I know you’re scared and concerned, but it’s nothing, really. Don’t worry yourself with that stuff today,” he stated in his soothing voice while relinquishing the full hypnotic power of his eyes on me.

  “O…o.kkay,” I stuttered.

  “Everything’s going to be fine Lexi.”

  “I just don’t like feeling confused,” I admitted breaking his gaze to sip again.

  “Do you like scary movies?” he asked breaking away from the tensity.

  “As long as they aren’t cheesy,” I smirked.

  “You’re not one of those girls who screams every time the music begins are you?” he jeered with a laugh.

  “Not usually,” I blushed, embarrassed to admit I could be at times. He caught on though and chuckled.

  “You’re caught.”

  “Damn,” I smiled not caring that he knew my humiliating reaction.

  “So tell me about this boyfriend of yours. Is he coming today?”

  “Oh, yea. His name is Mike. We only started dating recently.” I came to a hault, fidgeting with the lid on my cup. I felt comfortable talking to Kellan. I felt like I could openly talk to him about anything, but the situation with Mike, while smoothed over for the moment, still held a question mark.

  “You don’t sound too sure about him,” he stated hitting the nail on the head.

  “Um, well… It’s all still new. That’s all.”

  He nodded not commenting further on my clear hesitation. “What is your ideal guy then?” He was asking me, but I felt like he already knew. It felt like he knew a lot about me for not truly knowing me.

  “I’m really not sure. Don’t laugh, but… well, I’ve never had a boyfriend before Mike,” I admitted feeling my face heat up simultaneously. I immediately regretted my brave blabber-mouth moment, but couldn’t take it back and trying to explain or provide some lame excuse would only make it worse. So I did what I could: I braced myself waiting for hysterics at any moment… but they didn’t come.

  “I’ve never had one either. A girlfriend I mean. I’ve dated around, but nothing serious,” he offered. I looked up in shock.

  “Really? But you’re hot.” I blurted before thinking. I instantly felt my cheeks heat up and put my face in my hands. I went from bad to worse; a fate I didn’t know was possible in that moment.

  “Thanks. I appreciate that. You’re, uh… pretty too,” he chuckled. It sounded like an awkward, uncomfortable release though.

  “You don’t have to say that,” I mumbled within my hands.

  “You’re right, but I said it because I wanted too. Because it’s true.” I peered up at him to discern whether he was lying to make me feel better, but he seemed sincere.

  “Thanks,” I whispered.

  Moments later Mike approached the table where we sat.

  “Hey Mike,” I welcomed him with a short wave. “Mike, this is Kellan. Kellan – Mike,” I introduced gesturing my hands appropriately. They didn’t shake hands merely nodding at each other and saying hello. Mike quickly turned his attention back to me.

  “Wow babe, you look great!” he commented. He stood beside the table and ogled me until I started to squirm.

  “Thanks,” I blushed.

  “You guys ready to go?” Mike asked checking his watch.

  “What about the others?” He never told me how many he’d invited or any names.

  “They’re all flakes.”

  “Oh. Um, okay. I guess I’m ready to go. You?” I checked with Kellan.

  “Yea,” he nodded.

  We got up and followed quietly as Kellan led the way to his car. He’d agreed to drive us over to the theatre earlier. I didn’t know what to expect, but I was shocked and impressed by what I saw. He walked up to a black BMW M5 with barely legal black tinted windows and matching black rims. It reminded me of a car Batman would drive as he fought viciously against his attackers in Gotham.

  “Nice ride,” Mike remarked, eyeing the car from front to back.

  “Thanks,” Kellan replied as he opened the passenger door for me. Mike shot him a look of discouragement, but he didn’t acknowledge the expression as he closed the door behind me.

  The drive across the street took less than three minutes, the majority of which we were stuck waiting on a light to change. This time Mike opened the door for me and took my hand to help me out, though it really wasn’t necessary. I immediately broke contact once I was out though, again it felt wrong. We each bought our tickets and headed into the theatre.

  As we entered the theatre, reality hit me. Darting back and forth with my eyes, I realized that the guy, my boyfriend, who liked me would be on one side of me, and the guy I was increasingly liking more than my boyfriend would be on the other side of me. I stifled a groan as we took our seats in the upper rows.

  The movie was just as obdurate as I feared. I did scream a few times; Kellan laughed and Mike took my hand to comfort me. Mid-
way through the movie Mike put his arm around me at which Kellan again chuckled. I was able to shrug it off towards the end but that didn’t erase the uncomfortable vibe of the situation.

  I was struggling, fighting internally. I liked Mike, but couldn’t determine if I actually liked him as anything more than a friend. The more time I spent with Kellan, regardless of communication, I felt less and less inclined to Mike. I didn’t want to share any physical touches with him in front of Kellan. I was questioning my motives behind that one. I felt obligated to be loyal to Mike because he was my first boyfriend; he was the first guy to acknowledge that I was beautiful, but I was only using him if I couldn’t reciprocate the gesture.

  It was still early so we strolled across the street to the mall. Naturally we ended up in a bookstore, Books-A-Million to be exact. Kellan and I browsed books quietly while Mike flipped through car magazines. Mike was identical to Mel; he wasn’t comfortable with silence and often forced conversation, however, Kellan was serene with silence which made me less anxious with him.

  Ten minutes into browsing Mike came over to us.

  "Hey babe, you want to go down to FYE?" He threw his thumb in the air towards the general direction of the store.

  "Um…" I looked at Kellan to see if he wanted to leave yet. He nodded once in agreement so I turned back to Mike. "Sure. Let's go."

  Mike led the way; I wandered shortly behind him and Kellan walked beside me in synch. As we approached the exit, we all filed side by side to saunter towards FYE. I still felt uncomfortable and constantly being between the guys made it worse.

  The store was a short distance from Books-A-Million but Mike intended to make the most of the trip. Seconds after leaving the bookstore, he reached over to clasp my hand. He entangled our fingers delicately and gave me a small squeeze. It felt nice, yet wrong. This unexplained anxiety surged through me as I glanced up at him. He turned in that precise moment to beam a smile at me as we continued walking.

  I turned my attention to Kellan, who was parallel at my side with his hands tucked in his pockets. I wanted to reach out and take his hand, but resisted the urge, unsure of what his reaction would be. Looking at him made me feel guilty; I was forcing him into the third wheel role I remembered so fondly.

  I was instantly relieved when we arrived at our destination. I freed my hand and started browsing. Mike headed towards the rock/punk section while Kellan and I flipped through movie soundtracks.

  "What kind of music do you like?" he asked, breaking our silent streak.

  "I listen to pretty much anything; it depends on what mood I'm in as to what I listen to." I never followed the mainstream music scene diligently.

  "And what are you in the mood to listen to now?" he probed casually.

  "Hmm," I mumbled flipping through the cases in front of me. "Ah-hah!" I stated holding up the West Side Story soundtrack. He laughed shaking his head slightly.

  "You’re in the mood to listen to Romeo & Juliet sing?"

  "Forget the lyrics, the musical arrangements are genius. Bernstein and Sondheim are gold."

  "If you say so," he remarked with disapproval.

  "What kind of music do you like?" I asked a bit sarcastically detesting his response to my choice.

  "Classic rock is my favorite but if you're asking about soundtracks it’s 'A Hard Day's Night'. You can't touch the Beatles," he replied in a strong assured tone.

  "I've never even heard of that one."

  "You're definitely missing out then," he advised with a heart breaking smile. I momentarily melted.

  "Hey Lex," Mike called as he loomed toward us. "My mom just called and she's outside so I have to go," he announced. I picked up on my cue.

  "Oh, ok. Well I'll walk you out," I offered returning the disc to its rack.

  "I'll come with you.” Kellan hurried on my heels. We walked through the food court and out the exit. His mom's van was parked at the curb.

  "I had a good time babe. We should do this again soon," he suggested purposefully excluding Kellan.

  "Sure," I replied in agreement. And then it happened, the thing I was somewhat dreading. He gave me a hug and leaned in to kiss me. Preconceiving this possibility, I was prepared and gave his lips my left cheek. After one peck, I gently pushed away careful not to hurt his feelings in the process. "I'll talk to you later,” I smiled taking a giant step backwards to create some distance between us.

  "Umm, night babe," he said caught off guard by my brush off. He turned and got into his mom's car. I waved as she drove off. I released a sigh of pure embarrassment and perhaps a bit of frustration was entwined too before turning back to Kellan.

  "I guess I should call my mom to come get me."

  "I can take you home," he offered. "Plus, it’ll be nice to see your parents again."

  "Are you sure?" I checked.

  "Yea. Let's go.” He immediately started walking around the mall back in the direction of the theatre.

  A chill ran through me as I felt the night air for the first time though I'd been outside for five minutes now. I shrugged deeper into my hoodie but received no warmth or protection from the fall air. As we rounded the corner he removed his zip-up hoodie and placed it over my shoulders.

  "Thanks," I replied to his gesture. Inside I was screaming with excitement yet remained calm on the surface. "You're not cold?" I glimpsed at his bare arms with their blatant muscle definition gleaming off the moonlight.

  "I'm okay," he smiled softly. The twitch of his lips didn’t quite reveal his dimple, but I still basked in it.

  He again opened my door for me. I pulled his jacket to the front of me, resting it like a blanket. He turned on the heat as soon as the car was started. I shivered as he began driving, still not feeling the heat quite yet.

  "You would never survive Seattle weather," he commented.

  "Thanks for the warning." I rolled my eyes sarcastically and gave him a smug smile. He just chuckled quietly as my stomach growled.

  "Hungry?" he queried with a raised brow.

  "Yea. Aren't you?" I scrunched my face shyly realizing I hadn't eaten since this morning. I quickly remembered he hadn't either that I’d observed.

  "Not hungry, just thirsty," he smiled a full, devious grin. "Want me to stop somewhere?"

  "No. I'm okay. I'll just eat something when I get home." I was already embarrassed that my stomach was growling and his wasn’t. The last thing I wanted was to prolong that sort of humiliation, even if it was for the purpose of squashing it.

  In half the time it should have taken we were in front of my house. I stared at him with a puzzled expression since I hadn't given him directions. How did he know where I live? He looked over at me and must have read my face.

  "I know your parents, remember?"

  “Yea but you haven’t seen them since Spain in August, right?” I both accused and checked.

  Kellan grinned sarcastically, if that’s even possible, and without skipping a beat was opening my door. I unlocked the front door to the house and made no hesitation in walking towards the family room when I heard the sound of the television.

  "Hey Mom, Hey Dad. Look who came to visit," I announced whisking past them into the kitchen. They turned and greeted Kellan. My father shot a warning look to him as if he was a trouble-maker while saying hello. My mother, ever warm and accepting, got up and gave him a hug.

  "You hungry, Kellan?" I asked as I pulled out the ingredients for a turkey sandwich.

  "No thanks," he replied.

  "What about a drink? I know you said you were thirsty in the car," I offered. He looked at my parents; they seemed to be communicating though no words were spoken.

  "I'm ok for now."

  "Suit yourself," I shrugged taking a bite of my freshly prepared sandwich. I put the assembly line of ingredients away.

  "How was the movie?" my mother asked.

  "Cheesy. The same blood and gore story as all scary movies," I said as I closed the fridge.

  "You screamed pretty often for such a ch
eesy movie," Kellan teased.

  "I screamed like twice and I wasn't scared, just surprised," I explained in defense, brushing off his absolutely dead on assumptions. Kellan rolled his eyes and laughed. I wanted to melt into a puddle, even with my parents around, feeling the flutters of giddiness in my stomach.

  "How are you parents?" my mother asked Kellan.

  "They're good. Busy planning a trip to Italy in February."

  "We were thinking of attending as well," she stated.

  "What's in Italy in February?" I interrupted.

  "It's another family reunion," my mother advised. The unwary feeling returned in that moment. They were definitely hiding something, but I was clueless as to what it could be. The Bancrofts weren’t family yet my parents were attending their reunions?

  "Oh. So soon? Are you and Dad planning to go?" I hoped she would elaborate but knew better. Since they hadn’t said anything prior, chances were against them to pick that time in front of Kellan to initiate the discussion of our family secrets.

  "We're not sure yet. I'll be sure to tell you if we decide," she promised. I was right. The subject was closed.

  "Well, I better get going," Kellan stated.

  "Oh, okay." I was a little perplexed. He'd been in my house all of two minutes and was rushing out immediately. I really wished he would stay, but I couldn’t ask him to, especially in front of my dad after his initial reaction.

  "Have a good night," he waved to my parents.

  "It was nice seeing you again," my mother incited.

  "I'll walk you out," I offered. I grabbed his hoodie off the stairwell and handed it to him. "Thanks for letting me use your jacket."

  "No problem. I had a good time tonight Lexi," he added laying the jacket over his arm.

  "So did I." I tried to smile but couldn’t. I was a little upset that he was leaving so abruptly and couldn’t understand why. I didn’t do anything that I knew of and neither had my parents.

  "See you Monday?" he verified.

  "I'll be there."

  "’night" he said as he opened the door. I shrugged internally. I found myself becoming more and more agitated and easily exasperated. I waved as he stepped out on the porch. I stood there and watched him go to his car.